On Thin Ice (5 page)

“I guess after everything that happened, I just wanted to be anonymous.”

Alec thought about that. “Now I know why I wasn’t able to find you on the Internet.”

“You were trying to find me?”

“When this happened, yes.” Which was a lie. He had been trying to find her for a very long time before that, but on his own. He was afraid that if he looked too much and too hard, he might find her. And he couldn’t risk that. Not after what he’d done.

“Oh.”

After another period of silence, he said, “Megan…when you told me about your…about our son…you said you were in pain, or that you have had enough pain.”

“That’s right.”

“I just wanted to say…I want to apologize. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when…he was born. That I wasn’t there for you. It must’ve been a difficult time.”

“It was,” she said sharply.

“It was wrong of me. I should’ve been there. And I wasn’t. I was stupid back then,” he said. He shook his head. “I lost the best thing that ever happened to me.”

She surprised him by saying, “We were both stupid. I should’ve let you know about the baby. It’s partly my fault.”

“Megan, you have nothing to apologize for.”

They were at the outskirts of Augusta now. She turned to him. “Why did you become a police officer? I don’t remember you being interested in that.”

Her question surprised him. He said, “Back then I wanted to be a teacher.”

She smiled shyly. “I remember that.”

“I guess with everything that happened to Bryan, I wanted to, I don’t know, make things right, somehow.” He shook his head. “Can’t explain it.” As he drove down the road leading to his parents’ house he realized that he hadn’t shared this precise reason with anyone before.

“And you never married?”

He shook his head. “I never did.”

“No one took your fancy?” She gave him a sideways glance.

They were at a red light. He looked over at her. He didn’t remember her eyes being that brilliant blue. It
disturbed him that he had forgotten something so basic about her. No. There was no one in twenty years who remotely came close to being as special as she was.

Yet the closer they came to his parents’ home, the more he could feel her tense beside him. The fingers of her right hand actually trembled as she drew her hair away from her forehead.

He looked back at the road and frowned.

Because there was still a little piece of the Bryan puzzle that he hadn’t shared with her, something only Bryan knew, yet something so awful that he doubted whether Megan, or anyone could forgive him.

“Megan?” He turned. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I don’t know.” She fidgeted with her fingers. “I really don’t know if I can handle everything that’s happening.”

The small firs on Alec’s parents’ property were bigger and fuller than Megan remembered. The house itself seemed a lighter color or maybe it was the addition of shiny, brown shutters that made it look so different. She hadn’t remembered shutters. Alec pulled in behind a gray compact car in the carport.

Since the front walkway was drifted in with snow, they went around to the back. Alec led the way through the carport and she followed half a step behind him. So many memories flooded over her. Could she really be back here? Would she actually see his parents in a
few moments? She tried to keep her knees from buckling underneath her.

As they got to the back of the carport, Megan’s breath caught. A long time ago Alec had leaned her up against this very wall. He had taken her face in his hands and kissed her in a kiss that went on and on. She looked at him now and wondered if he remembered that at all.

“Don’t be afraid,” he told her.

“I’m not.” She smiled. “Well, I guess I am a little.”

When they arrived at the door, the first face that Megan saw when it opened belonged to Alec’s mother. Dorothy Black used to be a slim, pretty woman with softly waving blond hair. The woman who greeted them at the door was birdlike thin. Her hair was now white and fine and caught up along the sides in bobby pins.

She wore a ruffled apron that went up around her neck and tied in the back. Her thin fingers fluttered by her sides. She seemed extraordinarily nervous, but maybe having Megan show up without much notice would do that to a person.

As Megan made her way into the once familiar kitchen, she could barely keep her knees from wobbling. It was only Alec’s hand on her arm that kept her moving forward.

Behind Alec’s mother stood his father. Mr. Black had gained considerable weight, and leaned heavily and awkwardly on two canes. After his mother gave Alec a hug, she turned to Megan. “Megan, it’s nice to see you again.”

“It’s nice to see you, too, Mrs. Black.” She shifted her gaze. “Mr. Black.”

Mrs. Black pressed her hands together and said, “Come here, then.”

Megan did so. The woman hugged her and Megan could feel the bones protruding in her shoulders. When the hug ended, she said, “How about we dispense with the Mrs. Black. Call me Dorothy.”

The last time Megan had seen this woman was two days before her grandmother died. Dorothy had come over with some antique china that had belonged to Alec’s grandmother. Dorothy wanted Megan and Alec to have it.

“You’re going to be the next Mrs. Black,” she had said. “So this belongs to you.”

