Only (15 page)

“Is it that hard to accept who you are?”

Eli fought it every damn day. If he sat and analyzed, let himself think for even a second what his life had become, he'd go insane. “And what is that? A killer. If you're putting a good spin on it, I'm now part bodyguard and part investigator.”

Wade stared at the ceiling for a few seconds. When he lowered his head again, his eyes held a certain starkness. “Sexually.”

“In other words, everything would be fine between us if I told you I was gay.” There, he said it.

The word meant nothing to him other than a memory of the last time he saw his mother. Even then, his father used other words and repeated them until they rang in Eli's memory. His mind rebelled from saying the word and the hatred behind it.

No faggots here. Faggots go to hell.

“We had deeper problems than you being gay, which you are.” Wade didn't add the word “idiot” but it sounded like he wanted to.

If that's what he needed, Eli would give it to him. It was too late and far too little, but if he could put one issue between them to rest, he would. “Fine.”

Wade's eyes widened as he came away from the wall. “What?”

“Does that make you happy? I'm gay.” The word felt raw in his throat. Actually scraped and burned, but he said it. The label meant nothing to him, but it meant something to Wade. So there it was.

“What are you doing right now?” Wade put a hand on the back of Eli's chair and pushed until he had no choice but to look up.

Engaging in honesty for a change
. “Trying to give you what you want.”

“This is about you accepting yourself.”

“You want to know what I accept?” Eli shoved the chair the rest of the way back. Heard it thud against the wall as he stood up. “I blew it. I get that you meant something. That you're the only person who's ever stayed in my head until I thought I'd go insane from wanting to kick you the fuck out.”

The anger drained from Wade's face. “Elijah—”

“I also can state without question that nothing lasts.” Not able to face Wade head-on this close, seeing the shoulders and the scruff around his chin, Eli reached for his chair.

Wade grabbed Eli and forced him back around. “Don't do that. Don't turn this around and make this into my issue.”

“I'm not.” With Wade's fingers wrapped around his arm, Eli couldn't move. Not that he held too tight. The wash of memories paralyzed him.

“Sure as hell feels like it.”

“What the hell do you want from me?” Eli shrugged out of the hold. The chair spun as he hit it with his leg and then almost lost his footing before he pressed his back against the wall behind his desk. “I've admitted I messed up. I've tried to explain why my anger blew. I'm working on controlling my anger.”

“I'm wondering why you're doing all of that now.” Wade closed in. One palm hit the wall next to Eli's head. “Is this because you saw Shawn?”

“You know what? Fuck away. Enjoy him.” Eli tried to spin away, go anywhere but here.

Wade put a hand against his chest and slammed Eli back into the wall. “Easy.”

Nothing about this qualified as easy. “As you've reminded me, I don't get a say in what you do.”

“You want me to feel guilty.”

“You'll be happier with Shawn anyway.” Saying those words ripped Eli in two. Shredded him to the bone.

“I'm not buying it. You're saying the right words and standing there looking half pathetic and half homicidal, but you know how to play people.” Wade leaned in until his breath brushed over Eli. “You were trained to be the best at it.”

Heat pumped through Eli. He tried to fight off the rumbling inside him, the need building and clawing to get out. “My training centered on ways to kill people.”

“You forget I've seen you in action. This strikes me as another long con and I'm the victim.”

“Yeah, Wade. You're the victim.”

“Right there. That's what I mean.” Wade's other hand found the wall, trapping Eli between his arms. “Just stop.”

“We're not in the bar. This is my office.” Eli knew he should shove Wade away. Put space between them and laugh this off. But he couldn't move. Not when he wanted to be this close to the man.

“It's Bast's office.”

Eli dropped his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. “I'm done fighting with you.”

“Good.”

His eyes popped open. “What?”

Wade was right there. His face hovering and his mouth . . . Their lips met and Eli heard a thud as Wade's body weight crushed them into the wall.

Strong hands touched Eli's face and a knee worked its way between his legs. Rough and hot, Wade's mouth moved over his in a kiss that conquered and demanded. A steady humming sound filled Eli's head as he grabbed at Wade's shirt. Fingers dug into the material as his other hand traveled down his back.

