Operation Cowboy Daddy (16 page)

He leaned forward. “I don’t think anything. This has nothing to do with Joey, this is about the way I feel about you and I know what’s in my heart.”

“But it isn’t in my heart,” she replied softly. Her heart broke even as she knew she was breaking his.

He appeared stricken. He stared at her for a long moment and then sat back in the chair. His eyes flared and then narrowed. “I don’t believe you,” he said flatly.

She half turned toward the back door. Escape. She needed to escape before he somehow convinced her that love would be enough to sustain them, that somehow, some way, they could have a future together.

“Tony, it doesn’t matter whether you believe me or not. I know what’s in my heart and I’m sorry, but I’m not in love with you.”

She didn’t say good-night and she didn’t give him another chance to speak. She ran for the back door, needing to get inside before the tears that pressed hot and heavy began to fall.

* * *

She didn’t love him.

He’d made a fool of himself. Hell, he was a fool to really believe a beautiful, wonderful woman like Mary could ever love a man like him. But he’d been so certain of her feelings.

He could have sworn he’d seen love shining in her eyes when she gazed at him. He had been so certain that he’d tasted her love for him on her lips when they’d kissed.

The kiss they’d just shared still burned his lips. She’d clung to him, had kissed his with a passion that couldn’t have been a lie. Still...she’d said she didn’t love him.

He sank down in the chair, his heart pressing so tightly against his ribs he could scarcely draw a breath. Even now he could smell the scent of her, the spicy fragrance he’d come to identify as love.

Tears misted his vision as a wealth of loss swept through him. How could he hurt so badly about something he’d never had? He stared up at the full moon. It was weeping and the stars spun crazily in the sky.

He remembered Halena’s dream walk. He was in her dream and the sky had gone mad...the moon wept and the stars spun. He swiped at his tears and cursed himself for being weak and stupid.

But wasn’t that what Hank had always told him? That he was weak and stupid and would never amount to anything. He was a half-breed who had no place in the world.

“No.” The single word of protest escaped his lips. No, he wasn’t that little boy who Hank and his family had tormented.

In the last week Tony had learned the pride of his people. He’d embraced all of who and what he was, and it was nothing like Hank had said.

Tony was the sum of all things good from his Choctaw heritage and his white blood. He was so much more than a half-breed. He was a man of strength and determination. He was a good man who loved Joey and a man who wasn’t giving up so easily on Mary.

In the past seven days he’d looked back on his past. He’d never understand why his mother had given him to Hank and Betty Ryan to raise, but he’d made peace with that part of his life. He had survived. He was a survivor and his past no longer dictated who he was.

The man who had always lived in the moment, who had never looked back and never looked forward, was gone. Tony now looked toward the future with hope and anticipation.

He frowned and ran a hand over his mouth. The kiss he’d shared with Mary still lingered on his lips and her eyes had spoken of love even as her mouth had denied it. No, he definitely wasn’t going to go quietly into the night where Mary was concerned.

He could have sworn that just before she’d run inside what he’d seen in her eyes was fear. Of course, she was afraid with Ash Moreland still a threat. With everything that had happened and with the potential of something else bad happening she was certainly afraid. How could she see a future with him when there was so much danger in the air around him?

He could be a patient man. Eventually Ash would no longer be a threat and life would return to normal. Maybe then she could fully embrace her love for him. The leaves on the trees whispered to him that Mary loved him.

A cool breeze whipped around him and he reached for his coat and shrugged it on. Tonight he would stand guard to protect them all and tomorrow he would continue to love Mary.

He settled back in the chair and waited for the night to pass.

* * *

Chief of police Dillon Bowie stood at his window in his office and stared out to the dark streets of the town he loved. It was late. He should be home in bed, but since the discovery of the seven skeletons on the Holiday ranch, what little sleep he got each night was haunted and tormented by souls not at rest.

And as if those murders weren’t enough to keep him tossing and turning, he now had a murderous drug lord to contend with in his town. He’d passed around pictures of Ash to all of his officers, but so far nobody had seen the man.

As long as Amy’s baby was here in Bitterroot, Dillon knew there was a real and present danger in town. He rubbed the center of his forehead, where a headache had pounded for the last couple of hours. There had already been an attempted kidnapping and a fire—he worried about what came next.

He returned to his desk and slumped down in his chair. He’d been in close touch with the Oklahoma City authorities about Ash Moreland and Amy’s murder. So far there wasn’t enough evidence to make an arrest in the case, and they couldn’t make an arrest if they couldn’t find the man.

