Open Road (15 page)

“I’m not leaving Portland.” Angus reached over and cupped a hand around Reece’s thigh. “Unless I become the ultimate sad thirty-year-old sob story and move back in with mom because I can’t find another job.” He chuckled. “Then I’d be moving out of Portland.”

“Let’s not deal with that until we get home.” There was no way in hell Reece was letting it happen. They might as well not even entertain the idea.

“Right. We’re not in real life.” Angus gave Reece his first smile since they’d pulled off the strip. Tentative. Not very big. But still a smile.

“You want to stop when we get to Flagstaff and grab some lunch?”

“Yeah, why not? I’m hungry from a long morning of sitting on my ass.”

“At least some coffee. There might not be a lot of places between here and Albuquerque.”

“Yeah, of course. Let’s stop.”

ABOUT FORTY-FIVE
minutes later, they pulled into a little shopping area in town. They found a place that had sandwiches and soups, and ate there. Then a miraculous Starbucks happened to pop up on their way back to the highway, so they stopped there as well for lattes and treats that Angus insisted on buying as an apology for being a “pain in the ass.” And then they were on the road to New Mexico.

“How come you’ve always wanted to see Santa Fe?” Angus asked.

Angus hadn’t seemed to mind either way, so Reece had just made the executive decision that’s where they’d go. He wondered if it was the wrong one. Pictures of rock vistas and a sleepy, artsy little historic downtown area flickered through Reece’s memory. It was what had appealed to him about the place, but it wasn’t what Angus needed. At least according to Angus. Reece supposed it was too late.

“I don’t know. The pictures look beautiful. It just seems so peaceful and, like… earthy.”

“So basically the opposite of Vegas?” Angus asked.

Reece cringed. “Kind of.”

“I guess everyone has their own taste, huh?” Angus didn’t look very enthused about peace and quiet.

“I liked Vegas, I really did. I just like the quiet too. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want. But we don’t have to stay all that long there. I just don’t know when I’ll have the chance to come back.”

“I’m not that annoying, am I?” Angus hauled out a huge sigh. “I really hate myself right now. I’m just so tired of being this way, and I don’t know how to get out of it. I was fun back at home, right? Even when I was with Brad, I wasn’t so shoved up my own ass all the time, was I?”

“Of course you were fun. I loved doing things with you.”

“It just… seems like that day will never come back.”

“No.” Reece refused to believe it. Or at least say it out loud. “It will.”

APOLOGIES ASIDE,
Angus’s cloud got darker and darker, and by the time they pulled into Santa Fe late that night, he looked like he was ready to kill someone. Reece couldn’t remember ever seeing him so angry.

“I’ll just, um, check in, and we can walk to our room,” Reece said.

The hotel they were staying in was way up on the hill, and while it looked like they’d have a great view in the morning, at the moment it was dark and a little chilly and
dark
. Very dark. They’d lit up the pathways between the exterior entrance rooms, but other than that, there was pure black. Reece hadn’t ever been anywhere so dark. Even Astoria had more lights at night. It felt a little scary, like floating out in the middle of nowhere. He imagined Angus hated it. Reece jogged to the cabin that housed the hotel’s main office.

He checked in, got their keys, and tried to follow the directions the front desk gave him to get up to their little cabin-like room. The parking lots were kind of like pools in one of those river raft rides, scattered all over the property, and he had to drive around for a little while to find the right one. By the time he did, Angus looked really impatient. He grabbed the room key and his bag and walked silently along the dark sidewalk to their room. Reece took his bag, locked up the car, and followed him.

Angus was sitting on the couch of the tiny living room area when Reece got there. He’d left the door open, so he couldn’t be that mad at Reece, but he just… looked so pissed off.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Reece asked. “I thought we’d settled things earlier. I thought I hadn’t done anything wrong.”

“You haven’t, okay?” Angus looked up at him. “I’m just…. I’m so fucking mad. It didn’t hit me until today.”

“At me?”