Their mouths crossed over each other. Tongues battled. Clothing rustled as Wade rubbed his lower half against Eli's. When Eli skimmed his hands up Wade's back and hugged him close, Wade broke away. He stepped back as heavy breaths pumped out of him.

Eli saw the heated skin and eyes filled with confusion and guessed his look mirrored Wade's. With a hand on his stomach, Eli tried to bring his breathing back under control and searched his mind for the right thing to say.

When nothing came to him, Elijah went with what was likely the exact wrong thing. “What was that?”

Wade shook his head as his gaze skipped over the room, never landing on Eli. “Left over.”

The words shot out like a kick to the stomach. “Just working me out of your system?”

“I guess that's it.” Wade stumbled back. Wiped a hand through his hair. Still didn't give eye contact.

If he wanted to say
we're done
, he was doing a hell of a job.

“Right.” Eli rubbed a hand over the spot that ached. One of them, anyway. A flu-like weakness had swept through his body and he knew he'd go down soon. “Have fun with Shawn.”

“I will.” Wade grabbed for the door then was gone.

Bast followed Kyra up the staircase from his garage to the first floor. She left her hair loose and long, hanging down her back. Hoping to inflict a little slow-motion torture, she swung her hips from side to side and felt her dark purple dress slip up the back of her thighs.

On the third step she heard him swear under his breath.

Mission accomplished
.

“You okay back there, Sebastian?” She loved his full first name. The way it rolled off the tongue. How good it sounded when she whispered it in bed.

“I will be now that we made it up those damn steps without me tackling you.” When they reached the landing, he reached around her and typed in the alarm code.

She shot him a smile over her shoulder. “Problem?”

“As if you didn't know.”

The cool breeze from the air-conditioning hit her as he opened the door and guided her into the house. The touch of his hand against her lower back had her insides tightening. She thought about shoving him up against the wall and jumping on him, but the sight in front of her held her enthralled.

They stepped into a mostly white room with what looked like closets along the far wall and a counter with shelves above. There were hooks for coats and sneakers lined up in a row. She assumed the door with the locks led to the outside and the open one emptied into a dark hallway. Everything was neat and tidy. Really kind of perfect, just like Bast.

“The mudroom.”

At the sound of his voice she stopped gawking and looked at him. “What?”

“This is the mudroom.” He opened one of the doors in front of her to uncover an oversized washing machine.

Well, of course it was. “Your laundry room is bigger than my entire place.”

When he didn't say anything, she glanced over. The suit-and-glasses combination felled her every time. The way his hair brushed over his forehead. Those shoulders. So sexy and smart, and when he smiled she melted. Actually felt her bones disintegrate.

That couldn't be normal.

“I have to admit I don't spend a lot of time in here.” He touched a button on his cell and the lights in the hallway came on.

That was a sexy trick. The kind of thing to turn a girl's head. Well, this one's anyway. She loved the idea of conveniences that made life easier. Maybe one day she'd have one or two. Right now she had a burned-out lightbulb over her bathroom mirror that she was too lazy to change. Someone should create a phone app for that.

“Because you have people who clean your clothes.” She did have a hard time imagining him standing in there folding his underwear.

“Yeah.”

“Really?” Well, damn. She was joking. “Is that person here now?”

“She doesn't live here.”

“On a different topic.” Because she refused to dwell on his wealth and the wide gap between them. “It's nice to know you can learn.”

“Do I want to know what that means?”

He steered her into the hall and toward the front of the house. They passed the open staircase on the left and walked into a room with books lining the shelves and a huge desk set up near the window. Her high heels clicked against the hardwood, then she stepped onto plush carpeting.

She stopped in front of the fireplace and fingered the framed photos stretching along the mantel. “You called twice this afternoon.”

“I also scheduled an emergency meeting earlier than I normally would and moved another until tomorrow to make sure I'd be free tonight and we could meet.” He leaned against the side of the blue leather couch and crossed his arms in front of him.

“Which is why you are going to get very lucky tonight.” She looked through the open doorway to the room beyond. One space ran into the other. The next one had a sectional sofa the size of a truck and two wall-mounted televisions to match. “This is one house?”

