Offensive Behavior (Sidelined #1) (13 page)

He was
an asshole for making her talk about this stuff. “No, it’s the truth. All of us
dance at Lucky’s because we’re too scared to apply to a better club, not
willing to embrace the sex industry any further than we already do. We’re half
pregnant, like you said.”

“Go
back to when you retired. What were you doing while you were growing tits and
hips?”

“I was
lost. I lived gymnastics and a chance at a gold medal from the age of five. When
it didn’t happen I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’m still working it out.”

He clacked
his teeth together, glass stalled halfway to his mouth. “You were Olympic
standard?”

“I made
the team.”

“That
would mean you went to—”

She
shook her head and chased a few cold grains of rice around her plate with her
fork. “I didn’t go. I don’t want to talk about this. Your turn.”

“Were
you injured? That has to be the huge risk.”

“Your
turn. It’s enough to know I didn’t get to go.”

“Why
didn’t you go? If it wasn’t an injury, what—?”

She
stood up, the stool squeaking on the floor. “Lunch was great. Want to fuck?”

“Zarley.”

“Come
on, you know that’s what you want.”

“I know
we have fucking great sexual chemistry.” He scrubbed his face with both hands
and exhaled in frustration. “But I’m trying to learn this people thing and
you’re annoyed because I got in your face about dancing and the end of your sporting
career.”

“You don’t
approve of my dancing.”

“I
never said that. I wonder why you’re not a coach or an official in the gymnastics
world.”

“That wasn’t
an option.”

“Why
not?”

“Fuck
off, Reid.”

“I made
you angry?”

“That’s
a question? No kidding, you’re not good at people.”

“I’ve
put you off our thing, haven’t I?”

“We
have a sex thing and I’m not ready for it to be a thing where you judge me, or
railroad me, refused to listen to me or talk over me to get what you—”

“I am.”

He
interrupted her. Unbelievable. “That kind of stuff was my life. Every coach I
had. I don’t need it, or want it, anymore and certainly not from a man I’m
having a thing with.”

“I want
us to be more than a thing.”

She
sighed. “You’re high on the sex, in love with the sex, and I’m the sex. That’s
great, but it’s not more. You admitted you were confused. I can be your first. Your
hot wild time, but I can’t be your girlfriend.”

“Why
not?”

Why
not, why not? God, she liked him enough, even when he was being an arrogant
ass. She’d mastered arrogant ass in her teens, every coach, every official, the
occasional host family parent, and maybe their backgrounds weren’t so far apart.
But he lived in a very different world and had complication stamped on his
forehead, and what exactly did they have after she’d finished his sexual
initiation?

He came
out from behind the counter. “I was sacked because I was a disruptive
influence.” He stood in front of her, his tension clear in the line of his
shoulders. “I stressed people out. I was a morale problem. The reason we had
trouble keeping staff.” He didn’t break eye contact and he looked at her, daring
her to. “I was disrespectful and overly aggressive and constantly humiliated and
belittled people. It wasn’t intentional, but that’s how it was. There was a
sexual harassment suit against me.”

He
sighed, one hand flapping at his side in a helpless gesture. “I can’t do the
people stuff, Zarley. Is it any wonder I stayed away from women? And you’d
think, given the uber-smart guy status, I’d have learned.” He tapped his chest,
over his tattoo. “I was given enough chances.” His throat worked, his jaw was
tight. This was his humiliation. “I was sacked because I was slowly grinding
the business I founded and loved my whole adult life into the ground.”

She
stepped forward so she could stand toe to toe with him, because that’s what the
truth deserved. He wasn’t such a stranger anymore.

He was
the oddest mix of arrogance and uncertainty. A go it alone guy who was
desperate to connect and smart enough to see his own ineptitude was screwing
him over, but not confident enough to fix things. He was living two thirds of
his tattoo and none the wiser.

“I got
pregnant at eighteen. I had a boyfriend, Dalton. We’d been lovers secretly since
we were sixteen. I thought we’d be together for the rest of our lives. We were
careful and I was on birth control and I’d rarely ovulated anyway, so it
shouldn’t have happened. I was booted off the team during the trials in
disgrace.” She pushed her hands through her damp hair, it was full of tangles
she hadn’t properly brushed out, like her life.

“Then I
miscarried. My whole town was banking on me being an Olympic champion. Every
year there was a fundraiser to help pay for my coaching until I went pro and
got sponsors. I should’ve been a medal contender, a golden girl, instead I was
a failure, a pregnant slut and a disappointment to everyone in my world.”

