Olivia (33 page)

“
Why?”

“
Because it’s so late.”

“
No, um... why wasn’t he home
earlier? What time is it anyway?”

“
It’s a little after one, and I
don’t really know the details,” Matty admits. “But it appears he’s
in no shape to drive.”

“
Did they fight?” I sit up
suddenly, grabbing my phone to call Jon. My uncle laughs and takes
the phone out of my hands.

“
Livvy, from what I understand,
your dad and Jon had a talk, and then Jacks went to Steven’s
apartment to...
decompress
, if you will.
And they drank. A lot.”

“
Jon too?”

“
Wake up, Little Liv!” he says.
“No, of course not Jon. Just Jacks and Stevie.”

“
That’s great. Dad deals with Jon’s
alcoholic mother by becoming one himself. Super,” I say
sarcastically, lying back down. “Did you talk to
Kaydra?”

“
Yes, she called.”

“
Did she say how it went? Did Dad
tell her?”

“
She didn’t know,” he says. “She
didn’t get the feeling it went as well as he would have
liked.”

I’m suddenly wide awake. “I wonder what happened.”
My uncle shakes his head. “Should I call Jon, do you think?”

“
It’s late, Livvy. He had a bad
night, and if he’s asleep, you should let him be. You can call him
in the morning.”

“
What if he told Dad to break up
with me?” I ask, panicked.

“
I think Jon’s a little more
respectful than that, hon, don’t you think? Plus, he’s not going to
break up with you over this.”

“
But I know it bothers him. A
lot
.”

“
I know. Let’s just say if your dad
and Jon couldn’t come to some sort of a resolution, I bet you and
Jon can. You’ve got your little girly ways...” he teases
me.

I roll my eyes. “I don’t get to use those, if you’re
referring to what I think you’re referring to. We never get to be
alone anymore.”

“
What about Saturday nights? You’re
always alone then.”

“
Alone at a restaurant. Or at the
movies, or at the park. Alone with hundreds of other people.
There’s nowhere we can actually be alone.”

“
Probably by design,” Matty
concedes. “I’m sorry, Liv. I wish I could help. I’d suggest the
car–”

“
You’ve been in that car. We might
as well be in an old-fashioned phone booth... with a gear shift
sticking out in between us.”

“
You’re sure that’s a gear
shift?”

I feel my face blush at his crude insinuation, but
laugh at the thought. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“
How does it make you feel? To not
have that time with him?”

“
What do you mean?”

“
Well, is it by design on
your
end, too? Are you kind of relieved? I
know it can be a little scary–”

“
No, I want to be with him again,
Matty. He’s very... loving. And careful, and sweet. I mean, he’s
those things normally, but it’s as if he anticipates what I need,
and makes sure that I have everything I want... and I don’t know
how to explain, but I’m compelled to do the same for him. I love
him. Sometimes I think I’d do anything for him.”

“
That is a side effect of love,”
Matty says, his voice longing. “Would you give all of this up for
him?” he asks.

“
All of what?”

“
Your money? The support you get
from your parents?”

I think long and hard about my uncle’s question...
too long, apparently, because my uncle gets up to leave me with my
thoughts. I stop him before he makes it out of my room, though.

“
I love him so much,” I tell
Matty.

“
Who?”

“
Jon,” I answer. “I do. But I don’t
think I would do that for him.” Matty turns around and smiles.
“It’s not the money. If Dad lost everything tomorrow, it’d be hard,
but I think I have everything I need to be happy without it. My
parents, my brother, my extended family...
you
... my close friends... even my art. But I wouldn’t
turn my back on Mom and Dad. They didn’t turn their backs on me.
I’d never do that to them.

“
I really hope I never have to make
that choice, though.”

“
That may be what he’s asking for,”
Matty says cautiously. I frown, having realized this fact earlier
in the night. I just want to continue to ignore the
possibility.

