Now and Forever Still (6 page)

“She’d be happy here too. I mean all of his fam—”

“Don’t start.” She shook her head and puffed out a laugh. “I swear you get more stubborn every year.” She attempted to stand, but I held her tighter and she giggled.

I eased my grip on her waist and brought my hand to her cheek. “I just miss my family, Cricket… our girl… it’s time. She needs to come home.” I brought my lips to hers and the soft feel of her lips eased the weight on my shoulders.

She pulled away and the weight — it returned. I just missed my “Little Bug.” I missed her so much.

“Shh, Little Bug. Daddy’s here.” She had completely kicked her way out of the tight burrito blanket wrap Liz always insisted on, even though it never stayed. A smile pulled across my face; Sailor had already started trying to show her independence. She settled down once I had her in my arms. I held her tight against my chest as I sat down in the rocking chair. The easy feel of her tiny body next to mine was breathtaking. I imagined she could hear my heart as she laid her cheek against the skin of my bare chest. This small moment connecting us, making me feel whole, making my entire existence worthwhile. In her tiny hands, her eyes, in the quick little breaths that brought her life, this little girl claimed my soul. “Yeah, Bug, it’s you and me tonight.”

“Sawyer.” Elizabeth’s lips split into a smile as she ran her hand through my hair before resting it on my cheek. “Where’d you just go?”

I closed my eyes and exhaled; the memory had hit me like a brick. The pain in my throat was strangling me. “I almost lost you twice, you… we’ve had so much shit, Lizzie. I just want my baby girl home.”

“I’m right here, Daddy.”

For a second I thought I was hallucinating, but Sailor’s familiar voice calmed my damn mind and, as my eyes met hers, all the anxiety I had disappeared. She looked so good; her long dark hair hung loosely over her shoulder, and her eyes lit with a smile, just like they always did when they met mine. My little girl was getting too old, and that little boy in her arms… he was me. Well, a much smaller version, but me nonetheless.

Elizabeth jumped from my lap and about toppled over her own legs. “Give me that baby.”

Thomas chuckled as he set down the bags and Sailor rolled her eyes. “See, I told you, Thomas. We could have just shipped Eli, and they would have been fine without us,” she said as she handed Eli to his grandmother.

I stood and took the few steps I needed to finally have my daughter in my arms again. “Now you know that’s not true.” I placed my hand on her cheek and her eyes welled with tears. “You look good, Bug.”

She wasn’t too tall, just like her mom, and when I pulled her into a massive hug, her tear stained cheek rested in the center of my chest. She sniffled and I kissed the top of her head. She still smelled like lilacs, and the sound of her voice vibrated in my heart as she said, “I missed you so much, Dad.”

I KISSED ELI ON
the top of his head, and his hair tickled my nose as Thomas leaned in to kiss me on the cheek.

“Mrs. Bryant,” he greeted in his proper English accent.

“Now, Thomas, it’s just Liz. You know that.” I grinned as I, too, leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

He nodded his head with a shy smile. “Sorry, I forget myself.”

Sawyer cleared his throat. “Merry Christmas, Thomas.”

Sawyer’s voice was thick and, when I turned to meet his eyes, it wasn’t a surprise that they were rimmed with red. He missed Sailor; I missed her more than I ever thought possible. When she’d first left, it was an adjustment. Sawyer and I were both only children, so just having a single child was fine by us. Sure, we would’ve been happy with ten kids, but it wasn’t in the cards. Once Sailor left, once our baby had gone, at first, it had been lonely. Soy and I had been through the wringer: our past, his accident… my health. Cancer — it was a four letter word. We were always fighting some sort of life battle, so when I got better, things finally plateaued, and our daughter eventually left the nest. It was an odd time. We were proud, nervous, and all our attention, once exclusively on her, had been pushed back onto us and our marriage.

Watching Sawyer now, with his massive arms wrapped around our little girl, my heart was full of butterflies. The lines around my husband’s eyes had deepened with time, the worried crease of his brow was marked, and his hair was gray — he was a beautiful statue of a man. His skin was still tan from working in the sun, his muscles were defined, and his shoulders still as strong and broad as when he was twenty-eight. After Sailor left, we found each other again in the peaceful quiet. We hadn’t lost the spark while raising our daughter, per se, but rather divided our attentions to her, so once she was shipped off to college, we’d finally found our way back… to us.

