One Summer in Santa Fe (15 page)

“Hi, Caro,” he said, and reached out to touch her face as a thrill of relief shot through him. “You’re back.”

Nodding, she tried to speak, but her throat wouldn’t make words yet. Taylor reached over for a mouth sponge and wet it, brought it to her mouth to moisten it. “Hi,” she said, finally.

Taylor spoke to her, filling her in on what her injuries were, what had happened. Tears overflowed her eyes as she listened. “Alex?”

“He’s at rock-climbing camp today. He missed a few days, but I figured it was better for him to go than to hang around the hospital so much. I’ll bring him by after camp.” He left out the part where
he
felt totally incompetent in dealing with Alex’s grief. Other than spending time with the kid, there was little he could do at the moment until they knew how Caroline’s recovery was going to go.

Another nod and she closed her eyes, rested a moment, then opened them again. “Who’s Piper?” she asked.

Stunned, Taylor stared at her. “You know about Piper?” he asked.

Frowning, she closed her eyes again, thinking. “I remember something. Soft. Warm. Loving.”

Yes, Piper was all that and more. So much more, and he was beginning to see it, was beginning to not want to let go of it, beginning to see the change in himself. “She’s an ER nurse who took care of you when you first came in. A friend.”

“More.” The frown remained, as she opened her eyes. “Isn’t she?”

“Yes, she’s much more.” Taylor huffed out a shaky
breath as emotions poured through him. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he struggled to control himself. He couldn’t appear weak in front of Caroline now, but he was so relieved. He needed to be strong for her, for Alex. Giving in to an emotional weakness was just plain unmanly. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to. But it seemed that his heart had other plans. Not long ago, he’d broken down with Piper, admitting things to her he’d never have done previously. A few deep breaths and clamping an iron will on the emotions he struggled to contain, he finally opened his damp eyes. “She’s much more.”

Caroline stared at him, her eyes clearer than they had been moments ago. “Tell me.” She looked into Taylor’s face. “You have feelings for her.”

“Yes.” He could no longer deny it. These feelings for Piper were stronger than anything he’d ever known. Sure, he’d had relationships, but they’d been the casual, no-strings-attached kind. What he felt for Piper was entirely different.

“Tell me, T.” She squeezed his hand. “Who is she?”

With a nod, he looked down at their entwined hands. This was his big sister that he’d share his joys and sorrows with all through his life. How was he going to tell her he loved a woman but couldn’t say the words? “She’s wonderful, and…I think I’m in love with her.” For the first time, he was able to admit that aloud and knew that it was true. The fear building in him nearly choked his throat closed. How could he ask Piper to stay when he was such a failure at relationships? How could he ask her to give him one more chance when he’d had more chances than he deserved?

“Taylor.” The heart monitor revealed the racing of Caroline’s heart. “
You’re
in love? How?”

“Like you suggested, I kept my feet on the ground long enough to meet the right woman.” Without any intention of having that happen.

“She loves you?”

“Yeah,” he said, and looked away.

“That’s wonderful.”

“Not so wonderful. She’s afraid she won’t be enough for me, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of me wanting more.”

“Is she right?”

Thinking for a second, Taylor didn’t know how to answer. “Sometimes I think she’s right, but when we’re together, it’s magic. She grounds me, balances me, keeps me from staying in the clouds too long.”

Caroline smiled at him as tears filled her eyes. “Then you need to convince her to trust you. I never had that with José and it drove us apart.”

Taylor nodded, but fear cramped his heart. What if he couldn’t say the right things? Then what? “I’m not sure I know how. I’ve never been good at commitment stuff.” Exhaustion seemed to overwhelm Caroline as she struggled to keep her eyes open. “We’ll stop talking now so you can get some more rest. You’re doing better and the leg is healing, but you need sleep. My love life can wait.”

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, nodded. “Come back, bring Alex.”

“I will.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek as she succumbed to the mind-numbing sleep she desperately needed. As he stood, he thought about her words. Convincing Piper that she was enough for him, that she could trust him. His fear throbbed to the surface. What if Piper was right? Could he do that to her and walk away? He didn’t know and didn’t want to think about it right now.

