Obeying the Bear: BBW Paranormal Shapeshifter Romance (The Callaghan Clan Book 1) (3 page)

I
’d known
she was here the moment she arrived. Her scent called to me like no other yet I’d hid in the hallway for as long as I could, waiting to decide how to handle it. Emma was here. My Emma.

And I had no idea how I felt about that.

When I finally saw her up on the landing, time stopped. The sounds of condolences, laughter, and memories of those who knew my father disappeared into a background hum. The pathetic human woman trying to get me to go out for coffee was nothing more than a nuance. Almost a year had passed, yet Emma could still stop my heart. Deep inside, my bear came alive again. Not because I’d given him time to hunt the other night, but because his mate had returned.

We’d both sensed her arousal before our eyes met. She may have run away from her obligations, but time and distance couldn’t stop nature. Since we’d acknowledged each other as mates ten years earlier at seventeen, the human in us had no choice but to accept each other. Had Emma come to this realization? Is that why she was here now? Did she know how much I needed her?

I walked around those wanting to pay their respects, although I’d only met most of them once or twice in my life. One of the faults of my father was that he kept his alpha affairs only between him and a small group of insiders. Me and my brothers were not part of that, and now I was paying the price by trying to sort out several family business and dozens of clan investments.

Emma stood still, lips parted, eyes wet, and pheromones wafting through the room. Thankfully there were only a handful of shifters here right now and I assumed they’d all have enough respect to stay silent about our reunion. Everyone knew that Emma had crushed me when she left. She’d hurt us all. But I could feel the stares as they watched and waited to see how I was going to handle it.

The dark blue dress highlighted her auburn hair and light blue eyes. Damn if she didn’t look even more beautiful today than the day she left. My bear rumbled in content, letting me know that he was happy again. I tried to shut him up, understanding that just because she was here now, didn’t mean she was going to stay.

Plus, I was still angry with her.

She’d given me no reason for her sudden departure and had cut off all contact so I couldn’t even ask why. She’d put me through hell, and I had to remind myself of that as I reached her side and breathed in the wonderful aroma that called only to me.

“Hi Brandt,” she said with a shaky voice.

Dixon still waited in the corner, ears turned in our direction. I wondered if he’d had something to do with her being here right now. When I watched him though, he didn’t give me any indication. Dixon always had the best poker face. “Emma.”

She shifted on her feet and pursed her lips. The tears had almost spilled over. “I’m so sorry about your dad.”

When her words hitched in her throat both me and my bear knew that she was about to cry—and I couldn’t stand there and do nothing. Lifting my arms, I invited her in. Was a making a mistake? Probably. But I needed to hold her right now and let her know that I wanted to have this contact.

She rushed into my arms, wrapping them around my waist and pressing her head against my chest. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed, her head bouncing underneath my chin where I’d rested it. I held her tight. My bear wanted even more. He smelled her, sensed her, and knew that we were whole again. If only it could all be that simple. It was the human side in us that complicated things, not the animal.

I brushed my hand through her hair over and over to try and soothe her. While I had no doubt that some of these tears were for my father, I also knew some of them were for us. “When did you get here?”

She stayed tightly against my chest and squeezed my waist even harder. My blood came alive under her touch. “Today.”

“And when do you leave?” I didn’t want to know the answer but my bear made me ask.

She shook her head and shrugged. Never uttering a word.

“Are you here tonight?” I asked with caution.

Emma pulled back and looked up at me. Her aquamarine eyes captured me with their magic and every part of my body wanted to claim her all over again. Right now. “I am.” She sucked in a quick breath when my fingers grazed the bare skin on her arm.

I tried to focus. “Then you should come to the moksha. He would have expected that.” The second I said the word
expected
, I flinched. I’d suspected part of the reason she’d left us was because of all the things she’d been expected to do for our clan now and in the future. Emma had never wanted her life planned out for her, but on the day my dad took in two orphaned cubs, he’d laid out her path with us, with me.

But Emma didn’t react to my words. Instead, she reached up and rested her hand against my cheek. I froze, trying to enjoy the sensation and remember it for when she walked away again. “If you think I should be there, I will.”

