Of Darkness and Crowns (28 page)

Caben

“I’
M GLAD I BUILT
this place,” I say to myself, propping my leg up on the cherry oak table in my den. “You have excellent taste, Caben.” Although, I wish I’d have found another location for my hideout during my…possession. My treehouse feels tainted now.

Lilly, graciously ignoring me talking to myself—as I still do at times, and to which I’m trying to overcome—grabs her transmitter and sits down on the couch opposite me. She’s been searching for new updates on Bale’s whereabouts for the past few days.

Possession
. I can barely think the word, otherwise voice it. Regardless of Kal’s acceptance, her declared forgiveness, I can’t forgive myself. For any of it.

Though everyone is tired of hearing my apologies, I’m sure. Ready to punch my face in at this point. Hell, I’m so ill at hearing my own, whiny voice, I want to punch my face. But something has to be done to account for all the damage I’ve caused.

Bax, for one, continues to give me suspicious looks, unable to accept my recovery back to this living plane. I don’t blame him. Though we’ve researched it some, delving into tombs of ancient magics, nothing comes close to explaining what Kal has done.

By all accounts, I should be a monster. Some creature of death who’s able to walk, breathe, and talk, but not think or reason. Not a fully functioning member of society—
almost
. I don’t think society is ready to have its banished prince back just yet.

But, according to some lore, if death is brought upon by
un
human means—such as Bale’s ascension—then the soul never actually leaves this plane. It becomes trapped. Able to be summoned and returned to a body. Otherwise, a natural human death cannot be reverted.

Somehow, I feel we’ve cheated fate. And I’m in debt to repay my existence—that should have ended the moment the trade for Bale’s was made. I believe we’ve yet to see the full extent of our consequences.

Although, if Kal had not performed her miracle, then I’d be a wandering spirit of sorts. A chill creeps over my skin just thinking of it. I’m not sure I understand or believe it all, but after everything we—
I
—have been through, how can I not?

And how Kal survived the full blast of mercury to her heart… I don’t know. We’ve debated and speculated, only to raise more questions. But what it does prove is clear: she was always Bale’s intended vessel. No other could’ve sustained the dark goddess—except one already harboring a part of her essence.

Even though I put up a decent fight—I try to console myself—only one protected by the goddesses, someone so strong and capable, could live with a pure, poisonous mineral pumping through her heart. I shake these thoughts from my head, earning a curious glance from Lilly, who quickly goes back to flipping through her transmitter feeds.

I’m nearly reflecting on everything again. Slicing open half-patched wounds and feeling myself slip into that dark place.

I know I saved her life—and she saved me right back—and that should be enough. But I’m haunted by what Kal’s lost in spite of it. She’s much stronger now, more powerful, though I believe terrified to test the full extent of her power, but she’s also more despondent. Especially when anyone broaches the subject. She needs time to heal and…adjust. That’s all.

For now, I’m choosing to put it behind me. Focus on what we have to accomplish. Which is more than any magics or supernatural powers can establish. Unfortunately.

“Gorgeous, yes. And at least it’s big enough, don’t you think?” Lena says, plopping down beside Lilly. Lena, on the other hand, has no reservations about reminding me how mad I still come across at times.

I smile wanly in her direction. In a matter of days, I’ve watched Lena and Kal’s interactions. I know something is wrong there, but I haven’t probed. I trust Kal to tell me when she’s ready.

Pressing my back into the cushion, I say, “I had somewhat of a complex in my younger years.” I shrug, and Lilly’s eyes go wide. “Not that kind of complex. Not a size issue…a father issue. Needing to assert my right to rule over something massive where I didn’t have any say in his kingdom.”

Both of them nod hesitantly, and I release a heavy breath. Women. I’m cursed to be surrounded by them, my only male accomplice who could get me out of the many fixes I find myself in is Bax. And he doesn’t count. He’s as likely to side with them over me.

Oh, and there’s Kaide. But I haven’t been able to speak with him much. He’s a loner. You’d think after our time spent together in the Cage we’d have formed somewhat of a kinship. But he seems a very devoted individual, only concerned about Kal’s wellbeing and finding his place in our new circumstance, where he’s no longer a member of an elite faction.

