Obsession (Forbidden #2) (18 page)

‘Jesus, Neal… You really think you know her, do you?’

I dig my hands into my pockets and take a step back, frowning slightly as I look at him. ‘I’m not doing this, Barry.’

‘Do you talk, hmm? You and Kira? Enough for you to
really
know her?’

I shake my head and back off towards the door. ‘Like I said, I’m not doing this,
you’re
not doing this.’

‘Neal…’

‘No, Barry, we’re done with this shit, OK? We’re gonna go out there and you’re gonna be polite and friendly to Kira, and you’re gonna let her know that you’re accepting her as the woman your brother wants to spend the rest of his life with.’

It’s his turn to frown, his face taking on a slightly confused expression as he looks at me. ‘The rest of your life…?’

‘The rest of my life, Barry. Because I’m not letting her go. And nothing you can say or do is gonna change that. So throw whatever the hell you got at me, knock yourself out.’ I hold my hands up and shake my head again. ‘It won’t work.’

‘She must really be something.’ His voice is lower, softer. But I still don’t think he gets it. He never will. I think Kira’s right. Nobody’s gonna get it.

It’s me and her against the world.

And that’s just fine by me.

Kira

She seems nice. Barry’s girlfriend. Pretty, smart, and she doesn’t appear to have looked down her nose at me once, which leads me to believe that either Barry hasn’t told her what I am – what I
used
to be – or she’s got a mind of her own. Or maybe she just doesn’t judge.

I look up as Neal strides back into the living room, and I frown as I notice his slightly agitated expression.

‘Excuse me,’ I say to Helen, gently touching her arm before I head over to him. He’s standing by the window, looking outside, dragging a hand backwards and forwards through his hair in an action verging on manic. I hesitate for the briefest of beats before I reach out and place a hand on his back, and I move so I’m standing right next to him. ‘Everything OK, baby?’ I rub his back, and I feel him relax into me slightly.

‘What are we doing here, Kira?’

A weary sigh accompanies that sentence, and my frown deepens. And then he looks over towards Helen and I feel something shift inside me, an uneasy feeling taking over. ‘What’s going on, Neal?’

I watch as Helen throws him a small, slightly nervous smile, her gaze leaving Neal’s only when Barry comes back into the room, and the second he whispers in her ear she turns away completely.

‘Neal?’

‘I can’t do this.’

I’m confused. I don’t know what’s happened, I have no clue what’s going on but as he takes my hand and drags me out of the room I don’t argue. And Barry doesn’t stop us from leaving, which makes me think they’ve had some kind of argument. Something’s happened, I know that much. I haven’t seen Neal this agitated since we were back in Newcastle, when I was still fighting this relationship; when he was trying to help me face up to what I was feeling. But there’s an edge to him tonight, like he’s holding himself back. From something. From
doing
something. And it’s not until we’re in the elevator that he finally stands still, and he looks at me, and I feel a pull so powerful it’s like a physical punch to the stomach.

‘You going to tell me what all that was about?’ I swallow hard as I stare back at him, but he just shakes his head and reaches out to cup my cheek, his eyes burning into mine.

‘Do you love me, Kira?’

He keeps asking me that, and I don’t know why. He knows I love him. Doesn’t he? Do I not tell him enough? Do I not
show
him enough? Whatever he needs me to do, I’ll do it, Jesus! I’ll do anything. I’d shift heaven and earth for this man if that’s what I have to do to show him what I really feel for him.

I nod, and his thumb lightly strokes my cheek, his eyes still boring into mine. ‘I need to hear you say it, darlin’. I need to hear you say the words.’

I back up against the elevator wall and rest my hand over his, our fingers threading together. ‘I love you.’

He smiles, and my stomach dips, and then he leans right into me and kisses me so softly, our bodies pressed together, and I melt into him. His fingers curl around mine, holding on tight and I love that we can be like this sometimes. That it doesn’t always have to be desperate and urgent.

‘Marry me, Kira.’

The words are out there, he said them, I felt him, his mouth was still resting against mine as he spoke. But they’re words that terrify me. I wasn’t expecting to hear them, wasn’t expecting him to do this. I just didn’t see this coming and I don’t want it. It’s too out-of-the-blue; it’s too soon. It’s too… I can’t. I don’t want this. I love him, I do. I love him. But I don’t want
this
.

I place a hand against his chest and gently push him back, just as the elevator doors open. And I start to walk away.

‘Kira!’