It was a set of delicate china, pale blue flowers on a white background. Megan had no idea where all of those plates and dishes and teacups had ended up. With the help of her godmother, she had left the house in the hands of a lawyer who put the contents up for auction. Maybe Dorothy came over and collected it all again. By that time Megan hadn’t cared.

Alec’s dad extended one hand and Megan shook it, then gave him a quick hug. “Call me Charles,” he said. She smiled and said she would. Despite everything that had happened, it was good to see these two again.

“I need to get things ready in the kitchen,” Dorothy said. “You three sit in the living room and
catch up.” Dorothy’s eyes darted from one to the other and back again.

The living room looked only marginally different from the one Megan remembered. There was still the overstuffed floral furniture, the La-Z-Boy, the wooden rocking chair that Alec’s grandfather had made, the hassock, the fussy lamps on end tables. But the television in the pine cabinet had been replaced by a large flat screen mounted on the wall.

As well, the wall-to-wall beige carpet had been replaced by fringed, rose area rugs. The floors beneath them were now burnished oak. It looked nice, and Megan commented on it. The fireplace mantel was still covered with china ballerinas interspersed with framed photos of Alec and Bryan as young boys. These hadn’t changed at all. Perhaps when Dorothy came into this room, she wanted to be reminded of happier times, a time when one of their sons hadn’t been in jail.

Megan studied the boyhood photo of Bryan and felt a pang. She had lost a son, too. She and Alec had kept her pregnancy a secret so at least she didn’t have to explain to his parents why there was no baby. Through the open door she could hear the rattling of pans and spoons and pots.

There was only one newer picture and Megan noted it. It was Alec decked out in his full police uniform. It looked like some very official event—maybe his graduation.

When the three of them were seated, Charles leaned over and whispered to Alec, “Too bad about Paul. What’s going on there, do you know, son? And Jennifer, too. We used to see that girl from time to time in the mall.” He shook his head and made a tsking sound. And then in a voice barely audible, he said, “Your mother’s worried about Bryan.”

“That’s why we’re here,” Alec said.

“Have you spoken to your brother?”

“I did. He’s okay. I told him to be careful.”

Charles patted Alec’s knee. “Your mother gets so upset about all of this. It plays on her and she worries.”

“You okay in there, Mom?” Alec called. “You need a hand with anything? It smells delicious.”

“It sure does,” Megan agreed.

She carried a wooden spoon into the doorway and waved it. “I’m fine. You three just sit. You know me, I like to get things ready on my own.”

In no time at all, the four of them were seated around the large dining table, which was covered with a gaudy flowered lace tablecloth. It looked to be set with the best dishes, although not the ones that Dorothy had given Megan. The whole evening began to feel surreal to Megan. She barely spoke as she looked from one face to another. The food was wonderful, and there was plenty of it, but Megan hardly tasted it.

During dinner, Megan got another text from Brad.
She’d set her phone to vibrate and, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, she took it from her pocket.

Hey, he wrote. You’re not in your cabin. Worried about you. Thought we could get together this evening re. the Web site.

As surreptitiously as she could she wrote, We’ll talk tomorrow, late.

She sent it and then switched off her cell. “Sorry,” she said to Charles who was eyeing her across the table. “Business.”

Outside somewhere, a siren whined. Wind blew against the house. The candles in the middle of the table flickered.

“Oh dear,” commented Dorothy. “I hope we don’t lose power.”

Charles said, “Big storm coming next week. We’ll all have to be hunkered down by then.”

Over dessert, Dorothy said, “I put the box of old school stuff up in your old bedroom, Alec.” Then to Megan she said, “I’ve made up the guest room off the kitchen for you, dear.”

“Thank you.”

After they ate, Charles took Alec down into the basement to look at some new tools he’d gotten and Megan went to the kitchen and tried to make conversation with Dorothy as she carried things from the dining room to the kitchen on a tray.

“It’s so nice to see you after all this time,” Dorothy
said again, fidgeting and darting her eyes. “When Alec called this morning and said you were back, well, I just couldn’t believe it. I raced around. Got a roast out of the freezer.”

“You didn’t have to go to any trouble,” Megan said.

“It’s no trouble. It’s nice to see you again. It’s nice to see that you both took the time to come down here for a little visit.”

“We’re actually here because of Jennifer and Sophia and Paul.” As soon as she said it, Megan wished she could take back the words.

The blood looked to have drained from Dorothy’s face. She took a moment to lean against the kitchen counter, and put a hand to her head. Then she fiddled with the bobby pins in her hair. “Terrible car accidents, weren’t they?”

“I’m so sorry, Dorothy. I guess I shouldn’t have brought this up. I know this must be hard for you.”