He
reached for her. “Jesus Christ, Zarley.” He didn’t try to maul her or smother
her. He went for her hands and simply folded them in his, his eyes never
leaving hers.

“I
don’t talk to my parents, my brother. I don’t go home. I haven’t been home for
five years. Dalton joined the army. His father pushed him into it. He lost his
foot in an accident during a training operation. And as far as everyone is
concerned that’s on me too, because he should never have joined up.” Reid
didn’t flinch. He didn’t shift. He didn’t waver his eye contact or let go her
hands, not even when she was blinking away tears.

“Dalton
got bitter and I got stupid. I had no idea how to live without the rigors of
training and there was no place for me in the gymnastics world. I had no other
skills and no way of getting a scholarship or paying for college without asking
my parents, and I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. I worked as a cashier, a shelf
stocker. I delivered singing telegrams. I drank and did drugs. I had a lot of
sex with a lot of men, and lived up to my potential as a loser.”

She
took a ragged breath. These were all of her secret pains and she gave them to
Reid because he’d given her his. “And then twelve months ago I stopped doing
all that. No more random hook-ups, no more drink, no more drugs. I enrolled in business
at SF State. If I can hold it all together for a couple of years I might get to
make something of my life. I got the job at Lucky’s because it pays better than
the other crappy jobs, and I can attend school during the day. I bummed around
for four years, Reid, and I still don’t have it all together. I can be the girl
you have spectacular sex with, but I’m not the girl you want to have more
with.”

He
jerked her hands so she was forced to bump against him. He had a severe look on
his face, as though he might start yelling. “I’m buying that second stool.”

“Did
you listen to anything I said? You looked like you listened but—” He stopped
her mouth with a kiss. It was hard and pinched and wondrous in its intensity.

“We’re
having a thing and it’s bigger than this weekend. That’s what I heard,” he
said. “Now take me to bed and let’s do the one where we break something.”

THIRTEEN

They did the one where they fell on each other, kissed till they
were breathless and crawled all over each other’s bodies finding ways with
hands and lips and tongues, to fill the room with their moans and whimpers, to
fill the voids in their lives with hope and pleasure.

Reid
couldn’t tell who was leading and who was following, only that he didn’t want it
ever to end, not this day in his bed, or this thing with Zarley.

What
she’d gone through topped his drama, what she still had to do to find her place
in the world was so much harder than it would be for him. She was starting at
the bottom with the kimchi smells, student loans and the need for bus fare. He
felt fiercely protective of her, in awe of her bravery and desperately
uncertain about what she might need from him, what he had to give.

He
didn’t know being a boyfriend from reading a wireframe.

She
engineered their first orgasms; he gave her the second, asking and receiving
instructions on how to use his tongue, what to do with his fingers, intent on
topping the class and ruining the teacher.

She
taught him to vary the pace and the pressure, to curl his fingers, stroke and
tug, to suck and blow and nibble, and she thrashed beneath him until she came
shaking and sobbing the tears she’d tried earlier to blink away. He couldn’t do
people but he knew that’s what was happening to her, grief, regret, release, and
when she curled into his embrace he held her, his chest tight with other emotions
he couldn’t name and fear he’d do or say something stupid to send her away.

And
that included being insensitive and doing nothing.

“I’m
glad you told me.”

“Why?”

Stomped.
Reid rested his hand over Zarley’s sacrum, thumb to the dimple. Why was he
glad? Glad she’d told him about the way her life derailed, how was that a thing
to be glad about? “It’s important to you.” That was a dodge and he knew it. She
didn’t respond. “I’m not glad it happened to you. It was a shitty way to end
your career and your affair and Jesus, did you want a baby?”

She was
silent a long time. Long enough for him to assume he’d have been better off
asking for another lesson than pretending he knew what to say.

“I
didn’t know I was pregnant, but I was sick all the time and the team doctor did
a bunch of blood tests and that’s how I learned it, with my coach, Costin, in
the room. They thought it was glandular fever. Costin had no choice but to boot
me off the team. He’d gone out on a limb to keep me because I was the oldest and
there was pressure to let a younger gymnast go instead of me. I’d have been five
months pregnant when the games started. I think he was even more disappointed in
me than my family. It hurt his career. And it was impossible to keep it secret.
When the Olympic team loses a medal hope everyone wants to know why and no one
was kind. Not to me, not to Costin, or Dalton. We didn’t want a baby, not then,
but we’d have loved it.”

