Of Gods and Wolves (18 page)

“
Vervain?”

“
Hmmm?”

“
Vervain.”

“
What?” I groaned and rolled over in bed to squint at the crack of light shining from the door.

“
Miss V, we've been calling you for days and you haven't picked up the phone,” a disembodied voice said.

“
I'm busy, go away,” I burrowed back into the warm blankets.

“
Uh-uh, shu-ug,” it persisted. “You're getting up.”

Something tore my blankets from me, so I opened my eyes and blinked till I was able to make out Jackson's face framed by the bed's opening. Tristan was standing behind him, peeping over his shoulder with a frown. Part of me thought I should be angry at the rude awakening but I couldn't muster up the feeling. I just huffed and closed my eyes. I could make do without the blankets.

“Vervain Lavine!” Jackson shouted and I sat upright in shock. “Get out of this bed, this instant!”

“
Alright, alright,” I grumbled as I crawled out the opening. “You don't have to get so snappy about it.”

“
What's wrong with her?” I heard Tristan whisper.

“
I don't know,” Jackson looked me up and down critically.

“
I think I might,” a gruff voice came from behind Tristan. The boys parted to let Trevor through. “I never thought of the consequences. I'm so sorry, Minn Elska,” he whispered as he touched my face with his fingertips. “All I wanted was to save you the pain.”

“
What did you do?” I wasn't even curious, it just seemed to be my part of the script.

“
I used our connection to take away your pain,” Trevor's perfect forehead was creased with thick lines. I poked at them distractedly and he took my hand. “But you're still human and I didn't realize it would have a different effect on you. Instead of me feeling your pain for you, I've been taking all your emotions. You don't feel anything, do you?”

“
Nope,” I shrugged.

“
Well you can just put them back then,” Tristan had a hand on his hip. “And how the hell did you do that anyway? Is this one of those god things?”

“
Yes, and I will put them back but I'd like to try to prepare her first,” Trevor pushed me gently down on the edge of the bed. “Minn Elska, you've had three days of total emotional silence. When I give you back your feelings, it's going to be a shock. I want you to just focus on my face and hold onto me if you need to. Okay?”

“
Okay,” I didn't see what the big deal was.

Then they hit.

It was like coming out of a coma in the middle of an amusement park. The world was suddenly a whirling, screaming, sticky-sweet, musky, kaleidoscope of colors, sounds, scents, and tastes. Without my feelings my senses had been dulled, so it was the physical things I noticed first. Everything was sharper, brighter. I could see flecks of green in Trevor's honey-eyes. I could hear his uneven breathing like a rushing wind. My nose filled with his spicy musk and my tongue curled in distaste over three days worth of bad breath. I really needed to brush my teeth.

Before I could get up to go to the bathroom, the emotions hit. The baddest of the bad hit first. I screamed and fell against Trevor. His arms were strong around me, his hands stroking my hair, and he was muttering soft things into my ear.

I could barely breathe, the pain was so intense. Could a heart explode from sorrow? Mine felt like it had but I knew it was still there, still beating, because I could hear the pounding in my ears. No wait, that was Trevor's heartbeat, maybe my heart really was just a pile of mush.

Another bout hit and I screamed again. There were more hands on me, more soothing voices, and slowly they seeped through. I let out a shaky breath as the pain receded and I was able to think again. But like the ocean against the shore, my emotions kept hitting me in waves.

Next was anger and my Nahual responded to it, if the snarl that came from my lips was any indication. Trevor went still against me but it wasn't him I was angry at. It wasn't for anyone really, it was just mine. Pent up in Trevor for so long, my anger had finally come home and it was reveling in the freedom. My muscles tensed, my teeth clenched, and my nails dug into my palms.

Thankfully, control came in right on its heels and I was able to wrestle my anger down to the floor. Didn't know control was an emotion? Think about how you feel when some idiot driver nearly hits you on the freeway and then speeds off without even realizing it. You control the urge to chase them down and run them off the road but it costs you. That rolling, sour, clenching is the feeling of control.

