One Plus Two Minus One (8 page)

“
No,” she
said, and pushed his hand away.
Pressed
on it herself. After a minute, wondering why she said it. “Hold my
wrist.”

He did, and
she came.
She must have been closer than
she realized. She came, a long, breathless, gaspy orgasm, and
worried as she finished that she’d been louder, more
whorey-sounding, than she’d meant to.

“
Yeah?” he
said.
Gasped.

“
Yep,” she
said.
“Go.”

He must have
been holding back.
He shifted, went
faster. She put her face down, leaned on her arm. She could see his
face in the mirror, under her other arm. He was staring down at
her, watching her. Watching his cock go into her, maybe. Or just
watching her back, the back of her head. She couldn’t quite work
that one out, then she did. He was watching like he couldn’t
believe he was inside her. Like he had a crush, and wanted this,
and he couldn’t believe he’d got it.

She liked
that.
She was starting to trust him, to
believe he meant everything he said. She knelt there and watched
his face. She could feel when he did, inside herself, but she could
see it on his face too, when he closed his eyes and stopped moving
for a second, and opened his mouth, and was done.

He lay down
on her back, so she slowly tipped forward.
Lay on her and hugged her and kissed the back of her head.
She was hot. Her skin was sweaty. She couldn’t breath properly
underneath him.

“
Hey,” she
said.
“Don’t worry about
that.”

He looked at her.

“
You don’t
have to,” she said.
“Hold me afterwards
and all that shit.”

“I don’t mind.”

She pushed
him off.
“I do. It’s too hot.”

He kissed her.

“Don’t do that either,” she said.

He rolled over onto his back and looked the
ceiling, breathing hard.

“
And hey,”
she said, while she was criticizing.
“Don’t talk so much about me being your professor, okay?
It’s kind of creepy.”

“Yeah, okay.”

They took
turns in the bathroom.
Him first, because
he had the rubber on. “Out there,” she said. Pointed. “Closed door
across the way.”

She sent him
to the main bathroom, not the ensuite.
It
wasn’t really thought out, but it felt right once it was done. She
didn’t want him hearing her pee that close by, didn’t really want
to hear him either, but most of all she didn’t want him in her
space. Guests went into the main bathroom, it was kind of a public
place. Since she’d been living here she’d been the only person in
the ensuite and she’d got used to not sharing.

She heard the
flush and the delay after was long enough he’d probably washed his
hands.
She got up and went herself, was
quick because she didn’t completely trust him, half expected him to
be gone, but when she came back she found him sitting on the bed.
He watched her come back.

She perched
beside him.
She found this moment a bit
awkward. Basically making small-talk to prove you cared about his
mind and therefore weren’t a total slut. Or while you waited to see
if he could get it up again.

Ethan started
looking around her room.
In the wardrobe,
in her drawers. He didn’t get up, but he didn’t need to, because
she wasn’t that tidy. The wardrobe doors were always open, as were
two drawers of the dresser. He was peering.

“Stop it,” she said.

“I’m not doing anything.”

She had a
pile of books beside the bed.
He rolled
over, picked them up.

“Stop.”

“I just want to look.”

The books
were all work ones, all dull and too advanced for him to
understand.
Mostly in maths you read
papers on your computer. Very occasionally someone printed an
actual book, and she took those home to read at night. He looked at
the spines, then rolled over and put the whole pile down again. He
stood up and started wandering around the room.

“
Hey,” she
said.
“Watch it.”

“I’m just curious.”

“Why?”

“
Why
not?
I’ve already seen the worst.” He
looked at the vibrators on the floor.

“How do you know that’s the worst?”

He looked at her.

“I’m just saying, there could be whips and a
gimp mask in the hall cupboard.”

He looked out towards the hall, almost
interested.

“
Nope,” she
said.
“Fine, poke around in my life.” She
lay there and watched him.

He looked at her underwear, and said, “You’ve
got some nice stuff.”

“Yep.”

“Do you wear them to lectures?”

She looked at
him for a moment.
“Yep.”

He looked in
her wardrobe.
“I remember some of
these.”

“Careful.”

He grinned,
pointed to a dress.
“That goes
see-through when the light’s behind it.”

“I know.”

He sat beside
her and kissed her some more.
Kissed her
face, her neck, then slowly tipped her over, laid her down so he
could kiss all down her back, down her spine, to her
ass.

“
What are you
doing here?” she said.
“I mean really.
I’m too old for you.”

“I’ve had a terrible fucking crush on you for
a year.”

“I can’t decide if I should believe you.”

“You should.”

“
I
can’t.
I haven’t yet. It’s pissing me off
a bit.”

“Just believe me.”

“Why should I?”

“
You’re
smart.
I like smart.”

She was a bit
surprised by that.
“Not that I’m your
professor?”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to talk about
that?”

“Just this once.”

He slid off
her, sat beside her.
“Not really,” he
said. “Kind of, but not really. If you’d just been someone in the
class, I’d still want you.”

“Someone smart?”

“
Yeah, the
chick who always talks to the professor, who always asks the right
questions.
Her.”

“
I used to be
her,” Beth said.
“I don’t think anyone
thought it was sexy.”

“They just didn’t know how to tell you.”

She at him
for a moment, then grinned.
“I’m older
than you,” she said.

He shrugged.

