One Secret Night (15 page)

Before Isobel could overthink things, she fired an email off to her friend and, to her surprise, a reply lobbed straight back in, suggesting they meet for lunch the next day. Isobel was shocked to realize that this would be her first social interaction with another human being since she’d left Africa. She’d become so introspective, so reclusive, since her imprisonment and release. It was time to rectify that.

* * *

Seeing Tamsyn in the hotel lobby where they’d agreed to meet, Isobel was hard-pressed not to fly across the polished tile floors and launch herself into her friend’s arms. She hadn’t allowed herself to realize just how much she’d missed Tamsyn until now, when they stood here face-to-face.

“Oh, my God, Isobel, you’ve lost so much weight. Are you okay?” The words tumbled from Tamsyn’s lips as she reached for Isobel and hugged her tight. “You’re all skin and bone. C’mon, let’s hit the restaurant. You definitely need feeding up. My treat.”

Once they were seated, Tamsyn leaned forward and reached for Isobel’s hand.

“Tell me,” she urged. “Are you okay? Really okay? I read your blog post. It must have been wretched.”

Isobel gave her a weak smile. “That’s one word for it, yeah.”

“I’m so relieved you’re safely home. So, tell me what you’ve been doing since you’ve been back.”

Isobel shrugged. “Nothing. I’ve sorted out a headstone for my mother’s grave and that’s about it. I can’t seem to get motivated to work or to do anything about showing any of my work. I just feel so directionless.”

“You’ve been through a lot,” Tamsyn sympathized. “You’ll come right with time.”

“But will I? Most days I don’t even feel like picking up a camera again. Photography has been my life for so long, I’m terrified at the thought that I’m never going to be able to do it again. I really believed coming back to New Zealand would help, that it would make me feel as if I’d come full circle, ready to start the next stage of my life. But it’s all I can do to even get out of bed each day.”

Tamsyn picked up a teaspoon and absently stirred her coffee, the look of concern on her face almost Isobel’s undoing. She’d managed to stay strong for a couple of days now but faced with her friend’s worry on her behalf, she felt the all-too-familiar tears rise near the surface again.

“Listen to me. I haven’t even asked how you’re doing,” Isobel said, struggling to pull herself together.

“I’m fine, but I’m worried about you, Isobel. You don’t look or sound like yourself. I know you’ve been through a harrowing experience, and that it takes time to recover from something like that, if you even can fully recover from what you went through. But the Isobel I know wouldn’t let anything or anyone strip the light out of her life.”

“You’re right. I’ve let them win,” Isobel said bleakly. “I need to fight back.”

“Or maybe you need to take a few steps back. Regroup, regain your strength. Have you thought about why you’re having so much trouble?”

“Not really,” she admitted helplessly.

“Maybe you should. And maybe you should think about whether part of this languor you’re suffering from isn’t because you’re missing Ethan.”

That really made her sit up straight. “Ethan? Why would I be fretting over him? He was the one who told me to leave. I was too much of a distraction, apparently. And I was keeping him from his work.”

Tamsyn laughed. “Is that what he told you? Seriously? Did you never stop to consider that maybe he was scared? Scared to love you? You’re so different yet so perfect for one another. The perfect complement.”

“Not as perfect as Shanal, apparently. How are their wedding plans coming along?” Try as she might, Isobel couldn’t quite keep a touch of snark out of her tone.

“They’re not. He isn’t marrying Shanal. They’re great friends but totally unsuited for anything else, and they know it. You know, you should think really hard about where you go next, Isobel. Look deep inside and follow your heart.”

“I’ve always followed my heart. It’s what I’ve made my reputation doing.”

Tamsyn waved aside her words as if they were of no consequence. “I’m not talking about causes. There’s a difference between following a cause that’s close to your heart and true love. Think about it, Isobel. True love can move mountains...and governments.”

Isobel jolted at Tamsyn’s last words. Governments? Was Tamsyn suggesting what she thought she was suggesting? The New Zealand embassy representative
had
mentioned she had friends with influence, and she’d struggled to think who they could have been. The only way to find out was to ask outright, but her mouth struggled to form the words. Eventually, though, she managed to speak.

“Was Ethan behind my release?”

“Look, he made me swear not to tell a soul what he did but since you’ve put two and two together, I’m not going to lie to you.”

Tamsyn went on to give Isobel the full story about how Ethan had pulled every last favor he’d been owed, contacted every friend in high places in Australia and New Zealand, as well as every government contact he’d ever made, and hounded them to pull the necessary strings to see to it that Isobel was released.

