Oak, Sophie - Away From Me (Siren Publishing Classic) (13 page)

“She was depressed.”

“I realize that now. Then, I was very young and on my own for the first time. It took everything I had to keep my head above water. I came into my trust fund at twenty-one, and that helped enormously. While I was in law school, I was able to move us to a better part of town and hire a maid. Greg was an old friend. We reconnected in law school, and he introduced Cassie and me to the scene. Strangely, the club was one of the only places where Cassie came to life. Our sex life improved significantly when we discovered D/s. Cassie seemed more comfortable and, after a while, started calling me Master. She never called me anything else when we weren’t in the vanilla world.”

Gabrielle was very quiet for a moment, as though she needed time to properly digest the history he spilled out for her. “Why didn’t you have kids, Cal?”

He laughed, but there was no humor behind it. “Oh, we tried. Cassie was obsessed with it. She couldn’t get pregnant after that first time. The doctor said it was a miracle she’d gotten pregnant at all. I offered to adopt, but she didn’t want to. After a while, I was happy we didn’t. I would have had to hire a nanny. Cassie retreated. She rarely did anything on her own. I had to tell her what and when to eat. When I tried to take her to a psychologist, she’d cry and tell me I didn’t love her.”

Gaby’s hazel eyes bored through him. “Cal, that is no way to live.”

“I know, but I lived that way for years. I promised to love her. I promised to take care of her. On the night she died, I told her I wanted a divorce.”

Gaby’s eyes watered, and she reached out to him. “Oh, Callum, you are not responsible for her death. You can’t possibly think that.”

She was far too forgiving, his Gaby. He shook his head. “She hadn’t driven in years. She got into the car, and an hour later, I got the call from the hospital. I rushed there, and she was dying. She begged me, Gaby. She begged me not to leave her. She made me promise I wouldn’t love anyone but her. I told her I wouldn’t. When she died, I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved with another slave. I wouldn’t have another woman dependent on me, and what did I do? I immediately found you.”

“Not exactly immediately. It was a year later.” Her voice was soft now, soothing. “You need to be in control. It’s part of who you are. But, Cal, she had no right to ask that of you. If she loved you at all, she would want you to be happy.”

He sighed. He should have known Gaby’s tender heart wouldn’t understand. “Have you listened to anything I’ve said? I helped her become dependent on me and then couldn’t stand the fact that she was. I didn’t even truly want the divorce. I was using it as a way to force her to see a counselor. I couldn’t give her what she needed. I tried, but I didn’t. I didn’t give you what you needed, either, Gabrielle.”

She started to protest, but he held a hand up. “I allowed myself to take you for granted. You were right. I wanted a convenient body in my bed and a woman who didn’t depend on me for everything. Damn it, Gaby, in a lot of ways, I treated you the opposite of Cassandra. I would never have left her alone the way I did you. I would never have given her work from my office. I would never, ever have broken a date with her for work.”

“You didn’t want to be in a relationship like that again. But, Cal, our relationship didn’t work like that. I remember the day after I moved in. You laid out clothes for me.” Even years later, there was accusation in her voice, though it was softened with a fond smile.

Cal felt a wide grin spread across his face. “I remember that you told me if I liked the clothes so much, I could wear them.”

“I got a spanking, but you didn’t lay them out again.”

Looking back now, he could see that it had been everything he could have wanted. If he’d just been brave enough to really reach out to Gaby, maybe things would have been different. He wouldn’t have lost her trust. “Gaby, I think you’re beautiful. I’ll always think you’re beautiful. Trust me. Show me.”

Her hands crossed her chest, and she shook her head. “I can’t.”

He took a deep breath. He hadn’t meant to make the plea. He had meant to say goodbye. Now, it looked like it was time to do just that. “All right. I’m leaving on the noon boat. I won’t bother you again, Gaby. If you ever need anything, you know where I am.”

His hand was on the door when her soft voice called to him.

“Thank you, Cal, for explaining why you couldn’t love me.”

He felt his breath hitch. “Gaby, I loved you the minute I saw you. It was just one more vow I broke.”

He heard Gaby start to cry as he closed the door. He hoped it was the very last time she had to cry over him.

He nodded briefly to the admin and made his way out of the office.

“Is that it, then?”

Chris Linwood stood just outside the door. It was the last thing Cal needed. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to mourn her. “I have a boat to make, if you don’t mind.”

Linwood sighed and fell into step. “You’re leaving?”

“You don’t understand, and it really isn’t any of your business.”

Chris laughed, a sharp sound. “Let’s see if I’ve got it. You took Gaby to the dungeon, spanked her ass, fucked her ass, and then she used her safe word. You think she doesn’t trust you. She thinks you don’t love her. You’re both dumbasses. Now, you’re going to leave and hope she has a happy life, and she’s going to let you because she’s scared you won’t ever love her.”

Cal stopped in the middle of the hall. He leaned over the smaller man and growled slightly. “You don’t know anything. I told her I loved her.”

Chris took a step forward, not giving in an inch to Cal’s threat. “And she should believe you, why?”

“I have never lied to Gabrielle. I might have lied to myself, but never to her. It wasn’t until she left that I truly understood just how much I love her and how long I’ve loved her. It’s just too late.”

“Those are all fine words, Callum, but have you backed them up?”

