Once Upon the End (Half Upon a Time) (5 page)

CHAPTER 7

M
ay smacked the blaring alarm to her right and shut her eyes again. Ugh. School. Too early.

Then she sat bolt-upright. “Wait, I don’t have to go to school!” she shouted to no one. “There’s no school in fairy tales!” Maybe not 100 percent good news, but still, the school part had been a nice relief. She swatted her old alarm clock off her old nightstand. “Nice try on that, by the way. But we’re not going to do the whole
Was this all a dream?
thing.”

“You’re not supposed to be here, not like this,” said a voice from somewhere behind her, which shouldn’t be possible, since all that was behind her was her bedroom wall. May whirled around and found herself no longer in bed, now fully dressed, only . . . wrongly. Her black
punk princess
shirt was pink, and her blue hair was on the wrong side, like she’d come out the other side of a mirror.

Well, Alice had dreamed the whole Wonderland thing, hadn’t she?

Oddly, the changes felt completely normal, just like weirdness always did in a dream. Maybe that’s also why she wasn’t surprised to find a man made entirely from glass, like a translucent statue, with sand flowing through him like in an hourglass, standing right in front of her.

“You’re dreaming, but you’re also here,” the man made of sand said. “I don’t see many of you physically in my world like this.”

“I don’t see many of
you
anywhere like anything,” May told him. “Who are you exactly?”

“You know me,” the man said. “I build your dream stories. Whatever I imagine comes true for you here every night.”

“You could stand to brush up a bit on plot and character, then,” May said with a grimace. Maybe the Sandman didn’t enjoy criticism, but seriously, every dream she’d ever had was all
over
the place. “Or at least just tell one story, you know? I feel like I’m living four or five different ones in dreams. Sometimes all at once.”

The man stared at her strangely, his glass eyes darkening a bit. “The fairy queen sent you, didn’t she? The one who sent all those goblins.”

May paused. “Goblins? She didn’t say much about that—”

The glass eyes darkened further. “I imprisoned them all forever in their nightmares.”

May backed away, only to find herself in a room no bigger than a closet, bumping up against the wall. “Nope, I’ve never heard of any fairy queen. Just made it here myself! I’m not here to cause any trouble, just, you know, find some glass ball called the Fairest, take it back to the real world, use it on a bad lady, that kind of thing.”

The glass man gestured and spilled sand out before him. “You will do no such thing,” he said as May watched the sand fall, almost mesmerized. She blinked and found herself in class, her teacher Mrs. Murray standing in front of her, hand out, as every other student in the class stared at her.

“Well, May?” Mrs. Murray said, stamping one foot. “Where’s your thousand-page book report on a book you’ve never heard of, let alone read?!”

May’s stomach dropped, and she struggled to speak but couldn’t. . . . Her mouth was too dry. “Glargh,” she said, which just seemed to anger Mrs. Murray more.

“No book report?!” Mrs. Murray shouted. “You know what we do to children who don’t do their homework, May!” With that, all the other students began shouting insults at May as they swarmed her, picking her up and carrying her out of the classroom and into what looked like a zoo.

Into the Spider-Snake-More-Spider Hut of Fun.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” May shouted, struggling to get away, but the other kids just tightened their grip and carried her toward the Hut door. This was all like a bad dream!

Uh, of
course
it was. Why exactly had she fallen for that? “Alright, sand guy!” she shouted over the kids’ insults. “I’m not buying this anymore! It’s just a dream!”

That made her feel better. Only, the Hut kept getting closer.

“Seriously, just a dream,” May said, struggling against the kids, beginning to panic even more. “JUST A DREAM!”

Mrs. Murray opened the door to the Hut of Fun. An enormous snake uncurled itself from around a spider bigger than May was, and both licked their lips. Even though neither one actually had lips.

“DREAM!” May shouted, frantically pinching herself.

“You can’t wake yourself if you’re here physically,” the man of glass told her, his face expressionless. “Instead, you’re stuck here until something pulls you back out.”

Well
that
wasn’t good news. Would Malevolent know to pull her out? Would she even care if May was being eaten by giant spiders and snakes in her dream?

Wait, this
was
her dream. She’d had this nightmare before . . . or parts of it. Sort of. But that meant it was happening within her head, somehow, even if she was here, somehow, which just gave her a headache, somehow. But if it really was within her own head—

May squeezed her eyes closed just as the kids tossed her into the Hut, concentrating on someone, anyone, who could help her. Concentrating on help as hard as she could, even as she fell toward the worst things in the world.