His biggest concern was that they couldn’t find him because he wasn’t in Oklahoma City any longer. He was someplace here in Bitterroot...but where?

With a weary sigh he opened his desk drawer and pulled out a bottle of aspirin that was nestled against a bottle of antacid tablets. The two bottles had been his best friends lately. He shook two of the painkillers into his hand and then chased them down with a sip of cold coffee.

He leaned his head back, closed his eyes and once again thought of those seven skeletons. Two of them had now been identified, both runaways who had somehow wound up murdered and buried on the Holiday ranch.

Other than the identifications being made, there were no other leads for him to follow, no clues forthcoming after all these years. It was basically a cold case and Dillon feared that it would remain a cold case forever unless he could somehow solve it.

He opened his eyes and pulled open a second desk drawer. A small plastic evidence bag displayed a man’s gold ring with a black onyx stone. The ring had been found at the bottom of the burial site and Dillon knew in his gut it belonged to the murderer.

He also believed that the man who had committed these murders was still working on the Holiday ranch. Unfortunately, the ring wasn’t like Cinderella’s slipper. The men had been boys when they’d arrived at the ranch. The shape and size of their fingers had changed in the years that had passed.

He had no idea which of them had worn that ring, which finger it had slipped off when the murderer had buried the bodies one on top of the other. But Dillon knew with a burning instinct that one of the Holiday cowboys was a murderer. He just had no idea which one.

Chapter 13

I
t was a gray, cloudy day that greeted Mary when she awakened the next morning. Joey was still asleep in the crib when she crept to the window and peered outside.

It looked like rain and that was only fitting. Every loss she had ever suffered was accompanied by rain and this morning the loss that resounded in her heart was worthy of a hurricane.

She wished Tony had never told her he loved her. She desperately wished she could unhear his words, unsee his eyes as he’d bared his soul to her.

She’d broken his heart and she hated herself for that. She was culpable in the mess that this had become. She’d kissed him and she’d made love with him. She’d reveled in the love she had for him, in the love he’d shown her, even knowing that there was no future for the two of them.

It had been wrong and it had been unfair to him. He was such a good man, a man who had finally come into his own just in time for her to break his heart.

She had no idea what to expect today. Did he now hate her? Would he insist she leave here and have nothing to do with Joey anymore?

She gazed down at the sleeping boy. The breasts she no longer had ached and the womb that had been taken from her cried with emptiness.

Tony was meant to be a father. She’d seen how he loved, how he protected a baby he wasn’t even sure was his. He would eventually find love with a real woman who could give him more babies, a woman who could nurse his babies.

She grabbed her clothes and went into the bathroom for a quick shower. Numb. She felt utterly drained and numb.
You fool, what did you expect from all of this?
a little voice derided her as the hot water pelted her.

In your foolish mind did you really believe that somehow Joey could be your baby and Tony could be your man? Did you really think there was a happy ending for you here?

Tony’s words of love thundered in her brain as she dried off, dressed and then braided her wet hair down her back. By the time she returned to the bedroom Joey was awake and demanding his breakfast.

Stay numb, she told herself. Don’t think. It was the only way she thought she could get through the day. She carried Joey down the stairs to the kitchen, where Halena and Cassie were seated at the table drinking coffee. Joey flashed them a quick smile and then his features screwed up for a wail.

“Somebody is definitely hungry,” Cassie said.

“He’s a demanding little cuss when he’s hungry,” Halena replied.

Mary grabbed a bottle and within minutes Joey was happily drinking his breakfast and Cassie had poured Mary a cup of coffee.

“Did you have fun last night?” Cassie asked her.

“It was very nice,” she replied. “Mac is certainly talented.”

“I burped barbecue all night,” Halena exclaimed. “But it was worth it. That pulled pork was delicious.”

As the two women talked about barbecue and their favorite country and western songs, Mary sipped her coffee and tried to pretend that everything was fine, that her heart wasn’t shredded and bleeding.

She managed to get through breakfast and made small talk. They had just finished eating when Adam came in to speak with Cassie about ranch business. They excused themselves and went into the small formal parlor to talk.

“I see a darkness in you this morning,” Halena said when they were alone.

Mary turned to look out the window as a light rain began to fall. “You know how much I hate rainy days.”

“We need rainy days so we can fully enjoy the sun when it shines again. Besides, rain is important for life.”

“I think we should move to Arizona, where it almost never rains.”

“And I think you’re out of sorts because you know it won’t be long before you say goodbye to Joey.”

