One Summer Night At the Ritz (13 page)

I got the train to Windsor today. And, guess what, there he was – fishing off the side of his boat like he didn’t have a care in the world. He was more than surprised to see me, I’ll tell you.

I told him about Angie and the baby. And do you what he said? He said he knew. He knew. The useless bastard. He said he couldn’t be tied down. He couldn’t stay. He’d warned her not to get involved. I walked away because I couldn’t bear to hear any more. The idea of it. I thought I might hit him. I know what it’s like to bring up a child alone and I just feel for this poor baby. Angie doesn’t have a clue what to do. I can’t go to France now, can I? I can’t leave her with a baby and no one to help her look after it – they’ll take it into care.

Do you know what he said as I walked away? As if it made up for it? I’ve given her money, he said. I’ve given her money.

Money.

What bloody good is money?

Jane put her hands to her lips. The money. In the account. It was her father’s. It was her father’s for her to make up for him.

She swallowed and shut the book. He wasn’t dead. Or he might be dead now, but he wasn’t dead as she was growing up and Enid had known. She’d known that her mum wouldn’t be able to look after her and she had given up her chance to leave. She had stayed to look after Jane.

She felt her eyes welling up and used the backs of her fingers to push the tears back.

She had stayed to look after Jane.

It was no casual chance that she happened to be there for her. She’d orchestrated it. She hadn’t stood in and taken charge. She’d let her have her mum and just been there when she was needed to pick up any pieces or make things normal.

She had cancelled her trip for them. She had chosen to stay. God, what must she have thought about Jane’s tirades about finding her father? How she’d shouted that he would solve everything, save the day. Enid had almost told her, hadn’t she? That day in the kitchen when she’d reached into the drawer and got her cigarettes. But instead she’d allowed her to believe it. To believe in him. To have her fantasy.

But what Enid hadn’t realised was that she herself was greater than any fantasy figure in Jane’s imagination. The knowledge that Enid had stayed for her, had chosen to care for them, was better and more fulfilling than any news about this man fishing on the edge of the river bank. She had been loved and her mum had been loved, and they had been saved, by someone much more important than him.

She stared at the pages some more. Reread. Absorbed the few snippets about her dad, Enid, her past, their story. She took pleasure in filling in a history she had thought forever blank. Then she put the diary in her bag and left the studio, shutting the door behind her but without the finality that she had the last time she had locked it.

As she walked, her steps felt different. Like with each footprint she was treading with a sense that she belonged. She was tethered to the ground. She had a grandmother fuelled by propriety, a father who liked to fish and couldn’t be caught, a mother who had chased headlong after love to hell with the consequences, and a guardian who had given up a dream to keep her safe. And when she thought back to those evenings lying on the boat as it bobbed with the river, listening to poems, the smell of cigarettes and blossom in the air, she hoped Enid had been OK with her choice.

She presumed Martha had taken Will to the cafe but she did a quick detour through the orchard before she joined them.

They’d scattered Enid’s ashes under one of the trees, a little plaque with her name on it nestled in the long grass. Jane stopped when she got to it then did a quick check to see that no one was watching. She stepped forward, threw her arms around the gnarly trunk and hugged it.

‘Thank you,’ she whispered. ‘Thank you for staying for me.’

Then she rested her cheek against the bark for a second before letting go, wiping some tears from her eyes and heading back towards the cafe.

Through the kitchen window she could see right the way inside. Will and Martha had joined the table with Jack, Emily, Annie, Matt and River. Annie’s mum and her husband Walter were standing next to it chatting to Martha. Will was talking to Jack. River’s girlfriend Clemmie arrived as she was watching and climbed over everyone to sit next to River in the corner. Ludo was carrying over a huge tray of coffees and bowls of cherry pie.

She watched for a moment without moving.

Thought how nice it would be to have Will like that in her life. But she knew he was from a different world. That he didn’t have enough room in his schedule for her. That they didn’t fit together – just look at his clothes. She laughed to herself.

He looked up as if he could sense himself being watched and met her eye through the window. She raised a hand to say Hi. She saw him smile.