“At the world.” Angus teared up and wiped at his face like he hated it. “I just…. Fucking Brad, I hate him, and I wish we’d never met and I never wasted like a huge chunk of my fucking life on him. I wish I wasn’t like this now. Still. After all these months. What’s wrong with me? And you guys ditched me this winter. You let me push you away, and I know that’s not your fault, it’s mine, and I’m still mad about it. That doesn’t even make any
sense
.” Angus let out a huge sob and buried his face in his hands.

“Ang—”

“And I’m pissed at myself for being a fuckup and losing my job and my apartment. It’s like I’m twenty-two again and just out of college with no real direction, but I’m
not
. I’m thirty and a deadbeat. I’m a deadbeat past his expiration date.”

“You’re
not
a deadbeat.”

“How the hell would you know? You have a job. You own your house. You’re tall and gorgeous and everyone wants you, and I’m not quite good enough, am I? Not good enough to keep my job or remember to pay for my apartment. Not good enough to keep Brad from fucking getting engaged to some college kid when he refused to marry me for ten goddamn years. I’m just—” Angus let out a frustrated scream. “I hate everything.”

Reece wished he knew what had happened between giggly Vegas Angus and this mess that was exploding all over their hotel room. A little silence couldn’t really be the explanation for it.

Reece was almost afraid to talk. “Is this making everything worse? Do… do you want to leave? Do you want to fly home?”

“
No
,” Angus barked.

He got up off the couch and stormed into the bathroom. Reece started to follow him, but the door slammed. Then he heard Angus, tearful, sad Angus. “I can’t believe you did this to me. I loved you so much, do you know that?”

Oh, fucking shit. Shit.

“It’s like… like everything I’ve lived for the last ten goddamn years was a lie. Why’d you stay with me so long?” Angus was gasping and crying and hiccupping. Reece opened the door, which Angus had obviously forgotten to lock, and took the phone from him.

“You don’t want to do that, babe.”

“Too fucking late, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. But why don’t you let me—”

Angus took the phone from Reece and ran toward the front door of the room and out onto the outdoor sidewalk that ran in front of all the rooms. The sidewalk had a short fence and then a craggy drop down into darkness. Angus hurled his phone off that cliff and into the night.

“Fuck him. Fuck him so goddamn much.” He sank down onto the sidewalk and cried silently. The walkway light shone on his hair, nearly blue-black in the night, and Reece wanted so desperately to curl around him and never let anyone hurt him again.

“Oh,
babe
.” He did sit then, on the chilly sidewalk, and put his arm over Angus’s shoulders. He grabbed him for a long squeeze. Angus didn’t resist.

“That phone was on a joint plan with him, anyway. Might as well let him cancel it when he remembers,” Angus finally said quietly.

“Why don’t we work on taking care of getting you a new one in the morning, okay?”

“Yeah. Fine.”

Angus seemed to deflate after that. Reece pulled him even closer under his arm, and when he was ready to stand, helped him up and led him back into the warmth of their room.

“You tired?” he asked.

“Not really.” Angus shrugged.

“Hungry?”

“Kinda.”

“Let’s go out and find something that’s still open.”

AFTER A
dinner of milkshakes and burgers, the two of them made it back to their little suite. Angus seemed tired, like a water balloon that had been drained and hung loosely by Reece’s side.

“Hey, you want to see if there’s something on pay-per-view?”

Angus still managed to raise an eyebrow, even after the night they’d been through. “Do you mean porn? I’m not really into the straight stuff.”

“Oh my God. No.” Reece snorted. “You’re a moron.”

Angus gave him a weak little smile. “Sure. Let’s see if there’s a movie or something. I just kind of want to sit there.”

REECE LIT
the fire in their room’s adobe firepot. Not the smartest thing for a hotel to have, but he appreciated the ambiance nonetheless. Then he found them a movie, since the complex seemed to have a few premium channels on demand, and they settled into the camel-colored leather couch. It was cozy, he supposed, with the fire and the movie, and Angus’s tired weight settled against him. Reece was worried. He’d thought Angus was getting better back in Vegas. He really had. He thought he was better at reading his best friend too. Apparently not, since they were back to square one. But he just let Angus slowly fall asleep, and he watched explosions and chases until the movie was over.

“Hey. You want me to take you to your room?” Reece asked. Their suite came with two single bedrooms.

“No. You.”

“What?”