“A town house.”

“I'm familiar with the term.” She felt his eyes on her as she moved around the room and gazed out the front windows, through the trees to the paved patio out front. “My point was you live in a stinking big house.”

“I'm not sure how to respond to that.”

She heard the flatness of his voice and went to him. Stood so the pointy toes of her uncomfortable shoes touched his dressy ones. “You tell me you work hard and it's just a thing. Things don't matter.”

“All that is true.” He opened his legs and dropped his arms. Didn't pull her in but seemed more approachable than he did a second ago. “Do you want to see the rest of the place?”

Well, if he wasn't going to make a move, she would.

“You mean your bedroom?” Resting her hands on his shoulders, she stepped in close until his body cocooned hers and his fingers went to her hips.

He shot her one of those panty-dropping sexy smiles. “I'm a little classier than that. I can show you the dining room first.”

“That's very hot.”

“Yes, you are.” His hand brushed over her hips then down to cup her ass. “The dress is—”

“All I'm wearing.” The strangling sound from his throat had her biting back a smile. “Was that a
guh
I heard?”

“Pretty much.”

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she leaned in until her chest rested against his. “I'm not wearing anything other than a spray of perfume under this.”

He stood up fast enough to pick her feet off the floor. In the next beat, his mouth found her neck and he started walking her backward toward the staircase. “Maybe we will go look at the bedroom.”

Intense panic hit her out of nowhere. Her fingers tightened as she worked up the nerve to ask. “Did you live here with your ex-wife?”

In the middle of maneuvering her into the entry hall. His mouth, his hands, his feet. Everything stopped moving. “A hint here. Bringing up Lena is a sure way to kill the mood.”

Kyra pulled back and searched his face. His expression, so heated and sexy a second ago, had closed up. “I didn't ask for her phone number.”

“That's a good thing.”

Kyra slipped the whole way out of his arms but kept the contact by wrapping her fingers around his forearms. “Good grief, you're clueless.”

He blinked a few times. “Wait, you think I'm—”

She tapped a finger against his forehead. “Do you really not know what I'm asking?”

“When did you ask a question?”

She fixed him with an eye roll then because he clearly deserved it. “Are you going to screw me in the bed where you slept with your wife?”

The tension drained from his face and his shoulders fell back down to a normal level. “Ah, now I see.”

“I would hope, since I just spelled it out for you.”

When Kyra tried to pull away, he caught her around the waist and tugged her back against him. “Lena never lived here. I bought this place after the divorce.”

“Let me guess, this was after you gave her the house you lived in while you were married.” Kyra dropped a quick kiss on his mouth because if true, then he really wasn't a dick.

“Have you been reading my divorce papers?”

“No.” She assumed from his reaction her guess was an accurate one. “And for the record that sounds like a horrible way to spend time.”

“You should have tried living it.”

Kyra broke his hold around her waist and headed for the bottom step of the towering staircase. “Nah, women aren't my thing.”

“Can we stop talking about my ex now?” He stopped just below her, with his hand on the big wooden knob at the base of the railing.

“Please.” Kyra looked up and saw where the top of the staircase turned and what looked like fancy paintings on the walls. She could only imagine what goodies he kept squirreled away up there. “I believe you said something about a whirlpool.”

“I also promised you dinner.”

She took his hand as she took another step. “That's cute, but I guarantee you I'm a sure thing tonight, food or not.”

“I'm not a complete animal.” But he followed her until they'd both gone three steps, him one below her.

“Uh-huh.” She tugged on the zipper running down her side and starting under her left arm, lowering it just an inch. “I'm guessing that big fancy tub is up here.”

At the zipping sound, his gaze went to her breasts then to her hand. “You're making it hard for me to act with decorum.”

She pulled it down another inch, letting the teeth click as she went up another step. “Why would you want to do that?”

“I can be chivalrous. You know, not invite a woman over and guide her right upstairs to the bed.” He ruined the Boy Scout speech by putting his palms outside her knees and drawing her dress up to mid-thigh.

“Hmm.”

He stood just below her as his fingers skimmed up the back of one leg then touched her ass. “What are you thinking?”

“We seem to have a misunderstanding.”