I welcomed it though. I needed it to get through the rest of the onslaught of emotions pouring from Trevor into me.  Fear was next and I went from near murderous rage to cowering in a corner of the bed. Trevor held the boys back when they would have chased me. He knew on an instinctual level, to never approach the cornered victim. He let me have my space and just continued to coach me gently.

“
Keep breathing, Minn Elska,” he urged. “It will pass. There's nothing to be afraid of. Your friends are here, your mate is here. We love you and we won't let anything bad happen to you.”

My breath was coming in fast pants and my attention shot from one man to the next rapidly as I tried to keep them each in my sight. Then my pulse started to slow and a faint glimmer of hope started to sparkle through. My heart still hurt but I knew it was mending. I knew I'd make it through this pain. There would be much more life for me to live and maybe someone wonderful to live it with. I looked at Trevor with new eyes.

I would have reached for him, crawled over to him, but the next emotion to come home was doubt and if there was one thing doubt was good at, it was smashing hope to bits. I shrank back into the corner but Trevor sensed the difference and pursued me this time. He took my face in his hands and met my suspicious gaze.

“
Stay with me, Minn Elska,” his eyes were spilling tears. “I've lived with these emotions for three days now. I know how rough they are but you're stronger, you're tougher. You're going to be just fine.”

“
You'll leave just like the rest,” I whispered the accusation but it cut the silence to the quick. “You might as well do it now. I don't need you and I don't want to.”

“
No,” he smiled patiently. “I will never leave you. I'm your mate. You have a part of my soul inside you.” He held his hand over my chest and I felt the wolf rise inside me to greet him. “I will be your solace, your foundation, your safety net, anything you need me to be, and I will always be here for you. That's what it means to be a mate.”

Doubt fled under the light of conviction in Trevor's eyes and relief poured in. I crumpled into his arms and he caught me, my self-proclaimed safety net. I cried and he held me as the softer emotions returned and I became whole again. At some point, I heard the boys say goodbye and I mumbled a response back but the emotional journey didn't let up till the witching hour. By the time I could fully feel again, I was completely exhausted. Trevor and I slept curled around each other, like the true mates he wanted us to be.

I woke up starving. The bed was warm, the pillow beside me had a head shaped dent in it, but Trevor was gone. I was unsure whether I was relieved or not by his absence. I settled on relieved as I made my way to the kitchen and began rooting through my fridge.

I jerked back, startled by the realization that I hadn't eaten in three days. When Trevor had taken my feelings away, he'd truly made me apathetic over everything, including food. It was amazing I'd managed to stay hydrated. Then again, hunger pains go away but when you're dehydrated, you feel the pain constantly.

Why had he done it? I took out the eggs and started heating a pan as I considered things. Did he truly think he was protecting me by taking my pain? Anyone with any sense in their head would know you have to work through your issues, not hide from them. Hiding from things only winds up causing more trouble in the end.

I threw some bacon into the pan and soon the smell was filling the kitchen. A meow alerted me to Nick's presence and I remembered what else I'd been neglecting for the past three days. At least he had an automatic feeder and water dish from when I used to go hunting alone. He also had a cat door so he wasn't stuck inside but still, I had forgotten about Nick and that just doesn't happen. I broke off a piece of bacon and held it out as a peace offering to the cat.

“
Sorry, baby,” I scratched his ears as he gobbled the crispy meat while purring loudly. “I swear it wasn't my fault this time.” He seemed satisfied, beginning a thorough cleaning of himself after he was done, so I went back to finishing my own meal preparations.

My emotions were my own again and in normal proportions but normal at the moment was heartbroken. So as much as I appreciated getting back to myself, I resented the burning ache in my chest that said clearly, I wasn't over Thor. I guess it was too much to hope for, that within the mess of losing my emotions and then getting them back with interest, I'd somehow manage to dull the Thor heartache.

Thor. What a stupid name. What was Odin thinking? It rhymed with bore, and snore, and gore. Thor, Thor, Thor. I repeated it, hoping it would stop making sense and just be a meaningless sound but it didn't work. Each repetition only brought a thump of pain. Stupid pain. Stupid man.