She landed on something hard, and for a moment, May didn’t want to open her eyes in case it was something that was not only hard but spider- or snakelike. Finally, a pleasant breeze on her cheek convinced her that she wasn’t being attacked, so decided it was okay to check things out.

A man dressed in a midnight blue cloak with black armor beneath it stared down at her, a large oak tree behind him swaying in the wind. His armor had a large white eye right in the center of the chest.

“You must be May,” the Eye said, offering her a hand. “Jack has told me so much about you.”

CHAPTER 8

Y
ou know what’s fun?” Penelope said to the goblin holding a knife to her throat. “Rescuing princesses. I don’t know why only boys get to do it. I think they keep it a secret just so we won’t rescue the princesses before them.”

The goblin snorted. “And what a good job you’re doing. Who’s going to rescue
you
, then?” He pointed up at Malevolent’s dragon castle, rising into the air above them. “More guards?”

Phillip stepped out from behind the goblin and held his sword to the monster’s neck. “I believe that would be me.”

A deep voice behind Phillip growled, and the prince felt something annoyingly sharp and metallic pressed into his back. “Would it?”

“This is getting too complicated,” Penelope said with a sigh. “Ambushes on top of ambushes? Enough twists—it’s too hard to keep up!” With that, she fell forward, kicking backward. The goblin behind her slammed into Phillip, who in turn hit the goblin behind
him
, and all three went down in a heap. Both goblins yelped out in surprise, then began to snore, and Phillip noticed two tiny wooden needles sticking out of their arms just inches from his own.

“From the spindle that Lian girl used on me,” Penelope told him, looking a bit embarrassed. “It absorbed some of the curse, so I broke it into a bunch of different pieces. Looks like it works! They should be out for a couple of hours, unless, well, someone kisses them.”

Phillip pushed the first goblin off himself, then carefully got to his feet, deliberately avoiding close contact with any wooden needles. “You . . . might have told me about those,” he said, keeping a few feet between himself and the princess. “How many more do you have?”

Penelope felt around in a pocket of her light green traveling cloak, covering a darker green dress that his mother had insisted she wear, despite Phillip actively encouraging a more travel-friendly outfit. And to be fair, that was only after he had encouraged her not to come at all, then tried to leave in secret without her. Unfortunately, he had been caught by the princess quite quickly. “As many as I could throw in my pockets,” she said. “More back at the castle.”

With that, she turned and led the way up the beach, toward the stump of a beanstalk rising out of the sand. Above them, the dragon castle’s mouth lay open, operating as a drawbridge for the goblins patrolling the surroundings, though there were now two fewer awake guards doing so.

“Next time, I will handle the goblins,” Phillip told her, leading the way into the woods surrounding the castle.

“Were you meaning to handle them this time?” Penelope asked, and Phillip had no idea if she was mocking him or serious. “Maybe you were just waiting for your moment.”

“I do not need your help here,” he told her, pushing on through the woods.

“At least you’re here already, to not need my help. If I’d left you to it, your horse would get here in about three days.”

She had a point there, not that Phillip was very interested in hearing it. He
had
intended to ride here, not considering that there might be a faster way. All Penelope did was sing a little melody, and a stout, black-haired fairy queen had appeared to take them. “She owes me a favor,” Penelope had whispered to him. “I once helped her rescue a wooden puppet from a whale.”

For May’s sake, Phillip had let the fairy queen transport them right to the beach. Unfortunately, the fairy queen had not been willing to drop them in the castle, fearing Malevolent’s reprisal.

It was just as well. No one else needed to be hurt here. Now all Phillip had to do was figure out a way to leave Penelope safely behind, and he would go on alone to face his fate.

“I suggest a frontal assault,” Phillip whispered to Penelope, taking out his sword. “Last time I was here, a fairy queen tormented and tortured me, claiming I would one day kill her.” He glanced up at the princess. “I intend to prove her correct, if it is all the same to you. But there is no reason that you should not stay here, where you will not be hurt.”

Penelope held up a shard of the spindle. “Or I put you to sleep right here and go do the hard work without you. Your choice.”

