Now and Forever--Let's Make Love (22 page)

Without thinking, Gail sucked her husband’s fingers into her mouth and used her tongue to clean off every last bit of dip.
When she realized what she had done, she said, “This is silly. It’s for kids, not for people our age.”

“Why not for people our age? I enjoyed that tremendously.” Before Gail had time to respond, Mark spread some dip on her lips
and licked it off. They kissed deeply, their arms wrapped around each other.

By the time their attention strayed back to the movie, the two screen lovers were naked, rolling around on the grass. Mark
reached for Gail’s T-shirt, but she resisted. “Why don’t you want me to take your shirt off?” Mark asked.

“I just don’t feel sexy,” Gail responded. “I know I don’t look sexy anymore.” She turned her face away, but Mark grasped her
chin and pulled her back to look at him.

“Then you don’t think I look sexy anymore, either, I guess.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you’re still sexy.”

“But I’m no spring chicken.” He stood up and turned sideways. “I’ve got a pot-belly, a few too many chins, and very little
hair.” He ran his hand over his bald pate.

“What does that matter?” Gail said. “I think you’re sexy anyway.”

“So why can’t I think that you’re sexy?”

“Because I look in a mirror and see what I see. I’m old.”

“Okay. I’ll give you that. You’re old. So am I. So what?”

Mark noticed a small, slightly embarrassed smile on Gail’s face. “But I don’t feel sexy. I don’t get wet and horny anymore,”
she said.

“And why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know. Because I’m old.”

“We’ve already established that. You didn’t feel old twenty-five years ago, but for a while you didn’t feel sexy then, either.
Remember when the kids went off to college and you decided your life was over? You got over that quickly enough.”

Gail remembered a trip to their cabin at the lake and a weekend of cavorting. “I did,” she said, her eyes misty. “But that
was just a hormonal phase I was going through.”

“And now? Don’t you think this might be a phase, too?” Mark sat back down and held his wife close. “I want to make playful,
wonderful love with you. I still feel the same feelings, although I’ll admit it takes longer to put any of them into action.
Let’s watch the movie and see what happens. Okay?”

Gail dropped her chin and stared at the TV. “Okay.”

On the screen, the lovers had found a cucumber in the picnic basket and the man was slowly inserting it into his lover’s vagina.
“Oh God,” Gail said, a bit breathless, “I’d forgotten that part.”

Mark reached into the toy box and pulled out a slender dildo. “I hadn’t. Maybe you just need to be reminded.” In a flash,
he had Gail’s slacks off and had turned her body so she was stretched out on the sofa, her legs spread. As he had dozens of
times before, Mark pulled a pair of scissors from the toy box and cut the sides of Gail’s panties until he could pull the
fabric away from her body.

“What are you doing?” Gail said, her voice half outrage and half amusement.

“That, my dear,” Mark said, attempting to imitate a villain from the old Saturday-morning serials they used to watch at the
movie theater, “would seem obvious.” Mark took out a tube of lubricant and spread the slippery substance over the dildo. “Give
up now. You want this and you know it, so don’t fight it.” Then he took a dollop of the lubricant and rubbed it slowly over
Gail’s vaginal tissues.

Gail squirmed. This was ridiculous. Wasn’t it? Soon she realized that she really didn’t want to fight it anymore. She did
want to play. At their age, it was ridiculous, but she did want to “fool around,” as they used to say.

Mark rubbed the cold, wet end of the toy against her flesh, then inserted it slowly and deeply into his wife’s body. “Now,
watch the movie.”

Gail was getting hot. It seemed so unreal. She had convinced herself that she was beyond this part of life, but maybe she
had been wrong. With her body delightfully filled, she watched the two lovers in the film. The man was sucking grapes from
his lover’s pussy.

“Remember the night I did that to you?” Mark asked, not expecting an answer. He pulled the dildo out, then pushed it in again.
“Remember how that felt?”

She did remember, but it wasn’t memories that were heating her body now. In and out the dildo slid, and she found her body
getting hungry for more.

