One Hit Wonder (18 page)

“Hey babe.” He answered when she called him back.

“Hi, I’ve missed your call.” She leaned against a corner in the hallway that led to the restrooms, covering her ear with one hand and heard his voice.

“How’s it going?”

“Great, we’ve finished the photo shoot today. We’re in a pub right now, Edward is hammered.”

“And you?”

“Not at all.” Audrey could hear John’s muffled laughter. “I’m serious.”

“Just don’t miss your plane tomorrow. I miss you.”

“You know I won’t, I miss you too. Besides I think I’m done for the night, Edward is calling his ex right now. I’ll take a cab to the hotel.”

“Okay, call me tomorrow from the airport.”

She walked into the bathroom and washed her face. She was drunk, she could see it in her bloodshot eyes and flushed skin. When she got back, Edward looked like he was hunched over his glass holding the weight of his head with his hands, elbows propped on the bar. Rodin’s
The Thinker
couldn’t have looked more somber.

She placed a hand on his shoulder. “What happened?”

“She is with someone else.”

“Did she say that?”

“She didn’t have to. I heard him. I could hear it in her voice.”

“Edward, I’m sorry.” She rubbed his shoulder and looked at the glasses in front of him; he had had at least a couple more shots before she got back.

He clicked his tongue and said, “My parachute didn’t open.”

• • •

It was three in the morning when she helped him to his room. He’d talked about his ex-girlfriend all night — except when dancing. He looked like a giant marionette with arms pumping and legs kicking, as if his strings were worked by a madman. She’d been torn — laughing at Edward’s spasmodic routine on the dance floor and distressed over his cries at the table.

Inside his room, he flopped on the bed. She offered him water, he only groaned. She pulled his shoes off and turned around to leave, but he held her wrist and stood.

“Audrey, you’re a good friend.” He hugged her.

“You too, Edward.”

He brushed his face against hers, placed his hands on her neck and, before she could realize what he was doing, his tongue fumbled into her mouth. His hands traveled down and squeezed the small of her back. For a split second, it felt nice: heat, and his saliva, and alcohol. John. It wasn’t John.

“No.” She pushed Edward back on the bed. Adrenaline, like a dull knife, had cut her brain into pieces of aching tissue. The pain was so acute she had to massage her eyes with her fingers.

“Audrey, I’m sorry.” His voice faded as she slammed the door behind her.

She was in tears when she arrived at her own room, two floors up. Desolation — and probably alcohol — numbed her body as if she had slid through broken ice and fallen into a frozen lake. It never crossed her mind that a kiss between two drunks was too silly of a thing to mention. How could she keep a secret — any secret — from John for the rest of her life?

“Hello?” John muttered, half asleep.

“It’s me.”

“Hi babe, what time is it?”

She swallowed a sob.

“Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“We kissed.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I helped Edward to his room because he was so wasted. He said I’m a good friend, because I had listened to him talking about his ex all night. He’d hugged me and before I knew it, we were kissing.”

Dead silence.

“It didn’t last ten seconds, it meant nothing.” It was possible she was drunker than she thought because she couldn’t hold the sobs. “Please say something.”

“I thought you were going to the hotel four hours ago.”

“I was. Edward was upset because his ex-girlfriend was with another guy when he called her.” She swiped the tears and snot that collapsed down her face away with her forearm.

“So, he wanted you to be his rebound?”

“It wasn’t like that. He is so drunk I don’t think he even knows who I am.”

There was a long pause. She could hear her own fear pulsing through her body.

“John, you know me. I love you.”

Silence. Someone must have pressed the freeze-frame, because the whole world stood still.

“I don’t know what else to say.”

“There’s nothing else to say, Audrey. I don’t want to talk anymore. Go to sleep, it sounds like you need it.”

• • •

At almost check-out time, she got a text from Edward,
i had to stop by vogue. see you at the airport.

At least one piece of good news: she wouldn’t have to see Edward so soon. She thought about changing flights, but it would be a hassle; she’d have to face him sooner or later.

He showed up at the gate almost at boarding time, took an empty seat beside hers, and opened a bottle of water.