I saw his face again, harsh in anger. I'd never thought I'd see him look at me like that. Even knowing the why of it all didn't help. It almost made it worse to know he valued his guilt more than our love. The way we had loved had been thunderous, literally. Sparks would fly, again literally. It was the most fantastic sex I'd ever had and he was the most fantastic man I'd ever met.

He'd been so patient and understanding through the mess with Trevor, sticking by me when most men would have bailed. He was the one who'd shown me that there were still good gods who cared about humanity and who would fight for us instead of making us fight each other. I loved him and I thought he'd felt the same. He'd told me he waited two years to be with me. He said he loved me. No matter what. Men are all fucking liars. At least I wasn't bitter though.

I was sitting at the dining table, staring down at my food, and I had no idea how I'd got there. I shook my head free of thoughts of Thor and decided not to pine. I had no choice in the ending of our relationship so it was only fair that if anyone should pine, it should be him. I refused to pay the price for his actions. Yes, he ended us but that didn't mean it was the end of me. Vervain Lavine was still here and I was still the Godhunter. A hungry Godhunter who still hadn't had her breakfast. I started to eat with zeal.

I tried to focus on all the things I didn't like about Thor, as I ate. He was overbearing, domineering, and could just plain be an ass. I should be grateful I wouldn't have to deal with his crap anymore. I'd never have to explain where I'd gone off to while he was sleeping in. I'd never have to fight with him over my life being too dangerous for his tastes. I'd never get to see the lightning flashing in his eyes when he made love to me.

Tears were sliding down my cheeks and I swiped at them vigorously. No, this wouldn't do. If he could harden his heart against me, I could pay him back in kind. I'd become that cold-hearted woman I'd glimpsed in the mirror the day I left him. It would probably make killing gods easier. Yeah, I could do this. I was the Godhunter, a ruthless, killing machine, and if that didn't work, I could go drink him away for free at Moonshine.

Moonshine was packed, if you'll excuse the pun. At least I didn't have to wait in line. The Froekn at the door spotted me right away and ushered me past the long line of gussied up patrons. He started to escort me to the VIP lounge upstairs but I stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“I'm just gonna grab a drink at the bar,” I smiled my thanks.

“
Of course, Rouva,” he did a quick head bow and went back to door duty.

I slid through the crowd and made my way to the bar. The Froekn bartender nearly dropped the Jack he was pouring, when he spotted me. Actually, I think his name
was
Jack, no Jason, that's right. I smiled and waved and he smiled back, finishing the drink without mishap. He laid it on the bar, took the cash, and quickly came over as he ignored the shouts of other patrons.

“
Rouva, what are you doing down here, fighting your way to a drink, when you could be up there?” He waved toward the VIP area.

“
I wanted to get lost in the crowd tonight,” I shrugged. “How are you liking your new job, Jason?”

“
I love it actually,” he beamed. “I get to interact with people without them screaming in terror. It's kinda nice.”

“
Good for you,” I laughed.

“
Now, what can I get you?”

“
A Long Island please.”

“
Coming right up,” he worked his magic and a tall glass appeared in front of me, brimming with alcoholic goodness.

“
Thanks,” I saluted him with the drink and turned to face the club.

Trevor had hung paper lanterns in the trees. They made soft islands of light for people to congregate in, while making the unlit areas seem darker by comparison, more intimate. There were also fantastical statues in the trees. Little imps, elves, and mini dragons clung to branches next to more mundane animals as they peered down at the club goers. It was Wonderland and the reference to my favorite book, reminded me of the conversation I'd had with Thor about the stars in Asgard. I shook my head free of thoughts of him and went back to perusing the scenery.

The dance floor was full but it was hard to tell where it ended, what with the trees breaking it up and the way people just danced wherever they felt like it. Overall, the atmosphere was sensual but classy. The women were dressed to the nines, the men polished. Word must have got out that you had to make an impression to get in. Trevor was doing well.

“
Hello, Vervain,” came from beside me.

Great gorgeous vampire god, I knew that velvet voice. Sure enough, I turned to see Blue standing next to me. I smiled and shook my head as I leaned in to give him a hug.

