Only One (Ward Sisters Book 2) (42 page)

“About your feelings for Rob.”

“Yes. I didn't think I
had
feelings for him. I'd maintained that we were flirty friends who'd had a brief fling. But if he'd pursued me after our affair instead of pushing me into Liam's arms six months later, I don't know how things might have turned out differently. It's irrelevant now. I love Liam with all I am and I don't want anyone else.”

“But you've realized that you had feelings for Rob in the past and you want to make sure that doesn't cause problems. How does telling me make it better?”

“Because telling you is my way of saying that those feelings don't matter anymore. You and Liam will get over the fact that I had something with Rob, once, and I'll get over it, too. He's still my best friend and he always will be, but he's
your
husband. Rob is not my lover anymore and he shouldn't be the first person I tell my secrets.”

“You're still the first person he tells his secrets.”

“Yes. You've noticed that he's worried about something and hasn't said anything to you, right?”

Emily nodded. “I haven't pushed, but I know something is bothering him. I thought maybe it was about you and he didn't want to stir the can of worms.”

“No, it's not about me. He's getting anxious about the awards season. Before, he always talked to me about stuff like that. I'm willing to listen, but I think he needs to talk to you about it first. You're his wife and should be his first line of emotional support. Not me, not Liam, not Rick or Amy or his parents. You.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For respecting our marriage enough to say that.”

“I had some time to be with Liam the last couple weeks, the way we were at the beginning, and I want to move beyond what we had before. To do that, I have to trust him enough to lean on him and believe he really loves me. Rob needs to do the same with you.”

“Why don't you want to tell Liam you had feelings for Rob?”

“Because it's
my
realization and alters how
I
act in the future. I wanted you to know that I'm going to have a talk with Rob. If the four of us intend to make this work – both the friendships and the professional relationships – I have to let him go and give up being his confidant. For the sake of your marriage, and the one I hope is still in my future, it's the only way.”

“I won't lie to Liam. I won't tell him outright, but I won't lie to him if he asks, either.”

“I'm not asking you to lie to him. If he asks me, I'll tell him. But I would appreciate it if you didn't initiate that conversation.”

“That's fair. What are you going to tell Rob?”

Jenna sighed. “The same things I just told you.”

**********

While the twins napped in the nursery, Jenna sat on her bed to work. A knock on the door – tap, tap-tap – signaled that Rob was here. Sure enough, he poked his head around the door.

“Got a minute?” he asked.

“For you? Always.”

He sat next to her and she shimmied over to make room. When they were comfortable, he said, “I'm freaking out about the nominations.”

Jenna sighed. It was time. “Have you told Emily about it?”

“No. What would I say? She'll just try to make me feel better about it and the anxiety will still be there.”

“Rob...” She shook her head. “You have to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Pushing her away. You need to talk to her.”

“But I always talk to
you
about this stuff.”

“No. Not anymore.”

“Are you saying that you don't want to be friends anymore?”

“No, I'm telling you that if things like this are bothering you, I don't want to hear about it unless you've already discussed it with your wife. I can be a sounding board. I'm more useful to you when it comes to this stuff than Emily is because I've been around it most of my life, and I've been here for you for over six years. But you have to stop confiding in
just
me.”

“You don't want me to confide in you?”

“I want you to learn to lean on your
wife.
”

He cocked an eyebrow. “I do.”

“No, you don't. Not enough. It has to be this way.”

“Why?” The anguish in his voice pained her.

“Because.”

“That's not an answer. We've been friends, more than friends, for far too long. 'Because' isn't good enough.”

Jenna couldn't help the tears that pooled in her eyes. Damn it! When was this weepy thing going to stop? Her voice wobbled.

“Because I can't be that for you anymore. Not if we want to make our relationships work.”

“Why?” he whispered.

“Because...” she sniffed and sighed, “because I had feelings for you, and I need to get over them.”

His breath caught. “When did you have feelings for me?”