I keep walking, because that’s what I do, when I’m scared. When I don’t want to face something, I walk away. But he’s right there beside me, and his hand finds mine and swings me back around to face him. And his expression – yes, he’s confused, and he’s hurt, and I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t. That’s the last thing I want to do. But I don’t want to marry him either. That’s just – it’s too much.

‘Don’t, Neal.’

I look up into his eyes and a pain so real rips right through me.

‘Don’t what, Kira?’

‘Don’t do
this
.’

‘Marry me.’

I shake my head, and I try to pull my hand away but his grip’s too strong. ‘Please, Neal…’

‘Marry me.’

I shake my head again, slower this time, as though that’s going to make him take more notice of the fact I’m not comfortable with this. I know our relationship’s been on some kind of crazy fast-forward since the beginning, but this –
this
doesn’t feel right. And all of a sudden it’s like someone’s cruelly burst my perfect bubble and I can see reality fighting its way into my world.

‘Neal, please, don’t…’

‘I love you so much, Kira…’

I rest my hand against his cheek, and our eyes are locked, and he’s serious, he’s not playing, he’s not trying to mess with my head. He’s serious. And that scares the hell out of me. ‘I know you do, baby. I know. And I love you too, you know I do…’

‘Marry me.’

It’s like he’s telling me now, not asking. And there’s a tone of desperation in his voice that just seems to add another layer of fear to the ones already making their presence felt. ‘I can’t, Neal.’ My voice is nothing more than a whisper, I can’t raise it any higher. And I don’t want to be having this conversation here. I don’t want to be having this conversation at all. ‘Baby, please, don’t do this… Please don’t do this.’

I finally manage to pull my hand free of his, and for the first time since we got here, to New York, I feel like I need some space. I just need a little bit of time away from him, to get my head around this new mess of confusion that’s hit me from out of nowhere.

‘Go home, Neal. Please.’

I look at him, and his expression is something wavering between confusion and anger. ‘I’m not going anywhere without you, Kira.’

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I back up against the lobby wall, and I feel his fingers touch my cheek, brushing over my skin so gently I can’t stop the involuntary shiver.

‘I can’t lose you, Kira.’ His mouth is so close to my ear, his breath warm on my neck. ‘I can’t lose you, baby.’

My breath catches in my throat as his lips lightly skim my skin. He’s pulling me under, but I’m fighting it; this time. Or I’m trying to.

His hand slips into mine and it’s like I’m working on auto-pilot as I feel my fingers curl around his, and I throw my head back as his mouth moves to my shoulder, my stomach dipping low as his body presses against mine. But we’re still in the lobby, and under these circumstances; in this situation, this is just way too public. I’m too exposed, and right now I need the safety of the world I’m familiar with. I need to go there. I need to lock reality away until I can work out how to deal with it. ‘Neal, please. Stop this.’

He pulls back slightly, that confused expression refusing to leave his face. ‘Let’s go home, baby.’ He cups my cheek again and I rest my hand over his, bringing it to my mouth, and I kiss it gently.

‘I’m going to the club,’ I whisper.

‘Then I’m coming with you. You can’t just walk away from me, darlin, not after this.’

That’s exactly what I want to do. After weeks of nothing but wanting to be close to him I now suddenly want some space. Just an hour away from him, and then there’s every chance I’ll be back in his bed, and we’ll be fucking, just like we do every night. There’s every chance that’ll happen. I just need to get my head around
this
first, that’s all. But he isn’t going to leave it alone. He isn’t going to allow me that breathing space I need.

I’m still going to The Playroom.

And he’s probably going to come with me, whether I want him to or not, because I can’t really stop him.

He’s just asked me to marry him.

And there’s no doubt in my mind – I’m going to say no.

Seventeen

Neal

I didn’t know the words were gonna come out of my mouth, not until I said them; until I heard them. And then I saw the look on her face and it broke my fucking heart.

I pick up my tumbler of whiskey and swallow it down in one mouthful, looking around the packed club. Music’s thumping out of the many speakers we’ve concealed behind walls and pillars, and people are dancing and talking and over in the secluded corner section of the club they’re probably fucking, too. That’s what that area was designed for – fucking. Take part or watch, it’s entirely up to the individual. For those that want it more private there’s always the rooms at the back of the club. But public fucking, yeah... it’s a surprisingly popular fantasy. It’s one of mine. Now. Since I met Kira Blu, anyway – the woman who’s fucked-up my world and turned my entire freaking life into something unrecognisable and crazy and I know I can’t survive without her. I don’t want to.