“Here, I got you one.”

“No, thanks.”

“Hey, did we kiss last night?”

Didn’t he remember? “You kissed me.”

“Damn, I wasn’t dreaming.” He took a long pull of water and said, “So, how was it?”

“Terrible.”

He chuckled. “I wasn’t playing my A game.”

If she had had a gun, the police would have had to mop up his head off the floor.

“I told John. He was upset, and he didn’t want to talk to me. I tried to call him today — ” She was staring at the phone, clasped in her hands. “He won’t answer.”

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t be joking. Honestly, I wasn’t sure it happened.” He placed his hand on hers, but she recoiled. “I can talk to John. I’ll tell him it was stupid, I was plastered — ”

“I don’t think it will help. John doesn’t open up to everyone. You really have to earn his trust and I’ve lost it.” She said, half to herself, “I’m not sure I can get it back.”

Audrey came home to an empty house. John still wouldn’t return her calls. She let her bag drop to the floor, and walked through the house, still hoping to find him, but in the bedroom there was only a note on the bed.

I need time to think.

I will be at Matt’s.

J.

She grabbed the phone from her bag, and texted him: just got home, saw your note. sorry you feel this way. i’ll be here. love you. Then, she showered and went to bed. Hours later the bell rang. She thought she was still asleep, but it rang again. John? She jumped out of bed and ran to the door, but remembered he had a key. It was Matt, and without saying a word, he stepped in and opened his arms.

She burrowed her face into his chest and said, “Matt, I screwed up.”

“Hush now.” Matt stroked her hair. “He is upset, but he’ll get over it.”

“I don’t know how it happened. I never meant for it to happen.”

“I know. Come on, let’s have a beer.” He led her to the kitchen.

“Oh, no. No beer for me.” She rubbed her head.

“Okay, beer for me, tea for you.”

They talked for a long time. John had already told him about the kiss, but she narrated what had happened again, almost word by word, including that Edward didn’t even remember kissing her.

“What I don’t get is, why did you even tell John?” Matt propped his feet on the coffee table.

Audrey sipped at her tea. “I’ll never keep anything from him, no matter how small,” she said, very quietly.

“Fair enough.”

“Will he forgive me?

“Of course he will.”

“When?” She looked at him eagerly as if he was about to tell her how long she had to live.

“Just give the butt-head time to digest. He’s scared, that’s all.”

“No, he trusted me. I’ve messed up. I should have gone back to the hotel when I said I would.”

“And leave your friend alone feeling like shit? Not the Audrey I know.”

Her face showed the faintest trace of a smile. “I wish he would see it like you do.”

Matt placed his bottle on the coffee table. “I’ve known John since before his mother’s death, they were really close. He’s always been quiet, but after … uh, he sort of built this wall around him. I guess he thought if no one got close enough he wouldn’t have to deal with losing anyone again. But you got in. He just doesn’t know how to handle it yet.”

Audrey muttered, “He should at least stay in his house. I can stay somewhere else.”

“This is your house, too. Besides, give him a couple of days on our couch and he’ll come crawling back.”

• • •

Given a choice, she would have chosen to stay in bed until John came back. Her night had been restless, unsure if she was awake, dreaming, or sleepwalking in the dark looking for him, feeling his presence in the pitch-black, but finding no walls to pat, no light seeping through to guide her in any direction, only emptiness.

The group show was less than a month away, so she had to get up. She got her camera and left to scout locations. She’d taken the “ghost pictures,” as Charlie had baptized them, in Silver Lake, Echo Park, and downtown, and she wanted check out South L.A. It was hard to spend the entire day without talking to John, but she pretended he was on a gig out of town.

Had she just now realized how much she needed him? The same way she’d preached to Edward about people who realize what they need only after they lost it. Had she lost John? No, impossible. They knew how much they meant to each other. Didn’t they? Were there signs? Could John have fallen out of love because of her stupid mistake? Those thoughts raced through her head all day. It was hard to work, but she took enough photographs to keep her in the darkroom the rest of the week.