Ah. With that, Phillip nodded, then strode up the thin stone bridge, the sleepless princess falling in behind him, both with weapons ready. Before them rose a dragon castle containing a small army of goblins, an evil fairy queen, and who knew what other evils.

It would be a grand final adventure. And all he had to do was call out a challenge, then attack. On the other side, only two goblins guarded the gate, but Phillip knew ten times that many, at least, lay just beyond.

And then, for just a moment, Phillip thought about Jack. Jack, whom he had once thought of as a friend, before things had changed. But once, if Jack had stood where Phillip did now, his friend would have said something funny, as likely as not, and Phillip would have laughed inside, even as he kept a serious expression on his face for May’s sake. Then Jack would have done something clever, potentially outwitting their foe, potentially failing miserably. Odds might have favored the latter, but Phillip always admired the attempt.

All he had to do was call out a challenge to the goblins.

Instead, he reached over and politely took two of Penelope’s spindle splinters from her hand. When she gave him a questioning look, he just shrugged. “This one is for an old friend,” he said, then quickly and quietly climbed one of the drawbridge’s chains.

The chain creaked a bit, but no more than it did whenever a wind came up, and the goblins never noticed until both collapsed into one pile, snoring away.

Goblins would be a fine last adventure, but there could be better. And better awaited him just inside the castle, in the form of a very large black dragon.

CHAPTER 9

J
ack stared at his father, chained and caged on the ground in front of him.

“Really, just
everyone
hates you, huh?” he said.

“Everyone is a lot of people,” his father said, staring straight ahead. “I’d bet that just by numbers, that isn’t true. But who am I to say?”

“Very clever,” Jack told him, taking his sword back from Jill.

“You’re not the first person to tell me that.”

“Are you two going to be done any time soon?” Jill asked.

Jack paused a moment, taking everything in, then began the speech he’d been waiting for years to give. “Father. If I can even call you that. After all, does a
real
father leave behind his—”

“We don’t have time for that,” Jill said, covering his mouth with her hand to keep him from speaking. “Your issues can wait. There’s too much you need to know. Some things have changed since I last saw you.”

Jack looked at her and nodded, and she removed her hand. Then he turned back to his father and continued his speech. “Does a
real
father leave his only son to, and I’m being kind when I say this, go off and be a filthy, horrible thief? Are those the actions of a man who loves his children?”

Jill rolled her eyes, but his father turned his gaze up at Jack. “Sounds like you’ve got a great grasp of history, don’t you, kid?”

“A
thief
,” Jack repeated. “And what did your criminal activities result in? A giant rampaging through the land, killing and eating and destroying wherever it went. All for what, Father? Money? Treasure?”

“Well, what can I say?” his father said, gesturing around his empty cage. “I just couldn’t resist all that gold I brought back here. Isn’t it pretty?”

“Why did you do it?” Jack asked, gritting his teeth.

“Didn’t we just cover that?” his father said, glaring at him.

Jack hit the cage with his sword, making both ring loudly. “Answer the question!” he shouted.

“And get in the way of all your indignation?!” his father shouted back. “I wouldn’t dream of it!”

“HE DID IT FOR OUR MOTHER, YOU IDIOT!” Jill shouted, pushing Jack back away from the cage.

Of all the answers Jack expected, that wasn’t at the top. Or on the list. Or even a distant possibility. “Our . . . what?” he said. “But our mother died during the war.”

“She sure did,” his father said, back to staring straight ahead again. “Do you have any idea why they lock me up like this, boy?”

“Stop it,” Jill said to him. “This is getting us nowhere, and we have no time. Jack, what did the Queen say she needed?”

“Why do they lock you up like that?” Jack said quietly.

“Because this is the only cell they’ve ever found that can hold him,” Jill said quickly. “He’s escaped from every other one.”

“And what do you think I do when I escape?” the man said.

“He attacks the Wicked Queen, and she almost kills him,” Jill said. “I get that this is all some sort of macho father/son thing, but does it really have to be
now
? There’ll be so much time later, if we can just—”

“Why doesn’t she?” Jack asked just as softly. “Why doesn’t she just kill you?”

Jill sighed. “Because she
needs
him, Jack. Just like she needs me, and like she
thinks
she needs you! She’s always needed our family—we do something she
can’t
, now that she doesn’t have her Mirror anymore!”

“And what is that?” Jack said, his voice sounding like it was coming from a distance, certainly not from within his own body.