“What are you doing here?” I just couldn't see Blue deciding to go hang at Moonshine for an evening.

“
I felt something amiss through our link,” he shrugged. “What's happened to cause such strange fluctuations in your feelings? First it was almost as if you were gone completely, I felt so little from you, then your emotions seemed to go into overdrive. I nearly fell out of my chair.”

“
I'm so sorry, Blue,” I pretended calm as I inwardly freaked out. “I thought I'd blocked our link.”

“
You did,” he frowned, “but when you established a new link with your magic, things began to trickle through... mainly emotions.”

“
Oh crap,” I took a long swallow of my drink.

“
Why don't we sit down?” He gestured to a grassy couch off to the side and I followed him over. “Now tell me what happened.”

I told him and he stared at me with his mouth hanging open. I was still getting used to his green eyes, so I ended up staring too. We just sat there looking at each other, each wrapped up in our own thoughts, until Trevor walked up.

“Vervain?” Trevor looked back and forth between me and Blue. “Jason just told me you were here. Wouldn't you be more comfortable upstairs?”

“
No thanks,” I felt the pull on my wolf immediately.

Yes, I'd made the little part of Trevor mine but even combined with me, she still knew her source and constantly longed for her other half. It was kind of irritating. I just wanted to get good and drunk, forget about things for awhile, and here was Trevor, literally under my skin and in my face. So maybe I shouldn't have come to Moonshine if I didn't want to see Trevor but I hadn't really known I didn't want to see him until I saw him. Great, now I wasn't even making sense to myself.

“Uh, okay,” he frowned like he could hear my internal insanity. “Well, I'll be in my office if you need me. I can drive you home later if you get too tipsy.”

“
Thanks, I'll be fine.”

“
Alright,” he walked away stiffly.

“
I think you hurt the Wolf Prince's feelings,” Blue raised an amused brow.

“
I just want a little breathing room, you know?” I sighed. “I just broke up with Thor and people are all in my face about picking someone new. I need to be alone for a little while. It's totally normal to not jump into a new relationship.”

“
Yes,” Blue stroked the tip of his Aztec nose, “but I'm told nothing gets you over the last, like getting under the next.”

“
Holy shit,” I choked, “you
so
did not just say that to me.”

“
I did,” he grinned, very proud of his modern joke.

Blue was one of those older gods who was still assimilating into the new times. I found the odd mix of old world manners and modern style to be charming but I was still trying to get him up to speed. If for no other reason than having him understand my jokes. A joke is ruined if you have to explain it.

“You're learning,” I patted his knee. “Good for you.”

“
Vervain,” he looked over to where Trevor was lingering at the bar. “What are you going to do about that one?”

“
Nothing,” I followed his gaze and Trevor looked up as soon as I did. I looked back to Blue. “I'm five days out of the most traumatic relationship of my life. I can't make any decisions right now. Maybe I should have stayed home.”

“
I don't know about that,” Blue grimaced, “but you might have at least picked a different social outlet.”

“
I know but it's safe here for me. I can get wasted without worrying and I get my drinks for free.”

“
For free?” Blue laughed, “Being Trevor's mate has its perks. Maybe I should date a werewolf.”

“
Being half owner has its perks,” I waggled my brows, “and as far as dating a werewolf goes, I can tell you they're some of the most vibrant, loving people you'll ever meet. You could do much worse than falling for a wolf girl.”

“
Hmmm,” he looked around at the Froekn waitresses with new interest. “Before I embark into the wonderful world of the Froekn, maybe you'd consent to a dance? All we've done together, and I've never danced with you.”

“
How could I say no to that?” I smiled and stood.

He took my hand and I expected him to lead me to the dance floor. He didn't. He pulled me gently to him right there, one hand slipping around my waist and the other holding my hand properly. I smiled at his old-fashioned style but the smile didn't last. It slipped slowly away as he started to move with grace and more sensuality than I was prepared for.

The small space between us was a deception. It made me think: safe, polite; when it was anything but. The space between us wasn't empty, it was filled with tension. It was a tease. His hand at my waist controlled my movement, holding me back as he rocked his hips forward, pulling me in as he swayed back. A slight brush against my leg left me gasping, wanting more.

