One More Kiss (2 page)

She weighed and measured the cocoa and the flour and sifted them together, taking a kind of comfort from the mixing. She tried to keep the image of Jay from her mind but she couldn’t. The memory of the tough-as-Pittsburgh-steel Marine Corps sniper was hard to ignore. She knew that was why she’d failed at blind dates and speed-dating. She measured every man she met by the yardstick that was Jay, or by what she’d thought Jay was when she’d married him, and no one, not even Jay, would ever measure up.

* * *

J
AY
M
ICHENER
TOOK
a swallow of his beer and leaned back against the wall behind him. The bar was more open than he felt comfortable in; since he’d gotten back from Afghanistan he couldn’t relax. There were three other guys at the table with him.

Lucien he knew well as they’d been in the same unit for two tours. They’d been to the Middle East and back several times. Lucien had gotten out of the Corps two years ago and had started his own security business with the other two men at the table.

Jay didn’t know either man well, but they felt like guys he’d known before. But then, Jay had spent all of his adult life in the military so there weren’t many enlisted men he couldn’t relate to. The two men got up to play pool and Lucien took a sip of his beer before turning to Jay.

“Why don’t you come by my office tomorrow and I’ll give you the tour? Show you what life is like on the outside,” Lucien said with a wry grin.

“The outside? It’s not like I’ve been in prison,” Jay said. The Corps was his life not because he had no other choices but because it was where he wanted to be.

“It sort of is. You’ve been in since you were eighteen and you’re pushing thirty now. Isn’t it time you tried something else?” Lucien asked.

“Maybe,” Jay said. “I’ll try to swing by tomorrow.”

“Don’t ‘try to,’ be there around ten, Lance Corporal,” Lucien said.

“Okay,” Jay told him, giving in. It couldn’t hurt to check out Lucien’s place.

“You free for dinner?” Lucien asked.

“Why?”

“I want you to meet my girlfriend,” Lucien said. “She’s always bugging me to bring home the guys I talk about.”

“I can’t tonight,” Jay said.
Or ever,
he thought. He couldn’t think of anything more torturous than spending the night with Lucien and his girlfriend talking about the old times.

“I’ve gotta go,” Jay said, glancing at his watch. He wasn’t a guy who normally took gambles, so this one with Alysse was odd. But she had always made him feel differently than other women did, which was probably why he’d married her four years ago. That was probably also the chief reason he’d left her after only one week.

He was dressed casually in a pair of faded jeans and a T-shirt but he felt naked without his rifle in his hand. How was a man supposed to live when he was always on edge? With Alysse, he had hoped to find something more normal, but the week they’d spent together had made him realize that he felt even more vulnerable with her.

Now he was stationed at Pendleton in Oceanside, California, about a twenty-minute drive north of San Diego. Pendleton had an idyllic setting right across
the 5 from the Pacific Ocean and it was easy sometimes to forget that there was anything else but the beach and an endless horizon.

But his mind hadn’t let Alysse go as easily as Jay had hoped. Every night she sneaked into his dreams—and the sexy ones weren’t the problem. It was the normal-life ones that really disturbed Jay. The ones where he pictured Alysse in an apron with a few kids at her feet were the worst because he didn’t believe he was ever going to be the man who gave her those things.

“You’re on leave, Lance Corporal, I didn’t think you had anywhere to be,” Lucien said.

“I do tonight.”

There was a lot of laughing at the table as the men all made some comment about women and hot dates. He smiled and let them think it was just a casual hook-up. He waved goodbye and walked out of the bar in San Diego’s Gaslamp district.

He got on his Ducati 1100s motorcycle and drove to the Hotel Del Coronado. He didn’t make a lot of money as a sniper in the U.S. Marine Corps but Jay didn’t spend a lot of money either. He didn’t have an apartment or house of his own, preferring to stay in hotels when he was on leave. Since he had always planned to be a career military man, he used base housing and stored his Ducati when he was deployed.

