One Day You'll Be Mine: Steamy Contemporary Military Romance (10 page)

Chapter 15: Natalia

I should have taken the offer to go to Dallas with Ro when I had the chance. Instead, I was foolish enough to wait, determined to see if I could reason with my husband about the current discord in our marriage. In a way, I’m glad I did, because I woke up in San Bernardino, with a clear understanding that I needed space.

Kelli and I sat up for half the night discussing my options. It killed me to leave, but there was no way I could stay and think clearly. The more I tried to get to the truth with Hollis, the more hostile and volatile life became. Jordan had already witnessed enough, and I couldn’t stand to show him this side of us. Marriage is not supposed to be this cold and ugly.

Kelli maintained a sense of pragmatism about Hollis’s infidelity. “But I’ve come to this place where I realize all men fall off the horse. It’s human nature. It just so happens that some of these men just happen to fall off and land right between another woman’s legs.”

“He wasn’t with another woman,” I countered. I was coming to my senses and gathering my bearings, but I was still in disbelief that my husband romantically courted another man – while looking me dead in the face and accusing
me
of cheating.

Anger built as I realized that’s where those cheating accusations came from – the fact that he was cheating, and looking for a reason to displace his own guilt. And even though I knew in my heart, there was nothing I personally did to drive him away, I still felt like I let this happen. But every time I voiced any sense of guilt, Kelli shot me down, refusing to give credence to it.

“You are not responsible for that man’s behavior. The state of your marriage, and your family, yes – it’s your responsibility to make choices and decisions that are proactive to giving you and Jordan a healthy life. But to make yourself the central piece of blame on his decision to step out is unhealthy and unacceptable.
He
chose to act out in that manner instead of communicating with you. That’s a reflection of his character, not yours.”

We washed up and hit the road around 7 AM, despite going to sleep after 2 AM. I had to admit that while I wasn’t keen on taking them at first, Kelli’s Xanax pills did allow me to regain a sense of calm in the midst of the storm swirling around me.

I nibbled my way through a strawberry cupcake from Sweet Pea and Me as Kelli drove back towards the base. We shared a couple of laughs, and discussed what I would do.

I had at least 30 days of paid vacation available. The end of the pay period was this Friday. I had enough in my savings account to last for a while, and my bills were pretty minimal. Aside of clothing for Jordan, and things around the house, I didn’t need to spend much. Hollis’s job took care of the major requirements, and I chipped in on our cell phone bill, which was on a family plan.

I would approach my boss, and inform her that I would need to go on immediate vacation next week. I’d explain there was a family emergency taking place, and that I needed time to take care of that. I didn’t believe the conflict would allow me to impose the Family Medical Leave Act, so I wouldn’t press for this.

I would go visit Rose. I didn’t want to speak to my family about this, because I had none. My parents split when I was young, and I have no real fond memories or interaction with my father; he completely ignored me when he married his wife and they had children. If anything, I was an afterthought. My mother passed away from breast cancer just two years ago. As an only child, I was truly alone in this world aside of Hollis and Jordan.

This panicked part of me feared taking this step. I dreaded leaving in this manner, even for a small while, would only perpetuate a cycle of abandonment. I didn’t want to leave Jordan in California, even if it was only for 30 days. But I couldn’t afford to take him with me. I didn’t want to keep him apart from his father, and the friends he’d made either.

My heart broke again when I remembered how teary-eyed and angry he was when he witnessed Hollis hit me. How he ran screaming into the house to make sure I was okay, and how reluctant he was to let me go with Kelli, despite the fact I told him “Mommy was coming back.”

***

Getting through the day was surprisingly more effortless than I’d imagined. Jordan had already been taken to daycare, thanks to Kristophe, who had gotten some of his things the night before. Hollis wasn’t home; thank God, because I wasn’t ready to see him until I’d packed and walked out.

My boss was concerned. I did my best to cover the bruises around my neck with concealer, but they were still somewhat on display. And even though the dark circles under my eyes weren’t as bad as they were before, you could see that I was going through something. Nevertheless, she accepted my explanation when I told her there were some family issues that needed to be taken care of, and agreed to let one of the more part time employees enjoy the extra hours.

Being at work again was refreshing. Not in the sense that I was able to fulfill my life’s desires and feel in alignment with the Universe (something Ro would say), but in the sense that I was able to escape my stress in the menial labor of my work tasks. Putting books back in their proper order according to the Dewey Decimal system, sending collection notices and emails for overdue books, and helping patrons find specific titles kept me from dwelling on the irritated pit in my stomach that had been growing by the day.

I spent as much time with Jordan as I could. Labor Day weekend was coming up, and school would start at the beginning of next week, but I wouldn’t be there to take him. With each day he was more and more excited to go back to school. He was getting ready to enter third grade, and he couldn’t wait. 

I took him out for pizza Thursday evening. That’s when I finally dropped the bomb. Hollis, as usual, didn’t come home until well after eleven, when he knew we’d be sleep. He’d shower and retreat to the living room, sleeping on the couch until it was time to wake up and head to work.

“Jordan, I want to talk to you about something.” He looked at me through bites of pepperoni, sauce splotched on the side of his lip.

“Yeah, mom?”

There was no easy way to say this. “I’m going to visit your Aunt Rose for a little while.”

“Aunt Rose? She lives far. I thought you said you were going to take me.” He paused. “You can’t take me when school’s starting.”

“I know, honey. You’re not going. I’m going to go… alone.”

His eyes widened. “Why aren’t you taking me? You can’t wait? I want to see Aunt Rose and Uncle Ellis too.” He had already forgotten that Uncle Ellis was in Iraq.