I was suddenly glad he'd kept us in the relative privacy of the treeline. If I was with him amidst the crowd, I would have been horrified. Then again, the shadows made the dance even more intimate. I felt like a married woman out meeting her lover in a secret garden. Our dancing, a type of foreplay that would start a scandal in public.

“Little witch,” he whispered his old pet name for me as he closed the distance with a lean. “You look flushed.”

He swung me out and when he pulled me in, my back was pressed to his front. His lips were against my neck, silencing anything more he might say. I knew what he was thinking about though. Not Thor's lightning mark but the scar below it. The bite he'd given me on an altar, once upon a dream, when he was a different man.

I shivered beneath his mouth and felt him shake in response. His arms were around my waist, his head lowered so his hair fell in a shining curtain to hide his face. Not like I could have seen his expression anyway, since my eyes were closed tight.

I felt him breathe deep, then lift his face and swing me away. My heart was pounding fast when we returned to the teasing stance. The space between us was smaller, both of us having difficulty keeping even that tiny amount open. His eyes were muted in the dark, the green of damp moss, calling me to just lay down and close my eyes. But it was a fairy bed and I knew I'd be lost as soon as I touched the softness.

“Blue,” I whispered. “It's too soon.”

“
I know,” he smiled and looked up at a spot over my shoulder. “And our dance is over.” He brought my hand up for a kiss before he led me the few steps back to our seats. Then  something caught his attention and he chuckled, breaking the spell. “I guess you're not the only one who thinks so highly of the Froekn.”

I followed his gaze to the dance floor, where Odin's Valkyries were paired up with Froekn partners. I wasn't surprised. The Froekn loved to dance and the warrior women rarely had such exuberant partners. Wait, Valkyries. Where there were Viking fighting babes, there was Odin. I looked around cautiously.

“The fighter babes dig werewolves,” I said distractedly as I searched the crowds. I really didn't want to see Thor's Daddy tonight. I couldn't handle the one-eyed-wonder in my fragile state.

“
Oh, there's Odin,” Blue spotted him first. “I think he's coming over. You know, this club is a good idea for your side. Keep all the gods partying and they won't have any time to plot against humans.”

“
Uh, I have to use the restroom,” I stood up and downed my drink. “Will you excuse me?”

“
Of course,” Blue stood as well and took my empty glass, before I hurried away.

Downing a Long Island iced tea is never a good idea. My vision swam for a second before it righted itself, and my legs were wobbly as I pushed against the swinging door to the ladies room. I squinted in the bright light, a total shocker after the dim club. Then I frowned as the sound of a woman crying carried out of a stall. Oh well, none of my business. It's not like I haven't been there myself recently.

I went into a stall on the end and the crying stopped, toilet tissue spinning off the roll. I tried to mind my business as I took care of it in my own stall, then went to wash up. Samantha, one of the Froekn waitresses, came out of the stall with puffy eyes and a red nose. Crap, this
was
my business.

Her eyes widened as she saw me. “Oh. Greetings, Rouva. I didn't know you were here tonight.”

“Hey, Sam,” I wet a paper napkin and held it out to her. “Here, cold water helps.”

“
Thanks,” she started to pat her face, transferring her attention to the mirror. “I'm sorry you had to see this.”

“
Honey, never apologize when you're feeling bad,” I smiled. “It's the one time you can do whatever you want and people have to give you a break about it.”

She looked over at my reflection and smiled back. “You're right, fuck em all. I think I'll just go home.”

“Oh no, you're not. I'm assuming this has to do with a man?” She nodded, so I turned her to face me and took the towel away. I carefully wiped away her running makeup, then pulled out my powder and lipstick. “You're going to fix your face and then we're going to Nashville.”

“
Nashville?” She was supremely confused. “You want to trace over to Tennessee?”

“
No,” I laughed. “I meant Nashville, Waikiki, the country bar. Looks like we both need to get the hell out of Dodge and find us some sweet talkin' cowboys.”

“
Okay,” she grinned and went to work on her make-up.