On Best Behavior (C3) (12 page)

“He does pull in a nice salary, yes. But he went to school for a long time to get it.”

Ben tapped his fingers on the worn knee of his jeans. “You must make a lot of cashish too. Sophie said she went to grad school for forever.”

“Well, psychologists certainly make less money than surgeons.”

“Oh.”

“You sound disappointed?”

“I don’t know. I thought it’d be kind of a cool job.” He looked around the office, stopping at the large aquarium. “But I couldn’t listen to people bitch about their problems all day long. How do you do it?”

“When you know venting helps people feel better, it’s not so bad. There’s a lot more to it than that too. It can be very rewarding.”

“Maybe. Or I could go into construction, like Sophie’s dad. He’s loaded.”

“The sky’s the limit, Ben. Your future career is out there, just waiting for you to seize it. You’re smart, and you’re responsible.”

Ben felt his cheeks warm, and he focused even more intently on the clownfish darting around the anemone.

“Do you believe that about yourself, Ben? That you’re smart and capable?”

Yeah, right.
“How can I be smart? My dad was just a dumb criminal. And my mom’s not so bright either. There was way too much chlorine in her gene pool.”

“Swimmer humor.” Dr. Hunter shook his head. “I don’t know your mom well, but your dad’s side of the family seems quite intelligent. Look at the plan Enzo cooked up to get out of prison, and look how Grant figured it all out. He kept one step ahead of your grandfather. That definitely took some smarts.”

“I guess. All I know is I sure don’t want to work in some stupid restaurant, like my mom does.”

Dr. Hunter nodded. “You said she has to work a lot of evenings?”

“Yeah. I keep asking her to get a dog to keep me company, but she won’t. She says
she’ll
end up taking care of the dog, even though I promise I’ll do it.”

“It would probably be hard to keep a dog in your apartment too.”

He sighed. “It’d have to be some lame-ass small dog, but at least it’d be a dog.”

“Hmm.” Dr. Hunter paused. “What if you tried to negotiate with your mom? Maybe the dog could be a reward for a job well done. Say you keep up the negative drug screens for the next three months, and then she gets you a dog.”

“
Three
months? How ’bout one month?”

“You’re the one negotiating this deal, kid.”

“Sweet.”

Dr. Hunter smiled. “But you’ll have to get your mom to go for it. And I bet you’ll find she’s smarter than you think.”

“She’s not a few fries short of a Happy Meal?”

“Correct. And I bet she wouldn’t lose a debate with a doorknob either.”

Ben shook his head. “You’re bad!”

“
You
started it.” After a moment Dr. Hunter offered, “The way I see it, your marijuana pro/con list just got a bit longer.”

“Huh?”

Dr. Hunter leaned forward. “Remember when I had you write down the pros and cons of smoking pot? We just talked about a few more cons today. One, pot can slow you down in the pool. I bet you swam faster and beat Sophie partly because you haven’t been smoking.”

He shook his head. “Pot doesn’t affect swimming.”

“Really?” Dr. Hunter cocked his eyebrow. “Show me some research attesting to that, and I’ll consider it. Otherwise I’ll assume your stoner friends tried to convince you to believe that.”

Ben smirked.

“Two, pot can interfere with your career plans. If you smoke, you have to worry about testing positive at work. And you won’t do as well in school, which will limit your career opportunities.”

Ben laced his arms across his chest.

“And three, smoking prevents you from negotiating a deal with your mom to get that dog you want.” Dr. Hunter paused. “Now, tell me what pros you’d add to the list. Are you craving marijuana?”

Unfolding his arms, he stared at Dr. Hunter.
Could he be trusted?
Finally, he admitted, “Sometimes.”

“Where would you get the money to buy pot?”

“Sophie gave me a hundred bucks the other night.”

“I’ll have to tell her to stop doing that.” When Ben’s mouth dropped open in protest, Dr. Hunter laughed. “Relax, I’m just kidding. So, when do you get cravings?”