Isobel didn’t know what to think, what to feel. It was an emotional slap upside the head that she hadn’t been expecting.

“He loves you, Isobel, and I know you love him, too. He can be overbearing, but it’s all right sometimes, isn’t it? It’s how he found you, and got you home safe. I know wanderlust is your middle name but can’t you find some way to make it work between you? From what I can tell, you’re both miserable apart.”

“We weren’t all that happy together. We were too busy fighting.” Isobel attempted to reason but was rewarded with a look of irritation from Tamsyn that made her firmly shut her mouth.

“If you weren’t happy it’s because you were both fighting what, deep down inside, you both wanted all along. For goodness’ sake, Isobel—don’t you want to be happy?”

“Of course I do, and I am...mostly.”

Tamsyn groaned aloud, earning them a strange look from the couple at the table next to them.

“I swear, Isobel, the pair of you are enough to wear out the patience of a saint. Seriously. Look, don’t make any decisions here and now. Think about what I’ve said and ask yourself, deep down, what’s most important. I’ve done my part.”

“Thank you,” Isobel said, reaching to squeeze her friend’s hand. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Of course you do, and more. So grab it, Isobel. You came close to losing your life without ever really living it. Don’t you owe it to yourself to at least try?”

About to argue that she’d lived her life more fully than most, Isobel hesitated. She knew what Tamsyn was talking about. For all she’d done, for all her travels, she’d never risked her heart. She’d never, not once, taken that leap of faith and put her happiness in the hands of another person. But could she? Could she trust another person so much, so deeply, and put her carefully constructed world at the mercy of another?

There was only one way to find out.

Seventeen

E
than looked out his office window as the shiny red hatchback pulled up outside the winery. He didn’t recognize the car and, to his knowledge, they weren’t expecting anyone today. His heart skidded across a few beats when he recognized the slender blond-haired woman who got out from the driver’s side.

Isobel? What on earth...?

Before he realized it, he was out of his chair and headed outside. He had to be mistaken, surely. But no, the woman standing opposite him was indeed Isobel, albeit a pale, hollowed-out version of the bright butterfly he remembered. Every male protective instinct welled to instant life inside of him and he fought the urge to sweep her up in his arms and make everything better in her world once more.

His eyes raked over her, taking in the fact she’d lost weight, noting the lack of health in her skin and the missing gleam in her hair. She was a shell of who she used to be, but at least she was still alive, he reassured himself. He had that to take pleasure in at the very least. And she was here.

“Is it true?” she said abruptly, her voice a rasp on the chill winter air. “Are you responsible for my freedom?”

It was a loaded question, one with multiple answers if you examined the various layers of what freedom was. Ethan opted for the simplest of them all.

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I called in some favors,” he said, downplaying the many phone calls and emails he’d made and sent once he figured out that Isobel had been arrested.

“They must have been some favors,” she commented.

He had no answer for that. How could he tell her that he’d been prepared to move heaven and earth to ensure her safety? He only wished he could have been there himself when she was freed, to shepherd her safely home. But the idea had been impossible. For one thing, he hadn’t wanted her to know that he’d been involved. He hadn’t wanted her to feel indebted to him. Instead, he’d reminded himself daily of the old saying, “If you love something, set it free. If it was yours, it will come back to you. If it doesn’t, it was never meant to be.”

He had all but given up hope of seeing her again, but here she was.

“Why, Ethan? Why did you do that for me?” she asked, her hands clenched in tight balls at her sides.

“Look, why don’t we go inside the house and talk. It’s cold out and I swear your lips are turning bluer by the minute.”

She let him take her elbow and guide her to the main house. He was relieved that, aside from the handful of staff he could hear at the back of the house, none of the family was home. He settled Isobel on a sofa in the small sitting room that Tamsyn liked to use when she was home, and added an extra log of wood to the fire. He hadn’t been kidding about Isobel turning blue out there. She was so cold, she was shivering.

Ethan sat next to her and, taking her hands, chafed them together between his larger, warmer ones. Finally, the shivering stopped.

“Sorry I’m being such a wimp,” she said.

“You’re not a wimp. Here, I’ll go and organize some tea for us. You stay by the fire until I’m back.”

He was gone a bare five minutes but every second felt like forever. When he carried the tray through to the sitting room, he almost expected to discover that she’d been a figment of his imagination all along. But to his relief, she remained on the sofa where he’d seated her. He poured a mug of tea and added the small dash of milk he knew she preferred before handing her the mug.

