One Tuesday Morning (7 page)

Clay leaned closer and rested his forearms against the roof of her Escolade. “You're crying.”

“No.” A plastic laugh forced its way across her lips. “Just a long day.”

He cocked his head and studied her. “You sure?”

“Yes.” She sniffed again. “What're you doing here?”

Clay nodded over his shoulder to the church building. “Picking up a packet for Sunday school.” His grin was easy. “Second grade starts a new unit this Sunday.” He hesitated. “You here for the mission meeting?”

Laura nodded. She was grateful for the chance to collect herself. Clay knew her too well to be tricked, and the last thing she wanted was for this to be the moment when Clay finally understood the truth about her marriage.

Clay took a step back and leaned against a van parked next to Laura's. “Isn't Eric supposed to be with you?”

“He's too busy. Couldn't make the meetings.”

“Oh.” Clay hesitated. “What about Josh?”

“Eric's with him.” She forced the corners of her lips up again. “Just the two of them.”

“That's good.”

Laura drew a slow breath. “How was work?”

“No car chases all week.” He grinned at her. “Must be some kind of record.”

Laura's gaze fell to her hands. She hadn't seen Clay since the pizza place, and she needed to thank him. “Hey, about the birthday party …” She climbed out of the car, shut the door, and leaned against it so that she faced Clay. “Thanks for showing up. It meant a lot to Josh.”

“Eric should've been there.” Something just short of anger flickered in Clay's expression. He locked onto Laura's eyes a beat longer than necessary. “It's a pattern, isn't it?”

For an instant Laura had the strange urge to defend Eric. He was her husband, after all, and his work schedule had been this way since long before Josh was born. But she couldn't do it. Clay was right. Eric wasn't around enough, it was that simple.

“Yes. For a while now.” She looked at a spot on the ground near her feet.
No tears, God. Please. Not here, not now
. “He and Josh barely know each other.”

“He's crazy.” Clay clenched his teeth and let the air ease through them. “He works so hard he doesn't know what he's missing.”

Laura looked at him and tried to read into that last sentence. She wanted to ask exactly what he meant, whether he was talking about Josh or her. But she knew better. There were certain lines in-laws didn't cross. Even if they'd been friends since high school. She found Clay's eyes again. “It could be worse.”

“Yes.” The depth in Clay's eyes looked suddenly more pronounced. “Eric's a good guy, but … well, maybe his priorities need a little rearranging.” Clay shrugged. “He should've been at the party.”

She nodded, and Clay seemed to sense that the conversation was hard on her.

He leaned his head back and stared at the pink and orange sky above them. “Josh had fun … that's all that matters.”

An image flashed in Laura's mind. Eric holding court with his colleagues at Koppel and Grant, waxing on about the virtues of one stock over the other, while Clay played air hockey with Josh at Chuck E. Cheese's. That didn't make Eric a bad guy, exactly. Lots of fathers worked too many hours, and she should be grateful Josh had someone like Clay. But instead of feeling grateful, her soul ached at the impossible situation she was in.

Clay strained to see her eyes. “Talk to him, okay?”

“Okay.”

Then without saying another word, he pulled her into a hug, the kind they'd shared a thousand times before, but one Laura needed more than air. “I'm here for you, Laura. For both of you. Don't let anything crazy happen.”

Laura slid her fingers beneath her glasses and wiped at an errant tear. “We won't.”

“Good.” He drew back and patted his hand against her cheek. “You're my two favorite people in the world.”

She sniffed and pulled away, reaching into her car for her purse. “I know.”

“Come on.” Clay took a step toward the church. “Everything's gonna be fine.”

Three hours later Laura pulled into their driveway. Something about seeing Clay, hearing his optimism had lit a spark in her heart. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe they could get counseling again and make real changes this time. If they'd loved each other once, then somehow, someway God could lead them back to that place, right?

She was about to step out of her car when she noticed something strange. A car sat parked in their driveway, and Laura stared at it, confused. It was nearly ten o'clock on a Friday night. Who could've been visiting at that hour? She grabbed her things and headed inside. Josh was sitting at the dining room table writing something, and next to him was Jenna, their baby-sitter.

Laura froze in place, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. “Hello, Jenna.” She hesitated. “I expected to see Mr. Michaels.”