“
I really hope he would never make
me choose. Surely he wouldn’t,” I half-mumble, remembering the
fight he’d had with my father.
He knows I hate
ultimatums.
Surely he wouldn’t.

“
Me, too, Little Liv.” He comes
back in and gives me a hug, kissing my cheek as he embraces me.
“But I know you’d make the right choice, if he did. And you’d be
just fine. Better than fine, even.”

“
Thanks, Matty.” I try to call Jon,
against my uncle’s suggestion, but as I suspected, he doesn’t
answer. Feeling helpless, I try to sleep.

I don’t feel as if any time has passed when my dad
comes into my room the next morning.

“
Livvy?” he whispers.

“
Yeah, Dad?” I come out of my sleep
easily and sit up in bed, flicking on the lamp on the night stand.
My clock shows it’s five-thirty.

“
I’m sorry to wake you before your
alarm, but I wanted to talk to you before school.”

“
No, it’s fine. You okay?” I ask
him cautiously. “When did you get home?”

“
I just walked in,” he says. “I
haven’t even seen your mom yet. How are you?”

“
Tired,” I tell him with a slight
chuckle. “I didn’t sleep too well.”

“
Did you talk to Jon last night?” I
shake my head, and notice how quickly his eyes leave
mine.

“
What happened?”

“
Livvy, I’m just not sure that Jon
can accept this,” he says simply. “He asked me to stay out of his
family business...” He looks up at me to continue. “I told him that
as long as you were a part of his life, that I’d be around, too.
I’m sorry, Livvy, but I can’t turn my back on–”

“
Dad,” I stop him. “Don’t
apologize.
I
won’t apologize.” A sad
realization takes hold of me, but I straighten my posture and steel
my resolve. “Is he breaking up with me?”

“
I don’t know, Liv,” he says, but
once more, he looks away. “I almost think a little break might be
just what you need.”

“
Dad, no!” I exclaim. “If I’d known
you felt like that, I’d never let you ‘handle it’ last night. I
don’t want that,” I cry. “He’s not the reason why I’ve stopped
painting, Dad. He’s not.”

“
Then what is it?” he
asks.

“
Granna, Dad. It’s Granna,” I say,
choked up. “I was doing her portrait before we left for Lexi’s
wedding. I was just starting it when she–” The tears take over, and
I can’t talk anymore.

“
Tessa, shhh,” he says, hugging me
and trying to comfort me.

“
I... can’t... finish... it,” I say
between sobs. “And I can’t start anything else,” I say in one
breath, continuing my outburst.

“
Livvy,” he says softly, stroking
my hair. “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“
Because I wanted to be able to do
it, Dad. I’ve never not finished one. She wouldn’t want me to leave
it unfinished, you know that.”

“
Sweetie, I think even she would
forgive this one.”

“
I don’t think so. So many times
she encouraged me to work through things, even when I told her I
couldn’t.”

“
Of course she would... she never
wanted you to stop painting entirely, Liv. And if this portrait is
looming over your head, stopping you from pursuing your dreams,
trust me, she’d want you to set it aside and move on. You said it
yourself, you’re not a machine. You’re a young lady with feelings,
with a lot of sadness for what you lost. It’s okay to mourn her.
But it’s not okay to quit being who you are simply because you
can’t finish a painting. She’d forgive this one,” he repeats. “And
you can come back to it later. That way, it’s just on hold, and not
unfinished.”

“
I can’t face it,” I whisper
softly.

“
Okay,” he says, pulling me into
him once more. “Okay.”

I hold on to him tightly, breathing him in.
Normally, a light scent of aftershave mingles with his
freshly-laundered shirts, but not this morning. “You need a shower,
Dad.”

“
Thanks, sweetie,” he laughs,
letting me go. “How are you feeling about the showing
tonight?”

“
I’ll be fine, even if Jon doesn’t
show up. I’ve got it all under control,” I tell him, happy to be
thinking of something else.