“Thanks,” she said, wrapping her fingers around the ceramic cup and lifting it to her mouth to sip at its contents. “So tell me, Ethan, why did you work so hard for my release?”

“Tamsyn told you, didn’t she? I asked her—”

“I made her. I needed to know. It’s why I’m here.”

Ethan felt his body sag, the tension escaping him as quickly as it had arisen. It wasn’t love that had brought her here—just gratitude. “All this way just to say thank you? There was no need. I just want you to be happy and safe, Isobel. Isn’t that enough?”

“But why is that so important to you?”

She wasn’t going to let go until he told her the full truth. Ethan looked her square in the eye and hoped she’d be strong enough for the truth.

“Because I love you, Isobel Fyfe. I would move mountains for you if it was necessary.”

Twin spots of color highlighted her cheeks, but she said nothing. Then, to his shock, her face crumpled, her eyes welled with tears and she began to cry—huge wrenching sobs that racked her body. Ethan took the mug from her hands before she could spill hot tea on her legs, then pulled her into his arms, holding her frail frame against him as if he could absorb her sorrow and make everything better again. He wished it could be so easy. Instead, he just had to wait while she cried it out. And hold her, just hold her, and thank God she was safe.

Eventually, her sobs quieted and she pulled back a little. “I’m sorry,” she said, swiping at the moisture on her face. “I haven’t been the same since...”

He wasn’t surprised. He’d heard little about her ordeal in Africa but reading between the lines of her latest blog entry, it hadn’t been pleasant.

“It’s okay,” he hastened to reassure her. “You’re safe now. You’re here, with me.”

“And you love me?”

Her voice was tiny, as if she hardly dared believe the words she’d just said. He put everything into his response. All the fear, all the worry, all the relief when he’d heard she’d been released.

“I love you with all my heart.”

A tremor ran through her and she lifted her tear-stained face, her watery gaze meeting his. “No one has ever loved me like that before.”

“You’ve never let anyone close enough to love you, have you?” Ethan asked with unerring accuracy. “Will you let me into your heart, Isobel? Will you let me love you?”

“I want to.”

She was still scared, still wary. Ethan knew what he had to do next.

“It’s safe to let go, Isobel. Safe to love me back if that’s what you want to do, and I hope you do. But if you don’t, that’s okay, too. I could live with that, provided I know you’re okay and that you’re happy. It took a lot for me to realize it, but you’re the most important thing in my whole world. I’m here for you, always.

“I know how important your work is to you and I’m embarrassed that I never considered the importance of what you do and how vital it is to you. How good you are at what you do. I understand that now. I know you need to travel and I know you can’t be tied down to any one place or any one person but, if you’ll only let me, I will support you in whatever you want to do provided that, from time to time, you come back to me.”

* * *

Isobel heard the words coming from Ethan’s lips. Just simple words but filled with so much meaning. They both terrified her and yet gave her hope, healing that place inside of her that had felt empty and barren for so long.

She looked at him with new eyes. He loved her. It was a gift beyond compare. And even though he loved her, he still anticipated nothing from her in return, except perhaps her love. There were no demands, no expectations. With him she’d be as free to do whatever she wanted, be whomever she wanted, as she’d been all her life.

Maybe this was the true meaning of love, after all. This freedom, the give and take. The all-consuming devotion of her parents for one another had excluded her on so many levels and had left her father a damaged and broken man. One who’d remained on the run from his own feelings, his own grief, until his breaking heart had eventually given out on him and taken him at a time of his life when he should still have been in his prime.

Could she believe that with Ethan she could have a true partnership? One with give and take on both sides? He was willing to do so much to be the man she needed him to be. Could she be the woman
he
needed? She wanted the answer to be yes. She had no doubt that he was that man for her. Not a doubt in the world. It was more than she’d ever dreamed of having, this opportunity, this gift. With his love in her life she would have more freedom than she could ever believe possible—the freedom to love unconditionally.

But only if she had the strength to reach out and grab it.

Not so very long ago she’d have run from this chance at happiness—hell, she
had
run rather than stay and fight for it, even after she knew how she felt about him. And look where that had landed her.

She entangled her fingers with Ethan’s and dragged his hands to her lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

“Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for being you, for loving me, for freeing me.”

“Oh, Isobel, you’re easy to love.”

“But why me? Why now? When I left, you were so adamant we were wrong together.”

Ethan sighed and bowed his head for a minute. When he lifted it again he had a look of shame on his face.