“Dunno. Just sometimes.”

“You can do better than that.”

Ben glared, tapping his knee again. “There’s…there’s this girl.”

“Ah.” Dr. Hunter sat back in his chair. “Go on.”

“Why? It’s, like, embarrassing.”

“If she’s involved in making you want to use again, I want to hear about her. She sounds important.”

“She’s not so important.” He looked down.

“How’d you meet her?”

“She’s on the girls’ team.”

“A swimmer. Makes sense. You spend a lot of time together. What’s she like?”

“She’s got long, brown hair—it’s really pretty.” He grinned at Dr. Hunter. “And she’s got a nice rack.”

Dr. Hunter rolled his eyes. “What’s her
personality
like?”

“Nice. She’s really nice. She’s fast, but she doesn’t make fun of people who just started swimming, like me. Her times are way faster than mine, but she still talks to me.”

“She sounds kind-hearted. And you’re attracted to her too. So what’s the problem?”

He squirmed. “My boy Dylan got me to admit I was into her, then he went behind my back and kind of asked her if she liked me. He said she got all nervous, and she told him she liked me as a friend. Then he asked her if she liked me as more than a friend. Like, if we could start talking. But she said she wasn’t interested.”

“How disappointing. Did she say why?”

He stared at the floor. “She said she didn’t want to date a pothead.”

“That sounds very hurtful.” Dr. Hunter’s voice was gentle. “Especially since it’s not true.”

He looked up.

“Just because you smoked pot doesn’t make you a pothead. That’s like calling myself a failure just because I’ve failed a time or two. Slapping a negative label on yourself based on isolated behaviors doesn’t make it true.”

“You’ve failed?”

“Of course. Many times.”

“How?”

Dr. Hunter hesitated. “I made some choices I regret, when I first came out. It was a wild time in my life…I did some dumb things. Even now, when I argue with Bradley—uh, the ‘dude’ as you call him—I have trouble keeping my cool. Sometimes I say mean things.”

“But that’s nothing. Everybody does that.” He fidgeted. “I’ve done much worse.”

“You’re saying your failures are bigger than mine? I don’t believe that.”

“Believe it.” He hated the way his voice shook.

“Ben, I think you have something on your mind…something you want to share, but you’re nervous to tell me. Am I right?”

He squirmed. “I guess.”

“What’s making it hard to tell me?”

He looked at his feet. “You’ll tell my mom.”

“Hmm. Not necessarily.”

“Then you’ll turn me in.”

When Dr. Hunter didn’t respond, Ben peeked up at him.

“This is about a crime?”

“Yeah.” Ben’s head dropped again. “I’m a criminal.”

“I can’t call the police unless you or someone else is in imminent danger.” Dr. Hunter paused. “Sometimes you remind me so much of Grant, the way you get down on yourself. It’s okay, Ben. It’s all right to tell me. I know how frightening it is to talk about some things, but I sense you need to let it out. The truth shall set you free.”

He breathed out through his teeth. “That’s the same thing Sophie said.”

“She’s a smart woman, quoting me.” Dr. Hunter grinned.

He fiddled with the shoelaces on his black sneakers. “You know…you know how you asked me about the last time I saw my dad?”

“At the video game place. Logan showed up unexpectedly.”

“Yeah.” He played with the frayed end of one shoelace, twisting it in his hand. “You asked me what we talked about.”

Dr. Hunter nodded. “I remember you were angry with him because he didn’t bring you a birthday gift.”

“That’s not the real reason I was mad.” He let out a slow breath. “My dad caught me at Aaron Caldwell’s house. He’d seen me there. He must’ve been following me or something.”

“Uh, who’s Aaron?”

His head dipped lower. “A drug dealer.”

“I see. Your dad caught you buying drugs?”

“No.” A frustrated edge cut through his voice. “I was
selling
drugs. Aaron was giving us our cut.”