Matt had told her the band was going to play in the Lake Tahoe’s Fall Festival next week. Rob had returned from summer vacation with his daughter, and was coming back to drive the new tour bus. Atlantis had other drivers, but John insisted. She was happy Rob was coming back, but sad this time — more than likely — she wouldn’t be in the bus with them. The band was leaving the day after tomorrow. She hoped John would talk to her before then.

When she was heading home, Megan called to check on her. It turned out that Edward had told Charlie who told Megan. Audrey didn’t want to talk about it anymore; she wanted to forget it ever happened, but apparently, that wasn’t an option.

“What are you going to do?” Megan asked

“What can I do? He won’t talk to me.”

“It sounds like he’s never been drunk enough to do something stupid.”

“It’s a little more complicated than that.”

“Is it really? You weren’t the one who kissed in the first place.”

She let out a big sigh, not wanting to think about what she felt when Edward kissed her, that one second she gave in to raw desire before she remembered it wasn’t John’s lips on hers. She couldn’t forgive herself and it was probably why John couldn’t, either.

“Why don’t you come over? I can make us something to eat and we can talk.”

“No, thanks. I want to be home in case he shows up. He’s going on a trip in a couple of days, and he’ll need to pack.” Audrey felt a twitch of embarrassment, but if that was the only way she was going to see him, she’d gladly take it.

“Hey, don’t beat yourself too hard, girl. Men are dumb; it can take them awhile.”

“Girls can be dumb, too.”

• • •

Late at night, she sat at her kitchen table studying her contact sheets and using a silver marker to circle the images she intended to print. The challenge was to edit them down; she already had too many and still had three rolls of negatives to develop. Ben was going to help her choose in order to keep the show cohesive. Normally, she would have shown them to Edward first, but that was out of the question now. She didn’t want to get near him before she straightened things out with John.

Every other thought she had was about him. By now, Matt would have told him about their conversation. She hoped Matt would get through him, but knowing John he wouldn’t even listen.

Fuck it. She grabbed her car keys and walked out. Ten minutes later, Tyler opened the door of his apartment.

“Audrey,” He seemed surprised.

“Hi Tyler.”

“What’s going on?”

“I need to talk to John. Is he here?”

“Hey, Audrey,” Matt, punching his fingers on a XBOX remote, greeted her without without taking his eyes off the TV. “He is in my room.”

Audrey swallowed hard and walked into the apartment. She opened the bedroom door. John was stretched out on the bed with one hand behind his head and the other holding his cell.

“What are you doing here?” He sat up.

“We need to talk.” She stepped in and closed the door behind her. “You wouldn’t answer my calls.”

“I need some time,” he said, walking toward the window.

“Time for what, John? I didn’t devise a plan to hurt you or to cheat on you. I was drunk and a guy kissed me. I pushed him off and walked away.”

“You put yourself in that position,” he said, looking out the window and rubbing his head, distraught.

“Position? I was out with my boss. I didn’t go out randomly looking for trouble.” She took a tentative step forward. “A few months ago you told me you didn’t want to spend a second apart from me, now you won’t even take my calls. Which one is it?”

“I am upset.”

“I know you are and it’s killing me. But I love you. I love you. Don’t you believe that?”

“I thought the only thing no one could ever take from me was you. Nothing could change what we had, no matter how strange or complicated this life got. I was wrong.”

“I am yours and nothing will change that.”

“Everything has changed.”

“What are you talking about?”

They stood for a moment in silence, she had a vague sense something else was bothering him.

“Atlantis wants to replace Kevin,” he said sulkily.

“What?”

He turned from the window to face her and said, “He showed up drunk at the studio a few times and after his accident, they think he is a liability. It’s either Kevin or the second album.”

“John, I’m sorry. Have you told Tyler and Matt?”

He shook his head.

“Let me be with you.” Audrey stepped closer, but he retreated, her heart sank and her voice softened. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

“I can’t risk it. It hurts too much.”

“What are you saying? Is … is it over?”

He lowered his head mournfully and closed his eyes. “I don’t know.”