“I was wrong. I was scared. It’s no excuse, I know. I couldn’t handle the weight of my own feelings for you so I pushed you away. It was stupid. No,
I
was stupid. I pushed you away and I nearly lost you for good. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to forgive myself for that.”

“I would have gone, anyway. I had my own mission.”

“I know, and I wouldn’t have stood in your way, but I may have been able to do something sooner when you were taken into custody.”

“You did enough. I’m here, aren’t I?”

“You are. I’d like to believe it’s for good, but I know I can’t expect that of you. But I do want you to know that you will always have a place here with me, whenever you want it. I meant that, Isobel. Whenever, however—you call the shots. I’m yours.”

Isobel felt her heart fill at his words. They still had so much to work through but here he was, this proud man, offering her his world.

“I never thought I’d ever want to spend forever with one person, or to have one home base for the rest of my life. I’ve been traveling for so long now that it’s become second nature.”

“Maybe sometimes I can come with you.”

“I’d like that.” She smiled and cupped his face. “I’d like that a lot. And when you can’t, I think I’ll like coming home to you.”

She leaned down and kissed him, savoring the sensation of his lips against hers, of how right it felt to be with him again. When she broke the kiss, she snuggled against him, and they half sat half lay on the sofa in front of the fireplace together, wrapped in one another’s arms and their own thoughts. Eventually, Isobel knew she had to tell Ethan how she really felt, about why she’d come back here to The Masters.

“I knew I loved you when I left. It terrified me, in fact. Even though I wanted you to ask me to stay, I think I would have left, anyway.” His arms tightened around her but he remained silent and she was grateful for the mental space, the opportunity to regroup her thoughts and deliver them to him as he deserved. “I realize now that it’s actually safe to love someone else, to trust them with your heart. No, let me get that right. It’s safe for me to love
you.
I know you have the capacity to hurt me, to crush me if you really wanted to, but I also know you couldn’t do what you did for me and be someone who would deliberately hurt me at the same time.

“I really struggled with knowing I loved you, but when I was stuck in that prison, in a cell with a couple of dozen other women, each of whom had so much less than me, it was thinking of you, of here, that kept me from losing my mind.” She reached up and pushed her fingers through his hair, loving the fact she could do this, that she could feel him with her on so many levels. “Before I left I worried that I didn’t fit in here, with you in your home and in your family and in your world. But knowing that you love me makes me understand that I belong with you—that I can finally put down roots, as long as you’re with me, too.”

“If you’ll let me, I will always be with you, Isobel. I don’t want to ever let you go again, although I know you’ll need to for your work. I can handle waiting for you wherever you go if I know you’ll be coming back. Wherever I am will always be your home, too.”

“I know that now. I guess I was on the run from commitment because I was just too afraid to trust in anyone else. I told you about my parents, about how they kept my mother’s illness from me and about how my dad uprooted me when she died. I never made peace with that and I never, ever wanted to give anyone the capacity to hurt me the way my dad hurt once Mum was gone. It wasn’t just them. I saw it over and over again in many of my subjects overseas. For me, it became the face of love, and it wasn’t something I was prepared to try—not when it came at such an incredibly high cost.”

Ethan sighed and rubbed his hand across her back. “I know what you mean. As much as I loved my father, he was a distant man. He didn’t give love easily unless he felt you’d earned it. Maybe that’s what drove my mother into another man’s arms. Who knows. But despite his distance, I’m sure he loved her in his own way. Sadly, for them, it wasn’t enough.

“I spent too many years of my life emulating his example. I don’t want to do that anymore. I need to learn to bend and flow a bit more, to share responsibility and to let other people into my life, and particularly into my heart.”

Isobel looked up at him. Beneath her ear she heard his heart beat steadily and filled with warmth at the knowledge that it beat for her. “People like me?”

“Definitely you, Isobel. Always you.”

He closed his arms tight around her, holding her as if he’d never let her go, and for the first time in her life Isobel didn’t feel restrained.

“I thought I’d lose myself if I loved someone like I love you,” she said. “But it isn’t about losing me at all—it’s about filling that part of me that wasn’t whole to begin with. You are that person for me, Ethan. I feel whole when I’m with you. I’m only half a person when we’re apart. I had to go away to understand that.”

Ethan pressed a kiss to her forehead. “If that’s the case, then the past couple of months have been worth the agony of waiting to find out if you were ever coming back to me.”

“I will always come back to you,” she vowed fervently. “But one day, not too far away, I think I’ll be ready to settle down, to live a quieter life. One where we can have a family of our own, where we can plan our future together.”