His father laughed suddenly. “Of course you wouldn’t know, boy. You show no sign of using your mind, why would you know what it could do?”

“Cleverness,” Jill said, glaring at Jack. “This stinky, chained-up man here is one of if not
the
sneakiest, cleverest, shrewdest person to ever live. There’s nothing he can’t figure his way out of, no one he can’t outwit. NO ONE. Which makes him a very powerful enemy . . . or a huge advantage, if you could somehow force him to make your plans for you.”

“And why . . . why would he ever plan anything for the Queen?” Jack asked, already knowing the answer.

His father’s gaze dropped to the floor. “Your mother . . . I never should have fallen in love with her, boy. I knew I shouldn’t. I don’t know if it was destiny or coincidence or just horrible luck, to fall in love with an Eye—”

“An EYE—”

“Stop it,” Jill said, slamming Jack’s dropped jaw closed again. “Yes, she was an Eye. Don’t interrupt, or we’ll never get through this.”

“She and her brother both grew up under the Queen’s reign,” his father said. “I, of course, figured stealing something from one of the Queen’s Eyes would be a fun challenge and maybe hurt the Queen in the process. I wasn’t involved in the war, I was so young . . . but I got caught. By her. Your mother.”

“You don’t remember her, do you?” Jill said, moving across the room to stand against the wall.

“No,” Jack said. For some reason, he found it a bit difficult to speak, like he hadn’t had a drink of water in weeks.

“She was so smart,” Jill said without looking at him. “She could outthink Dad in a minute.”

“And did, all the time,” Jack’s father said, almost smiling. “She certainly did when I first met her. Had me thrown in chains a lot like these before I even knew what was going on. Of course, she cheated with that sword of hers. She always cheated.”

“Always?” Jack said.

“Well, I was gone as soon as she turned her back,” his father said, still just a hairsbreadth away from a smile. “But no matter how far I traveled, no matter how many adventures I had, I always kept coming back. I told myself it was for the challenge. Your mother knew from the start, she told me later. Said she just waited for me to catch up because she knew I wasn’t as smart as she was.”

“She could talk him in circles,” Jill said, still looking at the floor. “You should have seen her.”

“Gray eyes,” his father said. “I couldn’t get them out of my head. I’d close my eyes and see hers. She was all I could think about. By then, her brother, your uncle . . . he was having a little trouble with the Queen, and ran away.” He sneered. “He deserved what he got. But your uncle put your mother in just as much danger and left her behind. So I . . . I ended up rescuing her right out from under the Queen’s nose.” Now he broke into a smile. “And we had the happiest years of my life after that.”

“He’s saying we were born,” Jill supplied helpfully, smiling herself now. “And then, um, someone got hurt. You know, by accident.”

“You pushed me down a hill!” Jack said indignantly.

“You were always a fragile boy,” his father said, looking at him now. “That head of yours, especially. I’m surprised you haven’t broken it again.”

“So at what point did you decide to steal from a giant and ruin all our lives?” Jack said, refusing to get pulled in. He’d hated this man his whole life! Just because maybe some of what he’d done hadn’t been so bad, didn’t mean—

“The Queen found Mother,” Jill said softly. “After your accident. You were living with Grandpa by then, to heal your big stupid head, which I still think was your own fault, by the way. You should have aimed at something other than a rock when you fell down the hill. But I went to bed one night with Mom tucking me in and woke up the next morning with her gone. Dad hadn’t heard a thing. The only thing left was a blackbird cawing on the windowsill. It dropped a note for Dad and flew off.”

“The Queen’s raven,” his father said, and Jack threw a look at Jill, who almost imperceptibly shook her head for him not to say anything. He turned back to his father as the man continued. “The note said that the Queen had your mother, and the only way we’d see her again is if I had something to trade. And along with the note—”

“Beans,” Jack said. “So up you went.”

“And came down with a goose that could lay golden eggs,” his father growled. “All the gold the Queen could ever need to pay for her armies and her war, and I delivered it to her. Though at least I did see your mother again.”

Jill curled her hands into fists.

“Her body, at least,” his father continued, his voice dead of any emotion. “The Queen had killed her, you see. To punish your uncle.”

“You keep mentioning an uncle—” Jack said, but Jill interrupted him.

“NO. We’re definitely not going down that road. Get back on topic!”

“Fine,” Jack said to his father. “So here you are, still making the Queen’s plans for her. She killed our mother, and you still do what she wants?!”