Dorothy swallowed several times and put a hand to her throat. Her face was drawn. A vein in her forehead pulsed.

Megan scooped the rest of the mashed potatoes into a plastic container to put into the refrigerator.

And suddenly stopped.

Attached to the fridge by a magnet was a color picture of a slender blonde woman. The woman was standing next to a palm tree. Her hair curled softly on her shoulders. She wore a green sheath dress that came to her knees. Megan thought she knew this woman.
She was sure of it. She unhooked it from the magnet and studied it.

“Who is this?” Megan asked.

“That’s Lorena, Bryan’s girlfriend. He e-mailed us that picture of her some time ago.”

The woman in the photo had a full pouty mouth. It was as if she was telling the world that she was unhappy and didn’t want to be here. “I know her,” Megan said.

“You do? She lives out somewhere in New Mexico. She and Bryan go to the same church. Have you been out there? Have you met her?”

Megan stared at the picture and shook her head. No, she had never met Lorena but she knew this woman all the same. She didn’t know how she knew Lorena. She just did.

A water glass slipped from Dorothy’s hand, and it shattered on floor. “Oh no. Oh my goodness, my clumsiness.”

Megan tacked the picture back onto the fridge and found a dustpan and brush. “Here, let me help you,” Megan said gently.

As she bent to clean up, she was sure she saw tears in the older woman’s eyes.

When she looked back at the picture on the fridge, she didn’t know what it was, but the picture seemed “off” somehow and she couldn’t figure out why.

“I
know that girl,” Megan told Alec later after Dorothy and Charles had gone to bed, and she and Alec were sitting in the kitchen going through the yearbook. All evening long she had thought about the girl whose picture was tacked up on the refrigerator. She kept glancing up at the girl. “You’ve been through every picture in the yearbook,” Alec said. “And you haven’t found anyone who looks remotely like her. They say everyone has a double. Maybe she only looks like someone you think you know.”

For the past hour they had gone through Bryan’s yearbook. They were looking for anyone who stood out, anyone who had threatened either of them back then. Even as a joke. From the yearbook they were also constructing a guest list. Alec’s laptop was open on the kitchen table and name by name, he was running them through his various police search
engines to see if anyone had a criminal record. It was a place to start.

“Maybe this whole thing has been a waste of time,” Megan said.

Alec shook his head. They were sitting across from each other at the kitchen table and he looked tired. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “It’s not a waste of time. Don’t say that, Megan. It was good for you to come. I am enjoying being with you.”

Her heart fluttered. Megan looked at him for a long time.
He was?

“Plus it was good for you to see my parents again. I worry about my mother.”

“She seems nervous. She dropped a glass in here. I’m afraid it was me who made her nervous. I mentioned the car accidents and perhaps I shouldn’t have.”

Alec said, “My father told me she’s finding it more and more difficult to face reality. She’s always been like this to an extent. Growing up, I had to take care of her a lot. I still do. She only wants to hear the good about Bryan. None of the bad.”

“I thought there was nothing bad about Bryan now.”

He paused before answering. “He still has his challenges at times.”

Maybe it was because she was overly tired, but her voice almost snapped when she said, “I thought everything was just great with him.”

Alec eyes darkened for a second. “Sometimes
people don’t want to take a chance with an ex-con. He’s had a bit of trouble keeping a steady job.”

Megan stared at him.

Alec said quietly, “My parents don’t know this, but I’ve loaned Bryan money from time to time.”

“Really?” Why were alarm bells going off in her head?

“He’s my brother. Someone has to take care of him.” Alec went back to the computer and Megan flipped through the yearbook again, her thoughts tumbling around her. She said, “As soon as we find out who’s doing this, as soon as the cops find the killer, I’ll be going back to Baltimore. You won’t need to worry about me anymore.”

“Megan, don’t say that. I don’t want you to go.”

She gazed at him for several minutes, her heart melting. Was he being truthful with her, or would he just leave her again? She got up, turned her back to him and dug through the box filled with pictures, trophies, notebooks, artwork.

Also on the table was Alec’s computer. As they went over the names on the wedding guest list, he would search for them online. But as much as they tried, they couldn’t come up with any names of anyone who would want to kill Sophia and Jennifer and Paul.

Even though she’d been through it moments before, she sat back down at the far end of the table and opened up the yearbook again to the first page. And as she
wandered through the book again, she realized that this was Bryan’s yearbook. All of the autograph signatures were made out to him. She ran her fingers over the pictures of Sophia and Jennifer. They had signed his yearbook and written messages to him. Megan and Bryan had dated briefly in May before they decided they would be friends only. Bryan was funny, but at times too much an actor. Often she didn’t know if it was the real Bryan talking or someone he was trying to emulate. He was funny, but she wanted someone real.

