Of Darkness and Crowns (9 page)

Again Bax stares through the window. His silence is answer enough.

♦
10
♦

Kaliope

I
STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN
used to sleeping in Caben’s palace. Now, that doesn’t matter. My sleepless nights will be spent under the sky, the moon, tracking the Otherworlder’s. Tracking Caben.

As I fold another thin blanket, I push the unwanted thoughts aside. I know there was never going to be any use for my comfort here—I was never going to live anywhere near Perinya, the palace, or Caben. I knew this all those nights ago underground, when I was foolish enough to fall for a prince. And accepting his reciprocating affections as truth? It was enough to keep me going, living.

The cavern, with its tiny sparkling diamonds like stars, invades my mind. I quickly banish it. Pure, utter foolishness. Though if I’d been smart enough to consider reality, this present—the one where Prince Caben is possessed by a mad goddess—would’ve been the last thing I’d have dreamed up. I never could have conceived this
reality
in my darkest nightmares.

Taking one last glance around the spotless room, I suck in a breath, memorizing the scent of oleander, sage, and pine. Caben’s home—
Caben scent
. My chest twinges with a familiar ache, and I set my pack down near the foot of the bed.

I have no right to ask anyone to go with me on this mission. I wouldn’t risk any of the people I care about. Not even Lilly, though I feel like I might not be able to do this without her. Right now, I miss Willa so badly it’s difficult to breathe. And that’s why I can’t ask this of Lilly; I can’t lose her, too.

I’m sure the other Nactue, especially those recruited from the Reckoning, wouldn’t hesitate to join my side. Despite how they came to join us, they’re loyal to their cause. To me.

However, I won’t ever allow them to risk their lives. Not for my selfishness.

If I was half the Nactue any of them are, I’d have killed Caben when I had the chance. Duty first. No questions. You’d think the Perinyian Council would’ve put a harsh punishment on anyone disposing of their prince…but even they believe his cause is a hopeless one. That Caben is gone. Bale is their enemy, and that is now how they see their once beloved prince.

There’s only one person who I feel is right for me to ask. And it’s not so much that I need him, though I do. It’s more that I fear leaving him behind. Bax deserves to be treated better—he’s sacrificed everything, nearly his own family, to council both my country and Caben’s. He should be shown far more respect.

Decision firmly in place, I nod to myself, as if bolstering my resolve. Then I snap on my pack and head for the Nactue quarters.

Lilly and Lena are deep in battle. Clanks and grunts echo off the facility walls. The chandeliers glow dimly above, casting faint shadows along the gray floor mats. In the background, a soft tune guides Lilly and Lena in limber, dance-like movements, seeming almost orchestrated.

Frankly, we should be out there with the protectors. So I understand their pent-up energy and frustration, and the need to disperse some of it here in our gifted training facility.

Lena’s long ponytail whips her cheeks as she stabs her blunted practice sword toward Lilly’s waist. Always on guard, Lilly spins and blocks, then sends her knee into Lena’s side.

I won’t lie, it gives me a sick thrill to watch Lilly fighting Lena. And winning. I still haven’t made peace with the events that happened during the Reckoning, when Lena took Van’s life. I know, somewhere in the rational depths of my mind, that Lena had little choice. None of us had much of a choice in the unspeakable things we did down there. But there’s this nagging, evil voice that bubbles up at times. It tells me that unlike the rest of us, Lena secretly enjoyed killing Van—one of our former Nactue. And I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her completely.

In my mind, Lena could have easily been the one to take Willa’s life. Had she been the one chosen to go up against Willa instead of Dash.

Which makes it even more difficult to watch Lilly and Lena now. Lilly having loved Willa deeply. They were more than friends. More than lovers. They were the closest thing I’ll ever allow myself to believe in soul mates.

I don’t understand how
she
can forgive Lena for taking one of beloved faction members.

I drop my pack near my feet and lean against the wall, watching their match. A pang hits my chest, remembering Lilly, Willa, and I spending afternoons just like this before we were promoted to the Nactue. It seems like a lifetime ago—I feel so removed from that girl with dreams of becoming the empress’s personal guard.

“Watch your back,” Lena shouts.

Lilly’s head snaps sideways for two seconds before Lena’s sword tip cuts her movement short, stopping at her throat.

A prickling sensation swims down my chest to my gut, and I leap forward. Lilly’s breaths are coming in pants as she stares down the blade toward Lena. My own sword is drawn and crashing into Lena’s before Lilly is able to say a word, her mouth left forming a single syllable.

Then, “Shit…Kal!” Lilly falls backward out of the way as I advance on Lena.

Lena meets each of my attacks, her feet taking her farther out of my reach, but I stay on top of her movements. “What—?” she bites out, blocking another quick blow. “What is wrong with you?” Then she steps on my toes, eliciting an angered cry from me, and whacks my blade sideways. She sends the pommel into the side of my head.

“Lena, stop!” I hear Lilly’s hurried footsteps against the mat, but I’m already recovered from the knock and glaring up at Lena.

She raises her thin eyebrows. My fist connects with her cheek.

An eternal moment passes where the only sound is the reverberating
thwack
of my punch bouncing around the room.

Lena palms the side of her face as she stares blankly at the floor. “I guess I had that coming.”

I pump my hand near my thigh, relishing the pulsing ache. The adrenaline is still climbing, egging me on to finish Lena, but when I glance at Lilly’s startled expression, shame helps soothe the need to fight.