“Do you mind I’m older?”

“
One way or
the other, I don’t really care.
You’re
not that old.”

“
Huh,” she
said, and lay backward, tired.
He lay
down beside her, not quite touching. They were both quiet for a
while. She listened to the wind in the trees outside, and thought
he might have dozed for a while. She felt sleepy too. Sluggish and
sated and fucked more than she was used to.

It started to
rain, heavily.
Some thunder boomed a long
way away.

“Maybe I should go,” he said.

“
Wait until
it stops,” she said.
“You’re
fine.”

He nodded, and kept lying where he was.

Half an hour passed, and Ethan kept kissing her.
He was halfway hard again, but didn’t seem to
want to fuck, especially. Was just hard, like maybe guys that age
were always hard around a woman they were into. It was flattering,
Beth thought, a cheap thrill. She tried to remember who she’d slept
with when she was his age, and couldn’t. Maybe nobody, she thought.
She might have been working too hard, caring too much about exams.
He was stroking her ribs, her armpit, light, but firm enough it was
just bearable, and didn’t quite tickle. He had played with her
breasts for twenty minutes. He was touching her silky-light on
purpose, she thought. Teasing her, turning her on again, very
slowly. Turning her on, but also just wanting to touch her because
she was there.

“
You want
something to eat?” she said suddenly.
She’d realized he would lie there all day if she didn’t
make decisions for them both.

“If you do.”

She slid out of bed, reached for clothes.

“
Don’t,” he
said.
“Stay naked.”

She stopped,
looked at him.
“Nah.”

“
Please.
I want to look at
you.”

She liked
that he wanted her that much.
But still.
“Nope,” she said. “Another time.”

She put on an
old tee shirt, shorts, didn’t bother with anything else.
Her nipples stuck out through the cloth and he
looked at them. A lot.

He stayed
naked, so she pulled the curtains.
The
front ones were always shut so people on the street couldn’t see
in. She hadn’t bothered earlier with the back because it was only a
private courtyard, but she did now.

She stood in
the kitchen and opened cupboards, opened the freezer.
“What do you want?”

He stood behind her and looked too.

“
Pasta?” she
said.
“Burgers?” Cheese on
toast?”

“Pasta?” he said.

She nodded,
put water on to boil.
He went sat on the
other side of the counter, on a stool. Kept looking at her legs.
Hitching up on his elbows to see.

“
Don’t,” she
said, but didn’t really mean it.
She’d
needed someone to want her like this all year, and was only just
starting to realize. She’d needed something like this all her life,
probably.

“Take your shorts off,” he said.

“No.”

“Your top.”

“
No,” she
said.
Then, curious, “If it was one or
the other, which?”

“Is it?”

“Just answer.”

He actually
looked unsure.
Worried, like the choice
really mattered. It was flattering and sweet, and for that,
terribly sexy.

“
Choose,” she
said.
Lifted the shirt a little, pushed
at the shorts.

“Top,” he said.

She pulled it
off and got things out the cupboards with bare tits.
He watched. Watched very carefully.

She kept
grinning at him.
She was relaxing. He
seemed so into her, she was starting to believe he was.

“
Why maths?”
she said.
Then suddenly thought she
sounded like a professor and disgusted herself a bit. Then realized
he wasn’t listening anyway, and put her shirt back on, and asked
again. She was fucking a guy who was so into her his brain actually
shut off when her boobs were out. She couldn’t quite believe
it.

“Take it off,” he said.

“Nope.”

“Please?”

“
Not safe to
cook with that much bare skin,” she said.
“Why maths?”

“I’m good at it.”

She
nodded.
“Same here. But there’s more than
that.”

“
Not
really.”
He seemed to be thinking.
“You’re better than me. That makes it different.”

She didn’t
answer because it was obvious.
She
chopped garlic instead.

“
It’s
different for you,” he said.
“I think,
one lecture…”

She glanced
up.
He looked a bit guilty, like he’d
done something wrong. “Just say it,” she said.

“
Last
year.
You were talking about real maths
and what people think maths is. How it isn’t mechanical, it’s like
art.”

She waited.

“
It isn’t
like that for me.
I don’t think it is for
most people. For you, it’s a different thing. You can see these
beautiful things all around you that the rest of us
can’t.”

He sounded
almost envious.
She looked at him, and
thought, really thought, what a horrible thing it would be to lose
that. Thought how it was for most people, how blind they
were.

She was
starting to feel guilty.
That she had
this thing he couldn’t share. Normally, when that happened, she’d
got angry and bitchy and resented the other person for being
stupid. Now, she felt bad, and wanted to make it right. Either she
was changing a lot, very suddenly, or she was really into
him.

“
I could show
you,” she said, then wondered if that was too much.
She didn’t want to get locked into some
long-term arrangement, didn’t want to waste hours on a guy that was
just a one-off fling.

“
Yeah,” he
said, and his voice was odd.
He was
actually a little sad, she thought. “I mean, thank you, but I don’t
think you could. I think it’s something that’s there or isn’t, not
something anyone can learn.”

Beth had
thought the same herself.
She suddenly
wondered how it was to be around people like her, people seeing all
these wonderful things, and know you couldn’t see them yourself. A
little like being blind in a world of artists, she thought, and
wasn’t sure it was a very nice thing to be.