Off The Clock: First Responders, Book 1 (7 page)

Now he had a chance and he didn’t want to ruin it. She was too important for that, too special. He was smart enough to know that she was overwhelmed right now with adjusting to parenthood. Not just being a parent, but a single parent. Now it was Carly who needed time, and he’d give it to her. He stuck the spoon in his mouth, trying to divert his thoughts.

But it was no use. It was why he’d stayed away the last few times he’d mowed her grass. He knew what he wanted. And it was too important to push. Not now.

“What are you thinking, Mr. Serious?” Carly opened her eyes. “It looks as though you’re pondering the world’s problems.”

Not the world’s, just his. He needed to take it slowly. He’d known Carly for so long that the idea of wooing her seemed funny. It also gave him a kind of strange, jumped-up feeling. Some might call it anticipation. He wanted her so much he ached. But it wasn’t a matter of slaking his thirst for her and letting go. It wasn’t anticipation. Gabe called it being scared to death of screwing up.

“Not much.”

She laughed a little. “It has to be something. You need to lighten up.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You could start with why you’ve been avoiding me.”

He put down his gelato cup. “I haven’t.”

Nathan’s eyes had opened and Carly rocked the carrier seat lightly with her foot. “Sure you have. You haven’t even stopped in to say hello lately.”

“I was busy,” he said, knowing it sounded like a paltry excuse. Maybe he had been avoiding her, but only because he wanted to be with her, not the opposite. But how could he possibly explain that without putting any pressure on her?

“It doesn’t matter. I know I’m not the best company these days. I always end up with something on my shirt and my house generally looks like a tornado blew through it. Who knew one tiny baby could cause so much havoc?”

Even with mystery stains and messy hair she was the most beautiful woman he knew. And again he bit his tongue, knowing his compliment would be unwelcome. “You think I stayed away because of some spit-up and dust bunnies?” He crossed his ankle over his knee and put an arm along the back of the bench. “Believe me, that’s not the reason.”

“Then what is?”

Why had he responded at all? Now she was neatly boxing him in to a genuine answer and he wasn’t sure what to say. He looked out over the fields below them and watched an eagle catch a draft of wind, gliding on the current. Maybe the truth was best.

“To give you space.”

“Space?”

“You said it yourself, Carly. You have enough to deal with without me hanging around. I know how much the divorce must have hurt you. I know this isn’t how you expected your life to be. You’re adjusting to a lot. I wanted to give you room to do that. A little yard work—that’s just my way of giving a little helping hand to a friend. No strings.”

It sounded perfectly reasonable when he put it that way, didn’t it? And it was a complete and utter lie. What he knew for sure was that if he’d gone in to see her—again—he’d end up kissing her. Wanting to take her to bed. And probably ruining everything in the process.

A helping hand to a friend
. That was exactly what she wanted, right? So why did those words make her feel so empty? He was completely right. She did want space and time and she wasn’t interested in leaping into some romantic affair. Especially not with Gabe. Gabe was too important. With Gabe she stood the risk of losing a friend, not just a lover.

“I didn’t mean you couldn’t stop in. Just that…” she faltered, wondering how to put the conflicting feelings into words that made sense. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to. Like you owe me something. I don’t expect you to look after my yard. I just want you to be my friend. We’ve always been friends. I don’t want that to change.”

“And it won’t. You’re very hung up on this obligation thing, aren’t you?” When she didn’t answer, he went on. “I did it because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.”

So he’d said. And even in the years when contact between their families had remained minimal, Carly had known that if she’d needed anything, she just had to pick up the phone because that was the kind of man Gabe was. Reliable. Kind.

Smart. Sexy. Capable.

How could she be so determined to kick the idea of romance to the curb when she still wanted Gabe so badly? She sat beside him and felt just like she had when she was sixteen, wanting to slide her hand over close to his and see if he would take it. Feeling a breathlessness every time he looked in her eyes. She could still feel the shape of his mouth against hers when he’d kissed her in the hospital and she wanted him to do it again, only longer this time. Because he wanted to. Not because of any special circumstances or high-intensity moments. Just because he wanted to kiss her.