I grabbed her hand and weaved my fingers through hers. We stood still, watching each other for a few more seconds and then turning around to scan the crowd. Three different groups of CEOs, lawyers, and investment bankers made eye contact with me. I sighed, not wanting to hide anything from Emma. “Here we go again.”

Following my gaze, she squeezed my hand quickly. “Has it been like this all week?”

I nodded and rubbed my hands over my eyes. “Nonstop.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Shocked by her offer, I didn’t know how to respond. My bear wanted her to be by my side always. She was my mate and she made me stronger. But I needed to be cautious and I needed to make sure that she was here to stay before she left and ripped my heart out again. “No, not right now.”

The first woman of the lawyer group stepped up onto the landing and held out her hand. “My condolences, Mr. Callaghan.”

I shook it and wrapped my arm around Emma’s back. “Just excuse me for one moment.”

The woman looked at Emma and immediately dropped her gaze. Humans knew when to trust their instincts even if they didn’t believe shifters like us existed. Pulling Emma a few steps away, I felt like I needed to say something else just so I didn’t have to part with her yet. “The moksha starts at ten. Do you remember where?” We’d performed these ceremonies in the same place on our land for generations. Emma had attended a few through the years.

She nudged my shoulder. “Of course I do.” Her slight grin cracked through the first layer of hurt. How could I withstand her now? She’d always held a power over me, even if I was still mad at her. “I’m sorry but I have to meet with these…people again. My father had his hands in a lot of places and sorting it all out has been hell.”

Emma lifted on her toes and kissed my cheek. My bear begged for more. “I understand,” she whispered.

Turning my head, I stopped myself from diving into her lips. They looked so warm and inviting, glistening in the sunlight coming through the windows. I wanted her—all over again like the first time we’d mated. My gaze glanced down to her cleavage. It was modestly hidden yet I knew what lay underneath that dress. Curves and muscles and…woman. She bit her lip the moment she smelled my reaction. Dixon cleared his throat from the corner.

“I…I have to go,” I finally managed to say. Stepping away from the physical hurt in my chest. Now that she was here, I didn’t want her out of my sight. Yet if I told her any of this, I was sure I’d scare her away back into the life she’d found outside of Alaska.

“I’ll see you tonight,” she said, the pained look on her face surely mirroring my own.

“Okay,” I turned but then stopped as I remembered something important. “Your room is still available if you want to stay here.” With a small smile, I signaled that I was all right with that. It had always been
our
room, even when we were teenagers sneaking around to find places to be together. Then as adults, when everyone treated us like a mated pair.

I hadn’t stayed in there for many months now. The first few weeks after she left, I couldn’t keep myself away. But then the pain had been too much and I had to start pushing that part of my life aside, knowing that I would never see her again.

“Thank you,” Emma said as I turned.

She’d only whispered it but knew I would hear. The lawyers and bankers were on me in an instant. Bombarding me with questions and directing me to the conference room area my dad had also added to this house. Their words jumbled together in a mix of terms, my mind unable to comprehend everything right now when thoughts of Emma clogged all of the space.

“Can I see you for a minute?” Brennan cutting in to the chatter of my entourage was a welcomed sound.

“Please go on in and I’ll be right there,” I said, ushering the group into the conference room and closing the door behind them. “Are you here to rescue me?” I joked half-heartedly.

“Do you need me in there?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No. No, you need to get ready for tonight.”

“I put Bo in charge of food.”

We were both silent for a minute and then I laughed. “Yeah, that seems like a good choice. And something he can’t mess up.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Brennan grumbled. Then he brought up the subject I knew he really wanted to talk about. “I saw Emma.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“You okay?”

I loved my brother for being so in tuned to me sometimes. “I will be.”

“Is she coming tonight?” There was a clipped edge to his voice but I wasn’t sure if he would actually disapprove.

“I’ve invited her.”

Brennan ground his jaw together, biting back some kind of comment. “Well, don’t forget. You need to be there first. Before Joshua or Dixon or anyone else who might challenge you for alpha. You need to be the leader. Don’t let her get in the way.”

He wasn’t saying it to be mean, just practical. Brennan could be very robotic at times and that was a great skill for him to have. I would stress, Bo would party, and Brennan would plan.