“I want to sleep in the room with you.”

At least Angus wasn’t mad at him anymore.

“We can do that.”

Reece left all their bags out in the living area and pulled Angus into the room with him. He stripped off Angus’s sweater, jeans, and shoes and led Angus to bed in only boxer briefs.

“It’s cold.”

“We’re up in the mountains, babe. No more heat. It’ll be warm during the day, though.”

“’Kay. Come sleep.”

Reece stripped off his own clothes down to boxers that were thankfully on the long side. Then he climbed into bed behind Angus. Reece burrowed into the pillow and passed out in about ten seconds.

Santa Fe… and Austin

ANGUS WOKE
up with one of those horrible crying jag hangovers that somehow were worse than anything alcohol could do. His eyes ached, and it felt like if he didn’t press on his temples constantly, the sharp zinging would come right back. He’d only had a crying headache like this once or twice, and he wasn’t a fan. He wanted the damn thing to go away. But other than that, he felt… strangely better. He was lighter inside than he’d been in absolutely years, and whatever had happened the night before had washed away all the shit he’d been bottling up.

Is that even possible?

He closed his eyes against the headache and squished his face back into the pillow. The silence didn’t bother him. The thoughts of Brad and the new guy bothered him a little, but he found it took a lot of concentrating to really feel the sting. He was warm and comfortable, and the vague chirp of birds from the other side of the window was relaxing rather than annoying, which the birds outside his window at home had been for months. He felt, just,
better
. There was no other way to describe it. He couldn’t believe one stupid tantrum—and of course tossing his phone off a freaking ravine—had made such a difference. Maybe he should’ve done it months ago. Of course, maybe it wouldn’t have worked months ago.

Angus smiled into a long, lazy stretch.

It was that moment he came to the full realization he was spooned up against Reece, his entire body suction-cupped to Reece’s body, with one of Reece’s brawny arms draped over his waist, and the bare skin of his back and Reece’s chest touching from waistband to shoulder.

And he loved it.

His heartbeat picked up, and any relaxation he’d felt moments before was all of a sudden gone. Reece was right there, just like he’d always been and said he would be. Reece, who’d held him all night and let him cry and cry and yell and throw things. Reece, who eventually carried him to bed and held him like nothing in the world was as important as the two of them together. And Angus loved the way it felt being plastered against him. He was so gorgeous and perfect and right there, and he was making Angus’s heart race, and he was curled around Angus’s body like a lover, and it might have been a bit too much. But somehow it wasn’t.

Of course, Reece probably wouldn’t feel the same way. That would just be the topper on Angus’s shitty sundae, to have his best friend wake up and realize Angus wanted to turn around and kiss him.
Kiss him?
Oh, Jesus.
Angus moved a little, tried to squirm away, but Reece’s arm tightened.

“Sleep still,” he muttered and made a small smacking sound with his lips. “Too early.”

Sleep. Right
.

Angus… didn’t know what to think about the way his body was reacting to his oldest damn friend. Like, fuck, okay. He’d found Reece attractive since pretty much forever. Maybe when he’d told Brad they were like brothers, that wasn’t exactly the whole truth. But
everyone
thought Reece was attractive. It kind of came with the whole might as well be a Norse god big blond and beautiful territory. People turned on the damn street to stare at Reece sometimes. Yes, Angus thought he was hot. He told Reece he was hot all the time too. But he hadn’t really… felt it. Not like he was feeling it right that minute. Reece didn’t have a shirt on, and his skin was silky against Angus’s back, a little tacky from sleep, and right there, warm and big and
Jesus
. Angus wriggled again, tried to get away.

“Angus, what are you doing?”

“Getting up?”

Reece made an annoyed sighing noise and flipped onto his back. “I was so comfortable. We’ve only been asleep for like—” He looked at his phone. “—four hours.”

“I know. I just….”
Started getting turned on by sleeping next to you and didn’t want you to figure it out.
As it was, the situation would’ve gotten rather obvious very quickly. “I’m really sorry about last night, man. I know I said it.”

“Quit saying sorry, Ang,” Reece mumbled. “This is literally the hardest thing you’ve ever gone through. You thought you and Brad were forever.”