On the Way to the Wedding (42 page)

And certainly no one took note when she escaped to her bedchamber to take a short rest. It was probably very bad manners for a bride to avoid her own party, but at that moment, Lucy simply did not care. People would think she’d gone off to relieve herself, if anyone noticed her absence.

And somehow it seemed appropriate for her to be alone on this day.

She slipped up the back stairs, lest she come across any wandering guests, and with a sigh of relief, she stepped into her room and shut the door behind her.

She leaned her back against the door, slowly defl ating until it felt like there was nothing left within her.

And she thought— Now I shall cry.

She wanted to. Truly, she did. She felt as if she’d been holding it inside for hours, just waiting for a private moment. But the tears would not come. She was too numb, too dazed by the events of the last twenty-four hours. And so she stood there, staring at her bed.

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Remembering.

Dear heaven, had it been only twelve hours earlier that she had lain there, wrapped in his arms? It seemed like years. It was as if her life were now neatly divided in two, and she was most fi rmly in after.

She closed her eyes. Maybe if she didn’t see it, it would go away. Maybe if she—

“Lucy.”

She froze. Dear God, no.

“Lucy.”

Slowly, she opened her eyes. And whispered, “Gregory?”

He looked a mess, windblown and dirty as only a mad ride on horseback could do to a man. He must have sneaked in the same way he’d done the night before. He must have been waiting for her.

She opened her mouth, tried to speak.

“Lucy,” he said again, and his voice flowed through her, melted around her.

She swallowed. “Why are you here?”

He stepped toward her, and her heart just ached from it.

His face was so handsome, and so dear, and so perfectly wonderfully familiar. She knew the slope of his cheeks, and the exact shade of his eyes, brownish near the iris, melting into green at the edge.

And his mouth—she knew that mouth, the look of it, the feel of it. She knew his smile, and she knew his frown, and she knew—

She knew far too much.

“You shouldn’t be here,” she said, the catch in her voice belying the stillness of her posture.

He took another step in her direction. There was no anger in his eyes, which she did not understand. But the way he was looking at her—it was hot, and it was possessive, and it was nothing a married woman should ever allow from a man who was not her husband.

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“I had to know why,” he said. “I couldn’t let you go. Not until I knew why.”

“Don’t,” she whispered. “Please don’t do this.”

Please don’t make me regret. Please don’t make me long and wish and wonder.

She hugged her arms to her chest, as if maybe . . . maybe she could squeeze so tight that she could pull herself inside out. And then she wouldn’t have to see, she wouldn’t have to hear. She could just be alone, and—

“Lucy—”

“Don’t,” she said again, sharply this time.

Don’t.

Don’t make me believe in love.

But he moved ever closer. Slowly, but without hesitation.

“Lucy,” he said, his voice warm and full of purpose. “Just tell me why. That is all I ask. I will walk away and promise never to approach you again, but I must know why.”

She shook her head. “I can’t tell you.”

“You won’t tell me,” he corrected.

“No,” she cried out, choking on the word. “I can’t! Please, Gregory. You must go.”

For a long moment he said nothing. He just watched her face, and she could practically see him thinking.

She shouldn’t allow this, she thought, a bubble of panic beginning to rise within her. She should scream. Have him ejected. She should run from the room before he could ruin her careful plans for the future. But instead she just stood there, and he said—

“You’re being blackmailed.”

It wasn’t a question.

She did not answer, but she knew that her face gave her away.

“Lucy,” he said, his voice soft and careful, “I can help you. Whatever it is, I can make it right.”

“No,” she said, “you can’t, and you’re a fool to—” She cut On the Way to the Wedding

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herself off, too furious to speak. What made him think he could rush in and fix things when he knew nothing of her travails? Did he think she had given in for something small?

Something that could be easily overcome?

She was not that weak.

“You don’t know,” she said. “You have no idea.”

“Then tell me.”

Her muscles were shaking, and she felt hot . . . cold . . . everything in between.

“Lucy,” he said, and his voice was so calm, so even—it was like a fork, poking her right where she could least tolerate it.

“You can’t fix this,” she ground out.

“That is not true. There is nothing anyone could hold over you that could not be overcome.”

“By what?” she demanded. “Rainbows and sprites and the everlasting good wishes of your family? It won’t work, Gregory. It won’t. The Bridgertons may be powerful, but you cannot change the past, and you cannot bend the future to suit your whims.”

“Lucy,” he said, reaching out for her.

“No. No!” She pushed him away, rejected his offer of comfort. “You don’t understand. You can’t possibly. You are all so happy, so perfect.”

“We are not.”

“You are. You don’t even know that you are, and you can’t conceive that the rest of us are not, that we might struggle and try and be good and still not receive what we wish for.”

Through it all, he watched her. Just watched her and let her stand by herself, hugging her arms to her body, looking small and pale and heartbreakingly alone.

And then he asked it.

“Do you love me?”

She closed her eyes. “Don’t ask me that.”

“Do you?”