We’re traitors. Looked down upon and considered lower than the Otherworlders. They, according to both my and Kal’s countries, didn’t have a choice in their allegiance. But we did. And we chose to retaliate against direct orders that would have sentenced Kal to her death.

I’m including myself among the Nactue and Bax here, because even if I hadn’t been possessed by a deranged goddess, I’d have been right alongside them. Also, I’m eternally grateful for their disobedience. They saved my mother’s life. To which, someday, I will find a way to restore each of their reputations among their queen and country.

Only I first have to do the same for myself in order to see that goal through.

Until then, the least I can do is offer my home as a means of refuge for them.

Luckily, the only people who know of its isolated location that may pose a threat are Councilor Teagan, who tracked my haphazard trail through the forest—which at the time, was done so purposely to lead Kal to me—and Lake, who covered my haphazard trail, protecting its whereabouts, and who is now an integral part of our new mission.

Both of them are, astonishingly, members of our unique group of traitors. Most of my select detail of Otherworlders who I stationed here lost their lives during the final battle. The ones who survived were taken prisoner. We saw their capture as we darted past the time-altered scene out of the Otherworld.

Kal managed to wipe the Otherworlders’ minds of this place as we escaped. Claiming, their weak-mindedness made it simple enough. She’s even cloaked my treehouse so that Bale can’t easily locate it. And she states: all of these things are not a difficult feat. Not for her. Not now.

Again, I can’t comprehend how powerful she’s become. I wonder if the goddesses purposely restrained the power with that cybernetic clamp—if they never intended for it to be removed. But trying to understand why the goddesses
do
or
don’t do
anything is infuriatingly pointless.

I believe we’re better off far away from their influence.

Removing my injured leg from its aching position on the table, I try to get comfortable on the couch, wishing Lake were here to bring me a pillow—

I immediately stop my brain from heading in that direction. Some residual thoughts are still present—I think that’s to be expected—but I’ve done well to push most from my mind. Though I do truly miss Lake.

I admit, had anyone told me I’d befriend an Otherworlder during a bout of possession by the moon goddess of legend…I’d have decked them in the mouth. Then laughed. But Lake has become just that. Admitting his servitude to Bale ended the moment she left my being, he chose to keep serving me instead. He said he admired my will, and I told him I didn’t want his
servitude
, but friendship.

I know. How sentimental I’ve become. Only it’s the truth. I fear I will never be much of a leader—hardly a king—unable to lead anyone.

My thoughts drift away as the others enter the common room of the treehouse. Kaide, still wearing his Nactue uniform—only designed for a male; how strange. Whip, her leather circlet in place around her head, just like in the Cage. I shake my head.

Following them, Bax and Kal.

My heart stutters in my chest. No amount of time with her will ever make me immune to her consuming presence. And I sincerely hope not, because how could I ever fully recover my feelings for that woman? I owe her…everything.

She sits next to me, sliding her fingers through mine, her thumb caressing my ring, and it’s still such an odd sensation. The Nactue leader, the woman who could barely speak of her feelings, more than
touch
a man—other than to inflict pain on him—outright professing them in front of others. Openly displaying
us
.

I’ve come to know a different Kal over the past days. She’s still the stubborn, willful, completely insufferable idealist—but she’s also so vulnerable it startles me. She’s someone who doesn’t question her love for me. Who doesn’t try to downplay her emotions, claiming they’re due to our near death experiences. Something I assumed she’d do.

I’m not sure if it’s the newness of it all, or the extreme circumstance we’ve found ourselves in—I just don’t know. But we’re managing to accept each other. I only wish I could meet her expectations. Where I was once the cocky prince pushing her to give her affections over, I’m now the one pulling away.

Not completely, not for fear of commitment—I’m simply unable to look into her eyes without the deepest regret eating me alive. What I did to her… Even now, I want to disappear; shame at my thoughts and actions rising up like a solid plate of glass between us. The truth is: I can never fully trust myself around her again.

“Are you feeling better?” she asks, giving my hand a pump and then holding it tighter. Preventing me from releasing it, how I usually do before long. Again, I want to punch myself. Or maybe she should just go ahead and punch me one good time. I almost miss that about her.