“Oh.” Dr. Hunter hesitated. “That must have been a…tough time in your life.”

He grunted.

“Your dad saw you selling drugs?”

“Well, no. We got some X from Aaron and sold it to losers at school. But my dad saw me at Aaron’s and put two and two together.”

“Ecstasy pills, huh?” When he nodded, Dr. Hunter said, “More evidence that your dad was smart. He figured out what was happening. But why…why did you get angry with him?”

Ben felt his lip tremble and cursed, silently. “Dad was telling me to stop. To watch out for getting busted. I yelled something like ‘That’s rich, Dad, coming from
you.
’”

“You were angry he was being a hypocrite.”

“Exactly.”

“So…Are you still selling drugs?”

“No! I only did it once, okay?”

“Okay. What made you stop?”

“Dunno…Gruncle Joe got up in my grill, I guess.”

“
Grun
…? Oh, Grant’s Uncle Joe?”

“Yeah, Great Uncle Joe. He caught me smoking pot at Angelo’s, and he took it from me.”

Dr. Hunter nodded. “But he doesn’t know about you selling X.”

“Nobody knows.” He looked down. “Except for my dad. And he’s just bones in the ground now.”

Dr. Hunter waited a beat. “I think he’s more than that.”

Ben felt dread tighten his throat.

“Are you sure your dad’s not the reason you stopped selling drugs? Seems to me he came to see you at just the right time. He was worried about you. He risked getting arrested to talk to you.” When Ben’s hand curled into a fist, Dr. Hunter added, “I know you’re angry he got himself in that situation—running from the police. I’d be angry too. But he tried to do right by you that day. He didn’t want you going down the same road he did. He tried to protect you, like a good father should, before he died.
That
was his birthday gift to you.”

Ben couldn’t help it; an angry tear slipped down his face.

“You really miss him.”

“I—I—I never g-g-got to know h-h-him.” He focused on controlling his breathing for a moment.

Dr. Hunter exhaled. “That was his tremendous loss, and I bet his biggest regret. He wasn’t there for you.”

He tried to collect himself. He blew out a breath.

“Do you ever feel like your dad might be with you now? Looking over you somehow?”

“Maybe.”

“I wonder if your dad confronting you about going to Aaron’s house is somehow related to you telling me about selling drugs. He was worried about you, and deep down you knew it wasn’t right. You’re trying to make it right by telling me now.”

“Are you mad at me?” Ben asked.

“Not mad…more concerned. I’m glad you told me. This has been weighing on you for some time. How does it feel to confess?”

“Um, pretty okay. I don’t feel so, uh, sick about it, I guess.”

“Yes, confession can make you feel a lot better. That’s why I think you should tell your mom, and maybe Grant too.”

“
What?”
He felt his eyes go wide. “No way. You said you wouldn’t tell my mom!”

“I’m talking about
you
telling her, not me. I want you to do it, as a means of moving forward and making repairs.”

“You’re crazy. She’ll be so, so pissed! And Uncle Grant—he already doesn’t care about me. This’ll make him never talk to me again!”

“You believe Grant doesn’t care about you? Where’s that coming from?”

He looked away. “Sophie said he can’t see me for a while, because of his undercover thing.”

“She told me that too.” Dr. Hunter nodded. “How does that mean he doesn’t care?”

“It’s stupid. I’m being selfish.”

“I want to hear what you’re thinking, Ben.”

He took a deep breath. “Grant said he didn’t want me turning out like my dad. He said he’d be there for me. But…he lied. I can’t even call him now! He doesn’t really care about me—he just cares about getting back at Grandpa. He only cares about the stupid FBI.”

Dr. Hunter listened with a slight frown. “I can see how you’d feel that way. All you know is men abandoning you.” Ben looked up at him. “You feel abandoned by your father, of course, and by Enzo and Angelo too. Joe’s out to sea, and now Grant’s not around.”