One Night with her Bodyguard (7 page)

She was quite sure that
was where he would be.

A half-hour later, when Roger pulled to a stop at
the entrance of the nursing home, Claire was so terrified she was almost numb
from it.

Michael might reject
her. To her face. He might break her heart after she laid it on the table.

She was in a strange,
blurred trance as she walked into the building and ascended to the fourth
floor. She made it down the hall to the corner bedroom and saw the door was
halfway open.

She stood in the
doorway and looked inside.

Michael was there, just
as she’d expected.

His mother was in a
recliner near the window, but she was stretched out and sound asleep.

Michael sat beside her.
He had his phone in his hand, but he wasn’t using it. His head rested on one of
his hands, hiding his eyes. He looked like he was rubbing his temples, and even
his shoulders were slumped.

Claire suddenly knew her
father was right. Whatever the reason Michael had left her without a word, it
wasn’t because he wanted to.

He looked battered.

He dropped his hand
from his forehead but didn’t look up. He held his phone in both hands and just
stared at it.

Her heart went out to
him, and she was hit with an overwhelming urge to go comfort him.

He was strong and solid
and competent and professional. But he wasn’t unbreakable.

He needed someone.

He needed
her
.

She was about to
respond to the compulsion to walk over and put her arms around him—forgetting
her nerves, forgetting everything she’d been afraid of just the minute
before—but he looked up just then and saw her.

He blinked for a
second, obviously processing her appearance. Then he stood up with an awkward
jerk.

He strode toward her,
his expression tightening. “What are you doing here?” Despite his low voice out
of consideration for his sleeping mother, his tone was rough and almost angry.

“I wanted to see you.”

“Well, you can’t be
here. You need to leave.”

“I’m not going to
leave. I need to talk to you.”

Evidently realizing he
wasn’t going to get rid of her, he took her arm and walked her into the hall.
When someone passed by and glanced at them curiously, Michael looked
around—obviously searching for somewhere more private to talk. He ended up
pulling her into a large, cinnamon-scented hall bathroom.

When he shut the door,
he said, “So talk.”

To anyone else, his
face might have appeared detached and impassive, but she could see the
exhaustion, the strain in so many different signs. She lifted her hand to cup
his cheek tenderly. “Are you okay, Michael?”

He swallowed so hard
she could see it in his throat, and for just a moment he leaned into her hand. 
Then he said, “I’m fine. I thought you would have understood when I left this
morning.”

“I did understand what
you were trying to say, but it was the wrong thing to say.”

His brows drew together
as he studied her face.  “You’ve been crying.”

She sucked in an
outraged breath, briefly distracted from what she needed to say to him.  “Of
course, I’ve been crying, you big idiot. You left me this morning without a
word.”

His expression softened
and he wiped the lingering trail of one tear with his thumb. “I’m so sorry,
Claire. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Well, you did hurt me,
and I deserve to know why.” Her heart was racing again, but no matter how hard
this was for her to do, to face, she was now sure this was the right thing.

He turned his head to
the side and took a few breaths, obviously thinking or steeling himself for
whatever he planned to tell her.

She didn’t let him. She
didn’t want to hear whatever he thought was best for her to hear.

“You promised you’d
never lie to me,” she murmured, her voice breaking as she remembered him saying
that. Just yesterday morning.

He cut his eyes back to
her. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“Yes, you have.” She
shifted from foot to foot, forcing herself to hold his gaze, even though she
was tempted to shut down for a few seconds. “You told me that, if I let someone
see the real me, they would…they would adore me. You promised me it was true.”

He just stared down at
her, something coiled tensely inside him the way she’d seen in him before.

“And I let you see me.
For real.” It was so hard for her to say the words, despite everything. Her
voice was cracked and breathless.

He made a rough sound
in his throat and rubbed his face with his big hand, looking away from her.
“Damn it, Claire.”

She knew he didn’t want
her to say it, but she did anyway. “And you still left me.”

“You’re going to make
me spill it all, aren’t you?” He took one more thick breath and turned to meet
her eyes. “Fine. I’ll give you everything. I didn’t lie to you, Claire. I do
adore you. I adore you beyond all sense and reason. I’ve adored you for years,
even though I knew I shouldn’t. I’ve always adored you, even though I knew you
weren’t allowed. I can’t help it. I just can’t help it. I adore everything
about you. I just adore you, Claire.”

She wasn’t sure what
she’d expected—maybe some sort of initial expression of interest. She certainly
didn’t expect this, and the wave of feeling drowned her. It was too much. She
hid her face in his chest and clutched at his shirt.

His arms went around
her automatically, tightening with strength and comfort she needed.

“I just need a minute,”
she managed to gasp, still unable to raise her head but afraid he would think
she was withdrawing from him.

“I know.”

It was a less than a
minute when she was able to straighten up, capable of meeting his eyes and
speaking again. “If you feel that way, then why did you leave me this morning?”

He dropped his arms
from her waist and his expression changed. “Because it’s just not as simple as
that. Being with you—even in the initial stages of a relationship—would
completely change my life. I would have to quit my job and find a new one. Your
father pays for this place for my mother—did you know that? It’s one of the
benefits of the job. I could never afford it myself. I would have to find
somewhere new for her, and it would never be so good for her. Do you
understand? It wouldn’t be a normal dating relationship for me. It would change
everything.”

She stared at him, the
hope she’d been feeling suddenly crashing into heartache again. “I…I
understand. I hadn’t thought about all that, but I understand. That’s asking
too much. I would never be worth all that for you.”