She wondered what Enid would do in her shoes and the line in her diary about going to The Ritz popped into her head.

If we can’t make beautiful memories at the moment, what can we do?

It might not be wartime, but for Jane, she felt like she’d just come out the end of a very long battle with life.

Chapter Twenty-Two

The barbecue at Matt and Annie’s went from afternoon through into the evening. The drive was lined with flickering lanterns on big sticks, there were fresh flowers on little tables dotted about the garden and a bar of summer cocktails.

Will had stayed and helped them set up and then asked if he could invite his brother and his mum because he was sure they’d want to be involved. Matt said the more the merrier. When they turned up it was early evening and people had started dancing, all the teenagers were swimming in the pool.

Will introduced his mum to Martha while Zeph sidled up to Jane, two beers in his hand and offered her one.

‘Thanks,’ she said, slightly wary. But he looked less cocky this evening, maybe more relaxed. He was wearing board shorts, flip flops and a black knitted jumper. He took his sunglasses off before he started to talk.

‘I should be thanking you.’

‘Yeah? Why?’ Jane shook her head, unsure.

‘My brother spends one night with you and suddenly we’re having lunch and an actual conversation. I’m assuming the two are connected.’

Jane laughed, put the bottle of beer to her lips and didn’t say anything to agree or contradict.

‘I apologise if I was rude. At The Ritz,’ he said. ‘I’d had a fair amount to drink and it’s no excuse, but…I sort of got the impression that perhaps I didn’t help the evening along.’ He looked at her, his eyes glinting.

‘No. No you didn’t help much,’ she said, glancing past Zeph to where Will was standing with his mum and Martha, with one eye clearly on their conversation.

‘Sorry,’oZeph said again, a touch more sheepish. ‘I still don’t think you’re his type, by the way.’

‘Yes, we have that established.’

Zeph laughed. ‘Let me finish. I don’t think you’re his type, but I think you’re good for him. And it’s more than possible that his type’s been wrong his whole life,’ he added with a wink.

Jane rolled her eyes and took another swig of her beer. She could see Will heading over in their direction. Zeph saw him too and said, ‘I think this is my cue to leave.’

‘Hey, Zeph!’ Jane called as he strolled away. ‘Go and talk to that guy over there…’ She pointed towards Emily’s Jack. ‘He builds things. Crazy things at festivals and stuff. I think you might find him interesting.’

Zeph paused, looked over towards Jack and then back at Jane. ‘Thanks,’ he said, surprisingly sincere.

‘You’re welcome.’

Will was still a couple of paces away when suddenly the music shut off and Matt jumped up onto one of the garden chairs.

‘Hi, everyone,’ Matt shouted. ‘I won’t take a moment, I just had something I wanted to say…’

All the guests paused what they were doing and turned to look at Matt. Jane saw Annie glance around, confused and a bit embarrassed that he was up there standing on a chair.

Will closed the gap between him and Jane and she felt his arm close to hers as they watched together.

‘So, er…’ Matt paused again. ‘God, it’s actually quite nerve-wracking up here.’

The crowd laughed.

‘OK, I’ll be quick. I wanted to thank you all for coming on this stunning summer’s afternoon. I always think how lucky I am to live on this island and be part of such an amazing community. And it’s a pleasure to have you all here - eat, drink, dance, swim - just enjoy yourselves. But while it’s always fun to have a party, I do actually have a hidden agenda for inviting you all…’

The crowd oohed as Matt reached into his pocket and then, jumping down from the chair, he stood in front of Annie who had started to realise what was going on and had turned a bright tomato red, and said, ‘Annie White, I adore you. You are one of the best things that’s ever happened to me and, well, it would be amazing if you would marry me. Do you want to marry me?’

Annie put her hands over her mouth.

Everyone was silent.

Will nudged Jane on the arm as if it was all very sweet.

Matt suddenly looked really nervous.

And then Annie nodded. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Yes I would really like that. Thank you.’

The crowd laughed.

Matt exhaled with relief and then seemed to remember about the ring, fumbling to get it out of the box and slip it onto her finger.

Then he lifted her up in a big hug and everyone cheered.