But something had changed in him on this last deployment. He had no idea if it was the fact that he’d turned thirty or the fact that he was at a crossroads. He could get out of the Corps now, find a civilian job and maybe have a shot at normality. Though he wasn’t convinced he was cut out for normal.

Tricking Alysse wasn’t the answer, but the last time he’d had a shot at a real life had been with her. His commanding officer would say he was being a, well...a coward, for lack of a better word, and Jay knew the CO would be right. But he wanted Alysse back.

His plan—and he always had a plan—was to spend his leave here with Alysse Dresden and figure out if he was meant for this life or if he should stay being a warrior.

Still, he needed to make up for how he’d left her. He hoped the romantic setting and the surprise of the grand gesture would be enough of an olive branch to persuade her to give him a second chance.

He pulled his bike to a stop in front of the villa he was renting and went inside and showered and changed. He’d spent a lot of time thinking up this strategy. He knew better than just to call and ask Alysse out. He’d hurt her and he knew it. The fact that he’d thought of nothing but her for the last four years had sent a strong message to him that he needed some kind of closure with her.

He took his time setting up the area, just as he would to get ready for a target. Planning and execution were the keys to success and he never forgot that. The staff had laid out a bamboo rug and then set the table up on that. Twinkle lights hung from the ceiling of the cabana. There were curtains which had been drawn back to let the breeze flow through the structure.

Jay was a little wary of having so much open space around him, but he was on leave and he tried not to let it bother him. He hated how on edge he always was when he came in from the field. And tonight he was doubly edgy because of Alysse.

He scanned the beach and the area where he was standing looking for the best strategic advantage. He sat at the table but felt stupid just sitting there, so he got up. He checked the wine chilling in the freestanding ice bucket and then walked to the edge of the cabana to lean against a palm tree.

Just as he decided he looked like someone in an all-inclusive resort commercial, Alysse appeared. He realized all at once he wasn’t as prepared as he’d hoped to be, because he’d forgotten how beautiful she was.

She arrived just as the sun was starting to set. She wore a casual skirt, and a blousy shirt. But it wasn’t the clothes—more the body underneath it. She was tall—almost five-foot-seven—and had an athletic build. She moved with grace and confidence and he couldn’t tear his eyes from her.

He had his sunglasses on. Her long ginger hair blew in the wind, a tendril brushing over her cheek and her lips. She moved with fluid grace and ease. She stopped on the path and glanced at the cabana. Was she wary of coming out here on her own?

“Hello? Marine?” Alysse called out.

Jay stayed where he was, watching her, feeling a little like a voyeur, but this was probably the only chance he’d have to observe her before she recognized him. He could turn around and walk away from this beach and this woman, just walk back to his Ducati and get the hell out of here.

“Hello?”

There was a catch in her voice and he knew he couldn’t just leave. He didn’t want to. There was a reason he was here and the reason had everything to do with this woman.

“Hello, Alysse,” he said, stepping from the shadows.

She shook her head and then pushed her sunglasses up, revealing her narrowed eyes. She took two angry steps toward him.

“Jay?” she asked. “Is that really you?”

He took a step closer to her. He was so close he could smell the homey scent of vanilla and see the freckles that dotted her cheekbones.

“Yes.”

She threw the cake box on the table and clenched her hands. “You ass.”

“I guess I deserve that,” he said.

She shook her head. “You deserve a lot more than that.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I never thought I’d see you again,” she said, more to herself. She took a step back from him and then pivoted and he realized she was leaving.

“Wait.”

“Why should I?” she asked.

He took two steps toward her and reached out to touch her but she flinched away.

“I...I’m sorry for the way I left,” he said.

She nodded, but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. “I had to get back to base. The way we met and married I never had a chance to tell you I only had a week of leave.”

“You couldn’t wake me up to tell me or maybe leave me a note?” she asked.

Of course he could have, but Alysse had made him think about something other than getting laid, and no woman had done that before. “I didn’t mean to marry you.”