As he left the room, he wondered if he could face the rest of his life without Piper in it. He had five more weeks to figure it out.

T
AYLOR
took a personal leave of absence from work. Just for a week. Maybe two. Who knew how long he was going to be caring for Caroline and Alex? His life had been completely derailed by his sister, his nephew and a woman he wanted as his lover. One had been foisted on him, one had been a family obligation he had willingly taken on and one had stolen his heart from out of the blue.

Unable to ignore the kitchen’s deplorable condition any longer, he washed the dishes that had piled up over the last week. If this kept up, he’d have to hire a cleaning service. Caroline was eventually going to come home, but wouldn’t be able to stay by herself right after rehab, so he imagined she’d come to stay with him until she was on her feet again. His sister and his nephew had nearly taken over his life, but he was okay with that now. In fact, he was looking forward to having them both here. The silence in the house was overwhelming, and he wouldn’t be able to tolerate it for much longer.

Alex hooted from the living room, apparently finding some solace in shooting space aliens. The sound of normality made Taylor smile. This was the sound a happy family made. A pang of longing shot through him.
Longing for what hadn’t been but, more so, for what could be and wasn’t. An image of Piper soft and dreamy whispered into his mind. The sound of her laughter echoed inside him, and he tried not to listen to the call of his heart. The phone was just inches away. All he had to do was call her. And what? Say he he’d been an ass? That he was wrong?

Trust. The simple problem between Piper and himself was trust. Caro had hit it right on. Neither he nor Piper trusted each other enough to reach out, both were afraid of being hurt. But at their ages, who hadn’t been hurt more than once and painfully so? Taylor sighed, searched for any remaining dishes and opened the oven door.

And found the cake. It hadn’t changed much in the last week, but just looked hard and dried. The icing as crusted over as his feelings had been until this summer. Until Alex.

Until Piper.

Welcome Home.
The red icing words seemed to have a message just for him.

Home.
It was what he had felt when wrapped in Piper’s arms.

Home.
It was what his house had felt like with Piper in it.

Reaching in with hands that weren’t quite steady, he removed the cake and turned to find Alex standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

“What are you doing with that?” Alex asked, his eyes wide with questions. Reaching out, he stuck a finger in the icing, licked, then made a face. “I forgot about it.”

Taylor glanced down at the cake. “I was going to throw it out. Doesn’t seem like it’s edible anymore.”

“Letting cake go to waste stinks.” Alex watched as
Taylor tossed the cake into the trash and bundled it up to take outside. “You miss her, don’t you?” he asked, wiser than his years.

“Yeah, but your mom will be home soon. She’s healing well.”

“I meant Piper.” He shrugged and looked away from Taylor. “I miss her, too. She’s cool.” He returned to the living room and turned off the television.

Unable to speak through the lump in his throat, Taylor took the bag of trash to the Dumpster outside. He needed a moment alone to collect his thoughts, which had scattered at Alex’s insightful statement.

The night sky had pushed daylight away. The stars, so visible in the high desert sky, popped out here and there, as if waiting for someone to see them. The sight, the beauty of the night sky, the loneliness of it, left a hole in his chest. This beauty had once been enough to fill him. Now he knew better. Piper was the one who had filled him, completed him, and Alex was right.

He missed her. Commitment and responsibility no longer seemed to be things that interfered with his life, but things that he needed and wanted in his life. Like Piper.

Piper packed up her unappealing lunch of leftover tuna salad and tossed it into the trash. She had a few more days to explore Santa Fe before her contract extension began. Surely there were wonderful places to eat, exotic foods to try, retail therapy to be done. Determined now not to waste her time off, she grabbed her keys, her purse and opened the door.

Taylor stood there with his hand raised. “Uh, hello.”

“Hello.” She paused. He looked as yummy as ever, but his eyes were as wary as her heart felt. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.” He lowered his hand to his side and shoved it into his trouser pocket. He was dressed casually, as if he were on the way to the golf course.

“I was just about to go out for lunch.” That was direct without being rude, wasn’t it? If he didn’t want to join her it was an automatic excuse to leave. She wasn’t testing him so much as giving him an opportunity to step up to the plate.