Jane glanced up at Will to find him watching her.

‘You’re not meant to be looking at me,’ she said.

‘It was fun. All your different expressions as that played out.’

Jane looked away, embarrassed.

The music started up again and they walked over to where Emily was admiring Annie’s ring.

‘Congratulations,’ Jane said, giving Annie a hug.

‘Thank you! God, I can’t stop smiling.’ Annie covered her mouth.

‘Don’t, it’s nice.’ Jane pulled her hand away.

‘It is nice, isn’t it?’ Annie beamed.

‘So when are you gonna get married?’

‘Oh I don’t know. Christmas? I’ve always liked the idea of a Christmas wedding.’

‘That would be so lovely. You could have Christmas trees and mulled wine and loads of fairylights.’ Jane clapped her hands together at the idea of it.

‘Let’s toast the happy couple,’ said Emily, who’d appeared with a bottle of champagne and some glasses. Jack was just behind her, deep in conversation with an awe-struck Zeph.

When everyone had a flute overflowing with bubbles, Emily raised her glass and said, ‘Congratulations Matt and Annie!’ Then wiggling her own engagement-ring finger added, ‘Looks like we’ve got the start of a wedding season on Cherry Pie. I wonder who’ll be next?’ she said with a sly grin, looking directly at Jane who had to look away.

Jane could feel Will watching her, feel him intrigued by the all-knowingness of her friends, their looks and exchanges clearly fuelling the impression that she liked him, if he was ever in any doubt.

Annie rolled her eyes and gave Emily a nudge to stop her winding Jane up, then said. ‘Anyone fancy a celebratory swim?’

‘What in the river?’ Will asked, looking to Jane, who was still blushing, obviously assuming, since the St James’s Park incident, residents of Cherry Pie spent their whole time sploshing in and out of open water.

‘No actually I was thinking just the pool but the river, why not? What the hell?’

Next minute, half the party were stripping off and heading to the end of Matt’s garden where it joined the river. Jane was following behind Will, not quite believing what she’d started. Emily was frowning at the idea of the freezing, dirty river but not about to miss out on any fun. Annie was still on cloud nine, practically skipping into a dive. Zeph was already half naked and running to jump.

The water was cold but the air was warm. The sun hadn’t quite set and Jane found herself lying back and letting herself float. She’d swum in this water a thousand times but never with all her friends. Never like this. With splashing and shouting and people dangling their legs off the bank, hair wet, shivering in their damp clothes, drinking beers while others fashioned some sort of rope swing from one of the trees. Never with someone like Will swimming next to her. Glancing her way and giving her a wink before getting out to throw himself in off the rope swing after his brother.

They all stayed in the water for what seemed like hours. Enough time for the sun to set and everyone in the water to become outlines and shadows.

She was about to get out when she felt Will swim up next to her, wrap his arm around her waist and pull her back into the water.

‘Can we swim to your boat from here?’ he asked, almost under his breath.

Jane shut her eyes. All she could feel was the press of his arm around her. Her back pulled up against his chest, the water lapping around them. The noise of everyone else receding into nothing.

She nodded.

She could feel him smile.

This was another moment. Another chance. And this time she felt confident and it felt right. It felt like it was for her. It felt like the future wasn’t tomorrow but right now, and she wasn’t going to miss out.

No one noticed them leave.

They swam in silence past the boathouse and towards the bridge. She kept thinking of things to say and then not saying anything.

All she could hear was the sound of their arms cutting through the water. Up ahead she could see the white of her houseboat lit up in the moonlight.

There were some metal steps hooked over the side of the boat that she used to pull herself up. Will followed. Walking round to the front she found her spare key in amongst the pot plants, trying not to think of the fact that tomorrow she’d have to go to Matt’s house to pick up her phone, her keys and their clothes.

She paused by the door, turned around to say something to Will. Just to check that this was a good idea, maybe to hold onto the moment a minute longer because out of the water she could feel herself starting to get nervous, shivering with cold and adrenaline. But she didn’t have time to say anything because the moment she opened her mouth, he bent his head and kissed her.