He choked on a rough
sound. “
Of course
, you would be worth it. But we’d just be starting out.
I’m not foolish enough to expect you to feel the same way I do. I know we’d
have to begin casually. I’d never put pressure on you to make it serious so
soon. Last night was incredible, but I never should have let it happen. I just
don’t know how I can upend my entire life—and my mother’s life—and at the same
time risk…risk my heart that way.” He lifted a hand to stroke her cheek with
his knuckles. “I’d never get over it. I just can’t take that risk.”

She stared at him
blindly, trying to process what she’d just heard.

“You understand, don’t
you, honey?” Michael asked hoarsely. “I never wanted to hurt you. I get that
you might think it would be crazy for us not to have more nights like last
night. But it would be so much more for me than just dating you. I don’t think
I can do it.”

She was almost panting
now as so many different powerful emotions vied for control inside her.
Finally, frustration won out. She grabbed his shoulders and tried to shake
him—although he was so much bigger than her it was a futile effort. “You idiot!
You absolute idiot!”

He grabbed her wrists
and pulled them down as she tried to shake him some more. “Claire, what’s
gotten into you?”  He was stronger than her, so he managed to stop her
flailing. “Believe it or not, I’m not inclined to share my personal feelings
and that wasn’t exactly easy for me to say. You’re really calling me an idiot?”

“Because you
are
an idiot. What if I want more from you too?”

He took her face in his
hands. “I know we’re really good together. And, after last night, you know it
too. But didn’t you understand about how much more there is at stake for me?”

“Yes, I heard you.
You’re not hearing me. You’re so caught up in your doomed saga that it never
even occurred to you that I might adore you too.”

“What did you say?”
He’d frozen, all the tension inside him shuddering in his tight posture, in his
blue eyes.

She pulled her wrists
out of his grip and took his hands instead, so their clasped hands were held
between their bodies. “You heard me. I adore you too. Speaking of things that
are hard for one to do, do you have any idea how hard it was for me to come
here to talk to you, after you’d rejected me? I…I almost couldn’t do it.
There’s no other man in the world I would have gone against my nature for—no
one except my dad. But I thought…I knew…you were worth it. Even though you’re
an idiot.”

“So what are you
saying?” He was always so quick that she knew how hard this had hit him, since
he couldn’t seem to keep up with the conversation.

“I’m saying that this
wouldn’t be casual for me. It would be just as serious as it is for you. I’m in
it all the way too.”

 “You are?”

She peered up at him,
trying to read into the stunned awe on his face. “Why is that so hard for you
to believe?”

“Because you’re…you’re
you
.
And you could have any man you wanted.”

Her mouth twisted in
emotion as she realized he actually believed such a thing was true. “Even if
that nonsense is right—which it isn’t—it still wouldn’t matter. Because the man
I want is you.”

“Are you sure? I’m not
romantic, charming, or particularly forthcoming about my feelings.” Something
had changed in his demeanor, though. He wasn’t doing such a good job holding
himself back. He’d slid an arm around her waist and was combing the other hand
through her hair. “Plus, I’m way too old for you.”

“I don’t want a
charming, romantic talker. Too much talking makes me crazy. You know that.”
Feeling like her battle had already been won, she let herself give him a sweet
smile. “And I don’t think you’re too old. You can’t be much more than forty.”

He made a choking
sound. “
Forty
? I’m not even thirty-fi—“ He must have suddenly realized
she was teasing him. She hadn’t been able to sustain her innocent smile. “Damn
it, Claire.”

She laughed helplessly,
and he pulled her into a tight hug.

“Please stop making up
ridiculous excuses,” she said, muffled by his shirt. “If you don’t want me,
then I would accept it. But I’m not going to accept anything else. So just tell
me the truth. Do you want me?”

“More than anything.”

“Then we’re fine.
Because I want you too.”

He eased her head back
so he could look down into her face, and she saw everything she needed in his
eyes. No stoic mask. No reluctance. No hiding anymore.

She reached up and
pulled his head down into a kiss.

He responded
immediately, taking over the initiative with strong hands and hungry mouth. She
was breathless when he finally drew back and gathered her into another hug.

“So it’s all right?”
she asked at last, clinging to him because she was feeling too much to even
stay on her feet. “I know it’s asking a lot for you, so if you really don’t
want to—“

“Of course, I want to.
It’s what I’ve wanted for so long. I just didn’t think it would ever happen.”

“Well, that’s because
you’re an idiot.”

He laughed, and his
arms tightened around her even more. “I’m not about to argue with you about
that.”

She straightened up,
although she was still holding onto his shirt. The fabric was damp and
hopelessly wrinkled. “Do you think we could maybe leave the bathroom now? I’d
kind of like to sit down.”

They were smiling when
they left the bathroom, both of them looking a little worse for wear. A passing
nurse raised her eyebrows sky-high when she saw them.

They went back into his
mother’s room and sat down. Claire was so exhausted from the intensity of the
last twenty-four hours that she was almost incapable of talking. Michael seemed
to understand that she needed silence to restore her equilibrium, and he didn’t
try to engage her for a long time.

She thought he probably
appreciated the silence too.

After about a
half-hour, his mother started to wake up. She was disoriented at first, but she
accepted the cup of hot tea Michael made her and she seemed very pleased at the
unexpected pleasure of his visit in the middle of the day.

She seemed more lucid
than when Claire had seen her last night, and eventually her eyes landed on
Claire.