I smiled weakly, the look of disdain from the unfairness of it all shadowing his handsome features. “I know Jordy. But your uncle’s in Iraq fighting the bad guys, remember? It’s just going to be Aunt Ro. She’s going to talk about girly stuff all day long. You don’t want to deal with that, do you?”

“No,” he spoke flatly. “But I want to go with you so I can protect you.”

“Protect me from who?”

“Dad or any man that tries to hit you.”

My heart began to swell with both love and pain for my son. I never spoke about what happened to him since that day. I simply did my best to minimize the situation and move on.

“I know you’re leaving because you don’t want Dad to hit you,” he said. His eyes were stone serious. “I won’t let him hit you if you stay. I promise.”

My eyes began to mist, and I fought back tears threatening to come forward. This was not the conversation any mother wants to have with her son. Witnessing the impact Hollis and I had on Jordan tore me apart.

“Your daddy is not the reason I’m leaving,” I said. “I just need to visit your auntie Rose because she’s lonely without Uncle Ellis.”
And because your father is a lying, cheating son of a bitch.

“Joey’s mom left him after his dad hit her. Now she lives in Florida. Are you going to live in Florida?” My heart raced. I didn’t know how to respond to that. How did they even get on that topic in daycare? “He told me that happened to his mom when his dad hit her last month.”

“Jordan,” I asked, calmly. “You told Joey what happened?”

He nodded, slowly. Fear took over his eyes as he realized the shift in my tone of voice. “Who else did you tell?”

“Nobody, mom, I swear.”

I gave him a look. “I won’t be mad, Jordan. It’s okay. You can be honest with me, and I promise not to be upset.”

He looked down at his hands. “Mrs. K heard us talking, and she pulled me into Mrs. B’s office, and they asked me if Dad hits you.”

“What did you tell them?”

“I lied. I told them that I made it up, because I didn’t want to get you or Dad in trouble.” His face began to turn red, and he looked like he was ready to cry. “They put me in time out for lying and told me that lying about things like that aren’t good.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “No, Jordan, it’s not okay to lie. But you shouldn’t tell people what happens sometimes, because when you involve too many people, it can cause trouble.” He started sobbing. “Come here.” I wrapped my arms around him as he walked around the table and began sobbing even harder.

“I love you, Jordan, okay? And I love your daddy too. Daddy and mommy are just not getting along right now, and everything will be okay. Mommy’s just taking a little space from Daddy so she can stop fighting with him so much. I’m not going to leave you. I promise. You have my phone number, and you can always call me when I’m with your auntie. Okay?”

He didn’t stop crying, but he nodded his head. I stroked his dark brown hair and inhaled his scent as I held him. He gripped me so hard I thought I would lose circulation. I couldn’t help but let several tears fall, no doubt adding to the scene we were causing at the pizza parlor, simply from this conversation.

***

That night, after tucking Jordan into bed, I continued packing. I started to pack lightly, starting with books, cosmetics, and things that wouldn’t be missed around the house. I didn’t want to alert Hollis or Jordan to anything until I had truly made up my mind and spoken to them first.

I decided not to fly out to Dallas; instead I would drive. It would be a two-day trip, but in those 48 hours alone, I’d be able to just be alone and really mellow out. 

I didn’t know what laid ahead of me; I just knew that I couldn’t survive another night of sleeping alone, cold and confused, because the man I married seemed indifferent to my existence. Not once had he come forward to speak to me. Not once has he attempted to apologize. Not once has he shown any remorse, regret, or any resemblance of interest in my well-being since that fateful afternoon.

Sad to say, even the manstress attempted to stop by one evening. When he saw the hateful look in my eyes, he immediately cowered, babbling his apologies. He held yet another beautiful bouquet of flowers, yellow and orange roses and lilies.

“I didn’t mean for things to explode how they –”

“Save it. You’ve won!” I hissed. “What do you need to talk to me for? You’re in love with him, right? You say he’ll be faithful to you? That he won’t cheat on you? That you can’t help how you feel? Well guess what? I’m done. He’s all yours! Fucking have at it!” I slammed the door in his face before I could respond. He could shove that bouquet, probably purchased by Hollis, up his ass for all I cared.

I had until Sunday to pack. I planned to get all the nonessentials in the car by Saturday morning, then do a final load of laundry so the house was clean, and I had as many clothes as possible when I left. I didn’t intend to pack my entire life in my car, but I just wasn’t sure what to expect when I announced I was leaving.

Hollis walked in the house after midnight. I was in the bedroom, still packing when he walked in, the scent of his cologne trailing heavily behind him.

“What’s this?” He gestured toward the boxes I’d stacked on top of each other, on my side of the bed.

“What does it look like?” I didn’t bother breaking down the self-explanatory.

“Oh, you’re leaving?” He spoke in an amused tone, as if he were tickled by my actions.

“If that’s what it looks like.” I had run out of words.

“You don’t have any family,” he chortled. “Stop acting dramatic and go to bed.” He mumbled as he unbuttoned his uniform. I couldn’t hear everything he was saying, but none of it was respectful.

I dropped the items I was packing on their box and crossed my arms. “You know what Hollis? I’m sick of this. You haven’t been nice to me very lately. You’ve changed. I don’t know what’s gotten into you or what you’re doing, but you’ve made it clear you don’t give a damn about me. So yes, I’m leaving. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, or when I’m coming back, but you’ve made it clear you want me to leave you the hell alone, so I’m doing exactly that.”