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He saw her jaw tighten, saw the way her shoulders tensed and rose, and he knew she was trying to shake her head.

Gregory walked toward her—slowly, respectfully.

She was hurting. She was hurting so much that it spread through the air, wrapped around him, around his heart. He ached for her. It was a physical thing, terrible and sharp, and for the fi rst time he was beginning to doubt his own ability to make it go away.

“Do you love me?” he asked.

“Gregory—”

“Do you love me?”

“I can’t—”

He placed his hands on her shoulders. She fl inched, but she did not move away.

He touched her chin, nudged her face until he could lose himself in the blue of her eyes. “Do you love me?”

“Yes,” she sobbed, collapsing into his arms. “But I can’t.

Don’t you understand? I shouldn’t. I have to make it stop.”

For a moment Gregory could not move. Her admission should have come as a relief, and in a way it did, but more than that, he felt his blood begin to race.

He believed in love.

Wasn’t that the one thing that had been a constant in his life?

He believed in love.

He believed in its power, in its fundamental goodness, its rightness.

He revered it for its strength, respected it for its rarity.

And he knew, right then, right there, as she cried in his arms, that he would dare anything for it.

For love.

“Lucy,” he whispered, an idea beginning to form in his mind. It was mad, bad, and thoroughly inadvisable, but he could not escape the one thought that was rushing through his brain.

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She had not consummated her marriage.

They still had a chance.

“Lucy.”

She pulled away. “I must return. They will be missing me.”

But he captured her hand. “Don’t go back.”

Her eyes grew huge. “What do you mean?”

“Come with me. Come with me now.” He felt giddy, dangerous, and just a little bit mad. “You are not his wife yet.

You can have it annulled.”

“Oh no.” She shook her head, tugging her arm away from him. “No, Gregory.”

“Yes. Yes.” And the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. They hadn’t much time; after this evening it would be impossible for her to say that she was untouched.

Gregory’s own actions had made sure of that. If they had any chance of being together, it had to be now.

He couldn’t kidnap her; there was no way he could remove her from the house without raising an alarm. But he could buy them a bit of time. Enough so that he could sort out what to do.

He pulled her closer.

“No,” she said, her voice growing louder. She started really yanking on her arm now, and he could see the panic growing in her eyes.

“Lucy, yes,” he said.

“I will scream,” she said.

“No one will hear you.”

She stared at him in shock, and even he could not believe what he was saying.

“Are you threatening me?” she asked.

He shook his head. “No. I’m saving you.” And then, before he had the opportunity to reconsider his actions, he grabbed her around her middle, threw her over his shoulder, and ran from the room.

$

Twenty-four

In which Our Hero leaves

Our Heroine in an awkward position.

“ You are tying me to a water closet?”

“Sorry,” he said, tying two scarves into such expert knots that she almost worried that he had done this before. “I couldn’t very well leave you in your room. That’s the fi rst place anyone would look.” He tightened the knots, then tested them for strength. “It was the fi rst place I looked.”

“But a water closet!”

“On the third floor,” he added helpfully. “It will take hours before anyone finds you here.”

Lucy clenched her jaw, desperately trying to contain the fury that was rising within her.

He had lashed her hands together. Behind her back.

Good Lord, she had not known it was possible to be so angry with another person.

It wasn’t just an emotional reaction—her entire body had erupted with it. She felt hot and prickly, and even though she knew it would do no good, she jerked her arms against the On the Way to the Wedding

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piping of the water closet, grinding her teeth and letting out a frustrated grunt when it did nothing but produce a dull clang.

“Please don’t struggle,” he said, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. “It is only going to leave you tired and sore.”

He looked up, examining the structure of the water closet.

“Or you’ll break the pipe, and surely that cannot be a hy-gienic prospect.”

“Gregory, you have to let me go.”

He crouched so that his face was on a level with hers. “I cannot,” he said. “Not while there is still a chance for us to be together.”

“Please,” she pleaded, “this is madness. You must return me. I will be ruined.”

“I will marry you,” he said.

“I’m already married!”

“Not quite,” he said with a wolfi sh smile.

“I said my vows!”

“But you did not consummate them. You can still get an annulment.”

“That is not the point!” she cried out, struggling fruit-lessly as he stood and walked to the door. “You don’t understand the situation, and you are selfishly putting your own needs and happiness above those of others.”

At that, he stopped. His hand was on the doorknob, but he stopped, and when he turned around, the look in his eyes nearly broke her heart.

“You’re happy?” he asked. Softly, and with such love that she wanted to cry.

“No,” she whispered, “but—”

“I’ve never seen a bride who looked so sad.”

She closed her eyes, deflated. It was an echo of what Hermione had said, and she knew it was true. And even then, as she looked up at him, her shoulders aching, she could not escape the beatings of her own heart.

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She loved him.

She would always love him.

And she hated him, too, for making her want what she could not have. She hated him for loving her so much that he would risk everything to be together. And most of all, she hated him for turning her into the instrument that would destroy her family.