“I know that. It was Vegas that made us both act the way we did,” she said. “Here’s your dessert. I guess your technique with women hasn’t improved if you needed something special to win her back.”

“It’s for you,” he said.

“It’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a cupcake to win me back.”

“I know. Stay for dinner tonight.”

She shook her head. “Give me one good reason. Why should I stay with the man who abandoned me?”

“We have unfinished business, Aly, you know it and I know it. That’s why I left the way I did.”

“I’ve moved on.”

He knew she meant it to hurt him and it did. But he’d already recognized that this was going to be one of the toughest missions he’d ever been on and he didn’t mind working to get Alysse back.

2

A
LYSSE
DIDN
’
T
THINK
as highly of Jay’s idea now that she realized she was the woman in question. There wasn’t any dessert in the world that would make a woman forgive being left on the last day of her honeymoon by her husband. Especially not if the woman in question was her. A cake couldn’t fix the way he’d abandoned her.

Last night she’d had a good time hanging out with her brother and his friends, who were all extreme athletes. Two of them were pro surfers, another two pro skateboarders and Toby was a semi-pro beach volleyball player. She understood that men could let something other than a woman dominate their lives—for Jay it was service to his country. But all of the men she knew had learned how to balance their careers with a relationship. Something that Jay seemed not to have done.

A part of her still wanted him, though. He was dressed in a skintight black T-shirt that showed off his muscles, he was cleanly shaven and she noticed a new scar along the left side of his jaw. How had he gotten that?

He was a Marine who had been in a combat zone; she knew that from trying to track him down to get their divorce finalized. He held himself tensely. His eyes were narrowed and, though he kept his attention on her, she knew he was aware of their surroundings.

“Why are you looking at me?” he asked as he held the chair out for her to sit down. “Do you want to curse at me again?”

She felt a little embarrassed at what she’d done but mostly she felt justified. It was better than her other impulse which had been to start screaming at him. Or worse, to start crying. She doubted that he’d believe how deeply he’d hurt her. After all, as her mom had pointed out, they’d only known each other for a week. But that week had changed her life.

“Maybe,” she said. But she knew she wouldn’t do it. She wanted answers from him. And if she got nothing else out of this dinner, she promised herself at least she’d leave with a better understanding of why she’d been attracted to him and why even a divorce didn’t seem final enough for her to forget him.

He set the bakery box on the table between them. She looked at the bottle of wine chilling in the ice bucket and realized he’d remembered what she drank—Santa Margherita pinot grigio.
Good for him,
she thought, trying not to let it matter.

“I really am sorry about the way I left,” he said. “It was a cowardly thing to do.”

“I’d have thought your Marine code would have a rule about that.”

“Not a rule exactly,” he said wryly.

She didn’t want to flirt with him and talk about the Corps. That easy charm was part of what had attracted her to him in the first place, but she knew now that there was nothing easy about Jay Michener.

“Why did you do it?” she asked. She couldn’t figure out why he’d asked her to marry him. She’d accepted because it had fitted into her plans. She’d just finished cooking school and the next thing on her to-do list was to start a family. She’d always wanted one and when she’d met Jay in Vegas it had seemed as if fate had stepped in.

“I don’t know,” he said.

“Honestly? You must have some clue,” she said. She wasn’t going to let him get away with lying to her.
Not now.
He’d broken her heart. That wasn’t right.

“No. That’s not true. I left because you tempted me to stay,” he said. “And I had a job to do. And in the end the job won.”

Brutal.

But what else had she expected? That was another little nugget for her to tuck away and make sure she never let this man’s charm win her over again.

“Why am I here now? Are you on leave again and thought we could hook up?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m on leave, and as you pointed out I owe you some explanations.”

She leaned back in her chair and took in the scene. The table had been set up with a pretty white damask tablecloth. With the setting sun and private beach, he’d gotten the romance of this moment perfect. But she no longer believed that Jay was the right man for this kind of special moment.

“I’m not sure I’m following you—you came back to explain?”

“No. I came back to see if you would listen to me. Maybe give me a second chance.”