She sighed, frustrated with herself. Did she have any idea what she wanted? Besides, Gabe had turned away from her twice already. How long before she took the hint?

But he was here now, wasn’t he? And the way he was looking at her…his gaze dropped to her lips…

“We should get going,” she whispered, wanting to kiss him but afraid of looking like a fool again. Afraid of breaking this tenuous balancing act they seemed to be perfecting lately.

She put her purse over her shoulder and tucked the blanket around Nathan, whose lids were drooping drowsily again from the rocking motion of his seat. Without asking, Gabe picked up the carrier and took it to the car, fastening it in the back seat before getting in on the passenger side.

The drive to his house only took minutes, but with the silence hovering between them it felt much longer. She pulled into his driveway, noting the neat shrubs and trimmed grass. The grey Cape-Cod-style home was nestled on a large lot, with a double garage attached to one side and a view of the Basin. He’d built a new front porch, the lumber still fresh and yellow. For a brief second, Carly could picture a playhouse and swing set in the backyard, an abandoned bicycle on the path leading to the front door. Did Gabe want children? He’d never said. She couldn’t even remember him dating over the years. Had he? Or perhaps the gossip hadn’t ever reached her. She should know these things about him, she realized. He wasn’t the only one to blame for letting the gap between them widen.

“Do you want to come in?”

His invitation came as a surprise. Did she? Nathan was truly awake now and beginning to squirm—he was probably hungry. She remembered the last time he’d needed to be fed when Gabe was around and she felt her cheeks flare. “I probably should go home. Nathan will be need to be fed, and…”

She didn’t finish the sentence, and Gabe’s dark gaze was firmly fixed on her face. She sucked in her lower lip, hit with such a wave of longing it nearly stole her breath. Gabe was, she realized, her standard. He always had been. What were they establishing here? A friendship? How could she jeopardize that with romantic notions? Especially now, when she felt the need for a friend so much?

“I should get him home and fed and bathed. Another time, maybe.”

Gabe got out of the car and shut the door, leaning on the open window with his elbows. “I’ll hold you to that,” he said softly. “Let me make you dinner. This weekend.”

Nerves bubbled through Carly. This wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment thing. It felt like setting up a date. “This weekend?” she parroted.

“I’m off on Saturday night. I’ll make pasta. Give you the grand tour.” He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners in a way she couldn’t resist.

“I’d like that, Gabe.”

His smile widened. “Great. Come by around seven.”

He walked up the driveway to his house and Carly took a moment to admire the view of Gabe in faded jeans. Lord help her. Maybe they were establishing a friendship, but the warmth of his eyes when he issued the invitation made it feel distinctly like a date. What would she wear? Could she even fit into her favorite jeans again? What if something happened? There were parts of her that were still obviously not back to pre-pregnancy state…

He turned and waved and she put the car in reverse. Now she was getting ahead of herself. Nothing would happen. Just because she couldn’t stop thinking about him didn’t mean they were on the edge of a torrid affair. It took two the last time she remembered. It had been a while but not
that
long ago.

She shook her head as she headed home. It was time she took her head out of the clouds and kept herself firmly rooted in reality. Because if she wasn’t careful, Gabe Brenner would be capable of breaking her heart, and she wasn’t sure it could take another disappointment.

Chapter Six

At five minutes to seven, Carly drove into Gabe’s yard. The days were long now, but the sunlight seemed to take on a mellow quality as shadows slowly lengthened. Gabe came out on the verandah and Carly pressed a hand to her stomach at the sight of him there. This was definitely feeling like a date—even if she had brought Nathan along. Something about Gabe made her insides curl deliciously.

He met her as she opened her car door. She stepped out as he held it open and smiled. “Right on time,” he said, and something electric shimmered between them. Carly couldn’t tell if it was real or if it was simply a product of her own active imagination.

“I’m a teacher. Big on punctuality.” She grinned up at him, determined to keep things easy. If he knew the direction of her thoughts it would only be awkward.

“Good, because I’m hungry,” he replied. “You get Nathan and I’ll bring the diaper bag.”