Sophia had written, “Happy Bry! The happiest guy in the world. Let’s always be free and happy like we are today!”

Happy and free. Megan sighed deeply.

Alec said, “Anything jumping out at you?”

She shook her head and yawned. She looked at Bryan’s senior picture. He was a member of the computer club and the radio control model club, she noted.

“I’ve been looking up the guest list names online and I’m coming up with a few names that I’ll e-mail to Steve,” he said. “There are a few kids I can’t find. I also found three who have small criminal records.”

“Really? Who?”

“Someone named Jeffrey Brown. You remember him?”

“Jeff Brown? Maybe. Wasn’t he Bryan’s friend?”

“I think. He’s got a couple of DUIs. And he lives
in Wyoming. Still, it’s worth checking. I’ll get his name to Steve.”

“Who are the other two?”

“Meredith Tarlton and Daniel Besthedder.”

She shook her head. “I barely remember them.”

“Daniel was involved in a hit-and-run and Meredith was involved in a drug bust.”

Megan went to the back of the yearbook and looked up the three names. Jeff Brown was a junior the year Megan, Bryan, Sophia and Jennifer graduated. Was it significant? She went to his picture, but couldn’t remember him at all. He’d written something to Bryan though. “Let’s stay in touch, buddy.”

Meredith Tarlton was dark haired and Goth-like with black-outlined eyes. Megan only remembered her peripherally. She hadn’t autographed her picture to Bryan.

She turned to Daniel’s picture and remembered him. He had worked on the yearbook with her, but he was a junior when she was a senior. He had written,
Here’s my best to you and Megan. I hope you have a very happy life together.

Obviously, not everyone knew that Megan and Bryan had decided to be just friends.

She flipped through to the back of the book reading notes and signatures. On the inside of the back cover she read something that made her pause.
Megan will always be mine.

She pushed the yearbook across the table to Alec
and pointed. “This is Bryan’s yearbook. Why would he write that?”

For several minutes Alec looked at the writing. He finally said, “I know Bryan’s handwriting and that’s not his.”

“So, whose then?”

“I don’t know.”

After Megan retired to the guest room and closed the door, Alec put the yearbook under his arm, turned off the light and headed upstairs to his boyhood bedroom.

Even though the hour was late, he didn’t sleep. He knew he wouldn’t. He often didn’t when he stayed here. It had to do with this place, this room. Too many memories. Mostly about his brother, and not all of them good. For about a year he’d shared this room with his brother until Bryan’s antics got out of control and they needed to keep them separate. From the beginning Alec loved Bryan. He would do anything for his younger brother. Yet when his younger brother got into his things, stole his money, wrote all over his baseball cards and his wall, their parents had to intervene. They moved Bryan into a small room across the hall that originally had served as a storage room. Nowadays, they might diagnose Bryan’s condition as attention deficit disorder, but years ago there weren’t a lot of resources for hyperactive kids.

On this night, Alec tried to put those thoughts out
of his mind. He sat on the edge of the bed and opened up the yearbook to the back page. He stared down at the message written there.
Megan will always be mine.
This didn’t look like Bryan’s handwriting—and Alec should know. Alec had seen many of Bryan’s letters and school papers. Alec had helped his younger brother with his homework. He would get the handwriting analyzed. He made a note of it, and added it to the e-mail to Steve.

He turned to the front of the book and stared down at a picture of Megan. It was true what he had said to her tonight, he was happy she was with him. But deep in his soul he felt it was more than that. Could he be falling back in love with her all over again? He had told her things he had not told anyone, why he went to police work, his concern for his mother. And she had listened so intently, her gaze almost comforting. She knew what it was to hurt.

But there was that one thing that was stopping him.

The lie.

Maybe it’s time to tell her everything.
No. He couldn’t. He couldn’t lose her again. He just couldn’t risk it.

He had lied for his brother. He had committed perjury in court on the witness stand and nobody knew. Nobody except his brother. Was that why he always felt so protective of him? Was that why he helped him even now? Sent him money when he needed it? Was that why he was worried that Bryan was the only one
who could expose him? Was he worried about what Bryan held over his head?

After Megan’s grandmother accused Bryan of pushing her, Bryan had come to Alec. “You remember that night, bro. You remember when I came home that night. I wasn’t out at her grandmother’s house. The people are going to say I was. People are going to say all sorts of things. But I can’t tell them where I really was. You gotta trust me. You got to tell them I was with you. Because I was. You know I was.” His voice was staccato and breathless and he literally jumped from foot to foot as if he was on drugs. Alec asked him if he was.

