One Bright Star (4 page)

“A family,” Jeff said quietly. “We’re a family.”

Dan nestled in to Jeff’s chest, a sure sign that he approved. And Evan smiled at both of them. “For better or worse,” he said. Then he squirmed a little. “Actually…”

He rose abruptly and crossed the room to the drawers beneath the built-in bookshelves. When he turned around, he was holding three small boxes in his hand, two of which were carefully wrapped in silver and blue paper. “I don’t know how you feel about this,” he said. “I wrapped them like presents, but they’re not… if you don’t want to do it, that’s cool. But… we’re a family. We’re parents, together.” He handed a wrapped box to Dan, then to Jeff. “Just a thought,” he finished, and sank back down onto his end of the sofa.

Jeff wasn’t sure if he wanted to open the box or not, but it was obviously the same as Dan’s, and Dan was opening his, so one way or the other, Jeff was going to see the contents… he ripped the paper and found a jeweler’s box inside. He glanced over at Dan, who was looking at Evan with trepidation.

“Okay, fuck, you guys, you don’t have to!” Evan’s smile was forced. “If you can’t even open the boxes…”

There were two quiet clicks almost in unison as both Dan and Jeff pushed the lids up.

The rings were simple, but beautiful. A thick rounded band, almost certainly platinum, with three diamonds arranged in a triangle and set deep into the metal. The effect was a strange mix of delicacy and strength.

“We’re a family,” Evan said. He sounded like was prepared to be interrupted, but neither Jeff nor Dan spoke. “We can’t get married, but I am more committed to you two, and to our family, than to anything else I’ve ever done. Maybe it’s stupid to need some sort of external validation—rings or not, I’ll feel the same way. But… I’d like it if we wore rings.” He leaned back against the cushions and anxiously waited.

Dan turned his head toward Jeff. “You didn’t know about this?”

“No,” Jeff said. He wished he had; this seemed like something that should be discussed. There were larger issues, especially now that they had a baby to take care of.

But for once, Dan didn’t seem to be asking too many questions. “I like it,” he said firmly, and pulled the ring out of its box.

“It’s a beautiful idea, Evan.” Jeff needed to be careful with this. “And if it was just us, I’d be all for it. I’d be jealous of whoever designed these for you, because he or she has a great eye—they’re gorgeous. And I’d wear it with pride and love. Absolutely.”

“But…” Evan prompted. Jeff had a feeling that his concerns weren’t a total surprise to Evan, but Dan was squinting at him as if waiting for further explanation.

“But we currently have plausible deniability,” Jeff said reluctantly. “We have no idea how things are going to play out in Robert’s lifetime. Sometimes it seems like things are getting more open, and sometimes it seems like the country’s getting even more close-minded. It’s not impossible that at some point, it’ll be best for Robbie if we play down our relationship.” He saw Dan’s expression and hastened to add, “In public! The three of us, here, in this safe little bubble… this is forever. I believe that. But we may want to have a different public face for the family. Two gay parents is already a lot for some people to accept; three gay parents would be even worse.”

“And that’s why your book shows me and Dan with the baby, and you standing in the background like a benevolent uncle,” Evan said, his tone almost accusing. “That’s why you always make sure that we take some photos of just me and Dan and Robbie for every occasion, so that we can discard or hide the ones with
all
of us, if we have to.”

“For
Robbie
,” Jeff said. He knew that would be the way to take the hurt out of Dan’s face. “If it was just me, just us… I would never even think about hiding it. And I’m not saying we
should
, the way things are now. But if we walk around with rings on, advertising to the world that we consider ourselves married, there are people who are going to hate us. And the three of us can handle that. But I don’t know if it’s fair to ask a little boy to face it. When it comes down to it, the rings don’t matter, not compared to how Robbie matters.”

Dan was clearly torn, as Jeff had known he would be. He’d been planning to have this conversation at some point, but not on Christmas Eve. He’d been careful, as Evan had noticed, to create a backup version of the baby’s childhood, a family that was a little untraditional but not completely beyond the understanding of most people. He’d hoped he’d be able to get away with that for a little longer, just to give the family a bit more time to find normalcy. They’d already dealt with so much; it would have been better to put this issue off until the new year, at least.

