Oral Sex for Every Body: Giving and Receiving for Men and Women (6 page)

Clitoral Orgasm. Characterized by involuntary, rhythmic contractions of the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. Penetration isn’t required; only clitoral stimulation is necessary.

Uterine Orgasm. This takes place as a result of deep penetration. This doesn’t provoke multiple orgasms (as does clitoral orgasm), but the resulting single orgasm is very deep. This type of orgasm is not common.

“Mixed” Orgasm. A combination of the two previous types. It is also know as vaginal orgasm or “G” spot orgasm. It is associated with contractions of the PC muscle characteristic of clitoral orgasm and the deep sensations of uterine orgasm.

In the case of men, two types of orgasm are described: one produced in the penis and the other in the prostate.

Since its discovery in the '50s, the “G” spot has been surrounded with controversy. Denied by some and defended by others, it has given rise to much contention among sexologists, doctors, and investigators throughout the whole world.

The latest revealing data about its existence came about thanks to research done at the University L’Aquila, in Italy.

In the study, there were nine women who claimed to have experienced vaginal orgasm or “G” spot orgasm, and eleven women who denied having them.

Body scanners attached to the participants showed that the tissue situated between the vagina and urethra (the place other studies designate as being the probable location of the “G” spot) was much more dense in the group experiencing the orgasms than the group that didn’t. This would prove, according to the researchers, that the “G” spot is real.

Scientists of the Italian university concluded that a thicker vaginal wall close to the urethra can be linked with the presence of the contested “G” spot.

Locating the “G” Spot. It is not easy. The best way is to try to find it on your own, calmly exploring your own body, and once you find it to enjoy stimulating it. You can also use a vibrator (there are ones specifically designed for the “G” spot) to turn on this little treasure. Don’t get bent out of shape if you don’t find it the first time. This is totally normal, and the majority of women who never discover it at all find they don’t need it to feel sexually fulfilled and complete.

Let’s go through a series of steps to facilitate finding your “G” spot:

1. Sit relaxed. This is the ideal position, since if you are lying on your back it becomes harder to locate since gravity tends to pull your internal organs downwards (away from the vagina).
   

2. Lubricate your fingers with saliva or a bit of massage oil and gently stimulate your clitoris. It’s important to keep the vagina excited and well lubricated in order to stimulate the “G” spot. Don’t hurry; take as much time as you need.
   

3. Introduce two fingers into the vagina (ring and middle fingers). To help you know exactly where, first be aware that the Gräfenberg (or “G”) spot is a small area located in the female genital area behind the pubic bone and near the urethra. So that there’s no misunderstanding, let’s imagine the face of a clock, centered at the vaginal opening. With the “12” pointing at the navel, the “G” spot would be located between twelve and one o’clock. Keep your fingers arched and make a tapping movement (not penetration). Do this rhythmically and continuously. When doing this, make sure your hands are completely clean and your nails are short; it would also be a good idea to use a little massage cream or oil to help the fingers fit inside.
   

4. Continue moving your fingers into the interior of your vagina. Imagine there is a kind of egg resting on the bottom of the vaginal wall. Use your fingers to go around this “egg.” If you notice a swelling here, it means you have found your “G” spot.
   

5. Move one or two fingers over the area. Keep going over it; have fun with it. Now bend the finger(s) upwards and a bit to the left. The position of the fingers is very important when locating and stimulating the “G” spot. Notice how it swells up, how it throbs, and begins to feel good.
   

On the market there are vibrators designed specifically for stimulating the “G” spot (s-shaped dildos, also vibrators with

a wide head). If you want, you can also have your partner search for your “little treasure.” To do this, lay on your bed face down with your legs apart and your hips slightly elevated. Your partner should sit behind you and stimulate your clitoris using fingers, or, if you prefer, mouth or lips. This is a matter of starting slowly, bringing you to the point, bit by bit, where you are fully lubricated. When you are ready, ask your partner to put their fingers in your vagina, with the palm facing down. The idea is to explore the anterior wall of the vagina, maintaining firm pressure.

Meanwhile, move your pelvis so as to help your partner make contact with the “G” spot and describe what you are experiencing as it is stimulated.

It is possible to stimulate the “G” spot using fingers or tongue, combining the pressure of pushing down on the clitoris while simultaneously arching the tongue or finger upwards in a gentle, knocking movement. This should be done with the inserted finger from one to three inches (2.5 to

7.5 cm) inside the vagina to be effective.

Nevertheless, every woman probably needs a unique way of being stimulated. According to those who support the existence of the “G” spot, stimulating it will precipitate a vigorous, satisfying orgasm and will cause female ejaculation.