The teenager smiled and slid an eraser across the table to Josh. “He got called into work.” She pointed to a stack of notepaper. “Josh and I were doing a little multiplication.”

Laura set her things down and made her way slowly into the dining room. The moment she saw Josh's bloodshot eyes, she knew. Eric had done it again, made a promise and then broken it without a second thought as to how it would affect Josh.

Anger trampled over Laura's optimism, and she held her tongue. She wouldn't talk about their troubles in front of Jenna. Laura pulled her wallet from her purse. “What time did you get here?”

“Just before seven.” Jenna tousled Josh's hair and gave Laura a knowing look. “He's had a hard night.”

Just before seven? Laura could've strangled Eric. She'd left for church at six-forty-five. That meant she hadn't been gone ten minutes when he called Jenna and headed off for work. Laura ordered herself to stay calm. “Did he say when he'd be home?”

“Actually …” An uneasy expression filled Jenna's face. “He was gone by the time I got here. He said it was an emergency.”

“You mean …” Laura's heart skipped a beat and then slid into an unrecognizable rhythm. “He left Josh alone?”

“Just for a few minutes. I told him I'd be right over, so he put a video on for Josh.” Jenna directed her next sentence toward the child. “You were right where you were supposed to be, huh, buddy?”

Josh nodded and cast Laura a look that was part anger, part unspeakable sorrow. Laura gave him a weak smile. “We'll talk in a minute, okay?”

He hung his head and stared at his paper.

Laura motioned for Jenna to follow, and the two of them moved across the house toward the front door. When they were alone in the foyer, Laura sighed. “Was Josh crying when you got here?”

Jenna kept her voice low. “Sobbing.” She frowned. “Poor little guy. It took him half an hour to calm down.”

Laura's blood moved from hot to boiling. She paid Jenna and stood there, staring at the tiles that made up their entryway. The fury inside her was so strong she couldn't move. How dare Eric do this? After what had happened on Josh's birthday … and with a trip to New York tomorrow morning? Her anger became rage. Maybe she should drive to Koppel and Grant's offices and tell Eric it was time. A separation was the only way to stop the damage to Josh.

But that wasn't possible, not now anyway. Not with Josh sitting defeated and brokenhearted in the next room.

She exhaled slowly.
God … get me through this. How can I love Eric and hate him all at the same time?
She returned to the dining room and found her son at the table. “Josh?” Without making a sound, she took the seat beside him and reached for his hands. “What did Daddy tell you?”

Huge tears welled up in Josh's eyes, and he barely lifted one shoulder. “It was a special meeting. A 'mergency.” Josh sniffed and ran the back of his hand beneath his eyes. No doubt he wanted to be strong in front of her. The sadness, the disappointment, was simply too great. “He said he'd make it up to me when he comes back from New York.”

“Well …” Laura clenched her teeth. It was the same thing Eric always said. “He is extra busy before a trip, Josh.” The words were purely for Josh's sake. So the child wouldn't hate his father. “I'm sure he wanted to stay.”

“Sometimes I think …” Josh twisted his face, and a sob sounded from deep in his chest. “He doesn't even like me, Mom.”

“Josh!” She pulled the boy close, silently cursing Eric for everything he'd never been to the boy. “That isn't true. Your father's a very busy man. Just because he isn't home much doesn't mean he doesn't like you.” She soothed her hand down his back and felt his small body jerk and twitch as he began to sob. “He loves you, buddy. Really.”

“If … if he loves me, why didn't he come to my birthday party?” Josh grabbed three quick breaths. “And why did he leave me all alone tonight?”

Laura's heart throbbed. She had no answers for her son. She wanted to tell him he was reading his father wrong, that the man hadn't always been this way, and that come next week things would be back to normal. But as far back as she could remember, this series of missed moments and broken promises was the most normal thing either of them knew.

“Next weekend—” She stopped herself. What about next weekend? Would Eric even remember his promise to take Josh to the beach, to buy him a boogie board, and play with him on the shore all day? Why would he? Surely, there'd be a dozen meetings to follow up the trip to New York. And someone's stock performance was bound to put Koppel and Grant in a tailspin. It happened every time. Eric might still have the audacity to make promises to Josh, but Laura couldn't bring herself to repeat them.