Sheathing my sword, I step back, and Lilly moves to Lena’s side. She reaches out, taking Lena’s face between her hands. “Let me see…”

I expect Lena to jerk away, claim she’s fine, as tough and as stubborn as I’ve always seen Tagger’s once vicious assassin. But she turns into Lilly’s hold. “Don’t make a fuss.”

Anger explodes white-hot in my vision. How can Lena ever believe that Lilly would choose her wellbeing over her best friend’s? I’m about to address that, when Lilly’s glare halts my words.

“We should talk,” Lilly says, then turns her attention back to Lena. She inspects Lena’s reddening cheek, her fingers caressing her skin.

And that’s when I see it. I glance back and forth between them. My mouth opens, trying to form the words stuck in my throat. Shock closes around my neck like a noose, chocking me off.

“Maybe I should talk to her,” Lena says, but Lilly shakes her head.

“I’ll meet you later.” Lilly runs her fingers through Lena’s side-swept bangs, and places a kiss near her mouth.

I grip the hilt of my sword so tightly I can feel my increasing heart rate in my palm. My pulse races as fast as the thoughts circling my head. Cutting Lena down right here. Severing her head—like I should have done that day in the Cage.

Before my mind allows me one clear thought, Lena nods to Lilly, making brief eye contact with me, then heads toward the weapon’s wall. I watch her hang the practice sword as Lilly moves closer to my side. Lena shuts off the music before leaving.

The sudden silence is louder than my thoughts.

“I know what you’re thinking, Kal,” she says.

Closing my eyes, I pry my fingers one-by-one from the hilt. “No. You do not know.” I turn toward her. “You don’t want to know what I’m thinking.”

She thumbs each of her fingers, cracking her knuckles. And I know she’s been dreading this conversation. “I wanted to tell you before…”

“How long?”

Crossing her arms over her chest, she shrugs. “Does that matter? Will it change the opinion you’ve already formed?”

I scoff. “Sure. How long after Van’s body was cold in the ground before you were moving on to her killer?” I shrug, mocking her. “A month. A week. A full
day
? Or maybe even before Lena snapped Willa’s neck—”

Pain explodes across my face as Lilly’s palm meets my cheek.

I lick my lips, savoring the sting. It gives a very real, physical weight to the emotional turmoil raging within.

“You just said
Willa
.” Lilly’s lips are trembling, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “I’ll forgive you for that only because I know how this threw you. Finding out in this way. And because you love Willa. But if you ever question
my
love for her again, we’re not sisters.”

Something inside me snaps, and my fury for Lena gives way to Lilly’s heartache. I hesitantly fold my arms around her shoulders, and she allows me to bring her into an embrace. “I’m sorry, Lills…I didn’t mean—it just came out.” I comb her red locks with my fingers, feeling her body shiver. “I know you love Willa still. And I swear I didn’t mean that slip.”

“I know,” she says, sucking in a sob. “I understand, Kal. But you have to put this behind you. Lena did not kill Willa.”

“She killed Van, Lilly. One of ours.”

Lilly pulls her head back to look at me, and her face crumples. “She had no choice. I cared for Van, too. But it’s not the same, and you know it.”

Breathing deeply, centering my thoughts, I say, “I get that…but you’re still distraught. Lena has no right to take advantage of you this way. I can’t let her—”

She backs out of my hold, her brows press together. “She’s
not
.” She shakes her head, further separating us. “Do you really think so lowly of me? That I’m so naive?”

Again, I’m struggling to find the right words. She’s displaying every emotion—shifting from hot to cold, one extreme to the other. And I’d just been so relieved, wondering what or
who
had changed her for the better. But now I’m not so sure her happy, carefree moments
are
for the better if Lena’s the one behind them. Lilly hasn’t had time to fully grieve Willa’s loss. Which only amplifies my anger toward Lena all the more.

“I can’t make you see this clearly from my perspective.” I step away from her, deciding, regretfully, that I don’t have time to delve into this matter to the extent that’s needed.

“You think you’re the only one who comprehends love, now? That you’re suddenly the expert?” Lilly swipes a tear from her face. “Everyone is tiptoeing around you since Caben. And I am sorry, Kal. I know that it was hard for you. Not just losing him like you did, but giving yourself over to a man at all—after what happened to you.” Her gaze shifts away from mine for a second. “But Lena has been here for me…and we’re…happy. She understands me. I care for her.”

I feel my resentment for my father bubbling up, and resentment toward Lilly for calling me out on it. Then suddenly her words hit me like a blow. I haven’t been there for her. I’ve been so consumed with finding Caben, with the war—it’s my fault. I pushed her right into Lena’s arms.

“This”—I wave my hand toward her and then motion to where Lena just left—“has nothing to do with me and
my
issues. Don’t throw them into the ring just to shadow what’s really wrong here.” I hold back the angry tears. “I’m sorry for what I just said. And I’m sorry that I haven’t been fully here for you, Lills. I wish things were different. I wish Willa were still here, and I wish—” I break off, pressing my lips together hard. “All I can say is I’m sorry. But you deserve better. I hope you realize that soon.”

I turn my back on her and start for the door. I can’t begin to comprehend how her and Lena… No. I can’t handle that on top of everything else. Some issues will just have to wait.

“You’re going after him, aren’t you.”

It’s not a question, and she’s really not wanting the answer. She only wants me to know that she’s figured it out. I didn’t want to leave Lilly this way. With hurtful things said between us. She’s still my closest friend.