OTHER EROGENOUS SPOTS

The “G” spot has garnered all the fame, but there exist other highly erotogenic spots in a woman’s genitals. If we learn how to stimulate them (orally or manually), we can experience intense and varied orgasms.

THE “A” SPOT. This is located in the back of the vagina, about three-quarters of an inch to one and a quarter inches (2 to 3 cm) before the cervix and a bit behind the “G” spot. To stimulate it, slide your fingers half-way down the posterior wall of the vagina. There you will find an area that is bigger and slightly rougher than the rest of the vaginal wall. You are now at the “A” spot. It is stimulated virtually the same way as is the “G” spot. With this spot you can set off multiple orgasms (once you’ve reached maximal vaginal lubrication).

THE “K” SPOT. It is located at the end of the vagina, just before the cervix. It is stimulated only by penetration; the penis must enter the vagina extremely deeply to reach it. The ideal position to do this is the man face-to-face with the woman. The woman lies on her back and puts her legs over the shoulders of the man.

THE “U” SPOT. This spot is located near the urethra (through which urine is passed) beneath the clitoris. Oral stimulation is very pleasant here. To do it, put firm and constant pressure on the urethral area with the lower lip and teeth while touching with the tongue all over the area. One can also separate the labia minora (little lips) of the vulva to totally expose the urethra and caress it gently with the tongue.

THEY HAVE A “G” SPOT TOO!

It is none other than the prostate, one of the most inaccessible but, at the same time, most erogenous areas of a man’s body.

The prostate is a small gland (resembling a nut) situated under the bladder and crossed over by the urethra.

To stimulate it, it is necessary to introduce a finger into the man’s anus. It is here that we might meet with some resistance. Stimulating this area often causes men discomfort. It is best approached with great delicacy and, even better, when he is excited to the max. Lubricate your finger with some petroleum jelly or massage oil and slide it in gently. Pay attention to your guy’s facial expressions and adapt your approach in accord with his reactions.

This works best with the man on his back and his legs drawn back as far as possible against his chest. This facilitates putting your finger in his anus (about two inches [5 cm]). You will find the prostate here by pressing in the direction of the penis. Gently massage the gland and the area around it. You can also pressure the prostate or lightly move your finger in and out to bring about orgasm.

MEETING UP IN PHASE FOUR

Sexologists agree in dividing the cycle of sexual response (for both men and women) into four phases: excitation, plateau, orgasm, and resolution.

Her Orgasm. The excitation phase of a woman, depending on several mental and physical factors, is usually accompanied by specific physical responses. The typical ones in this phase are:

Start of vaginal lubrication.

Expansion (by two-thirds) of the interior of the vagina.

The labia majora (big lips) separate and the labia minora (little lips) increase in size (two or three times normal size).

The clitoris grows in size and becomes erect. Just before climax the hood of the clitoris draws back.

In this phase the clitoral glans is still not visible.

The nipples may become erect as a result of muscular contractions. In addition, the breasts grow in size (approximately 25 percent larger).

During the plateau phase, a woman may experience the following:

Increased vasocongestion of the vagina, which causes the outer third to swell. As a result, during this phase, the vaginal opening dilates.

Vaginal lubrication diminishes, especially if this phase is drawn out.

The labia minora (little lips) increase in size and their color changes considerably. They go from a pink shade to a more intense red.

The clitoris becomes erect and the clitoral glans retracts towards the pubic bone and becomes more hidden behind its hood.

The breasts increase in size, becoming 20 to 25 percent bigger than normal, and the area around the nipples (areola) also starts to swell.

Many women experience sexual blushing in this phase as a result of increased blood flow in the skin’s capillaries. The heart rate increases.

A marked increase in muscular tension in the thighs and buttocks appears in this phase.

We now come to the orgasmic phase. In it, a woman may experience the following reactions:

Rhythmic muscular contractions in the outer third of the vagina, womb, and anus. The first contractions are usually the most intense and occur every 0.8 seconds. As the orgasm continues, the contractions become less intense and more random. A moderate orgasm usually produces between three and five contractions, while a strong one can yield between ten and fifteen.

The clitoris contracts considerably and the labia minora fold over and cover it.

The blushing of the skin increases, covering most of the body.

Muscular contractions are not limited to the pelvic region and may involve the whole body. Some women experience spasms in the back, hips, hands, or feet.

During orgasm, some women emit a clear fluid from their urethra which is known as “female ejaculation” and is completely normal.

In the final moments of orgasm, the entire body can become momentarily rigid.