“I’ve escaped more times than I can count, but every time she brings me back she steals something from me, something precious,” his father said. “Memories. Memories of your mother.” He grabbed his head with both hands, growling in frustration. “They’re all I have left, and she pulls them right out of my head, then burns them in dragonfire. It’s as if our time together never happened. And if I don’t do as she says, she’ll take the rest, boy. She’ll take EVERYTHING from me.” He shook as he finished and stared at Jack, hatred swimming in his eyes. “So I plan for her. I scheme. I outwit her enemies, including myself. Including
you
.”

“Me?” Jack said. “But you didn’t even know I was coming here—”

“Who do you think sent Jill? Who do you think had her help you, under the sea, in the Fairy Homelands? Even while I came up with the Queen’s plan to destroy the fairy queens, I made sure Jill could save them, through you. And the Queen
knows
, Jack! It’s all a game to her! She tortures me here, making me plan her horrible tasks, then watches as I desperately try to stop them from happening! And she must know why you’re here as well, because she had me outwit you from the start!”

Jack started to say something, then stopped. His father might be right . . . or he might be wrong. There were things that Jack knew that no one else did, and right now, it seemed smart to keep those things secret. “So you’re fighting against the Wicked Queen, while also her chief strategist. You’re coming up with plans, then plans to stop your plans, then plans to stop those? Is that even close?”

“Close, but not the end of it,” Jill said. “You and me, brother. WE have to be the end of it. You’ve met our father, and you know what’s happening now, why no one’s been able to defeat the Queen, either in battle or by tricking her. We’re going up against the most clever person to ever live. And now, you and I have to outwit him.”

“Except I’m supposed to be stealing something else from the giant in the clouds,” Jack said.

“Ah, the harp?” his father said. “Wondered when she’d try for that. You’ll need my help to accomplish that task. You’re nowhere close to smart enough. Jill is, of course. But that’s probably why the Queen is sending you.”

“Well . . . that’s just insulting, first of all,” Jack said.

“The truth insults you a lot, doesn’t it?” Jill said, not unkindly.

“Yes, but now’s not the time,” Jack told her. “So, what do I need to know?”

“Three things,” his father told him. “First, don’t underestimate this giant. The giants on land might be stupid, but this one . . . he’s their king or lord or something. I was never quite clear on that. Either way, that giant brain of his isn’t just for decoration.”

“So he’s smart. Next?”

“It was nice knowing you,” Jill told him, shaking her head.

“Second,” Jack’s father said, shaking his head too, “you’re going to be the size of a mouse to him, so take advantage of that. You’ll be faster and quieter than you might ordinarily expect and have a lot more places to hide. Use it. If he never knows you’ve been there, you might have a chance.”

“These really are helpful,” Jack said. “Hide, huh? Try not to let him know I’m there? Brilliant.”

“And third,” his father said, “when he catches you, as I’ve already figured out he will, you must under no circumstances, never ever
EVER
let him follow you when you leave. The only reason he didn’t destroy everything in his path is because I had to trick him back up.”

“YOU tricked him?” Jack said. “I thought Phillip’s father died trying to kill him!”

“There’s quite a bit more to that story than you know,” his father told him. “But there’s no time for that.”

“We’ll finish that, and more than a few other things, when I get back,” Jack told him.

“You mean
if
you get back,” Jill supplied helpfully.

“Stop it,” he told her. “Did you get what I asked you for, by the way?”

She nodded, and tossed him something in a bag. “Not sure why you’ll need it or anything. Won’t exactly help much if the giant eats you, but whatever. You wanted a strong healing potion, I got you one. The Draught of Irrational Bodily Repair, if you want to get specific.”

“And this is the same sort of thing that was used on that knife I told you about?” Jack asked her.

“That or something close,” she told him.

Jack gritted his teeth but let it go. He couldn’t ask anything more without explaining himself, and right now, he couldn’t tell anyone anything.

“I’m going to ignore all this,” his father said. “But that’s not all Jill has for you, I’m guessing.”

Jill sighed. “You really are way too smart,” she told the man, then reached back into her hood. A golden fairy yawned, stretched, then stepped into her hand. “Sleepy time is over?” Gwentell the fairy asked. “Fine. It’s about time you finished all your testing, stupid man-child. Can we go steal from a giant already?”