Now the screen lovers had a jar of jam and he was spreading the thick red paste over the woman’s breasts, then licking it
off. Mark left the dildo in place and pulled up Gail’s T-shirt. Holding her breast in one hand, he kissed the nipple, watching
it slowly become erect. “Yes, baby,” he purred. “Oh yes.”

Suddenly, Gail didn’t feel old. She felt hot and hungry and ageless. She arched her back and pressed her hand against the
nape of Mark’s neck, holding his head against her.

Mark licked and sucked, frequently moving the dildo in Gail’s body. Then he stood up and pulled down his pants and shorts.
“I’m not as hard as I used to be,” he said. “Will you let me love you anyway?”

Gail smiled and nodded. “I want you, you old fool,” she said.

Mark took his semierect penis in his hand and, kneeling between Gail’s spread legs, rubbed the tip over Gail’s pussy. Then
he pulled out the dildo and, still using his hand to guide his shaft, pushed into Gail’s body. As he felt her heat, he reached
between them and, in a familiar motion, rubbed her clit lightly as he thrust.

“Oh Mark,” Gail said. “You feel wonderful.”

After a long period of delicious thrusting and holding and stroking, Mark came first; then, as the lovers on the screen shifted
position yet again, he stroked Gail’s body until she climaxed, as well. Without moving, they watched the end of the film.

“That was wonderful,” Mark said.

“And the film wasn’t bad, either,” Gail said, giggling.

“I’ve wanted this for so long. It was good, wasn’t it?”

Gail heaved a large sigh. “It was terrific. It’s difficult for me to adjust. I thought it was all over.”

“You know, I can see us when we’re each over one hundred, chasing each other around the porch of the retirement home. And
every one else will be envious.”

“With luck, everyone else will be doing the same thing.”

Expectations. That’s the biggest hurdle those of us over fifty face. We expect to be old. Our children expect us to be old.
Society expects us to be old. Old and used up and “comfortable.” Horse pucky. Although physical reactions change as we age,
the pleasures that can be gained from sharing a satisfying sexual relationship remain unchanged. For most reasonably healthy
older lovers, there are no activities that should be automatically excluded. All the games you used to play are still available.
All the sexual goals you used to set are still achievable, with a few modifications. Just don’t give up!

There are real sexual problems associated with aging, and I don’t mean to minimize them. There are, however, benefits, as
well.

First, let’s talk about the postmenopausal woman.

After menopause, a woman no longer menstruates, and she can’t get pregnant; the production of female hormones slows, then
stops. There is a distinct advantage to these changes—no more need for birth control. If you and your partner are strictly
monogamous, throw out the diaphragm, the pills, the foam, and the condoms (although you may want to keep the condoms for other
reasons, like anal sex). However, if you and your partner haven’t been exclusive and monogamous for at least five years, continue
to use condoms to prevent the spread of disease, and consult your doctor and have an AIDS test.

Until the age of thirty-eight, I had used the pill for birth control. Then, after my divorce and my reentry into the land
of the dating female, I used a diaphragm—AIDS hadn’t been discovered yet. When my gynecologist confirmed that my hot flashes
and irregular periods meant that I was going through menopause, I expected to be unhappy. Actually, I was thrilled.

Ed and I found each other when I was forty-two and he was forty-seven. By this time, since AIDS was a significant threat and
both of us had previously been anything but monogamous, we used condoms. Finally, several years later, I was told that I could
no longer conceive, and we had been monogamous for all that time. With glee, I threw out the diaphragm, put the condoms in
a drawer for playtimes when we wanted to use them, and for the first time since before my marriage, I made love without the
need to remember anything. A distinct advantage.

For me, in addition to the problems with body image that Gail and so many other women experience, the major downside of menopause
was that my body didn’t lubricate as well as it used to. In many women, this can cause intercourse to be painful. For me,
it has a more important and, in my opinion, more insidious consequence. I didn’t feel as though I was excited if I wasn’t
wet. I kept waiting, wondering whether I was going to feel “hot” between my legs ever again. That was my baggage, my problem.

I stumbled on an article in a magazine that discussed this, and my anxiety was somewhat relieved. The article said that women
can become just as aroused after menopause as before, even though their vaginal tissues remain dry. The lack of lubrication
is a physical thing, not a sexual one.