She laughed softly. “When didn't I?”

“Why didn't you ever tell me?” He looked hurt.

“There was no point to it. We both know why. You're in love with Emily and I'm in love with Liam because we couldn't give each other what we really needed. It wouldn't have worked in the long run. One or both of us would've been missing something. I loved you too much to risk losing what we had.”

Rob's eyes filled with tears, too. Unlike her, his emotions floated at the surface. Swallowing before he spoke, a tear spilled down his cheek as he whispered, “I was in love with you.”

Jenna nodded. “I wondered. I wanted to be in love with you, but I never got there. When I met Liam, it made sense why I didn't. We had a really unhealthy co-dependance for two people who weren't romantically involved.”

He nodded. “I'm in love with Emily, now.”

“I know, honey. You need to start trusting she'll stick around. I understand why you've hesitated, but you have to stop. We both need to believe that they love us enough. It's the only way to ensure our relationships survive and our friendship does, too.”

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. It wasn't meant as anything sexual; she knew this. Despite the fact that they had both just admitted their relationship was even more than they'd ever acknowledged, the kiss wasn't meant to incite lust. But it still stirred her heart the way it always had.

“That has to be the last time. You can't do that anymore. And as much as I've always loved it when you call me 'gorgeous', you can't do that, either. I'll always be here for you. Always. I'll walk through fire for you and I'll do it without hesitation. But Emily is your wife and God willing, Liam will be my husband. We have to respect them and redefine our relationship.”

He pulled away. “You're right.” He sighed. “I hate it, but you're right. We can't ask them to accept what we told them and to go on acting like it doesn't affect anything. It's not even about the secret anymore. It's about really being honest with them.”

“And with ourselves.”

“And with ourselves. Would you have tried to make things work between us if I'd told you how I'd felt and kept you from meeting Liam?”

“I don't know. Maybe. I was disappointed when you said we shouldn't pick up where we left off. But you knew that, right?”

“Yeah,” he whispered. Another tear spilled across his cheek. He tried to force a smile. “I refused to admit that I loved you as more than a friend because I knew I wasn't what you needed.”

“Am I the reason you didn't date until Emily?”

He nodded. “I didn't see it at the time. I kept saying once I met someone I wanted as much as I wanted you, I'd know I met the One. I didn't push Liam to commit to you and let him keep seeing other girls because I hoped that you'd get fed up and walk away, that I'd be there to pick up the pieces, and you'd fall for me as hard as I fell for you.”

Jenna swiped her hands over her face and sighed. “Rick was worried that I thought you'd fall in love with me while I helped you get over Lola. He assumed it was a losing proposition.”

Rob laughed. “He's not always right, despite what he thinks. I was already crazy about you then. It's part of why Lola broke up with me. I refused to fire you.”

Jenna's brows shot upward. “What? You never told me that!”

“She said that I had an unhealthy relationship with my assistant and that if I wanted to be with her, I had to find a new one. I told her that she was insane if she thought I'd walk away from a friend as loyal as you for a woman as fickle as her. So she dumped me. The smear campaign thing was her saving face.”

“Oh my God, Rob. I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me?”

He shook his head. “Then I'd have had to admit that I wanted to be more than friends with bennies. I didn't think you wanted that. I thought if I could get you to have an affair with me, you'd see how great we'd be together. It didn't work, did it?”

Jenna sighed. “Not really. I'd have told you. You know I always go after what I want. It wasn't until Liam that I turned into a girly girl. I've never been that way with anyone else.”

“I know. I'm sorry, Jen. I should have tried harder to help you be together. I was selfish and never pushed him. I told Liam he wouldn't have listened to me, but I could have done more. He'd have come to the same conclusion sooner.”

“Don't blame yourself. I liked having you both. I apologized to your wife for being a bitch to her when we told them. I was jealous. I was afraid she'd insist that we couldn't be friends or that I couldn't work for you. I was defensive in the worst way. I'm a little ashamed of myself, actually.”