During the final phase of female sexual response (resolution), a woman may experience:

One or several more orgasms running through the body if stimulation continues.

The vagina and its opening return to normal size.

The nipples, lips, clitoris, and uterus return to their usual size, position, and color.

Little by little the heart rate decreases and blood disperses from the genital area. This phase takes longer in women (it can take up to a half-hour for the clitoris to completely lose its erection).

The sexual blush disappears from the skin.

All of the musculature relaxes; the vaginal orifice and anus regain their normal tone.

In the event there is no orgasm, the woman experiences all the changes and reactions mentioned above, but at a much slower rhythm. As a consequence, blood engorging the pelvic organs may produce a sensation of heaviness and discomfort, due to its not having been released during the muscular contractions of orgasm itself.

His Orgasm. Now we will talk about masculine sexual response. It shares the same four phases, but with different physical reactions and its own rhythm.

During the excitation phase, a man experiences the following changes:

Increase in blood flow causes the penis to become erect, and the skin reddens. This sexual reddening usually begins in the lower abdomen and spreads to the chest, neck, and face. It can also appear on the shoulders, forearms, and thighs. After orgasm, this blushing disappears more quickly in men than in women. It disappears first from the shoulders and extremities, then the chest, and finally the neck and face.

A man’s breasts also respond to sexual arousal. Frequently, a man’s nipples will swell and become erect. This occurs without direct stimulation and can last up to an hour after ejaculation.

Heart rate increases; the respiratory rate accelerates and blood pressure goes up.

During the excitation phase, the man’s scrotum becomes denser along with the testicles (up to 50 percent more). The testicles cling to the perineum, indicating imminent ejaculation.

Arriving at the plateau phase, the man experiences the following reactions:

The penis attains its maximum erect size.

The testicles rise considerably.

Close to orgasm, the man is hit with the feeling that ejaculation is inevitable. From the first appearance of this sensation there is a brief interval of two to three seconds, during which he feels ejaculation is imminent and cannot be stopped, put off, or controlled in any way. This experience of inevitability of ejaculation takes place as the seminal fluid concentrates in the urethra of the prostate, just before it’s actually emitted. Though the female orgasm can be interrupted by external stimuli, male orgasm, once started, cannot be stopped until ejaculation is complete.

Before ejaculation, the glans may change color. Also, a drop of pre-ejaculate fluid may appear at the urethral opening of the penis.

The orgasm phase in the man is quite evident as it coincides with ejaculation, but there are other reactions as well:

Along with emission of semen, four or five rhythmic spasms of the prostate, seminal vesicles, and urethra occur.

During orgasm, the penis contracts in a way similar to the vagina’s contraction during a woman’s climax.

Just as the female experiences, men have involuntary contractions of the inner and outer anal sphincters. These contractions occur every 0.8 seconds.

Heart rate and blood pressure increase.

This phase can last between three and thirty seconds, depending on intensity. The contractions start in very short intervals and, after three or four forceful expulsions, both frequency and capacity to expel quickly decrease.

Light residual contractions may continue with minimal expulsion of seminal fluid of little or no force, lasting a few more seconds and occurring irregularly.

In general, men find an abundant ejaculation more pleasurable than one of less volume. That’s why pleasure may be greater with an ejaculation that occurs after a prolonged period of holding back rather than with repeated orgasms. Curiously, this is the opposite with women. The majority of women experience more pleasure with the second or third orgasm than with the first.

We finally arrive at the phase of resolution, which in men is characterized by the following physical reactions:

After ejaculation, the penis becomes flaccid. There is then a recovery period, which lasts from a few minutes to several hours, in which the man cannot have another ejaculation. Women, on the other hand, do not experience this recovery period and are capable of successive and multiple orgasms.

The sexual blushing disappears and a light sweat may appear on the skin.

Once the penis has returned to its normal size, the man relaxes and often feels sleepy.

The testicles and scrotum descend anywhere from five to thirty minutes after orgasm.

THE PUBOCOCCYGEUS MUSCLE: MORE INTENSE ORGASMS

The name is quite clinical, but this small muscle is capable of affording us greatly exciting and pleasant orgasms. But, where is it? Here, we’re dealing with the principal muscle of the pelvic floor which extends from the pubic bone to the lower part of the back. There is an easy way to locate it. It is the muscle we contract when we try to either interrupt or hold back urinating.

This muscle is quite sensitive, being connected to the pelvic nerve, a branch of which connects the uterus with the bladder in a woman. For this reason, a simple contraction of the PC stimulates the pelvis, the vagina, and the uterus, making it a great ally for female sexual pleasure.