Mary looked at her grandmother. “Maybe that’s it,” she said. Just as well that Halena believed that was the reason for Mary’s mood. “Actually, I don’t feel very well today. Maybe you could watch Joey until Tony arrives and I’ll go back to bed.”

Halena gazed at her intently and Mary fought the childish impulse to squirm beneath her scrutiny. “Please, Grandmother,” she said softly.

Halena nodded and Mary escaped. She raced up the stairs to her bedroom and threw herself on the bed. Rain began to pitter-patter against the windowpane and Mary fought against the tears she hadn’t shed the night before.

Before this moment she hadn’t been able to see how this all would end, but now she saw the ending in stark and painful detail. Of course the ending was that she’d be alone. She’d come to peace with being alone when Rick had walked out on her, but she realized now that she’d been entertaining the fantasy of a different ending this time.

The rain came down in torrents, as did her tears, and she cried until she was so exhausted she fell asleep. She awakened to the sound of laughter drifting up the stairs. A glance at the clock let her know it was lunchtime.

She went into the bathroom and sluiced cold water over her face, hoping that her earlier tears didn’t show on her face, and then she headed downstairs.

As she heard Tony’s familiar deep voice, she steeled herself for seeing him again after the night before. “Ah, Sleeping Beauty has awakened,” Cassie said as Mary walked into the kitchen. Cassie stood at the stove and stirred something in a large pot.

“Halena said you weren’t feeling well. Are you feeling better now?” Tony’s features radiated nothing but genuine concern.

Her heart squeezed tight. She would have been more comfortable if he’d been cold or indifferent to her, but his caring cut her to her very core.

“Yes, I’m feeling better,” she replied.

“You’re just in time for a nice bowl of vegetable soup,” Cassie said. “And I know you’ll like it because it’s your grandmother’s recipe.”

“It’s definitely a soup kind of day,” Halena said.

Mary glanced out the window, where gray clouds still hung low and heavy. Joey, who was in his bouncy chair on the floor, gurgled loudly, as if attempting to get her attention.

She leaned down to him. “What are you doing, Joey? Have you been entertaining everyone while I’ve been lazing around in bed?” He squealed with excitement, kicked his sturdy legs and gnawed on the back of his fist.

“He’s teething,” Halena said. “I think maybe he’s going to sprout a little chopper any day now.”

Mary looked at her in surprise. “A tooth?” She glanced at Tony and then quickly averted her gaze back to Joey. As crazy as it sounded, it felt like a milestone she and Tony had shared together. A baby’s first tooth.

She wouldn’t be around to see any of his other milestones. She wouldn’t hear Joey say his first word or take his first step. She wouldn’t cry just a little bit as she put him on a big yellow bus for his first day of school.

She shoved the depressing thought aside. “Cassie, is there anything I can help you with?” She needed to do something, anything, besides sit at this table across from Tony.

“Sure, you could get down bowls and plates and then grab the crackers in the pantry,” Cassie replied.

She felt Tony’s gaze on her as she reached to take down bowls and plates from the cabinet. His eyes tracked her as she walked across the room to the walk-in pantry.

She felt no recriminations from him, no negative energy at all. It was as if last night had never happened. If that was the way he wanted it, she was more than happy to play it that way.

Lunch was actually pleasant. Adam joined them and the talk centered around the ranch and the rain. The soup was delicious and her nerves faded away with the very normalcy of her conversation with Tony and the others.

She couldn’t help but notice how solicitous Adam was of Cassie and how often his gaze lingered on her. Mary wondered if Cassie had any idea that Adam had feelings for her. She thought about saying something to Cassie about it but decided she had no business meddling in anyone else’s relationship, since she’d so badly botched hers with Tony.

Adam left after lunch and after the dishes were put away Cassie brought out the game of Monopoly. “I read in my Aunt Cass’s diary that she and my uncle often played this on rainy days, so who is game?”

“Don’t let Grandmother be banker,” Mary said. “She cheats.”

“My granddaughter speaks with forked tongue,” Halena replied, causing everyone to laugh.

Tony was designated banker and it didn’t take long to see they were all highly competitive. The dice rolled fast and money changed hands as properties were bought and rent was collected.

Joey napped while the game continued, the stakes getting higher and the laughter more rowdy. It was almost dinnertime when they finally conceded that Halena was the winner with the most money and property.

They ate more soup for supper and after that both Halena and Cassie went upstairs to their rooms, leaving Tony and Mary in the great room with Joey on the floor. It was then that her nerves jumped back to life.