“I understand.” As much as I wanted to show up tonight hand in hand with Emma, I couldn’t. She’d left me and that showed weakness and right now, I couldn’t show any weakness if I was going to fill my father’s role in this clan. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

Brennan, in a rare form of affection, hugged me tightly. Our family was close but we weren’t emotional. That all started after our mom died when Bo was born. I guess I hadn’t realized how tough this must be on Brennan too. After all, it was his father as well and planning a funeral for a parent couldn’t have been easy. With a slap on my back, Brennan let go and walked away.

I watched him leave, stalling as long as I could before facing another round of paperwork and discovery. With a quick glance back at the remaining guests, my heart sank when I didn’t see Emma. Brennan was right about me not having her by my side tonight but that didn’t mean I didn’t like it. Perhaps I could stop by her room later and we could talk some more. Or do other things that both the man and animal were craving right now.

No, I couldn’t. Not yet anyway. Not until she explained herself. So with a sigh, I pushed open the door and entered into the human part of the world my father left behind.

I
’d waited
for the knock on my door all afternoon and into the evening. Surely someone was going to stop by. And even though I’d wanted it to be Brandt, I would have settled for Bo or even, god forbid, Dixon. Loneliness seeped into my bones again as the hours ticked by without a single word being exchanged.

Bo had been right—the room was still set up the same way it had been when I’d left. We had one of the bedrooms on the bottom floor. A suite complete with its own fireplace, bathroom, small office area, and a deck leading right into a trail that we could take down to the bay. Even the king sized log-framed bed couldn’t dwarf the space. I’d always loved this room. As a child I’d claim it when me and my brother would sleep over.

The thought of Mark ripped a new hole in my chest. He’d been killed a year before I left. And I suppose if I’d ever analyzed my actions, I would find that his death had been the beginning of my discomfort with the clan. They hadn’t played a role—he’d been drunk and stupid and got into a knife fight at a bar. They told me he’d died before he even hit the ground but I’d always blamed Blaze a little bit for not finding the men who did it. And for not allowing me to hunt them down. He’d ordered me to stay out of it and my bear was forced to obey. But my human heart never forgave him for that.

I paced the room, wondering if I should go find someone or just stay hidden from the questions that would inevitably come my way. After a few hours of this, both me and my bear grew restless and decided that we would leave early and take the long trail through the forest to get to the celebration site. I didn’t want to change in front of everyone this evening, but I still donned a set of clothes appropriate for a night in the woods. Grabbing a sweatshirt at the last minute, I snuck out through the bedroom door and disappeared into the pines.

It was June, summer in Alaska and my favorite time of year. This meant that everything was green and all of the animals were out foraging and storing for the upcoming winter. And although it was dark outside, my shifter senses kicked in and allowed me to see better than most humans. I caught the scent of an elk and heard the cry of a wolf in the distance. I’d missed the sounds of our friends and once again hadn’t realized how much until now.

I sensed the clan gathering not far from where I was walking. I didn’t want to be one of the first ones there and I definitely planned on slipping in unnoticed. The glow of the fire highlighted the forest in a plethora of dancing shadows. Fresh meat on the grill sent my stomach into growls. And the pheromones in the air called my bear to the surface.

Tonight’s moksha would be the first I’ve attended in ten years. We didn’t have one for my brother—another reason why I’d been upset with Blaze. A moksha wasn’t required for all clan members, but the celebration must take place each time a higher ranking one dies. The idea is based in Hindu beliefs but is found in many shifter communities. It gives the person the freedom to move on yet allows the clan members to retain some of the knowledge or power left behind by the deceased. Personally, I’ve never enjoyed this part of our culture. I didn’t like celebrating someone’s death. It was always easier for me to just keep moving forward and try to forget the pain.

A branch snapped behind me and I turned in a crouch, scanning the darkness for the intruder. Instead I heard a laugh. A big, burly, honest laugh that had me smiling as well. “You can come out now, Bo,” I said.

“I could never sneak up on you, Emma.” He jumped in front of my face and wrapped me in another giant hug. “You’re lighter. Have you worked out since you left?”

I loved how Bo just glossed over the part about me leaving. “I hike every day.”

“But no weight training?” He squeezed my bicep for emphasis.

“No time.”