I slide my empty tumbler across the bar for a refill, which arrives in seconds, and I knock that back in one, too, as my eyes scan the crowd for Kira. We arrived together, but the mood’s changed. She barely spoke to me all the way over here; since leaving Barry’s. Since I asked her to marry me. And now it feels as though she’s pulled those old barriers right back up again and that’s so fucking frustrating. But if she thinks I wasn’t serious when I asked her to marry me, she’s so wrong. So fucking wrong. I told Barry I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and at the time I hadn’t even thought about marriage. It wasn’t something I’d even contemplated, I mean, we aren’t doing this relationship the normal way, are we? It’s just not happening. And after Lisa… hell, marriage wasn’t even on the agenda. But now I know that’s exactly what I meant when I said those words to my brother. I want to marry Kira Blu. I can’t lose her. I need her, constantly. Forever. I can’t fucking breathe without her, so, yeah, I’m serious. I want to marry her, so fucking bad I can feel the need like a real, physical ache in the pit of my stomach.

I place my glass back down on the counter and bow my head, briefly, taking a second to gather my fucked-up thoughts before I raise my gaze and glance back out into the crowd. And she’s there now, over by the main stage, which is currently hosting a trio of blondes getting down and dirty with each other, but it’s doing nothing for me. The only woman I want is Kira.

She’s talking to Kandi-Ann, and my insides tangle into a tight knot, letting me know I’m still on the fence as to whether I’m really OK with that relationship, when I’m not there to keep an eye on things. They look so beautiful together, and knowing what they once were to each other, yeah, of course I’m still nervous, no matter what I try to tell myself. That’s why I need her to be mine, completely. In name. In body. I want her messed-up soul merged with mine for all fucking eternity. And yet, I still want to watch her fuck her friend. That’s part of who we are now. Our world is that twisted.

‘Hey, Louie, pass me that bottle of bourbon, will you?’

I take the three-quarter-full bottle and make my way down the corridor to my office.

Now I’m here, in that new, other world I feel strangely comfortable in, I’m starting to think straight again. Tonight, it’s made me realise a couple of things I think I was almost blind to before – my brother, he ain’t ever gonna get his head around what me and Kira have. He’s an enemy, on that score. And the one thing I thought I’d never want again is now the one thing I need more than anything.

Kira Blu.

My world.

My life.

My biggest fucking weakness…

Kira

‘If you’re looking for a shoulder to cry on…’

I watch as Kandi-Ann winds her long dark hair around her fingers, her eyes sending me all kinds of silent messages and I’m wavering now, as to whether I think Neal’s right about her staying here, in New York. And I know that the main reason he wants her to stay is a purely selfish one on his part – he likes to watch us together. I opened that Pandora’s Box when I gave him us as a birthday present, so I’m partly to blame. But as I look at her I know I only want to sleep with her because Neal’s confused me. It’s like I’m just throwing my toys out of the pram because everything’s shifted slightly from the familiar I’m now used to, to something more serious. Something I don’t want to have to deal with, so I’m acting like a spoilt child because this isn’t how I want things to be. I know all of that, so why can’t I stop myself?

Me and Neal, we were OK, before. We were good, with our twisted sex and sleepless nights. I don’t know why he had to say what he did, what he thinks that’s going to achieve. I don’t want to lose him either, but marriage? We still barely know each other. And I can’t marry him. For all kinds of reasons.

‘Hey, Kira… You listening to me, babe?’

I suddenly realise I’d drifted off there and I blink a few times as I quickly try and get my head together. ‘Sorry, I… did you say something?’

‘Do you want to talk?’

‘About what?’ I glance up at the main stage where three blonde girls are playing with each other, and I feel something stirring; that need to escape, just for a few minutes, into a safe and dirty world.

‘I don’t know,’ Kandi replies, and I turn to look at her, cocking my head slightly. ‘You just look as though you might need to…’

‘Come with me, come on.’ I grab her hand and drag her off down the corridor that leads to the private rooms, and as soon as I find one that’s unoccupied, I pull her inside and kick the door shut behind us, pushing her back against it.

‘Whoa there, Tiger! What’s got
you
all worked up?’

I smile, my breath ragged as I slip out of my dress and kick it aside, and she smiles, too. I guess she wasn’t expecting this. Well, neither was I, and it certainly wasn’t planned, but my head’s all over the place and I kind of need this to happen, no matter how wrong it might be. Besides, Neal told me he doesn’t care what I do to Kandi; what Kandi does to me. He doesn’t care. So it isn’t wrong at all, really. Is it?