The pubococcygeus is a voluntary muscle, which means we can move it whenever we want. As such, we can train it using specific exercises to improve the quality of our orgasms.

Kegel exercises (named after Arnold Kegel, who developed them to control urinary incontinence) are very simple to do and involve tensing and relaxing the PC, in sets of repetitions, in order to increase its tone and strength. It is recommended to start out slowly with fifty reps a day and gradually increase the number up to two hundred per day. You contract and release the muscle, just as if you were holding back the urge to urinate. You can do this anywhere, anytime: watching TV, sitting in your office, on the train, etc.

On the other hand, the PC is an excellent ejaculation stopper. If you’re in the middle of oral sex and you see your partner is ready to come and you want to keep stimulating him a while longer, you can do this using the pubococcygeus. All you have to do is stop stimulating him and press his PC for a few seconds.

The Kegel exercises also are ideal for improving a man’s erection. While they tone the muscles of the vagina, Kegel exercises also facilitate an increase in blood flow to the penis, which improves erections and increases optimum control over ejaculation.

KEGEL EXERCISES . . .

. . . TO STRENGTHEN THE PENIS:

Contract the PC muscle for three seconds, as if you were holding back urine, and then relax it for three seconds. Repeat ten times consecutively, three times a day.

Increase contraction time (as the days go along) to fifteen seconds, up from three for each contraction. Repeat twenty-five times, four times a day.

. . . TO STRENGTHEN THE VAGINA:

Contract the PC muscle for three seconds and release it for another three seconds. Repeat this action ten times consecutively and do it three times a day.

Increase the duration of the contractions and relaxations up to fifteen seconds each. Also, increase the number of practice periods per day, though it is not advisable to exceed four.
‌

“ORAL” ORGASMS

Both sexes usually agree that orgasms obtained by oral sex are neither better nor worse than those obtained from intercourse, just different. Depending on their skill using tongue or lips, the result can be very deep orgasms, even more than with classic penetration. The warmth of the breath over very sensitive erogenous areas, the moisture of the tongue and saliva, and the added effect of a “submissive” posture are some of the components that can intensify an orgasm produced by oral sex.

Keep in mind that oral stimulation of your lady requires a lot more time than does yours. It’s important to maintain a consistent rhythm of stimulation with your tongue around and on the clitoris. The majority of women require a substantial time (between fifteen and twenty minutes) of oral stimulation to reach orgasm. Some cannot reach climax by means of oral sex unless it is accompanied by penetration. For this reason, it is best to wait for the right time to perform oral sex on your partner, so that it doesn’t become uncomfortable, or even annoying.

THE BENEFITS OF ORGASM

Besides being pleasurable, the latest research has demonstrated that orgasm affords numerous benefits on the psychological, as well as physical, level.

For starters, it burns fat. Pelvic movements, increased heart rate, and dilation of the blood vessels of the genitals involved in foreplay and orgasm all expend energy. Though the amount burned varies—depending on what positions are employed, how long the session lasts, and the vigor of the movements—it is possible to say that having sex including orgasm burns around 150 calories.

It has been confirmed that when sexually excited, women produce large quantities of estrogen, the female sex hormone that supports smooth skin and shiny hair.

Estrogen stimulates circulation and helps to protect women from heart disease. When a woman’s body produces estrogen, her risk of heart attack is much less than that of a man.

Tranquilizer and analgesic. Both are results of orgasm. Orgasm is ten times more effective than valium in relieving migraine headaches by lessening the tension of cerebral blood vessels, as well as reducing other pains.

During sexual foreplay the secretion of oxytocin is increased, which promotes the experience of deep and powerful feelings. During orgasm, endorphins are released, causing sensations of well-being; prolactin, which is an anti-stress hormone, is also liberated, as well as serotonin, which gives rise to feelings of total happiness.

The increase in levels of these hormones in a woman also reduces the risk of maladies of the vaginal tract. In addition, they delay the onset of osteoporosis, relieve symptoms of arthritis and menstruation, and protect against hypertension.

The National Cancer Institute of the United States, for its part, has published that orgasms can reduce the risk of prostate cancer up to one-third.

Having sex, in whatever way, has been demonstrated to be a crucial factor in staying young. According to a study conducted by the investigator David Weeks of the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland, to have sex at least three times per week lengthens one’s lifespan an average of ten years.

Besides giving pleasure, orgasm and the sexual excitement which precedes it improve respiration and blood circulation. If practiced frequently, this can even result in increased levels of hemoglobin, a natural antibody which helps fight infection.

SOMEONE WRITES US . . .