His finger slipped closer to the spot she craved his touch. Ran over her, never pushing inside. Somehow she kept her balance. Grabbing for the railing helped.

Then his finger trailed over her again, ignoring the invitation when she opened her legs even farther. “How so?”

“The one thing I don't need is you being all proper.” Fumbling and fighting her racing pulse, she got the zipper the whole way down.

“What do you want me to be?” He pressed a kiss against her stomach through the dress. The next one touched skin as he found the opening of her zipper.

“Dirty.”

“Oh, I can do dirty.” He dragged his tongue over her skin, up her side, and didn't stop until he kissed the underside of her breast.

Air hiccupped in her lungs and got trapped there. “Then we'd better find that tub.”

He took another step until they shared the same step. “Bed first.”

His legs straddled hers and she would have fallen backward if he hadn't wrapped his arms around her and balanced her body against his. He kissed her then. Deep and so smoking hot her feet left the ground. She covered him, clung to him, as his mouth traveled over hers and her breath expired.

When she tipped her head back, desire clouded her gaze. Need wrapped around her and the heat of his body seeped into hers.

God, she wanted him. “Get us there.”

The rest of the trip up the stairs blurred. Walls flipped by her. She saw a chest . . . in the hallway. The idea they were wide enough to hold furniture barely registered as he turned the corner and kept going until he reached the room at the end of the hall.

He hit the switch with his elbow and soft white lights flooded the bedroom in a soft glow. She took in the huge space—was that a couch?—right before the room spun and her back hit the bed. Her dress bunched up high on her hips and twisted the top of her dress until a breast peeked out.

Then he loomed over her with his face right above hers. He'd somehow lost his jacket but his white shirt stood out in the low light. “Hello.”

His deep voice washed over her. She reached up to touch his cheek because not touching him proved impossible. A slight brush of stubble scratched her fingertips. Thinking about him all scruffy had her insides winding nice and tight.

She touched the tip of his glasses. “Any chance you can keep these on while you slide all over me?”

“I can see all of you just fine without them.”

That was cute. Adorable, really. Like this wasn't about her objectifying him. “Yeah, I was thinking more for me than you.”

“Explain that.”

“I'm intrigued by how sexy you are in them.” She hooked her leg around one of his and brought him in even tighter. “If you're afraid of smashing them or having them fall off, I can fix that.”

“Do tell.”

She gave his chest a gentle shove and pushed her body against his. They rolled until his back hit the mattress. In perfect rhythm her legs shifted and she straddled his hips. His erection pushed against her and the satisfied look in his eyes said he approved of her solution.

Taking his hands in hers, she pinned his arms to the bed. “I want to ride you.”

“Do it soon.”

She lowered her upper body over his, letting her hair swing down and over his chest. “We have to get you undressed first.”

“I can be naked and inside you in two seconds.”

“I think we can manage a bit more finesse than that.” But not if she didn't get moving. The bulge under her thigh told her he was ready to go. Hell, so was she.

“I'm all yours.”

That was so sweet she took the time to treat him to a lingering kiss that had his head lifting off the bed when she tried to break it off. With a hand on his chest, she pressed him back down and went to work on his tie. She'd just slipped it off when she felt his hand on her hip.

She shook her head. “Nuh-uh. I want your arms on the bed.”

The smile he shot her generated enough energy to power the house. “Yes, ma'am.”

Well, wasn't that sexy
.

She opened his shirt, button by button, placing a kiss on each inch of skin she revealed. Watching his chest rise and fall and seeing his open palms against the bed nearly did her in. He radiated confidence but he forfeited the lead to her, giving her control over his body. And she loved every second of it.

“You should be naked.” He didn't move. Just made the comment as he watched her hands travel over him.

“You're right.” Taking her time, drawing it out, she shifted her hips and scooted around as she dragged her dress up on her hips, then over her stomach to her shoulders and off.

His gaze wandered all over her, stopping on her breasts then dropping to the space between her legs. “You really were naked under there.”

“My gift to you.”

“I'm hoping it's the gift that keeps on giving.” There was nothing subtle about the heated look or the way his fingers flexed.

“Now you want me to strip?”

“All the fucking time.”