Sailor finally let go of her father’s hand, and I handed over Eli to Soy. It was my turn.

“Hey, Mom.” Her full lips pulled into a sideways smile that reminded me so much of her dad.

I held her tighter than I should have, and I closed my eyes briefly taking in the moment, feeling her presence. “Thank you for coming,” I whispered.

I heard her sniffle and I opened my eyes. Soy was holding Eli just as tight as I was holding Sailor, his nose buried in the baby’s thick dark curls. Poor Thomas was being so polite just watching the reunion. We took a few more precious seconds and then Eli cried out. “Ma!”

Sailor dropped her hold on me. “Awe, are you already hungry, Munch?” She turned and took Eli into her arms. “I need to feed him. Thomas, can you bring the bags upstairs? You remember where, right?”

“Of course.” He gave us another polite nod and picked up the bags.

“Let me help you with that, son.” Sawyer’s voice was deeper than normal, posturing as always. I had to stifle a giggle, and Sailor shook her head with a smile.

“Yes, Sir.”

Thomas wasn’t a little guy, but where Sawyer was bulk, he was lean muscle. Soy had a few inches on him, but Thomas stood tall. He was very good looking for a young man. He reminded me of a younger Seth, with his dark hair and how it always seemed to fall in his eyes. His face was chiseled angles, but his eyes — they were a soft brown, and I liked how they warmed the rest of his features. Thomas complimented my daughter’s beauty, and I was happy she’d found a good match in such a nice guy. He pushed up the sleeves of his sweater and revealed a bright mural of ink on both arms. My smirk broke into a full smile. This was new.

“Your arms… wow,” I said.

“Thank you, Mrs.—” He shook his head and smiled. “Thanks. Sailor designed it.”

My eyes widened. “Sailor, it’s gorgeous. It looks like—”

“Water color.” Her gaze met her husband’s, and they smiled at each other with secrets in their eyes. My lips parted involuntarily as I watched my daughter… this talented, smart, amazing woman blushed from ear to ear.

If I could’ve wished for anything in this whole life of mine, it would’ve been that my daughter would have a love so amazing, so steadfast, so undeniably meant for her as Sawyer was meant for me. Watching the silent exchange, feeling that tingle run down my spine… there was no doubt she’d found what I’d always hoped for her to have.

ELI CRAWLED AROUND THE
carpet, and every time he got close to the stone hearth I was sure either Lizzie or Sailor was going to have a heart attack. Thomas just eased his son in the right direction. No fear or worry in his eyes. I liked that Thomas was quiet and reserved. A man with patience like that would surely be tested married to my girl, but I could tell he loved her. It was the little things, like how he always held her hand and how he offered to help her without hurting her pride. He was a real gentleman, and when my little girl lights the hell up when he looks at her, I get a concrete feeling in my chest, a permanence that once would have scared me, but today, I realized it meant she was safe, happy, and living the life I wanted for her.

Sailor yawned as she raised from the couch. “I’m going to get this little one to bed.”

Thomas stood as well.

“No, I can do this, baby, you did all the dinner dishes.” She gave him a smile.

“You should spend time with your family.”

She leaned down and picked up Eli. “Sit, hang out with my dad. I think he’s been chomping at the bit to have you alone all night. Third degree.” She winked. “Are you ready?” She giggled and Thomas swallowed.

“He’s already had the third degree… remember when you showed up on our front porch, unannounced, and said you were going to marry our daughter?” Elizabeth laughed and I smiled.

I’d really scared the hell out of the poor kid.

“Have a seat, Thomas.” I let my voice drop just enough to make him nervous; it was always fun to mess with him.

He sat back down onto the couch, and I inched to the edge of my chair.

“He’s just screwing with you, Thomas.” Sailor giggled as she and Lizzie made their way up the stairs.

“I really am. See, this was my point when we were talking at dinner. You don’t know me well enough.” I leaned back in my chair, and he took a breath.

“Mr. Bryant, I—”

“It’s Sawyer, just Sawyer.” I shook my head and smiled.

“Sailor and I have spoken, and I was offered a job in Denver.”

My spine stiffened. “Denver.” It wasn’t Ogden, but it was a hell of a lot closer than London.