“Mind if I join you? I’d like to talk.”

Looking into his eyes, she couldn’t say no and a flutter of relief swept through her. He’d been through hell the last week or so with his sister’s accident and continued care of Alex. He probably hadn’t had a decent meal in that time, either. Green chile cheese fries were great, but it wasn’t sustainable nutrition for anyone. Who was she to deny him a good meal now? “Sure.”

“Where were you going?” he asked, and led her to his car.

“Nowhere special. I was just going to drive around until I found a place that looked good or I was too hungry to care what the food was like.” Now, with him so close, her appetite for food had fled somewhat.

Taylor gave a quiet chuckle. “Let me take you to my favorite lunch spot.” He started the car and headed out into the steady flow of traffic.

“I thought that was the hospital cafeteria,” she said with a teasing arch to her brows. The banter between them felt like old times, but with a certain amount of strain that just didn’t feel right. Maybe there was no going back to what might have been between them.

“Hardly. This is a hallmark of Santa Fe. The original inn was built 400 years ago when this area was settled. The food there is outstanding and the atmosphere is whatever you need it to be.”

“Take me to it.”

After a short, quiet drive, Taylor parked and escorted her into a hacienda, a pueblo-style, wooden-beamed and stucco building that looked as if it had once been a private home on the outskirts of town. Gardens and private terraces offered a sense of privacy for a number of tables and the waiter led them to one of these secluded alcoves. Alone and nervous now, Piper took a seat. If they had still been lovers, this table for two surrounded by a tall fence veiled in lush ivy would have been a perfect place for a romantic rendezvous. But now she didn’t know what they were, and the scene lost its charm. They ordered and a heavy silence hung between them.

“How’s Caroline today?”

“How have you been?” They spoke at the same time.

“You first,” Piper said, and sipped her iced tea. Relaxing with him over a casual lunch wasn’t likely to be happening today. Being on her guard would save her from embarrassing herself by revealing things she wanted to keep hidden. For her own sanity, she had to protect her emotions from him. He’d already been too close to her for comfort.

“She’s much improved, thanks. Out of ICU today, and probably going to rehab by the end of the week.” He picked up his water glass twice, but didn’t drink. “So far no complications.”

“That’s wonderful. I was so worried when she first came in.” Hands nervous, she fiddled with the napkin in her lap.

“How have you been, Piper?” he asked.

The tone of his voice was husky and low, personal and intimate, and she knew he wasn’t talking about her work life or her sister. With him watching her so in
tently, she had the feeling that the rest of the world faded and it was just the two of them tucked away together. Almost afraid to look at him, afraid she’d reveal her feelings without words, she gave a quick glance and a shrug. “Okay, I guess.”

“Piper, look at me, please.”

Tears pricked her eyes as she glanced at him and looked away. Going to lunch with him had been a really bad idea, no matter how hungry she was or how brilliant the atmosphere. “I’m sorry, I can’t. Not when you look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to devour me, like you want me, and I know it’s not true.” She spared him a glance, then returned her gaze to her lap. “Maybe this extension was a bad idea. Maybe I should have left when my first contract ended.” She sighed. “I can’t be a casual lover with no strings attached. I want the strings, and I need the attachment. I can’t be what you want, Taylor. I’m not built that way.”

He leaned back in his seat as the server interrupted with a basket of freshly made tortilla chips and house salsa. “What way is that?”

“You know, Taylor. You know.” Finally, she looked at him. “You’re about danger, adrenaline and excitement. You’re fearless.” She paused and swallowed, the words sticking in her throat. “And I need to be safe.”

“You’re safe with me, I would never let you get hurt.”

“No, I’m not safe.” She would never be emotionally safe and stable around him. He was too volatile, too out there. He had the power to hurt her more than any man she’d ever known.

“I didn’t mean for that rock-climbing thing to happen. It was an accident, you know that.” Now he leaned forward, intense.

She leaned closer and placed a hand on his, waiting until he looked at her. “I wasn’t talking about climbing. I was talking about my heart, Taylor. With you, I’ll be forever fragile, never sure of where I am with you, and I can’t live that way.”