I watch as she shimmies out of her thigh-skimming black dress and tiny panties, and I bite down on my lip as she beckons me to come closer. I press myself against her, our bodies moulding together as we kiss slowly, tongues entwining as the kiss becomes harder; a little more urgent. She doesn’t kiss like Neal. Neal’s kisses are warm and sensuous; deep and dirty. I love kissing him. I love kissing Kandi, too, but it’s different, kissing
her
. It’s different.

‘
I
want to fuck
you
, Kira,’ she whispers as she tangles her fingers in my hair, pulling my head back as her lips brush the base of my throat. ‘Let
me
fuck
you
.’

Does it make me weak? The fact I’m letting her take the lead when it was
me
who instigated this? Does it make me weak that I let Neal control me to the extent that he does? But I’m breaking that control now, aren’t I? By being here, doing this; by not giving in to him over something I’m still not entirely sure he means. I don’t think he realised what he was saying. He can’t. The whole idea’s crazy.

‘Kira?’

I nod, and she takes my hand and leads me over to the chair in the corner, gently pushing me down into it and she smiles, crouching down in her killer heels in front of me.

‘Now spread those beautiful legs for me, babe.’

I keep my eyes on her as I slowly open my legs, lifting them slightly so they hook over the arms of the chair.

‘Oh, girl, you know what you’re doing,’ she groans, reaching out to run her fingers along my slit, sliding in the wetness that’s dripping from me and I close my eyes and breathe in deep as she touches me. ‘Whatever you got going on in that head of yours, Kira, Kandi-Ann’s about to take you away from it all.’

I throw my head back and bury my fingers in my hair, keeping my eyes closed as she gently caresses my labia,
Jesus!
She knows just where –
 
just
how
to touch me. She’s giving me every reason why I turn to her when I need to escape. And then I feel her warm breath on my clit as her mouth closes in on me, her tongue searching and probing and I cry out in pure, utter pleasure because it feels so fucking good! But there’s also guilt gnawing away at me that I can’t shake. And I don’t know why; why am I feeling guilty? He said he didn’t care, what me and Kandi did – with each other;
to
each other. He said he didn’t care. But I want him to. I
want
him to care.

‘No, Kandi, stop. Please. Stop!’ She pulls away and I snap my legs shut. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you in here.’

‘You can bring me anywhere you like, babe. You know I’m always willing.’

I stand up and grab my dress from the floor, stepping back into it. ‘I’m messing you about. And that isn’t fair.’

She comes over to me and gently strokes my cheek with the back of her hand, and her smile is warm and reassuring and I kind of need that now. ‘Sweetheart, we’ve been messing each other about for years. It’s what we do.’ She leans in to kiss me and I close my eyes and accept the comfort she’s giving me. The comfort she always gives me. ‘Any time you need me, Kira. You know that. Any time.’

I return her smile and squeeze her hand, kissing her quickly one last time. ‘I’d better go.’

She nods, and I let go of her, making my way to the door without looking back. And I’m not two steps outside the room when I bump into Joey. Literally.

‘Jesus, Joey, you gave me a bloody fright!’

‘I gave
you
a fright? Do you
know
what’s going on out there in your club?’

I can’t help but smile at his somewhat flustered look. ‘When did you become such a prude, Joey Princess?’

‘I’m no prude, angel. I just have limits. Something you appear to have done away with.’

‘Did you come down here to nag me?’

‘Not intentionally.’

‘So, what
are
you doing down here?’

‘Looking for you.’

‘OK. I get that much. Why?’

He places a fist under his chin and cocks his head as he looks at me through slightly narrowed eyes.

‘What?’

‘You look guilty.’

‘Do I?’

My head snaps back as the door behind me opens and Kandi saunters out, trailing a surreptitious hand across my backside as she passes me, throwing a smile and a raise of her eyebrows at Joey before she heads off down the corridor back into the club. Joey then raises
his
eyebrows at
me
and purses his lips.

‘Were you in there, with her?’

The eyebrow raising shifts to me. ‘And that’s your business because…?’

‘Because we have no secrets, Kira. Remember?’

I look down. I can’t meet his eyes, and that
is
the guilt showing itself. He’s right. We never used to have secrets, or that’s what I led him to believe. Because I feel like I’m starting to stack them up now.

‘Kira?’

‘I need to find Neal.’

He grabs my arm as I try to walk past, swinging me back around to face him. ‘Blue Eyes can wait.’

‘What’s the matter, Joey?’

‘You and Neal – everything’s OK, isn’t it?’

I frown, because something just doesn’t feel right here. ‘Everything’s fine.’