Cal wanted to punch the kid. “What do you want me to do? Should I go in there and force a ring on her finger? I made her play a role for years. I won’t force her into anything else. Gaby needs to be in control now.”

Linwood brightened. “See, you can learn.”

“What are you talking about, now?”

“There’s only one way to win this fight, Callum. I know Gaby still loves you, but she’s afraid. She’s afraid you’ll reject her. You have to show her you’re willing to change. The Dom in you is going to have to surrender.”

“What do you mean?” Cal’s brain was working, the idea tickling at the edges of his consciousness.

“You required her submission. She gave it to you. It was the way she proved she loved and trusted you. Do you love her, Cal? Do you trust her?”

Cal stopped. Could it work? Could he actually do that? Hell, yes, he could. If it would give Gabrielle a minute’s peace, he could do anything. “How good are you with knots, Linwood?”

“As it happens, I’m quite good.”

Chapter Six

Gaby looked at the computer in front of her, but all she could see was Cal’s face. He’d looked so sincere when he’d turned and told her he’d always loved her. He’d looked like a man who’d just figured it out and knew it had come too late.

And it was too late. Wasn’t it? She couldn’t go back to the way things were. Cal couldn’t change.

Except that he’d left his work behind to pursue her. He’d explained his past with Cassie and told her he loved her. All things he’d sworn he wouldn’t do.

How could he possibly blame himself for Cassie’s death? He’d been a child when they married. Their marriage was marked with tragedy. Cassie had retreated, and Cal had taken control. Gaby had no doubt that if Cassie hadn’t gotten into a car that night, she would have sought help before letting Cal leave her. Cassie’s dying wish had been one of a desperate woman. He couldn’t be held to it.

“Gaby?”

Gaby looked up to see her admin nervously poking her head in the door.

“I didn’t want to disturb you, but we got these faxes in, and I thought you should see them.”

Gaby waved her off. She couldn’t think about work right now. “Call Chris. Have him take a look. I think I’m going to take the rest of the day off.” She would go to the beach and sit. She would think.

Jackie vigorously shook her head. “No. It’s about you. That man who was in here, he signed over his part of the resort to you. You now own twenty-five percent of this place.”

Gaby sat back, shocked that he would do this. Tears pooled in her eyes. What was she doing? Was she really going to let him walk out because she was afraid? And what exactly was she afraid of? That Cal would take one look at her and reject her because she had some scars?

Jackie placed the papers on Gaby’s desk and then seemed to understand she needed to be alone. The door closed, and Gaby looked down at what Callum had given her. He’d given her what a true Dom should. He’d given her what she needed—control. Cal thought she needed this place and to be in control of her future. She’d told him as much. But what she hadn’t said was that she really needed him.

Letting her head fall into her hands, Gaby wept. She wept for what she had lost. She wouldn’t breast-feed her children. She wouldn’t feel Cal’s lips tug on her nipples again. She’d lost her mother at the age of forty-two to the same disease that ravaged her body. She cried for that. She cried because she should have been brave enough to tell Callum what she needed. She should have stayed and fought with everything she had.

After a long while, Gaby looked up at the clock. She shot out of her chair. It was almost noon. She would miss his boat. Gaby left the papers on her desk and ran out of the office. She ran past the lobby and out toward the dock just in time to see the boat headed for Freeport take off.

Ten minutes later, Gaby made her way back into the resort and headed for her room. She’d tried, but they wouldn’t turn the boat back. She’d thought briefly about swimming but figured that only worked in the movies. She would have to suck it up and take the next boat out. She would get on a plane and fly to Fort Worth. She wasn’t going to let him get away from her again. Resolute, Gaby made her way to her suite. She would pack and be ready for the next ferry out.

Gaby stopped, and her mouth dropped open at the scene that greeted her when she entered her bedroom with every intention of packing her belongings. There was a naked man bound on her bed. His muscular body was tied to the headboard and footboard. He looked delicious spread out on her bed, his tanned skin contrasting with the white of her bedding. He was laid out, a feast for her delectation.

“Cal? You didn’t leave?” she gasped, almost not believing her eyes.

His head came up. For the first time in their relationship, Gaby found Cal was hesitant, nervous even. His gorgeous face with his perfectly square jaw was open to her. His dark eyes took her in, and he licked his lips with a nervous swipe of his tongue.

“I know I said I would, but, Gaby, I have to try everything. I want to be with you so much. I couldn’t just leave until I was sure I’d done everything I could to make it all up to you.” He inclined his head to the table by the bed. “There’s a gag over there if you want it. I thought it might be uncomfortable, though, so I had Chris leave it out.”

Gaby stared. She found herself quite unable to move. “Chris did this?”

“Well, pet, I am very talented when it comes to bondage, but I’m afraid I am not capable of tying myself up.”

“And he left you?” A Dom never left a bound sub alone. Anything could happen.

A flush crept across Cal’s skin. “He fought me on that. Gaby, I am willing to do many things to win you back. Sitting here naked with your gay nurse reading the latest
Us Weekly
is not one of them. I need to maintain some dignity.”

He was spread eagle across her fluffy white comforter, next to a tray of sex toys. Gaby felt a smile cross her face. If he had any dignity left, she wasn’t sure where it was. “You love me.”