“No. No. No, I’m not. Because I didn’t do it, ya know. I didn’t. You gotta help me. You gotta.”

Alec knew that he would. He would protect his brother like he had protected him all these years.

Later, in court, he would say he had spent the evening shooting pool with his brother. But the timeline was off and he knew it. Back then, Alec didn’t believe his brother had pushed Megan’s grandmother to her death. His brother wouldn’t tell him where he had really been that night, only that he didn’t do it. Alec believed him, then. So did their mother. Their father hadn’t said much. He never did where Bryan was concerned. He mostly just holed himself up at work and pretended that problems with Bryan didn’t exist.

What did Alec think now? He honestly didn’t know. Maybe no one would ever know the truth. His brother
had gone to jail. Justice had been served. In the end, his perjury hadn’t mattered. But he had betrayed Megan. And when she had walked away, pregnant with their baby, he knew he didn’t deserve to go after her.

How could he tell her the truth now? If he wanted Megan in his life, then he knew he would have to continue to keep his secret. He looked out at the moon and made a decision. God had forgiven him his sin. Justice had been done. The whole thing was long over. Megan didn’t need to know. She need never know. But why did that resolution make him feel so miserable?

He went back to the desk and retrieved a manila envelope from the bottom drawer. It was the kind of envelope with a string and toggle. He unwound the string and pulled out a picture, a five-by-seven color photo of himself and Megan. It had been taken at the winter dance, a few months before they were to be married. She had pulled the sides of her long hair up into a glittery barrette on the top of her head, and the ends of her hair softly curled around her shoulders. Her dress was light blue, caught in at the waist by a wide ribbon. It fell to the floor in satiny folds. She looked happy and confident. She was also pregnant in the picture, but neither of them knew that when this picture was taken.

He stood next to her, awkward and skinny and miles taller than she was. He wore a flower on his lapel of the same flower variety as the corsage she wore on her
wrist. Whenever he stayed in this room, he looked at this picture.

If he remembered correctly, it was Bryan who had taken the picture. Bryan had been happy for the two of them. Smiling, he had slapped Alec on the back. Alec had winced away from this slap, which seemed more like a punch. “Hey Bryan, easy there, brother.”

Bryan had laughed and said, “The best man won. I’m just happy for you, bro. Meggie is a great kid.”

“She is.”

“Besides, you already know she was never my girlfriend. We’ve only ever been good friends, and I’ve already moved on.”

And he had. By that time he was dating a girl named Olive. That didn’t last long. He now had a Christian girlfriend and they planned to marry.

A girl that Megan said she recognized.

There was a gentle knock on his door. Alec put the picture away before he rose to open the door. His mother stood there, pale and agitated. She said, “I just wanted to make sure you have everything you need.”

“I’m fine, Mother. Thank you.”

She remained standing there. It was obvious to Alec that there was something more on her mind.

“What is it, Mother?”

“I’m worried about your brother. When I talk to him, I feel I’m talking to a brick. I ask him about work, about Lorena, and he never answers my questions
directly. I want to know when they’re getting married and I never get an answer.”

“I spoke with him, Mother. He’s fine.” Alec could understand his brother’s attitude. His mother could be clingy and whiny at times. No wonder Bryan was backing away.

“But with these murders, I can’t help but worry. About both my boys.”

“Both of us are fine.”

She swallowed a few times before she said, “There’s something wrong with his girlfriend.”

“Lorena?”

“Have you ever met her? On one of your trips to see your brother?”

Alec shook his head. Lorena was relatively new.

His mother bit her lip. “There’s just something funny about that woman. I don’t altogether trust her, if you must know. On the phone, Bryan goes on and on about her, how they’re going to get married. But I’ve never so much as talked to her on the phone. If he phones and happens to say that Lorena is there making supper or something and I ask to speak to her, she’s always too busy to come to the phone. I don’t trust her. I fear that Bryan is been taking taken advantage of. I have a favor to ask, Alec…”

He waited. He knew what was coming.

“Can you…?” She paused. “I mean, you’re a policeman. Can you maybe look her up? You know…” She
waved one hand. “On those files that you have?” She placed a piece of paper on the desk next to him. “This is all the information I have on her.”

Alec looked at it. It contained her name—Lorena Street—and an e-mail address. “The thing that has me wondering is that I sent her an e-mail. Now I get so confused with e-mail and stuff, so I know I could have done it wrong, but it didn’t seem to get to her. Just as soon as I sent it the e-mail came back to my own in-box. Does that make sense?”