On a Pale Horse (14 page)

WHY?
he typed.
WHY DO THAT TO A BABY?

TO GUARANTEE IT HAS A CHOICE
.

BUT IT HAD NO CHANCE!
Zane protested.
IT DIED BEFORE IT HAD FREE WILL!

THAT IS THE REASON
, the computer explained patiently, taking Zane’s statement to be a question.
NO SOUL MAY BE RELEGATED TO ETERNITY WITHOUT A CHANCE TO ESTABLISH ITS OWN RECORD. A SOUL WITHOUT A RECORD MUST BE HELD
.

Zane began to understand. It wasn’t fair to allow a soul
to be damned to Hell without at least a chance to redeem itself, and probably Heaven had rules about accepting the children of iniquity.

Zane thought about that and concluded he didn’t like it. There might be iniquity, but it associated with the erring parents, not the child. If he were in charge, he would change a definition or two.

But of course he was not in charge. He was not God—or Satan. It was not his business to make the rules.

Yet he was involved, for he was Death. He had collected this soul. He felt responsible.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A SOUL IS HELD?
he typed.

IT REMAINS FOREVER IN PURGATORY
, the screen replied.

FOREVER!
he typed, appalled.
EVEN CRIMINAL SOULS ARE NOT CONFINED HERE FOREVER, ARE THEY?

TRUE. CRIMINAL SOULS GO TO HELL FOREVER
.

That realigned things. Purgatory was surely better than Hell!
WHAT DO THE HELD SOULS DO HERE?

THEY RUN PURGATORY
.

Oh.
THE RECEPTIONIST IS ONE?

CORRECT
.

That didn’t seem so bad, if not exactly good. Desk work could get insufferably dull over the passage of centuries. But, of course, this was the in-between place. Eternal neutrality was surely better than Hell.

Zane turned off the computer, moved to the second device, and drew out the Magician’s soul. The device resembled a sealed robot, looking at a pile of papers on a desk. The soul got fed into a slot in the robot’s back. In a moment the machine animated, its eye lenses glowing, its metal limbs moving.

The robot glanced at Zane. “Am I dead yet?” The Magician’s voice asked.

“Yes,” Zane replied, taken aback. No soul had talked to him before.

“Where am I, then?”

“Purgatory. Your soul is so precisely in balance, I couldn’t clarify it for Heaven or Hell, so I brought it here.”

“Excellent,” the Magician said.

“You
want
to be stuck here?”

“I
have
to be here, as long as possible. My calculations were most precise, but there is always that element of uncertainty. A lot hangs on this.”

“A lot hangs on what?” Zane asked, perplexed again.

“Did my daughter Luna reward you for your consideration?”

“Aren’t you avoiding my question?”

“Aren’t you?”

Zane smiled. “Your daughter offered, again, but I declined, again.”

“But you mustn’t decline!” the Magician-robot protested. “Luna is for you. I left you the Lovestone.”

“If you wanted me to meet her, there must have been some better way than bringing me to your own death.”

“No,” the robot said. “No better way. Pay no attention to her protestations; she will do what I wish her to.”

“She didn’t protest!
I
protested! It just isn’t—”

“Go after her, Death. She is worth your while.”

“She’s not interested in me!” Zane said. “Why should I force my attention on her, by magical or nonmagical means, when I am such a personal nonentity? She surely deserves much better, and can get it.” That, Zane realized now, was part of his objection. He could not afford to get emotionally hooked on a woman who would surely leave him soon for a better man.

“You must,” the Magician insisted. “It is essential.”

“Why?” Zane was quite curious now.

“I can’t tell you.”

“That’s what you said before! And Fate tends to speak in riddles, too. That annoys me.”

“The rest doesn’t matter. Luna is a good girl,” the Magician said somewhat lamely.

“Good reason for her not to be taken by Death.”

“I must get on to my chore,” the Magician said, his metallic gaze resting on the desk.

“What is your chore?”

“Obviously I must tote up the balance of good and evil on my soul myself. These are the tote-forms.” The metal hand touched the pile of papers. “One for every day of my life.”

Zane looked at a form. “Enter sixteen percent of balance
from Form 1040-Z on Line 32-Q,” he read. “If figure is greater than that on Line 29-P of Schedule TT, subtract 3.2 percent of Line 69-F. If less than amount shown on Line,
on Schedule
i
, go to Form 7734 Inverted.” He looked up, his mind spinning. “This is almost as bad as an income tax form!”

“Almost,” the Magician agreed wearily. “Where do you think the Revenue Department gets its inspiration? It will take me eternity to get through this paperwork.”

“How do you think it will come out when the final total has been figured. Will you go to Heaven?”

“By the time I complete the final form, I will have to start searching for errors,” the robot said. “That will take a few more centuries.”

“Maybe there won’t be any mistakes,” Zane suggested.

“Such forms are designed to be impossible to complete correctly the first time,” the Magician said. “What would be the point if they were comprehensible?” He picked up a feather quill, dipped it in a pot of red ink, and commenced his labor. Soon oily sweat beaded his metal brow.

Zane left the robot to his endless labor. Such a task would drive any normal person crazy, but perhaps the Magician had special resources.

He dropped the baby soul off with the receptionist on the way out. “Oh, good,” she said, this time showing some human animation. “We need new personnel!”