“I could tell she wasn't comfortable around you the way she had been. Did you tell her what you just told me?”

“That I had feelings for you? Yes. I also asked her not to tell Liam. I won't lie to him, but I don't want to rub it in his face. I was always going to choose him. You know that, right?”

“I do. We could be together right now if you really wanted to be with me. If you'd told me the baby was mine that day at the airport, I'd have believed you and I never would have left.”

She smiled. “I know. At least until you met Cam and realized he looked like Liam.”

“He didn't at birth. By the time I figured it out, I'd have been too attached.”

“Liam immediately knew Cam looked like his baby pictures.”

“Yeah, and no matter what, he'd probably have seen pictures. It's foolish to think about the what ifs. It didn't happen. We have to stop living in our past and move forward. That includes being friends without the teasing and the sexual innuendo.”

“Or kisses, pet names and confidences that don't include our spouses first. We have to let go to make it work. There is no other option that includes us being married to other people. You may have been in love with me once, but you're not now.”

He shook his head and gave her a sad smile. “Were you ever in love with me, Jen?”

She shook her head slowly. “No. I loved you. Deeply. I still do and I probably always will to some degree. But I was never in love with you, and I'm not offended that you could fall out of love with me. I know it's not that you're fickle.”

“I'll always love you a little.”

“Good. Now go talk to your wife. Tell her what's bothering you. She'll help you far more than you think.”

Rob nodded, squeezed her hand and left.

And Jenna promptly broke down sobbing.

That had been harder than she'd ever imagined it would be. It felt like a breakup. Further proof that her feelings for Rob had run far deeper than even she'd known.

Though she'd professed to everyone from Liam and Emily, to Rob, and even Chris and Catie, that she was never in love with Rob, she was pretty sure that had been a lie.

She had to learn how to love only Liam. She still intended to marry the father of her children, and she'd never regret choosing Liam, but that didn't make redefining her relationship with Rob hurt less.

Chapter 37

Something had changed, but Liam couldn't put his finger on what it was. On the surface, things appeared normal, or at least how they had been since Rob and Emily had gone to the
Not Worthy
premiere, but lately, Jenna and Rob both seemed different.

One day in early December, he ran with Emily on the beach in Malibu. Rob and Brian ran early because Rob had a lot on his plate later. Jenna was still recovering and walked a few times each week, so today it was just him and Em. It seemed like a good time to ask Em if she knew anything.

As their feet hit the hard sand, the waves slammed into the shore. Liam took a big breath of salty air and said, “What do you know that you're not telling me?”

Em looked startled. “Uh.”

“So you do know something,” he puffed.

Her expression was conflicted. “Yes.”

“You going to tell me?”

“I sort of promised I wouldn't say it outright.”

“Does that mean you didn't promise to keep quiet?”

“Yes.”

“So if I ask the right questions, you can tell me?”

“Yes.”

“You gonna limit me to twenty?”

“Nope.”

“So you want to tell me.”

“Yep.”

“Is it about Rob and Jenna?”

“Yep.”

“Did they skip something in their little confession?”

“Sort of.”

“Did they commit a lie of omission?”

“Yes.”

“Was Rob the one who lied?”

“Not that I'm aware. Or, he's since told me, anyway.”

“So Jenna lied to me?”

“Not exactly. She had a personal revelation after the fact.”

“She was in love with him, wasn't she?”

“Not quite. Or so she said. She had feelings for him.”

“She was in love with him.”

“That's what I thought, too.”

“I wondered. Did he tell you he was in love with her, too?”

“Not when he confessed before, but after they had their talk.”

“They had a talk?” Liam stopped running.

Breathing heavily, when Em stood beside him, she said, “Jenna came to me. She apologized for how she acted when we talked about her and Rob. Then she told me she'd had feelings for him before, and that she was going to tell Rob that they had to stop being each other's first confidants because it was the only way to save both our relationships.”