“Well, you need to get back on top of that if Brandt’s going to be alpha. He’ll need a strong partner on his arm.”

I dropped my head, too overwhelmed to speak. My attraction to Brandt was undeniable but I couldn’t stay here. Too much had happened and now that Brandt would be fighting for his position it meant that the politics would only get worse.

Bo sensed my discomfort and quickly changed the subject. “The ribs smell delicious. Come on, let’s eat.”

I let him drag me into the clearing knowing I would probably never go myself. The fire burned brightly in the middle, the food cooking on a number of makeshift grill plates. And on the far side, just where the shadows started to win their ground, a mound lay under a tarp. Bo and I watched the lump, wishing that it would move again. But Blaze was gone to us forever and what remained of him would be sacrificed tonight.

“Emma!” A teenage female squealed as she bounced over to me. “Oh my god! I knew you would come back, but no one believed me.”

I hugged Julia for several moments. She had been a mentee of mine. And I’d abandoned her too. “Julia, you’re so tall.”

She jumped away from me and spun in several circles. “Grew another two inches last school year. I think I’m going to be as tall as my dad.” With those words, she looked over her shoulder toward Joshua, a tall man with long, brown hair drinking a beer and giving me a glare. He jerked his chin once and Julia’s excitement instantly vanished. “He doesn’t want me to talk to you.”

I squeezed her hand quickly. “It’s okay. You should go so you don’t get in trouble.”

“Are you staying?”

Am I? With a quick nod, I let the words tumble out. “For now.”

She squealed again and returned to her dad who promptly disciplined her with some harsh words. A few more members of the clan came over to me with the same questions, hesitating to fully welcome me back. I didn’t blame them. I’d broken the cardinal rule—never abandoned your clan.

“Emma.” Brandt’s warmth filled my soul as he stepped up behind me. The clan member I was talking to immediately departed, allowing Brandt to have all of my attention. “Thank you for coming.”

I smiled up at his chiseled jaw and beautiful brown hair hanging across his forehead. “Sure.”

He looked at the lump under the tarp and sighed. “I need to start the ceremony.” Then he turned and touched my shoulder. “Will you stay right here. Next to me?”

Stunned, I stumbled over my words. “Are…are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, I don’t want to jeopardize your position.”

“You won’t,” he said a little too quickly, as though he’d already thought about that possibility. “And if Brennan says anything to you, just tell him this is what I wanted.”

The lump in my throat grew to an unbearable size. I was getting in the middle of two brothers. “Brandt, I don’t want to—”

He leaned forward and kissed me quickly on the lips, stopping my complaint and making a statement in front of everyone else. I didn’t think it was my imagination that the crowd around us went silent. When he pulled back, I was left wanting more. But Brandt just smiled and then clapped his hands to start the ceremony.

Bo sidled up next to me, and I spotted Brennan on the other side of the fire. He didn’t look thrilled to see me here. But I held my head high and did what Brandt asked for.

“Thank you all for coming tonight to celebrate the life of my father, your alpha, Blaze Callaghan.” Everyone shouted up into the sky until Brandt lifted his hand in the air. “Tonight we complete our moksha ceremony to help our alpha seek peace in the afterlife and to help guide all of us to an enlightened state.”

Brandt continued the practiced speech for several more minutes until he finally asked Dixon and his brothers to bring him Blaze’s bear body. This was the part that had always bothered the human side in me. I sensed the impending shift in the twenty plus clan members gathered here tonight. Several were just seconds away from bursting out of their skin. But no one was allowed to change until Brandt did—out of respect, even though he wasn’t their leader yet.

When Dixon, Bo, and Brennan dropped the body at Brandt’s feet and removed the tarp, a round of gasps flitted through the group. Blaze’s extra-large bear body no longer looked like the majestic grizzly he’d been. Instead, a heap of blood and sinewy white cartilage was all that remained. No head. No fur. Just a carcass.

Brandt visibly shook, his bear so close to the surface that my mate wanted to chase him down. He pointed at his father’s body. “This is what they did to your alpha. This is what a coward does. We are not cowards. We are grizzly’s and we will seek our revenge!” The cheers echoed in the surrounded trees, birds scattering from their nighttime resting place. “My father will forever live on inside of us. Join me now to make it so.”