“I declined.”

I shut my eyes briefly, and my jaw tensed. “You declined.” I took a deep breath trying to hold off my anger.

“I was under the impression you needed my particular marketing skills, here, at Willow Wood… Sir?” His dark eyes met mine and he sat taller. “Was I under the wrong impression? I would never want to be presumptuous, but Sailor and I… She’d said—”

“Thomas.” I exhaled a sigh of relief. “Willow Wood is Sailor’s and yours if you want it.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’m not getting any younger, and the work, it’s too much for just me. The staff over the years has dwindled, and after Colby and Cam moved to California a few years ago for Cam’s job, I just can’t do it on my own anymore. It would be one hell of a blessing if you took over.”

“Your craft, it’s an art, Sir, and I cannot presume to take over fully. I’d like to work on the business side of things, and help find talented carpenters. What you do is more than a crudely put together cabinet… it’s sculpture.” His brown eyes were lit with excitement.

Normally, I would’ve felt like smoke was being blown up my ass, but this was just Thomas. It was what he did. He loved art, and according to Sailor, he was passionate about all mediums; it was why I was hopeful he’d be willing to consider taking over for me when I finally fully retired.

“When?” I asked.

“We were hoping to look at some houses while we were here. There are a few we found online in Salt Lake and a couple in Farmington. We’re here until after the New Year. I think we can secure a home in the time allotted, then it’s just a hop over the pond to address our affairs. So a couple of months, I’d wager.”

My lips spread into a wide grin. “I think I could be okay with that.”

Thomas’s smile reached his eyes and he nodded his head. “Good meeting.”

A laugh rumbled in my chest. “You could say that, and I thought I was going to have to swallow my pride and beg you.”

“Merry Christmas, Dad.”

Thomas and I both turned at the same time. Elizabeth’s eyes were overrun with tears, and Sailor… she was beaming.

I clenched my jaw as the wave of emotion filled my chest, and I was unable to speak.

Sailor moved quickly to where we were sitting, and I stood.

“I got tired of missing you,” she whispered into my chest as I pulled her into my body.

I closed my eyes and let the tears come. I felt Elizabeth’s small hand on my shoulder and a shudder ran through me. My entire life was in this house, in these women, and now in that little boy sleeping upstairs. Thomas had gifted me back my family, and when I opened my eyes I found my voice.

“Thank you, son… you gave me the world tonight.” I released Sailor from my embrace, and she sat down next to her husband on the couch. And, as always, his hand found hers.

Elizabeth wound her arm around my waist. “She’s coming home.” The words were nearly inaudible as she leaned into my body.

“I’m excited for the new venture…” Thomas placed his free hand on Sailor’s cheek, and she leaned into the touch. “…and I’d do anything to secure her happiness.”

Sailor’s eyes closed and a tear rolled down her cheek as he rested his forehead against hers. I thought I heard her say
I love you
, but Lizzie was pulling me away with a hushed whisper, “Let’s give them their privacy.”

I took my wife’s hand in mine and we made our way down the hallway to our room.

“Did you know?” I asked once the bedroom door was shut.

She shook her head.

“She’s coming home.” I was still in shock.

“She is.” Elizabeth’s smile trembled.

I took a breath.

I exhaled.

The universe… it shifted, and this time… we were on the winning side.

HIS HANDS TRAILED ACROSS
the bodice of my ivory dress and moved smoothly to my back. His fingers trailed with precision down the long line of buttons, each one undone created a weightless sensation in my limbs. The warmth of his breath on my neck sent goose bumps along my bare arms as the last button gave way to his demands. The ivory satin fell as my arms draped around his neck. His mouth on mine, our breath mixed as his tongue swept my bottom lip stealing a small taste.

Married.

His hands grasped my waist and his grip tightened as I moaned into his mouth. The rough patches on his fingers and palms only ignited the need within my sensitive skin as we stumbled from the flood of fabric around my feet.

The thin lace of my undergarments were a thinly veiled attempt at modesty. The see-through fabric left nothing to the imagination. A gift of Cam’s for my wedding night. Sawyer drank me in as he stepped back, took a breath, and allowed his eyes to feather across my skin. The loss of his body heat and the anticipation that swirled in my stomach caused me to shiver as his gaze lingered along my breasts.