“We need to think about it,” Dan said slowly. He looked at Evan. “I love you. I love the rings, and the idea behind them. But Jeff’s right. We need to think about RJ. We need to do what’s best for him.”

Evan smiled. “Yeah. Okay.” He reached his hand out as if planning to retrieve the boxes, but Dan jerked his gift away.

“Hey! I said we should
think about it
. I didn’t say a damn thing about giving the ring back, not yet!” He looked down at it fondly, then over at Jeff. “It’s so
shiny
,” he whispered. Then he looked back at Evan. “Is it tough? Would it get all scratched up at the barn?”

“It’s platinum,” Evan responded. “Tougher than gold. I thought about getting titanium, but it’s almost
too
tough. It can be hard to cut off your hand if you get injured. So I figured I’d rather have you wearing a ring that we might have to get re-polished than have you wearing a ring that might mean your finger got amputated.”

“Good choice,” Dan said seriously. He looked down at his unadorned hand, then back at Evan. “I’m keeping it. Even if we can’t wear them, I want it. Okay?”

“Absolutely,” Evan agreed with a fond smile. He looked down the couch at Jeff and raised his eyebrows in a clear challenge. “And you?”

“Keeping it,” Jeff said firmly. “I love it, Evan. I love you. You know that.”

Evan nodded sadly. “Yeah. I do.” He took a sip of his drink and looked down at the unopened box in his own lap.

“There’s always the option of—” Jeff started, but Dan turned to face him with a fierce expression, and Jeff abandoned the sentence. “What?” he asked in confusion.

“If you’re about to say that Evan and I can wear the rings and you won’t, I don’t want to hear it,” Dan said firmly. “Ever. It’s not an option.”

For someone who hadn’t noticed Jeff’s tricks with the pictorial evidence, Dan was catching on fast. “Well, it could be—”

“No.” This time it was Evan who interrupted. “Not going to happen. No. There’s a reason there’s three diamonds, asshole.”

“Well, the third diamond could be for the baby.”

“We’re not married to the baby,” Dan replied calmly. “We love him, but he’s not part of the rings. The rings are about the three of us. Together.”

Jeff nodded. He was gratified, he supposed. It was nice to hear the level of commitment from the other two, reassuring that they hadn’t accepted his ideas immediately. But Jeff hadn’t given up yet. There was a baby to consider, and it wasn’t fair to expect him to suffer because of the choices of his fathers.

No, this conversation wasn’t over. But Jeff settled back into the sofa and took a sip of his drink and let himself appreciate the moment. The conversation wasn’t over, but it was Christmas Eve. A time for family. The arguments could wait; it wasn’t like the problems were likely to go away too quickly.

CHAPTER FOUR

“Shhh,” Chris hissed, and tried not to giggle. Possibly they shouldn’t have stopped off at the bar on the way from the airport. Or, more possibly, it had been a brilliant idea. If he was paying for a cab ride way out to the country anyway, why not take full advantage of a designated driver?

But now he and Ryan were both a little drunk, and neither one of them was all that sneaky to begin with. Ryan ran into something, grunted in pain, and a light turned on in the hallway.

Chris turned around with a guilty smile, hoping that he’d woken up a forgiving person. No luck, though. It was Danny.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” So far, he sounded more confused than annoyed. “You’re supposed to be in Kentucky.” He turned to Ryan. “Did he fuck it up? We can kick him out and change the codes on the doors if he did something to fuck it up.”

“Shhhh,” Ryan said, “We’re being quiet!”

“Good job,” Dan agreed caustically.

“Why didn’t you pick me up at the airport?” Chris retorted. “You were supposed to be my airport ride. I
knew
you’d forget!”

“Friday at four fifteen, asshole. This is
not
Friday.”

“Damn, Danny, you’ve had too many concussions. Have you been losing days again?”

“Also, you don’t live here. Why would you come home five days early and break into Evan’s house? What the hell did you do?”

“Can’t blame him for the weather,” Ryan said. He draped an arm protectively over Chris’s shoulder. Or possibly he was just looking for a little help staying upright.

“Weather? There was weather in
Kentucky
bad enough to keep you from flying in?” Dan squinted suspiciously. “Bullshit.”

“Connecting flight in Detroit. Have you not been watching the news?”

“It’s Christmas Eve. Why would we watch the news on Christmas Eve?”