He
smoothed his hand over her hip, spreading his fingers on her belly. It was hard
to imagine what she’d look like pregnant, her stomach was concave. Her life had
been cratered by the life she’d carried. He had to know. “Dalton. Is he still around?”

“I
loved Dalton. I’ll always love him. But we’re not in each other’s lives
anymore. We tried again. I’d moved here to live with Cara. He’d been medically
discharged. We both had new bodies and we thought we could be together again,
but it was different, too much,” she sighed and it had an ancient sound to it. “Too
much had changed. Neither of us were who we had been.”

“I’m
sorry.” He’d said that a lot to people in the last year. He’d never meant it
like he did now. She lifted her head from his chest to look at him, no sign of
the tears she’d sobbed. She was the fearless Lux once again, and he was simply
her latest conquest. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you told me.”

“Because
it helps you understand how broken I am that I choose to dance for men to throw
money?”

That
stung. “No, no, because I understand why you dance, why you want to fly. It’s not
only for the money and the scheduling. It’s because you get to defy gravity again.”

She
nodded. “You’re not completely useless at people stuff.”

“I’m
trying.”

For
Zarley he was trying. For Zarley he wanted to be better at it in a way that professionally
he’d never understood the need. At work people should be tough, it wasn’t
personal, it was business, it was serious. When he’d criticized or been
demanding, it was about the job. When he lost his temper or was unaccommodating
it was about performance. But people brought their feelings to work and
feelings got in the way of doing good work, but not in his bed.

In his
bed, feelings were the job and he was sorely under-skilled.

She
pulled on his earlobe. “I’ve had worse.”

“I want
to learn how to be better at knowing what to say, how to say it. Not
intimidating people.” He put his lips to her forehead. “I don’t intimidate you.
Why?”

“There
are no wimps in the gym. Wimps get hurt, they don’t win. I trained to be a
winner. No, you don’t intimidate me. And I won’t stand for any crap.”

He’d
seen and heard the evidence of that. “What does intimidate you?” Not drunks in
alleyways, not men too sick to stand up on their own.

“Nothing.
No wait, failing at this. Failing to make a decent life for myself now that my
head is screwed on again. That terrifies me more than any competition I faced. It’s
not a game for glory, it’s my future and it’s very different to the one I
thought I’d have. No place for me in the gymnastics world, no sponsorships, no
endorsements. I was out, cold turkey.

“One
day I was perfecting the salto sequence for my floor routine and the next I was
homeless, jobless, friendless and sick. I lost a lot of time feeling sorry for
myself. At my lowest point I considered becoming a cam girl, simulating lap
dances and stripping from my own bedroom.” She propped herself on his chest. “I
can’t afford to screw up again.” She had a fierce look in her eyes. “I can’t
afford to get involved with people who distract me.” He was under no illusion
that’s how she saw him. “I know how to focus on goals and I’ve got my focus on.”
She kissed his jaw and pulled back again. “This thing we have is a little side
excursion. You don’t have to worry about me because we had sex.”

But
what if he wanted to. He’d never so much as cared for a pet, let alone another
human apart from Mom. Sure he had Owen, Dev and Sarina, and yes, Kuch too, but
their primary relationship had been about work, and now he wasn’t at work, he
didn’t know what he was supposed to do to be just a friend. And worse, he was
hiding behind the contract clause that banned him from talking to them about
Plus.

“What
intimidates you, Reid?”

He
laughed. Was she in his head? “Women.” Zarley.

She
poked him in the ribs.

“That I
can’t learn. That I’m too rigid, that I’ll continue to think of it as suffering
fools when I should be, I don’t know. Sarina says it’s my job to help the fools
see things more clearly without letting on I think they’re idiots, and that
even kings kept fools around for a reason.”

“Sarina
is a girl you never had over for breakfast or lunch.”

He
nodded. “She’s a girl I went to college with. She runs HR.” The idea of Sarina
being the kind of girl he’d want to kiss was ludicrous. She was one of the guys.

“She’s
right.”

“I
didn’t think so and I lost my company over it. That’s never happening again.”

“So I
can trust you won’t show up at Lucky’s and drink yourself into another
hangover.”

“I’m
done with that. I’m not sure what comes next, but I’m done with wallowing.”

“You’re
doing better than me. I wallowed for years, punished myself for losing
everything I’d dreamed about, everything my family, Costin, my whole town
expected to happen, and I still don’t know what comes next.” She kissed his
chest. She was done with that conversation. “Though I’m wondering about your
bath.”