That night it so happened that I went out with a few friends. I had been divorced for four months, and they persuaded me to go out to dinner and have a couple of drinks afterwards. At first, I didn’t feel much like doing it, but I forced myself to forget my troubles, at least for one night. Dinner was very pleasant and afterwards we went to have a drink at a club that was opening that very night. There we met with my friends’ son, a young man of twenty-five, architectural student and basketball player on the university team.

We began to chat and pretty soon we were sharing all of our troubles. My friends were really tired and soon left for home. I felt good and stayed a bit longer with Marcos (the good-looking architect).

We didn’t stop dancing till 4 in the a.m., when he offered to take me home. I didn’t want it to end there, and so I invited him in to have “one for the road.” Things happened so fast. Sitting on my living room sofa, he started kissing me all over my body. It had been a while since anyone had done that to me. I shyly took off my clothes and his tongue was all over me. He nibbled my neck, and licked my nipples, as his fingers made their way between my legs.

His tongue went down to my belly, where he played around a bit with my belly button, then he plunged his face into my sex. His warm breath and experienced tongue caused me to have my first orgasm of the night, and the first I’d ever had from oral stimulation. My husband had never been competent in this and, in fact, was squeamish about it. Believe me, I felt chills all over from top to bottom.

After several more orgasms, we fell asleep, exhausted, in the middle of a totally upended apartment. I never saw Marcos again. Getting involved with the son of my friends was not a good idea. But I treasure that night in my memory and, since then, I always rate my lovers according to the size of their tongue. . . .

Teresa, 47 years old

Just About Her

We now arrive at the little “treasure house” of pleasure. It is where the most intense thrills are generated, the erogenous zone par excellence which, by mistake, clumsiness, or excessive vigor, many men engage in an out-of-control way, without any forethought.

Male sexual response is more rapid than the woman’s. His capacity to become aroused, have an erection, and ejaculate can often seem to rival the Guinness Book record, much to the disappointment of his lover.

Pay special attention to the first part of this book. It talks about the importance of foreplay: caresses, kisses, surroundings, and everything else that revolves around this magic moment of preliminaries. Without them, the sexual act becomes something mechanical, predictable, and even worse, of little pleasure for either of the partners.

Did someone mention haste? Many men underestimate the time it takes for foreplay. The kisses, strokes, little licks, and nibbles are the best preamble to sex for any woman (If you, the reader, are a female, have your lover/partner carefully read this chapter, starting here.). Normally, most men opt to “go for the gusto,” concentrating on her nipples and genitals right from the start.

This rush to the destination, full speed ahead, deprives both of the pleasure of the journey. Coitus should never become the sole objective of lovemaking.

Generally, a good orgasm (one that gives you chills remembering it hours later) is reached when each and every one of the erogenous zones, beyond clitoris and nipples alone, have been adequately pleasured. Only in that way will the necessary level of excitement be reached and genital contact be welcome. It’s the same thing as knocking at the door before entering, instead of just bursting in, unannounced. If your lover is one of those in a hurry, invite him to read the chapter on the erogenous zones and remind him that communication is the best friend of an excellent sexual relationship. Teach him how you like to be kissed and caressed. The idea is to explore each erotic zone so that he can discover what you enjoy the most.

THE FEMALE BODY REVEALED

Mount of Venus. This is a suggestive name used to refer to this section of soft tissue located on the pelvis and usually covered with hair. It protects the inner genitals and dampens the contact of coitus. Crisscrossed with numerous nerve endings, it is, along with the clitoris (which is located at the bottom of the Mount), one of the principal erogenous zones of a woman. To caress the pubic hair, to lick the area gently, or massage it delicately will prove to be a source of inexhaustible pleasure for her.

Removing the hair from here makes for greater sensitivity. It’s been quite a while since shaving the pubic area has been considered taboo. In fact, after the armpits (75 percent) and the legs (80 percent), the crotch is the third most depilated and groomed area of women’s bodies. Also, for couples who regularly practice oral sex, a pubic area which is trimmed and well-tended is something pleasant to encounter. To totally

enjoy oral sex, it is important to maintain proper genital hygiene. Cleanly shaved pubic hair, at the very least, reduces the presence of unpleasant odors.

When it comes time to depilate or shape the “Mount of Venus,” you need only imagination and fantasy. Many women opt for original colors and shapes for the “garland” of their pubis. A strawberry formed of pubic hairs dyed red, the silhouette of a drop of water or tear, the initials of a partner’s name, and even the logo of one’s company or business, one’s favorite sports team, and trademarks, are the most sought-after motifs. Any of these can be done in special hairdressing establishments.

These are the four most popular styles: