One Split Second (40 page)

ONLY OPEN HEARTS RECEIVE LOVE

ONLY OPEN MINDS RECEIVE WISDOM

ONLY OPEN HANDS RECEIVE GIFTS

ONLY SPECIAL PEOPLE RECEIVE THIS MESSAGE

8 LETTERS, 3 WORDS, 1 MEANING!

Actually, it took me a little while to think what it was… . mmh? Oh Yes? . . . got it… I LOVE YOU!!

I think that is lovely, and I did tell him, but it was hard to hear, from the background noise he was no doubt in Plymund getting drunk with someone, but I did hear him say that he was waiting for his divorce to come through, so I have no idea if he is still with May or not, oh, well, it sounded as if he was still in Plymund, so if that’s the case we will no doubt keep in touch somehow.

Well, with all that going on tonight, I hardly noticed that it is nearly 12 o’clock, I had 5 minutes… so I got my phone ready, and I also, went into my top drawer and took out the little bottle that Ruby (Duncan’s wife) had given me for Christmas. I didn’t realise at first I thought it as whisky, but it was Tia Maria, which I much prefer to whisky. I waited, and took the bells in myself, whilst the nurses, started coming towards the bed with a trolley of paper cups and whisky, sherry, or wine. They asked me what I would like, from the trolley, and I joked with them that it was like being on a plane, and I could call them the trolley dolly’s… so the choice was, a whisky, sherry or wine, in really classy paper cups. Gotta be careful in this ward, Jim and Sam could be in danger of causing a scene. Well, just as well I had my little bottle of Tia Maria, because the measures the nurses gave me, wasn’t enough to even ‘wet my whistle’, I wasn’t going to complain, because I had my glass of wine, albeit a small glass, and my tia maria, so I made do with that!! And to be honest, there was no point in getting even another glass, because my alcoholic head is telling me that if there’s not enough to get drunk, then why bother drinking anyway!

Well, the nurses had to go and give the rest of the ward their ‘drips’ of alcohol, and then no doubt when they were done, enjoyed the rest for themselves, through the back, because all the nurses have disappeared. I’m only pissed off because I can’t have any more to drink and they can, but drink aside, I’m just here by myself and I have no way of getting out, and even if I could I wouldn’t. No, I’m here on my own and I better get used to it! Anyway, the nurses tonight have about as much personality as mechanical dummies!!

Well well, Maclean, my wonderful godson phoned me, pissed as a newt, singing, Neil Diamond, Sweet Caroline down the phone… . he is soo funny; he is also my nephew, Angela’s son, who youv’e heard me talk about loads.

This hospital is crazy, Sue (one of the older nurses) has asked me to turn off my phone because it interferes with the equipment!!! My God, it’s a bloody joke, all the young nurses are away having a quiet tipple together for the bells, left Sue in charge, and now she doesn’t even know that these machines are not affected by the mobiles!! Silly old bat, AND I’m sure she was one of my perpetrators that time I was trying to come off morphine AND she also reminds me of the crazy mother in a drama I watched once, called CYBIL, where the girl had 16 personalities, as a coping mechanism to deal with the abuse at the hands of her mother. It was really scary, but well acted, and I can’t remember the actress’s name, the one that plays the ex-wife of Robin Williams in Mrs Doubtfire?, oh how annoying but it will come to me.

Aagh, this place is a friggin joke!!! It’s been a year full of mixed ups and downs, mostly downs, thanks to a certain Pete, but most of my misfortune was because of my terrible lack in taste when it came to choosing boyfriends (or should that be the other way round?) and it’s probably going to be another bad year, but what I have to remember is that, I’m here, and I’m here in order to get better, not to have a ball. I hope I haven’t been too hasty with a few of my old contact numbers e.g. Pete/Jerry—should I have left the past alone? Thing is, I’m safe cause I’m home now and I’m going to try and not let anyone influence any of my decisions. In some ways I don’t even know why I want to keep in touch with Jerry. Is it my ego? Because I know how much he loves me? Is it my ego that can’t afford to get dented? I’m a conceited, crazy, bitch and have got to stop this; even Pete thinks there is a chance!! NO, NOT NOW, NEVER!

Well, the bells were a non-event but I have spoken to Mum, Marie, Casey, Mitch and Barry, so far, so that has got some of the ‘happy hogmanays’ out of the way, and I did end up staying awake till 3. Casey had left dads and went on to phone from her party and she said Happy NEW Year again, but this time she was crying because she said she was missing me and wanted to be with me and doesn’t want me to be alone and loves me so much. Oh, I love her so much and she feel exactly the same. My baby is so sensitive. She thinks I am here on my ‘own’, even though there are people around, and it’s very strange because I can honestly ‘feel a real large bump’ in my heart as if it is really hurting and I know Casey had just got that feeling as well, as we have both felt it before… it’s beautiful and sad at the same time. Bless my little darlings, l love her and Mitch so much and I really hope I can carry on with my rehab and eventually get into my chair and in time have a home for them to come up to in Scotland.

Oh, around 2ish I got another call from Maclean to say Happy New Year again, and he was even more drunk, and he kept putting other people on the phone to say Happy New Year as well, and it was getting noisier and he was STILL, trying to get me to sing Sweet Caroline down the phone again, and in the end we were cut off, and just then, I was caught on the phone again, and decided just to switch it off, and I just lay in bed thinking… .