Zane wondered how a tiny baby would be able to perform, but decided not to inquire. Purgatory surely had ways to facilitate such things and, of course, it had eternity to do so.

–
5
–

His horse still grazed outside. “Hey, Mortis!” Zane called, and the gallant Deathsteed trotted across to him. What a beautiful animal!

He mounted. “Take me home, wherever that is.”

The horse trotted to the edge of the green plain and stopped before a handsome funeral home with white columns on a spacious front porch. The name on the mailbox was DEATH.

It figured. Where else would Death live but in a mortuary?

Zane looked at the horse. “Is it okay for me to stay here a while? At least long enough to familiarize myself with the premises?”

Mortis flicked an ear forward affirmatively.

“Do you have a stable or something here? Do I need to provide you with feed, gasoline, or anything?”

The horse told him neigh, and wandered away to graze some more. The pasture looked exceedingly rich; it was probably all Mortis needed. There was a small lake nearby, so water was also available. This was a nice region.

So Death had a mailbox! Who would be writing to this office? Zane walked to the box and opened it. There were four letters inside. He took them out, noting that the return addresses were Earthly. Interesting.

He turned to the front entrance of the Deathhouse.
Should he ring the bell? Not if this drear mansion was now his home. Still, he was new here. He rang.

A toll like that of doom sounded inside. In a moment the door opened. A black-clad butler stood there. “So good to see you again, sir. Let me take your cloak.” He moved around to ease off the garment.

“I—I’ve changed,” Zane said somewhat awkwardly. “I’m not the same man.”

“Of course, sir. We serve the office, not the man.” The butler hung the cloak in the hall closet and bent to touch Zane’s feet. Zane realized the man intended to remove his protective shoes. Well, if he wasn’t safe here, where else could he be safe? He acquiesced, and soon shoes and gloves joined the cloak, while Zane stood in comfortable robe and house slippers.

He smelled something strange. “What is that odor?”

“That is myrrh, sir,” the butler replied. “This mansion is scented with it traditionally.”

“The House of Death has to be scented?”

“Myrrh is associated with the office, sir.”

Now Zane remembered lines from a Christmas carol:
Myrrh is mine, its bitter perfume Spells a life of gathering doom. Suffering, sighing, bleeding, dying, sealed in this stone-cold tomb
.

“Well, substitute something more pleasant,” Zane said. “And change that death-knell doorbell. If I have any real influence, Death is going to develop a new image.”

The butler conducted him to a pleasant sitting room deep in the building. “Please make yourself at ease, sir. Do you care for an aperitif? Television? A restoration-spell?”

Zane sank down heavily in the overstuffed chair. He did not feel at ease. “All of the above,” he said.

“Presently,” the butler agreed. “And shall I take the mail, sir?”

“The mail? What for?”

“For destruction, sir, according to normal policy.”

Zane clutched the letters to his breast defensively. “Absolutely not! I don’t care if it’s all junk mail, I’ll look at it first.”

“Of course, sir,” the butler said smoothly, as if pacifying
a child. The television set came on in front of Zane as the man departed.

“Two changes in Purgatory personnel,” the nondescript newscaster said. “The office of Death has a new occupant. The former Death, having acquitted himself satisfactorily, improved the balance of his soul and went to Heaven. Death is dead; long live Death! The policies of his replacement are not yet clear; he is running behind schedule, has allowed two clients to escape, and is annoying the staff of his mansion by demanding petty changes in routine. An anonymous, highly placed source conjectures that a Reprimand may be issued if improvement does not occur soon.”

Zane whistled. The Purgatory News was really current and specific!

“One infant has been added to the staff,” the newscaster continued. “He will be trained as a file clerk, once he grows to cognizance. He will, of course, be permitted to choose which age to fix for eternity. This will help relieve the congestion caused by increasing numbers of clients being processed, owing to the general increase in human population.”

Zane was becoming suspicious. Why was the news so directly related to his own involvement?

The butler reappeared, setting a glass of red wine before him. “The spell is included in the formula, sir.”

“Why is the news so relevant to my interests?” Zane demanded. “It can’t be coincidence.”

“This is Purgatory, sir. There is no coincidence. All news relates to the listener.”

“Purgatory? I thought that was the building complex across the way.”

“This entire region, sir. The larger building is merely the Administration and Testing Center. All of us in the intangible zone of Purgatory are lost souls.”

“But I’m here, and I’m not even dead yet!”

“No, sir. You five are not, technically. The rest of us are.”

“Five? Who?”

“The Incarnations, sir.”

“Oh. You mean Death, Time, Fate—”

“War and Nature, sir,” the butler finished “These are the living residents of Eternity. All others are dead, except, of course, the Eternals.”

“The Eternals?”

“God and Satan, sir. They are not subject to ordinary rules.”

Zane took a gulp of the wine. It was excellent and did indeed invigorate him. “I see. You yourself are dead?”

“Yes, sir. I was collected by the holder of your office twice removed. I have served here for seventy-two Earthly years.”

“So you watch Deaths come and go, every thirty years or so! Doesn’t it get dull for you?”

“It certainly is better than Hell, sir.”

There was that. Anything was better than Hell! “Maybe you’d better introduce me to the remaining staff. I presume a mansion like this has several employees?”

“True, sir. Whom do you prefer to see first?”

“Who is here?”

“The gardener, the cook, the maids, the concubine—”