“To find out if there was anything happening that might affect your dear friends who were travelling half-way across the country in wintery weather, maybe?”

“Honestly never occurred to me.” Dan stepped a little closer. “You couldn’t get a different flight?” He didn’t seem too concerned about the noise they were making, and that made sense, really. Jeff and Evan both slept like they were comatose, and the baby’s room was at the far end of the hall; in a house as big as this one, that was a pretty good buffer.

But Chris still kept his voice low as he said, “The storm’s screwed up most of the northern half of the continent. Everything’s shut down, and the flights through the south are way over-booked.”

“The northern half of the continent is
Canada
. Do you mean the northern half of the country?”

“Canada doesn’t count.” Chris was tired, but strangely happy. He was back where he belonged. He smiled at Dan and said, “We didn’t have any festive food at either of our houses. Not a lot of food at all, and the stores will be closed tomorrow. Also, neither one of us has a fireplace, and I was really looking forward to opening presents in front of a roaring fire. So we came here.”

“Do you
have
any presents to open in front of the fire, or to give to others? Anything at
all
to contribute?” Dan crossed his arms in front of his chest and tried to look stern.

“Come on, Danny. You’re not going to pull the ’no room at the inn’ trick on Christmas Eve. You’ll make Baby Jesus cry.”

“It’s four in the morning. Christmas Eve is over, and Baby Jesus would absolutely understand that guests should arrive at a civilized hour. And I think he expected visitors to come bearing gifts. Got any frankincense on you?”

“You said Evan was leaving an empty chair at the table for unexpected guests,” Ryan said.

“Evan’s insane,” Dan said. Then he flashed his quick, beautiful smile. “You guys might regret this whole visit when he gets through with you.” He stepped aside and waved an arm down the hall in the direction of the room they normally crashed in. “Welcome home. Sorry you didn’t make it to Kentucky.”

“Just as well, really,” Chris decided. “We gave Grandpa Travis a few more months of blissful ignorance.”

They made their way down the hall to their familiar bedroom and shut the door firmly behind them. A few moments to get settled in and then Chris said, “I meant it, you know.”

“I meant it, too.” They’d only turned on one light, but Ryan’s smile was bright. “I’d been thinking about it. I wasn’t planning on announcing it at a big family function or anything, but… I’d been thinking.”

“We can announce it here, instead,” Chris said. It was better. Much better. He loved his Kentucky family, but he loved his California people too, and he was more comfortable here. Kentucky was about who he’d been as a boy, and then a young man, full of enthusiasm and insecurity and uncertainty. California was about who he was as an adult, confident and independent. California was where he made all his own decisions, including deciding who to love and who to marry.

“Not that it’s legal either place,” Ryan sighed. He’d already taken his shoes off and now he flopped dramatically back onto the bed, the comforter rising around him like he’d fallen into a bank of powdery snow.

“It’ll be legal here a hell of a lot sooner than it will be in Kentucky. And if we don’t feel like a long engagement, we can take a trip somewhere. Up to Canada, maybe.”

“I thought Canada doesn’t count.”

“Shut up,” Chris said, and he fell forward, catching himself with his hands and knees on either side of Ryan’s body. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Their bodies were loose with alcohol and exhaustion and love and they melted into each other without much purpose or ambition. They shed their clothes as a way to get closer to each other, not as a prelude to anything else. After a deep, languorous kiss, Ryan pushed back into the pillow, far enough away from Chris’s face that they could focus on each other’s eyes. “But I want to wait. I’m a California boy, and I want to get married in California. I don’t want to compromise or play the system.” Ryan was easygoing about most things, but every now and then he’d dig in his heels, and Chris could tell this was one of those times. It made him smile.

“For a second there, I thought you meant you wanted to wait to have sex until after we were married. I would have had a problem with that. But…” he nodded seriously. “Yeah. Okay. We’ll wait until we can do it here.”

“But we’re engaged, dude. We are fianc�s. We should probably have a party.”

“We should set up a gift registry is what we should do. I want some loot.”

“We should get towels.”

“We should move in together.” Chris waited until he saw that Ryan wasn’t rejecting the idea completely. “Who knows how long it will be before we can actually get married? If we’re just waiting on a technicality for that… we should move in together. Definitely.”