“At what?”

He arched one eyebrow at her. “At us.”

She shook her head. “You want to get married again?”

He shrugged. And her heart fell. He wasn’t here for her. He was here to bring closure to his past. And if she was honest with herself, she’d already let Jay use her enough for this lifetime.

“No thanks.”

She honestly believed that Jay was a warrior. A man more at home with his unit on a mission. Having been a soldier his entire adult life he had no idea how to share himself with others.

“I asked around, you’re still single.”

“I own my own business, which takes up a lot of my time,” she said, not sure how she felt about him asking about her.

“Granted.”

“What do you want me to say, Jay?”

“That you’ll give us a second chance.”

“But you’re making no promises? I’m not an idiot,” she said.

“I know that. Neither am I. And I’ll tell you this, I’ve never been able to forget you, Aly. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you. I know I hurt you and don’t really deserve a second chance, but I’m asking you to give me one.”

He was sincere; she could read that easily enough in his eyes. But she didn’t want to trust him again. For some reason she’d fallen for him—the quiet loner with the easy charm instead of the outgoing athletic guys she usually hung out with.

“I’m sorry. But I don’t think I should be here. You enjoy the dessert and have a great life, Jay.”

She grabbed her purse and started to walk away and he followed her again, this time when he grabbed her arm he wouldn’t let her shake him off.

“No, don’t leave. I’m sorry. I’m not handling this right, but I don’t know what else to do. I need to figure out things that have nothing to do with the Corps.”

“I don’t see how that affects me,” she said. She tried not to let it bother her that he thought about her.

“I guess I want you to give me a second chance, not to leave you again but to love you.”

“I don’t think I can do that, Jay,” she said. “You broke my heart and didn’t have the guts to stay and tell me you were leaving.”

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that,” he said. “But I can show you that I’ve changed.”

“Have you?” she asked. Because so far she wasn’t seeing any big differences.

He started to nod, but then stopped. “I hope so. But I really don’t know. I’ve been on back-to-back deployments so I haven’t had a chance even to breathe since the last time I saw you.”

She tugged her arm from his grip and stood staring at him in the fading light. She could use some closure herself. Maybe then she’d be able to really move on from Jay.

For too long he’d been the reason she’d stayed single, afraid to risk herself again. He’d changed her from the girl who’d always said yes to life to someone who’d started living in the shadows. That was it, she thought as she stood staring at him in the fading twilight.

She’d given him her heart after a whirlwind courtship and gotten burned and now...now she wanted a chance to reclaim her heart and her faith in men. Because her short marriage was the reason why she was too afraid to let anyone in.

Maybe this would heal her.

“If I give you this chance, it might not work out for you,” she said. “I’m not sure I can ever trust you again.”

“I understand. It’s my mission to make you trust me,” he said.

She had to think this through. On the surface it seemed the perfect way for her to get on with her life. She had poured her heart and soul into Sweet Dreams and now the bakery was doing better than she or Staci had ever hoped it would. But what was next? They had been talking about opening a second location, but that was more work. She used work as the excuse to her family and friends as the reason why she didn’t date. Now Jay was back and until she resolved her past with him she’d never be able to move on. He was offering her a lot more than he probably realized.

“There was something powerful between us or we wouldn’t have been attracted to each other the first time.”

“We can try to get to know each other again, Jay, but I’m going to use this time to get over you.”

Jay crossed his big-muscled arms over his chest. It would help her to get over him if he’d let himself go physically in the four years since she’d last seen him. But no, he was still in top form. His thick brown hair was still military short and his eyes had a few more sun lines around them than he had before.

And he looked older, but not in a bad way. He had more experience and he wore it with an ease that she hoped she did, as well. She still wanted him. She had wished she wouldn’t.

The thought of those big arms wrapping around her and holding her made her close her eyes. She remembered the way his legs had tangled with hers and how they’d fitted together perfectly.

“Fair enough,” he said, holding up his hands. “If I can’t convince myself we deserve a second chance then how the hell am I going to convince you?”