“That's what's been different. I knew something was off. And Rob confessed that he'd been in love with her after that talk?”

“He did. He came to me to talk through the anxiety he'd been having about the awards season. We worked through it and I told him that I'd promised, long ago, that he could come to me. That I wasn't Rachel. And he said he knew, but he'd relied on Jenna for so long, he'd fallen back into that habit. He was honest and said he was afraid to lean on me that much after last winter.”

“You get that, right?”

“I do. I told him that I was never going to leave him again. That I love him too much to even contemplate it. He seemed relieved. Then he said he had to tell me something.”

“Uh oh.”

“Right? So I said to get on with it. That's when he admitted it wasn't Lola he couldn't get over. He'd been pining for Jenna in those years after their affair and before he met me.”

Liam made an explosive sound, as though a bomb had been dropped. “I confronted him when we argued. Were you there for that part?”

“I was, but I wanted him to tell me on his own. I know it didn't seem so during that argument, but he's always been happy for you two. He loves
me
, Liam. He's not in love with her now. But he was. And she was in love with him, too. I guess it's lucky for us that they didn't realize that a long time ago, huh?”

“Are you worried that they'll fall back together someday?”

“Are you?”

“No. If she wanted that, she'd have said the baby was his.”

“She said that to me, too. I think you're right. So, no. I'm not worried. They chose us. Now we have to keep looking forward and stop looking back.”

“You gonna tell them that I know?”

“Only if you want them to be aware.”

“Our own secret, huh?”

Em smiled. “If he asks, I won't lie, but I won't volunteer the information. How's that?”

“I think we're in agreement.”

“Good. I'm glad you asked. I hated keeping it from you.”

“Thanks. Did I tell you that you're my best friend, Em?”

“Right back at ya, big brother.”

**********

It was Oscar night and Jenna was a bundle of nerves. Liam was with Rob, Rick and Emily at the show while she waited at her father's house with his assistant, Victoria, and watched on TV.

All of them were staying at her father's house so they didn't have as far to drive at the end of a long night. Rob had swept all the awards so far, and if he didn't win the Best Actor Oscar, there would be an uproar in Hollywood.

Thus, plans had been made under the assumption that he'd win. It meant a late night for everyone, including Jenna, who'd be swamped with work either way. As hard as Rob had worked all these years, she hoped to be inundated with good news flooding the internet.

She sat with Victoria on the sofa and they held hands as the category was announced. They showed Rob's clip and it brought tears to Jenna's eyes. He was amazing. His was the last clip and then the nominees were shown live. Jenna didn't look at anyone else, she just saw the nerves through Rob's smile.

Emily, she knew, was probably wearing a hole in his wedding ring as she rubbed her thumb over it and reminded Rob of what was important so that the anxiety wouldn't consume him. It had been their ritual this whole awards season, something Em and Liam had concocted to tether Rob to reality when it all became too much to bear.

The shock on Rob's face couldn't have been more genuine. Jenna and Victoria both jumped in the air and hugged. Her eyes opened in a deluge of happy tears. No one deserved it more.

Rob kissed Emily and then walked up to the stage. She and Victoria sat and waited for his speech. Jenna had asked him to share it with her, but he'd refused to tell anyone, including Liam and even Emily. All she could do was wait.

The nerves had disappeared, replaced by the charm that was his trademark and the confidence he exuded on stage, proof that he was more than worthy of the adoration of millions of women.

“First of all, I'm truly honored. There were so many great performances this year and I'm humbled to find that you all thought mine was the best. I want to thank Sam Ellis, who keeps asking me to be in his movies. For some reason, he thinks I can pull off these roles and without him, I wouldn't be here right now. I also want to thank Harvey Rosen and George Perry, who have been helping me get great movies made for years. Harvey, don't forget you told me if I won I'd get more freedom to choose projects.” Rob grinned and the camera showed Harvey laughing.