She tensed as Tony sank down next to her on the sofa. “Relax, Mary,” he said. “I don’t want my nearness to you to stress you out.”

“I don’t know how to act with you,” she confessed.

“Act like Mary,” he replied. “Act like the intelligent, beautiful, funny woman that you are. We’re good, Mary, and there’s nothing for you to worry about.”

Why did he have to be so wonderful? Why couldn’t he be a jackass? She gazed down at Joey, who was happily entertaining himself with his fist in his mouth and his foot in his other hand.

“What are you going to do, Tony?” She looked back up at him. He had to know that after their conversation last night she wasn’t a viable part of his or Joey’s future.

He frowned thoughtfully. “I’ve been working all kinds of potential answers to that question around in my head.” He leaned back against the cushion and released a deep sigh.

“If Ash isn’t caught in the next couple of days, then I’m going to get an apartment or a house in town. I’ve got enough money stashed away that I can be a stay-at-home dad for a year or so.”

“You’d do that?”

“I’ll do whatever it takes,” he replied firmly. “I’m sure he’s out there, Mary. What I’m hoping is that he’ll see where I go and he won’t bother you or your grandmother ever again. He’s after Joey. There’s no reason to think that you will be in danger anymore.”

“Does Cassie know your plan?”

“Not yet. I’m hoping to get a chance to talk to her first thing tomorrow, and then if you don’t mind keeping an eye on Joey for a couple of hours, I’m planning on heading into town to see if I can find a place to live.”

Mary sighed and gazed down at Joey. He was such a little bundle of joy to be at the heart of such upheaval. “You’re writing wonderful things in his book of life, Tony.”

“I’d hoped that you’d be around to add a couple of chapters to that book.”

His voice was so soft, so tender, and she refused to look up and meet his eyes. “You know I’ll be more than happy to watch Joey for however long you need tomorrow,” she replied.

Joey began to fuss. It was time for his fill-up bottle before bedtime. Mary rose and picked up Joey. “Tony, why don’t you go ahead and go. I know you were on guard duty last night and you were here pretty early this morning. You’ve got to be exhausted. I’ll just give him his bottle and put him to bed.”

“I am tired,” he admitted.

Together they walked from the living room to the kitchen. Tony kissed Joey on the forehead, his nearness threatening to weaken her knees. He raised his head and held her gaze for a long moment.

“I’m not giving up on us, Mary.” He turned and went out the back door.

She remained standing still, her heart pounding. It was only when Joey began to cry in earnest that she hurried for his bottle.

She carried the baby back into the great room and sank down on the sofa to feed him. As Joey greedily chugged his meal, Tony’s parting words went around and around in her head.

I’m not giving up on us.

So, he intended to make this difficult for her. What he didn’t understand was that it took two to tango...and she wasn’t dancing.

* * *

Tony looked around the small apartment with a frown. Although it had been advertised as a two-bedroom, one of the bedrooms was no bigger than a walk-in closet.

He didn’t want Joey staying in a closet. He turned to the landlord, Bernie Davies, with a smile. “Thanks for showing it to me, Bernie. I’ve got a couple of other options to check out, but one way or the other I’ll get back in touch with you.”

“You’d better make up your mind fast,” Bernie replied as the two men walked out of the place. “Empty apartments don’t last long in a town where there’s only one small apartment complex.”

The Bitterroot apartment complex had a grand total of eight units and as Tony drove away he hoped to find something better for him and Joey.

Of course, the ideal situation would be Mary’s house. He could easily imagine the spare room being Joey’s bedroom. His crib would be in front of the window, where he could see the morning sun come up, and Mary would make a special dream catcher to hang over his head.

Tony could also easily fantasize being in Mary’s bed each night, her warm body curled into his after they’d made love. They could all be such a happy family.

Last night when he’d told Mary what he intended to do, he’d hoped she would fall into his arms and profess her love for him. He’d so desperately wanted her to tell him he didn’t need to look for any other place to live, that his home would be with her.

He’d been convinced that he just needed to fight harder for her and allow her whatever time she needed to come to the conclusion they belonged together. However, she’d been distant that morning and his hope for a future with her was slowly slipping away.

He drove down Main Street and arrived at the address of a rental house. It was an old two-story newly painted gray with black trim.

The owner, Amanda Sanders, stood on the wraparound front porch and greeted him with a wide smile as he got out of his truck and approached her.

“Afternoon, Tony,” she said.

“Same to you.” He walked up on the porch and took a look around at the yard. The lawn was neat with only a small pile of autumn leaves around the base of an oak tree.