Her son was staring at her, his eyes puffy and red. “Next weekend what?”

Laura pulled back and sat straighter in her chair. “I was thinking of the beach.”

“You know what?” Josh pulled one leg up and hugged his knee to his chest. “I don't like the beach. I want a basketball so Dad could take me to the park to shoot. Like the other dads.”

Several times that past summer, Josh had gone to the park with his friends and their fathers, and even with Clay once. The gym was open all day Saturday, and local fathers and sons had adopted the place. Josh had mentioned it to Eric three times at least, but Eric was either busy at his computer, or going over a list of documents, or about to make a phone call. He'd wave Josh off and nod quickly. “Sure, son … you bet. One of these days we'll go to the park and shoot hoops.”

But it had never happened.

A minute passed, and Josh's crying subsided. He dried his face once more, stood, and kissed Laura. “I'm going to bed. Tell Dad I'll see him next week.”

“I love you, Josh.”

“You too.” He started to walk off, then stopped and turned around. “I wish Uncle Clay was my daddy. That'd be so cool.”

Laura's remaining resolve crumbled like ancient pottery. “I'm sorry, Josh.”

“That's okay.” He slumped forward a bit. His chin almost touched his chest as he walked off. “G'night.”

She listened while he made his way up the stairs toward his bedroom. When the door closed, she grabbed the cordless phone from the wall and dialed Eric's office number. A young woman answered on the third ring.

“Hello?” Her voice was perky.

Laura wanted to scream. “Eric Michaels, please.”

“Eric … let's see.” She covered up the phone to muffle her voice. “Someone tell Eric he has a phone call.”

Eric?
Who was the girl, and what was she doing there after ten on a Friday night?

A minute passed and Eric picked up the phone. “Hello?”

“You left Josh
alone?
” Her tone was a pinched mix of shock and controlled fury.

“Laura, let me explain.” He paused a moment too long.

“No.” She huffed. “You're too late. Your son went to sleep in tears, Eric.”

“Look, I don't need a guilt trip. I feel bad enough.”

“Oh, I can tell.” She raised her voice. “What could be so important you had to leave our son alone, Eric? What?”

“A teleconference from New York, that's what.” He hesitated. “The minute you left, Murphy called wondering where I was. The call was scheduled for seven-thirty.”

“That's ten-thirty New York time.” Laura gave a short laugh. “Even a man like Allen couldn't possibly keep hours like that.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“It means after a while the stories get old.” She took the phone into the living room and dropped onto the edge of the leather recliner. “Who answered the phone?”

“Here?”

“Yes, there. Whoever she was she called you by your first name. I thought secretaries had more class than that.”

“Her name's Vicky. She's not a secretary. She's Murphy's assistant, and she's happily married. None of us are formal with the assistants.” His tone was condescending. “Does that answer your question?”

“Look, Eric …” The conversation was going nowhere. “I don't care if President Bush was calling you, Murphy could've handled the teleconference.” She huffed. “Josh needed you tonight. It took Jenna half an hour to calm him down.”

“That's ridiculous. He's old enough to—” Eric stopped himself and paused. “I passed Jenna on my way out of the neighborhood. He wasn't alone for three minutes, Laura.”

“Okay, so you had your phone call. You could've come home.”

“Things came up.” He let loose a long sigh. “You know how it is before a trip. Don't do this now, Laura, please.”

Suddenly, she could feel Clay's arms around her, hear him reminding her not to do anything crazy, and that everything was going to be okay. But Clay was wrong. Everything was wrong, for that matter. What was happening to her? When was the last time she'd read her Bible or prayed about her relationship with Eric? Everything that ever mattered was unraveling like a half-knit sweater, and she couldn't think of a single way to stop it.

Worse, she didn't want to stop it.

When she spoke again, the fight was gone from her voice. “I'm going to sleep, Eric. When you get home from New York we need to talk.”

“Talk?” For the first time that night, the slightest hint of fear spilled over into his words. “Don't overreact, Laura. You know how busy I've been.”

“Yes, I know. Josh knows too.” She closed her eyes. “That's why we need to talk.” Her voice broke, but she did her best to cover it. “We can't go on like this, Eric. I can't.”