But she sacrificed everything for me. And how do I repay her? With hesitancy.

Trying, I close both my hands around hers, bringing her closer. “Just needed to get off my leg for a while.” I smile, hoping I sound sincere. But the flash of uncertainty in her jade eyes reveals her concern, and her doubt.

“I wish you’d allow me to heal you,” she says.

She knows I won’t, though. I’ve already told her I can bear the pain; it’s only a torn tendon—though what I won’t voice is that I feel I deserve this pain and much more.

Bax taking his place at the head of the room draws her attention, and I release a pent-up breath. Someday soon, I’ll need to address my issues. I hate that she must feel my distance. I want so badly to explain it has nothing to do with her—it’s all my bullshit.

“Where’s Teagan?” he asks.

Kai enters the den and says, “I just took her to her room. Though I feel really…strange locking up one of our Council members.” She moves to sit next to Lilly.

“Former Council member,” Bax corrects. “She can’t be trusted. So until we figure out just what to do with her, best to keep her out of the know.” He clears his throat and presses his silver-ringed brows together. “I received a missive today from Lake. He’s made it into the compound.” His narrowed gaze travels over us, allowing this news to settle in. “From here on, we’ll have little communication with him. It would be too dangerous if he’s caught. For us all. We have to trust he’ll get us word when, and only if, Bale decides to spring her followers.”

“You know she will,” Lena cuts in. Her eyes widen as she glances between Kal and Bax. “Once she’s taken out the rulers of the Three Realms, I mean. She owes her underlings a debt, right?”

Bax huffs. “I doubt you can rely on the dark goddess to follow through with her promises.”

I feel Kal tense next to me. “She’ll see some of them through,” she says, and the room stills at her softly spoken yet assured words.

“Only those that serve her, my friend,” Bax says. Their gazes meet briefly, and something of an understanding passes between them. I tighten my hold on her hand, trying to offer reassurance. I feel I’m failing miserably.

Kal returns the pressure on my hand, and says, “Was Lake able to discover anything about Empress Iana and Julian’s efforts? Any idea as to what their plan of attack will be?”

Bax shakes his head. “Unfortunately, our new informant wasn’t able to get close enough during his capture. He maintains he was taken directly to the compound with the imprisoned Otherworlders—” Bax halts suddenly, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a letter. He skims it, then, “He did mention passing through the Perinyian Court. Giant walls have been erected, the people being brought inside the perimeter. I assume, then, their only tactic at this point is defense.”

This makes sense. After the number of losses both countries suffered during the war, it will take time to rebuild their forces. Only, Bale is unlikely to allow them that time to do so. From what I recall during the possession, Bale was anxious to exact her revenge on the world. On the people who worship the sisters who banished her.

Which doesn’t make sense why we’re still sitting here. Alive. Why the leaders still live, and countries remain intact. “What is she waiting for?” I hear myself say aloud before I’m able to clamp my mouth shut.

“Possibly recovering?” Kaide offers. “Kal was able to hurt her.”

Kal releases a clipped breath. “The little damage I inflicted… No. She healed quickly.” She bows her head, her long dark hair falling around her face to conceal it. I almost reach out to brush it aside, but clench the hand not linked with hers into a fist.

I feel the stare of every person in the room. I spent months with the moon goddess trapped inside me. They’re right; I should have some kind of answer as to what her next move will be—but would it help?

Releasing Kal’s hand to wrap my arm around her, I pull her against my side. Make sure I’m giving her some kind of comfort for my next admission. “She likes…games,” I say. I hear Kal’s breath grow shallow. “I believe she’s waiting until we present a great enough challenge for her. Something she can delight in destroying even further. For her, there would be little enjoyment in conquering too easily.”

While the others ponder this, I glimpse the silent woman beside me. And all I want to do is drop to my knees before her and beg her forgiveness for the hundredth time.

“This is nonsense,” Lena says, and all attention is directed toward her. “Kal is the damn goddesses’ weapon. Why haven’t the empress and the Councils come crawling back to her, pleading for her help?”