Then, more important, Ed and I had exciting sex a few times using a lubricant and I climaxed just as I had for years. Although
my tissues were dry, my body was as excited as it had ever been. It took quite a while for me to smash down those shards of
fear about “no good sex ever again.” But I have, and Ed and I cavort as we always have and, I hope, always will.

A warning:
There are many commercially available vaginal lubricants, from K-Y jelly to products you can buy from catalogs. They work
well and even come in assorted flavors, which can also enhance oral sex. Use one of those products—
not
anything else—for vaginal lubrication. Vaseline, baby oil, mineral oil, and other types of petroleum-based products can clog
pores and lead to vaginal irritation and infection. Also, these lubricants can break down the latex in a condom, causing a
complete elimination of their usefulness as a disease barrier at just the wrong time.

A few years after being told I was not able to conceive anymore, I went to my gynecologist, and to relieve my hot flashes
and help with my cholesterol problem, she suggested hormone-replacement therapy. Now I take my pills every morning and my
body lubricates the way it always did. But this is not what’s making the sex better, by the way.

Taking synthetic female hormones is recommended by most doctors for most women, but it’s not for everyone. In my case, it
completely eliminated my awful hot flashes, and once my doctor and I found the proper dosage, I have all the advantages of
natural hormones, but I no longer get my period. Ain’t science grand!

Another subtle problem for the postmenopausal woman is that the clitoral hood, the tissue that covers the clitoris, becomes
thinner as the years pass. This can mean that stimulation that used to be exciting is now irritating, almost painful. This
thinning happens so slowly that many woman think it’s always been that way and neglect to discuss the problem with their partners.
Mentioning that a lighter touch would be more enjoyable can completely alleviate this difficulty.

For men, the problems of aging can be more subtle and, in some ways, even more insidious. An erect penis is an indication
of manliness. A “limp dick” is a symbol of failure for a man. You’re not a “stud” anymore, so you should be put out to pasture
with the old horses who can’t impregnate the young mares any longer. More horse pucky.

It is certainly true that for an older man, erections happen more slowly, aren’t as firm, and don’t last as long. It’s not
the end of everything, and it won’t be unless you let it. It does mean that it may take a hand or even a mouth on the penis
to get it sufficiently erect for penetration. Frankly, I don’t see that as a drawback, but a pleasure.

By the way, I’ve had enough lovers to make the following statement: For me, and I believe for most women, once a penis is
inside my vagina, I could care less how big it was when it went in. My body easily accommodates to both larger and smaller
men, and the physical sensation is really no different. The “hung like a horse” myth is just that. As a matter of fact, I
was once with a man who was exceedingly “well hung.” Unfortunately, he was a lousy lover and depended on his size to make
up for a lack of communication and caring. And, a day later, I was so sore that I ended up at my doctor’s. I never made love
with him again.

Also, from the woman’s point of view, once a man’s penis is inside, she has no significant change in sensation because it
is rock-hard or slightly softer. I can tell you that I particularly enjoy placing my partner’s penis inside of me while it
is still soft and then telling a story or using a few selected erotic images and feeling it get harder as he gets more excited.
In this case, I can feel the change, and it’s wonderful. Although the harder penis doesn’t change my pleasure, it indicates
my partner’s arousal.

Slower erections in older men are an added benefit for those who once suffered from premature ejaculation. This problem is
almost eliminated because of the physical changes due to aging. It takes longer for an older man to get sufficiently stimulated
to ejaculate. This added time may give you and your partner an opportunity to enjoy some of the long make-out sessions that
gave you problems earlier in your sexual life.

Men often find that they climax less often and that it takes longer from the height of sexual tension to orgasm. In addition,
the time between erections also gets longer. When you were twenty, you could probably get a second erection within a few minutes
of ejaculation. As the years passed, that refractory period got longer and longer. These timing shifts are a result of the
physiological changes that happen with age. But most men assume that this time lag will get longer and longer, until climax
just doesn’t happen anymore. Or they worry that eventually they will not be able to “get it up.” Still more horse pucky. As
long as you’re healthy, intercourse can and will still happen if you want it to, and ejaculations will occur naturally, when
your body is ready.