“I couldn't be here right now if it wasn't for my family, my parents and my brother and sister, in particular. They've been turning their lives upside down for me for years and without them, I wouldn't have a career. I love you guys. I also owe a big thanks to my two best friends, who have done more for me than I deserve and who have made both my life and my career far more than it could ever have been without their input. I owe them a debt of gratitude that can never be repaid. You know who you are and what you mean to me. I love you both.” Jenna's tears sprang fresh and plopped onto her hands.

“And last but not least, I want to thank my wife, Emily.” The camera briefly showed Em, a grin on her face so wide it nearly split her cheeks.

“She's been a real trouper the last several months, enduring the hoopla while she's pregnant, and I want her to know I appreciate that. But I want to thank her more for loving me in spite of the insanity that is my life. She told me once that if this all dried up tomorrow and I wrote code for a living, she'd love me anyway. So thank you for that, Em. I love you.”

He waved and walked off the stage with the escort and the presenter, David Magnusson, who'd beat him for the Best Supporting Actor award the year before.

Jenna smiled at Victoria and said, “Well, now that the big award is over, I'll check on the twins before the insanity starts.”

“You okay?” Victoria asked.

“Yeah. It's a big night for Rob. I'm really happy for him.”

Victoria nodded, but Jenna knew that her father's assistant had been around long enough to understand that it wasn't so simple.

She nursed both babies before setting up their toys so they could play while she worked. It was time to monitor the internet traffic. Her phone pinged a text alert. It was Liam.

I love you.

Jenna smiled. Ever since they'd reconciled, Liam had made extra effort to keep in touch when they were apart, even if it was just for a few hours. She appreciated it more than he realized.

I love you, too. Did you get to see the speech?

I did. That was for you.

Jenna shook her head. Since she and Rob had confessed to the depth of their previous relationship, it seemed like Liam doubted how truly important he was to Rob. But she knew better.

Not just me. He meant you, too. You know that.

The response was immediate.

I didn't save his life.

You save his life every time you help him through his anxiety. He loves us both.

He loves you more.

Don't.

Why not?

Don't be petty.

Sorry.

You know I love you.

I do.

A flurry of internet traffic swamped her searches. Game on. Rob's interviews post-win must have just been uploaded.

The crazies are starting...

I'll let you do your job.

I want to show you. Later.

Promise?

Promise. Nanny will watch the babies. See you at Harvey's party?

Do we get to have limo sex? ;)

Hell, yes.

Gotta go. Em's coming out of the auditorium.

Bye, baby. Love you.

Love you too, baby. See you soon.

Jenna smiled. If only they'd done this before, how would things have been different? A reminder that Liam was the love of her life was the boost she'd needed to endure the next hour or two.

They were lucky to have one another.

The last several months had been trying. She'd wanted to fall back into old patterns with Rob so many times. Instead, she'd talk to Liam or Catie, and, increasingly, she'd confide in Emily. They weren't besties, but they were past being adversaries.

Jenna could be jealous of the woman for her friendship with Liam, but given how close she still felt to Rob – despite the effort to temper their friendship – it was hypocritical to even consider being upset with them.

Besides, Emily had confessed to thinking Liam perfectly average when she met him. It was only in knowing him that Emily had seen Liam's true value and his attractive qualities.

A new incoming text pinged. It was from Rob.

Hey, gorgeous.

You're not supposed to call me that anymore.

I'm feeling nostalgic tonight. Give a guy a break.

Congratulations. You deserve it.

Thanks. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.

Yes you would.

Don't act like you don't know what you mean to me.

I know.

Good. You going to Harvey's party?

Wouldn't miss it. I'm stealing Liam later.

Limo sex?

Better believe it.

Good. That means I can do the same with Em.

Jenna laughed. That they could talk like this now, and it didn't make her heart ache the way it had before, was a relief.