“It’s
big.”

“I
noticed.” Her hand strayed down his stomach and he tensed, and she teased,
passing it over his hipbone. “It would take both of us.”

“I
guess. I’ve never used it.”

She sat
and looked down at him. “You’ve never used that gorgeous big bath. You might as
well be living in a tent.”

“Didn’t
seem to be any point.”

She did
the teasing move with her hand again. “Can you see the point now?”

“Bath
sex. That wasn’t on the list.”

“Call
it a bonus special.”

They
fooled around while the bath filled and then they soaked in it, wrapped in each
other. The sex when it happened was slippery and playful and showed off
Zarley’s flexibility. She did things with her body he didn’t know a body was
capable of and he thought he’d seen all her moves on the pole. Seeing how
flexible, how much control she had made him ache for her.

She had
him sweating for it, sloshing water on the floor and moaning like a dying cow. He’d
have sold himself into slavery for her or willingly drowned to have her at his lips
and his cock and his heart like this every bath time.

Half
in, half out of the water, poised above him like a demon mermaid who might as
easily strangle him as fall asleep in his arms, she was captivating. “You’re a
dream. A dream I never had.”

“You
have me.”

For
now. But she was slick and knowing and he was floundering, out of his depth in
unchartered waters.

“I
could love you for this bath alone.”

He was
lost in her, in the secret world she had the key for and even with his own map,
drawn from new experience, he knew he’d never have this time again with someone
else. He needed to find a way to hold her for longer than a time-out.

He
ordered pizza for dinner and they ate on the floor that could’ve done with a
rug, in front of the TV. Then they went to Lordran for a pilgrimage out of the Undead
Asylum to discover the fate of the Undead. Zarley spend a lot of time in hollow
form and it pissed her off to be ghostly.

“Why
can’t I get to the bonfire and heal like you do?”

“Because
I’m boss,” he said, trying to stop a beast from barbecuing him.

“Ya,
no, no. Oww. That bird thing with the pointy beak just carried me away.”

She
wrenched the controller out of his hand and the beast flamed him. “Great, now
I’m dead.”

“You
said this was easy.”

Totally,
not. One of the hardest games there is. “Yup. Easy.”

“Did
Sarina happen to mention you’re an incredibly bad liar.” She had and that was
part of his problem. Apparently sometimes it was polite to skirt around the
truth, and keep the peace, but he’d never mastered the act. He scored as a
grand master manipulator, but he stank as a liar.

“We
don’t have to play.” He fumbled about for the remote. “We can watch a movie.”

She got
in his face. “We’re playing and we’re having an extra little wager on the side.
If you win, you win me. I’ll give you any sexual fantasy you want tonight.”

How
many times in one day was she going to set off a charge in his brain? He
stroked a finger over her cheek. “If you win?”

“If I
win.” She closed her eyes and he waited on her decision, it might as well have
been life or death. “If I win, you give me my sexual fantasy.”

“Kinky ninja
rodeo sex I have no idea about.” If he won, his only fantasy was to wake up
with her.

She
laughed. It was a last laugh kind of laugh and it put a shiver up his spine. “You
at my feet while I dance. It’s your job to entice me to strip. You have to
outbid every other man there.”

He felt
his eyes bug. “I thought you couldn’t strip at Lucky’s.”

“I
didn’t say it had to be at Lucky’s.”

“Holy
fuck. If I lose, you strip for me, publicly, like in a kinky way. If I win, I
win you, doing whatever sex magic thing I want tonight. Let me repeat that,
whatever I want.”

She nodded.

“I need
to teach you how to negotiate, you’re shit at it. I win no matter what
happens.”

“You
think? I keep the money and I don’t strip cheap. I’ve never stripped, so you
can imagine the kind of stake it might take.”

“I did
tell you I was loaded.”

“But
you need to think about a payoff in some unspecified future, or in about an
hour’s time.” She shoved the controller at him. “Play to win, Reid, because
fantasies don’t come cheap, but they could come tonight.”

He’d
played this game hundreds of times but he’d never played it sitting beside a
woman who’d made him hard while she negotiated terms that would make him harder.
There was no justice in that. He had her beat in fifteen minutes but she didn’t
know it yet, so he played it out another fifteen while he tried to construct a
fantasy that was less lame than asking her to let him curl around her and fall
asleep beside her again.