“Piper,” he said, and took both of her hands in his and pressed his face into them. “I’ve never said this to another woman, but…I’ve missed you.”

His voice cracked and the sincerity in his face convinced her that he told the truth. Could there truly be hope for them yet? Could she stand on the truth as he knew it and not get knocked down?

“I’ve missed you, too. That’s what makes this so damned hard. We were friends and I miss that.” She wanted desperately to believe in him, in what they could be together, but some part of her just knew it wasn’t going to happen. Her emotions were a mess when it came to Taylor. Tears escaped her eyes.

Taylor pulled her close and kissed them away, then kissed her mouth as if she were the secret to sustaining his life. “I don’t want to let you go, Piper. I’m not ready to watch you walk out of my life.”

“I don’t want to, either, but how are we going to make this work?” Concern filled her eyes and the tentative smile faded.

“I don’t know. I don’t know. But if we don’t at least try to make it work, we’ll never know, will we?” he asked. Tenderly, he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand and lingered there, as if savoring the smell and the feel of her skin. He looked at her as he pressed his cheek to her hand, his compelling gaze holding her captive. “Don’t be afraid. Don’t walk out of my life. Please.” He sighed and looked down at their entwined hands. “Something has been missing in my life until now. Until you.”

Piper stared at him for a few long moments without speaking, afraid to give life to the hope that had begun to bloom in her chest. “There are so many things I’ve been afraid to do since my parents were killed. I’ve been so wrapped up in making sure that Elizabeth was taken care of, that life was safe and secure, that I think I’ve forgotten to live my own life.” She gave an abrupt laugh and reached up with one hand to touch his face. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore, Taylor.”

Taylor pulled her close for a hard kiss on her lips. “Stay with me, and you won’t need to be afraid. Neither of us will need to be afraid or alone any longer.”

“Where would you like these?” the waiter asked as he stood beside the table, holding two steaming plates of food.

“I’m thinking we need those wrapped to go,” Taylor said, and let go of Piper who settled into her chair with a blush on her cheeks.

“Certainly. I’ll be right back.”

“Are we leaving?”

“We’re going to take our lunch to your place where no one will find us for a while, and we can talk uninterrupted.” He cupped the back of her head and brought her close for another drugging kiss.

She pulled back slightly and whispered against his lips. “Drive fast.”

They made it back to her apartment and shoved the take-out into the fridge before Taylor pulled her against him. His hands trembled as he cupped her face and drew her mouth upward. The taste of her, the feel of her, the scent of her, all reached inside him once and for all, filling the void that had lived in him.

She was the answer. She was what he needed. She was what he wanted in his life to make it complete. Now
he knew what she meant to him. He felt as if he’d jumped off a cliff and forgotten the glider.

Her hands clung to his waist and her breathing came in quick gasps as she answered his kiss. Eager pulses of want and desire spread through him, making his heart erratic and his palms slick. Wanting her skin against his, he had to push down the needs raging in him, reel in the urgency pounding through his body. This wasn’t just about him. His feelings for Piper had changed. He knew she loved him. And he? Yes, he loved her, too.

“Piper,” he said, and cupped his hands around her face. “Piper.” He pressed his forehead to hers, needing to take a calm breath, to savor the feelings rocking his world at the moment.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, babe. Nothing at all.” He kept her face tipped up so that she looked at him, knew he spoke the truth. With his heart pounding the way it was, he could speak nothing else. “I want to make love to you right here and right now.”

“Yes, I know.” Her eyes went soft, her desire for him obvious.

“The first time I made love to you was for the pleasure of it. The second time was from need.” He looked at her, pressed a small kiss to her nose. “This time is because I love you.”

“What?” Tears overflowed again. “Don’t tell me that just so I’ll stay, Taylor. You don’t need to do that.” She started to pull away, but he held her tight, more certain than ever of his feelings for her.

“Listen with your heart, not your hurt. I love you, that’s not a lie. It’s the biggest truth of my life and it’s been staring me in the face since we met. I just couldn’t
see it. I’ve missed you these last few days, and I’ve realized that my life and my home aren’t the same without you. I want you in my life, Piper,” he whispered.