Carly had to fight against the sensation of how utterly right it all seemed…her baby in her arms and Gabe ahead of her, the blue-and-white-striped diaper bag over his shoulder. He opened the front door and she stepped inside.

Gabe’s house was cozy and inviting and rich with the scent of tomato and spices. Carly pushed off her shoes at the door and followed him in her stocking feet, her movements noiseless on the tile.

The foyer was painted a warm terra cotta, the rich color highlighting beige ceramic tile. The hue was repeated in the rooms flanking the hall, except the flooring was oak hardwood polished to a sheen. One room held a desk, computer and a reading chair, while the other remained vacant. Carly thought it could be a gorgeous dining room if it had any furniture. “I’m building a buffet and hutch for this room,” Gabe said, stepping inside. “Work on it has slowed down a bit since spring arrived. I find myself in the yard more often than not.”

She pictured him working with his hands, sanding down furniture, smelling like sawdust and wood stain. The mental image made her mouth go dry and she turned away from the empty dining room. But the damage was done. She was seeing possibilities—and not only in the furniture department. “And this is the kitchen and family room.”

She forced herself to continue the tour, walking along behind him. The kitchen had the same tile as the hallway, but the oak-stained cupboards matched the rich hardwood flooring in the family room. A big-screen television and leather sofa and chair gave a masculine look, but the room was softened by a gorgeous gas fireplace and carved wood mantle. French doors opened off the dining area between the two rooms, leading to a large back deck and the grassy expanse of lawn beyond.

This was a home crying out for a family. For laughter and arguments around the table, for cozy movie nights with hot buttered popcorn and snowy afternoons with fresh-baked cookies. This was a house that felt like all the things she’d thought her own life would be—and in the middle of it stood Gabe, the man she wanted so much it hurt and the one person still capable of breaking her heart.

Gabe put the bag on a chair and smiled. “Looks like the champ is awake.” Nathan had his fist in his mouth and his bright eyes were big as buttons.

“This time of night he’s always fractious,” Carly replied. If anything could cool her jets it was the constant interference that Nathan would provide. “He seems to get fussy and feed constantly until I’m ready to scream. And then just at the moment I’m going stir crazy, he decides he’s had enough and goes to sleep. He’s only waking once in the night now,” she continued, adjusting Nathan’s weight on her arm.

“I thought you looked more rested,” Gabe said, going to the butcher block and taking out a loaf of crusty bread. He began slicing it and putting the pieces in a basket he’d lined with a napkin.

“No more spit stains and wild hair?” Carly replied, embarrassed.

“Maybe.” His eyes seemed to glow at her. “There’s a twinkle in your eye that was missing before.”

A twinkle put there from being with him. It was true she’d paid more attention than usual to her appearance tonight. Her jeans were a little more snug than she liked and she’d worried about the neckline of her blouse since her cleavage had deepened. But she’d put on makeup and a dot of perfume just the same.

Nathan started to fuss and after a moment or two of Carly trying to tempt him with a rattle, she gave up. “I’m sorry,” she said, unhappy things were starting off on the wrong foot. “I’d hoped we’d be able to eat before he got tuned up.”

“No worries. Everything will keep. I planned it that way.”

“You did?”

“Baked penne and chicken. I can hold it for a while. Let me show you the spare room. You’ll have some privacy there and I’ll finish up the salad.”

Carly marveled at the novelty of a man cooking for her as well as his easy understanding at having to wait. She followed him upstairs to a wonderful spare room decorated in sage green and tan. It was totally calming as early evening sun warmed the room with muted light. With any luck Nathan would forget his normal hour of fussiness and she could feed him and then enjoy her meal.

“This is perfect,” she said quietly, moving into the room and then turning to see Gabe standing in the doorway. He nearly filled the space with his tall, strong frame and she wet her lips without thinking.

“Just let me know if you need anything,” he answered, and turned to leave.

You
, she wanted to say, but couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. Things were different tonight. It couldn’t be just her. A lot of the strain between them was gone, but replaced by a different sort of tension. Had he meant for it to happen this way?