Brandt ripped off his shirt and jeans so quickly I barely had time to marvel at the view. In less than a minute, the grizzly ripped from his skin and he roared into the darkened sky. The power in his voice sent my bear into submissive yet mating mode. She loved that power. Most of the rest of the clan members began their change, grizzlies of all sizes filling up the small space. Brandt roared again, standing up on his hind legs and screaming into the air. When he finished, he landed just inches from his dad’s body…and ripped off a piece of flesh. After he swallowed, he tore into another part. And another. For a full minute the clan watched him eat the carcass and begin the moksha celebration.

And then the others joined in when he stepped away. First the brothers, then Dixon, then one by one via the pecking order that had changed slightly since I left. Julia and the younger bears ate last, just as I was trying to sneak back into the darkness. But Brandt saw me and trotted my way. His grizzly was even bigger than his father’s, so beautiful and magnificent I wondered how I’d ever been able to leave him. His eyes drooped, a sign that he was questioning me.

“I think I should go,” I said. He shook his head and looked at the carcass. “I can’t. I don’t feel right.”

Brandt nudged me against a tree and huffed in my face. He didn’t agree. Then he sniffed the air and made a short, quick barking like sound that called to my bear. It was our sound. Our unique call to each other. My bear roared to life inside and I doubled over in pain. “Brandt, please. I can’t.”

He called to me again.

And suddenly I let the bear win. She wanted to be free. She wanted to run with him. I barely had time to strip out of my clothes before I felt the first sign of the change. Pain tore through my back and down into my hips as the bones stretched and grew into their new size. I screamed, wondering why it hurt so bad. Brandt’s wet nose brushed against my cheek, a small whimper escaping his animal lips. He wanted me to relax, to calm down so that my bear wouldn’t hurt me. After a few deep breaths, I collapsed to the ground and let her have my body and mind. Seconds later, the change was complete and I pushed back up on all fours to standing.

Brandt barked at me again, drawing my attention up. Yet before making eye contact with him, I glanced around the clearing. Every single grizzly watched me intently. Some still chewed pieces of their alpha, others simply watched me with yellow eyes. Somewhere, deep in my human mind I wondered if they’d thought I couldn’t change anymore, but that was a stupid thought and my bear stopped me from analyzing anything else.

Turning back to Brandt, I bowed my head and dropped my gaze. He was my dominant and the bear needed to show that respect. Brandt stepped forward and rested his chin on top of my skull, acknowledging my submission. Then he brushed against me like a cat, covering every inch of my fur with his scent. I shivered inside knowing that this was a ritual leading up to so much more.

He growled, almost like a purr, and continued to rub against me. I stayed still, allowing the intrusion and giving him permission to be that close to me. Over his shoulder, I saw a bear walking slowly toward us. He made it within three feet before Brandt jumped in front of me and let out a warning growl. It was Brennan…not only did I remember his scent but he also had the lightest fur of the entire clan. Brandt took a step toward his brother and tilted his head in challenge. Brennan sat back on his haunches and let out a sound reserved only for his brother. Brandt growled in return and Brennan let out a roar. A fight between two bear brothers.

I made a move to join Brandt’s side but he barked at me and ordered me to stand still. At least that was how my bear interpreted it. When Brennan finally backed down, Brandt turned his head and lightly nipped my ear. I was to follow. He made his way toward the fire and the carcass laying there. Only a few pieces remained, even the bones had been consumed by the clan. Brandt wanted me to partake. I refused but my bear was in control. She leaned forward and sniffed in the raw meat and familiar scent of her alpha. Crying up to the stars, she mourned the loss in her own way. Our heart broke all over again, her remembering the times as a grizzly and me remembering flashes of my human life with Blaze.

Brandt and another bear, Bo I realized, both nestled up beside me, one on each side as I cried. They didn’t join me in the noises but they did press their bodies against mine tight enough to calm us both down. Feeling exhausted, I lowered myself to the ground just inches from the remaining pieces of Blaze. Brandt nudged my chin again and looked at his father. He wanted me to eat, but I tried to fight my bear. This was Blaze, his flesh. His grizzly flesh. My brain couldn’t wrap itself around that but my bear didn’t think in the same way. To her, this was the way it was done—as simple as that.