“
I still don’t like that Abram’s
set up a private client meeting.”

“
Dad, it’s fine. I’ll be
professional.”

“
I’m not worried about that. It’s
just... you’re supposed to be out having fun, not conducting
business meetings.”

“
I think it’s safe to say I
probably wouldn’t be out having a lot of fun today anyway, all
things considered.”

“
I hate that, too,” he admits. “I
hope I haven’t made things worse.”

“
Daddy,” I say to him, holding his
hand in mine. “I know you’re upset with him, but I don’t believe
for a second you’d sabotage our relationship.”

He shakes his head. “I know you love him. I tried to
keep that in the forefront of my mind last night when we talked.
I’m just not used to walking away, feeling as if I didn’t make a
difference. That’s how I felt last night. The boy has a mind of his
own.”

“
That’s typically a quality you
like, Dad,” I remind him. “And if he can’t accept this–if he can’t
accept me–and...” I swallow the lump in my throat. “And that would
suck,” I add, not willing to be dismissive about the reality of
what could happen.

“
It would,” he says. “Do you need
anything from us for tonight? I can try to make it home earlier, if
you don’t want to go alone.”

“
No, it’s fine, Dad. And I already
told Mom that I might have to go by the loft to pick up a painting
before the meeting. I told her she could call Francisco and warn
him that I’m coming,” I laugh. “But I promise, I’ll just get in and
get out.”

“
And then come home right after the
meeting, right?”

“
Yes, sir. Are you going to nap
before your road trip?” I ask him, taking a tissue he hands me and
wiping my eyes and nose.

“
No, the meetings upstate start in
three hours,” he says, “so I’m going to take your advice and shower
before I need to hit the road. But I’ll have my phone with me all
day. If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to
call.”

“
Thanks, Dad.”

“
I hope he’s come to his senses,”
he says as he leaves my bedroom and heads upstairs to his. I gather
from his tone that he doesn’t have a whole lot of hope. Lying back
down, I grab my phone and send Jon a text message.

“
Are you
okay?”
Instead of waiting around for an answer, I head to
the bathroom across the basement and take a shower
myself.

The phone display is still bright when I walk back
into my room. “We need to talk.”

“
I know we do,” I respond to him,
feeling dread. “Are you coming to the meeting with Abram
tonight?”

“
I don’t know if it’s a good idea,”
he texts back. My stomach ties itself in knots, fearing Jon’s
response to what happened last night. “Maybe after?”

“
I have to come home right after
it. I’m making a stop at the loft before the appointment and I have
to take the key home to Mom and Dad immediately after. Trust
issues, you know?”

“
I’ll just call you later,” he says
simply. My eyes start to water in frustration.

“
Jon, seriously?”

“
I’m already late to
class.”

“
Don’t make me wait all day. If you
have something to say, just do it now.” I stare at the phone,
waiting. The tears start dripping again from my eyes, one every few
seconds, but I wait at least five minutes before breaking down at
his lack of a response. I shove my phone in my purse, realizing I’m
going to be late for school, too, if I keep focusing on what he’s
not saying.

After putting on my uniform, I pull out the short,
black dress I’d been considering the night before for my meeting
with Abram. I’d thought about wearing some simple nude heels, but I
decide on my knee-high black boots instead. If Jon happens to show
up, I want him to know what he’s walking away from. I refrain from
putting on my makeup, realizing I’m not finished crying yet... but
I bring my cosmetics bag with the intention of wearing just enough
makeup tonight to drive him crazy.

Just in case.

“
Livvy, you haven’t said a word to
me all day,” Camille says as she follows me into the ladies room
after school. I shut myself in a stall with my dress in hand and
start to undress quickly.

“
We had a fight,” I tell her, not
wanting to get upset again. I hadn’t cried since third period, and
the overwhelming emotion I was feeling now was anger. I’m just mad
at him, that he’d let this get in the way of how he feels about me.
I know he loves me.