He was asking her to trust him, though he didn’t recognize it. She had to believe she was strong enough to protect her heart this time. She had to believe that she was strong enough to resist the lust and emotions he drew effortlessly from her.

And yet, she wanted him. It had been four long years since she’d been in the same space as this man. She’d never admit it out loud, but she had sort of feared he’d die on deployment and she’d never know. That she’d spend the rest of her life wondering what had happened to him.

And though she still wasn’t sure this was the wisest course of action, she found that that one thing hadn’t changed in four years.

It was her intent that this time she’d walk away the winner. She was intrigued enough by Jay to want to stay, and having a plan made her feel that much better about it. But the truth was he was her fatal weakness and something she was determined to change.

* * *

J
AY
KNEW
HOW
FRAGILE
his control over Alysse was. He had thought an apology would be enough at least to get them back to a nice place to start over. But now he was admitting that wouldn’t do it. How out of touch he was struck him.

How could he convince her to trust him when he wasn’t too sure that leaving the Corps and starting over was what he truly wanted? He should have dinner with her and then send her on her way. She deserved a new start without him possibly dragging her down.

And that was the rub. In the field he was confident of his abilities. All the training and missions he’d had ensured that when he took aim he hit his target. But alone on the beach with Alysse, now that was something he wasn’t as confident of.

“Will you come back and have a glass of wine with me?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “But I don’t think I should stay for dinner.”

He escorted Alysse back to the table and for the first time understood how hard this mission was going to be. He wanted a second chance to make things right with her. He’d never meant for her to get hurt the way she had.

He poured them each a glass of wine. Their two-day affair had led to marriage and one week of red-hot sex in the honeymoon suite. He still couldn’t believe that he’d married her. When he’d been with her, he’d felt young—though he was only a year older than her. He’d always felt older, but not during that week. He’d felt young and a little bit carefree. That had all changed on the last night.

But he didn’t want to think about that now. Instead he looked at the way her pretty red hair blew around her shoulders. That attraction hadn’t dulled at all. She was dressed casually and had clearly been working all day but she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to him.

“Tell me about your job. Are you a baker or what at Sweet Dreams?” he asked. He’d found her the old-fashioned way. Followed his lawyer’s address that she’d used to send him the divorce papers. He’d been surprised she’d used a business address but really shouldn’t have been. She’d been very clear in her letter to him that every conversation between them go through their lawyers.

“I own the bakery with a partner. We’ve been open almost three years,” she said as she took a sip of her wine. There was a faint smile on her face and she traced the raised lettering on the dessert box she’d brought.

“From what I hear on base and around town, you’re very successful.”

He’d asked about the bakery and had heard tales of the sexy redhead who worked behind the counter. He’d been jealous of the admiration that the other men had for her. She was his, but he knew he’d given up any claims to her when he’d walked away. And that hadn’t sat well with him.

“We are,” she said. “But then we put everything we have into it. Staci and I have to be at the shop every morning by four to start baking. Usually we try to have a seasonal cupcake so we brainstorm ideas for our next one and then once a week do a sample in the store to judge its success.”

“That makes for a very long day.” She would have to be pretty tired come evening.

“But I love what I do,” she said, then flushed.

There was passion in her voice and something that sounded like joy. She’d found her calling and clearly loved her life. But it seemed as one-sided as his was. “It really gave me something to focus on.”

“I’m sorry for the way I left you. Why did you marry me?” he asked. “I’ve always wondered. You didn’t seem like the kind of woman to fall so quickly.”

She shrugged and looked away. “You know. I was excited about finishing cooking school and celebrating in Vegas.”

“Vegas was a riot, wasn’t it?” he asked.

“Definitely. I guess I forgot that it wasn’t real, you know. The lights and the people, and you were so good with the grand gestures. I don’t even remember you asking me to marry you but I do remember standing in that chapel.”

“Me, too.”

“Why did you marry me?”

“You made me feel like I was a part of the world and not just an observer,” he said.