Orchard Valley Grooms (9 page)

“That’s not good enough,” she sobbed. “Tell me to get out of your life. Make it really clear so I’ll know you mean it, so I won’t question it later. So
you
won’t question it later.”

“You don’t belong here.”

“That’s better.” She gulped. “But still not good enough. Haven’t you ever heard of being cruel to be kind? Just make sure you mean what you say, because this is the only chance you’ll have.” Her voice broke. “You don’t even have to promise to marry me. Just ask me to stay.”

“No!” It was shouted at her, as though something had snapped inside him. “You want me to be cruel, is that what it takes? Does it have to come to this? You’re an intelligent woman, or so I assumed, but this…this per
formance is ridiculous. I owe you nothing. You want me to tell you to go? Then go. You don’t need my permission.” He stormed to the other side of the room and held open the door for her. “Go back to Texas, Valerie. Marry your cowboy.”

Stunned, she was afraid to move, afraid her legs would no longer support her. She nodded. She moved shakily past him.

“Goodbye,” she whispered and then, unable to resist, brushed her fingertips down the side of his face. When she looked back at this moment, there would be no regrets. She’d offered him everything she had to give, and he was turning her away. There was nothing more she could do.

Colby glanced at his hands, the very hands he used to save lives, and saw they were trembling with the force of an emotion so strong it was all he could do not to smash them into a concrete wall.

When Valerie left, he’d been furious. He would have preferred it if she’d packed her bags and quietly disappeared. That was what he’d envisioned. Not this dreadful scene. Not dragging out their emotions, prolonging the pain.

It shouldn’t have been so difficult for him. This wasn’t a new decision, but one he’d made long before he’d ever kissed her, long before he’d held her in his arms and comforted her.

The phone rang and he seized it, grateful for the
reprieve from his thoughts. “Hello,” he snapped, not meaning to sound so impatient.

“Colby, is this a bad time?”

“Sherry…of course not. I was just thinking…” He let the rest fade.

“I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to make our dinner tonight, after all.”

How sweet she sounded, Colby mused. Why couldn’t he feel for her the things he felt for Valerie Bloomfield? Heaven knew he’d tried in the past few days. He’d done whatever he could think of to spark their interest in each other, but to no avail.

“My aunt Janice arrived and my parents asked me to take her over to my brother’s place,” Sherry explained. “I hope this isn’t inconvenient for you.”

“No problem.” He heard something else in her voice, a hesitancy, a disappointment, but he chose not to question it.

“Colby.”

“Yes?” The irritation was back, but it wasn’t Sherry who’d angered him. It was his own lack of feeling for her. This past week, he’d spent four evenings with her. He’d held her and kissed her, and each time her kisses had left him cold and untouched.

“I don’t mean to be tactless, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

Her words shocked him. “Why not?” he asked, although he knew the reasons and didn’t blame her.

“It’s not me you’re interested in, it’s Norah’s sister.
I like you, Colby, don’t get me wrong, but this just isn’t working. We’ve been seeing each other for over a year now, and if we were going to fall in love it would’ve happened before now.”

“We haven’t given it a real chance.” Colby didn’t understand why he was arguing with her when he was in full agreement. Sherry would make some man a wonderful wife. Some
other
man.

“You’re using me, Colby.”

He had nothing to say in his own defense. He hadn’t realized until she’d said it, but Sherry was right. He
had
been using her. Not to make Valerie jealous, or in any devious, underhanded way, but in an effort to prove to himself that he could happily live without Valerie.

The experiment had backfired. And now he was alone, wondering how he could have let the only woman he’d ever loved walk out of his life.

“What’s this I hear about you going to Texas?” David Bloomfield asked when Valerie joined him on the front porch following the evening meal. She sat on the top step, her back pressed against the white column while her father rocked in his old chair. She looked at the blooming apple orchard, breathed in the scent of pink and white blossoms perfuming the air. The setting sun cast a golden glow across the sky.

Valerie hadn’t said anything at dinner about returning to Texas, and was surprised that her father was aware of her intentions. She’d sat quietly in her place at the
table, pushing the food around her plate and hoping no one would notice she wasn’t eating.

“It’s time for me to go back, Daddy.”

“It hurts, doesn’t it?” he asked, his voice tender.

“A little.”
A lot,
her heart cried, but it was a cry she’d been ignoring from the moment she left Colby’s home. “Your health’s improved so much,” she said with forced cheerfulness. “You don’t need me around here anymore.”

“Ah, but I do,” her father countered smoothly, continuing to rock. “Colby needs you, too.”

His name went through her like the blade of a sharp sword, and her breath caught at the unexpected pain. Her father was the reason she’d come home, but Colby was the reason she was leaving.

“Love is funny, isn’t it?” she mused, wrapping her arms around her knees the way she had as a young girl.

“You and I are so much alike,” her father said. “Your mother saw it before I did, which I suppose is only natural. I’m proud of you, Valerie, proud of what you’ve managed to accomplish in so short a time, proud of your professionalism. Cassidy’s lucky to have you on his team, and he knows it—otherwise he wouldn’t have promoted you.”

“I’ve got a terrific future with CHIPS.” She said it to remind herself that her life did have purpose. There was somewhere to focus all her energy. Something that would help her forget, give her a reason to go on.

“Your mother’s and my romance wasn’t so easy, either, you know,” her father said, rocking slowly. “She
was this pretty young nurse, and I was head over heels in love with her. To my mind, she was lucky to have me. Problem was, she didn’t seem to think so. I was a business success, a millionaire. But none of that impressed your mother.” His smile was wryly nostalgic, his eyes gazing into a long-ago world. “Convincing Grace to marry me was by far the most difficult task I’d faced in years.”

“She didn’t love you?” That was impossible for Valerie to comprehend.

“She loved me, all right, she just didn’t think she’d make me the right kind of wife. I was wealthy, socially prominent and, as you know, your mother was a preacher’s daughter from Oregon. Before I contracted rheumatic fever I was one of the most sought-after bachelors in California, if I do say so myself. But I hadn’t met the woman I wanted to marry until your mother became my nurse.”

How achingly familiar this sounded to Valerie. She’d been content with her own life until she met Colby. Falling in love was the last thing she’d expected when she returned home.

“There were other problems, too,” David went on. “Your mother seemed to think my work habits would kill me, and she wasn’t willing to marry me only to watch me work myself to death.”

“But you solved everything.”

“Eventually.” A wistful look stole over him. “I loved your mother from the first moment I opened my eyes
and saw her standing beside my hospital bed. I remember thinking she was an angel, and in some ways she was.” His face shone with the radiance of unending love. “I knew if she’d ever agree to marry me, I was going to have to give up everything I’d worked so hard to achieve. That meant selling my business and finding something new to occupy my time.”

“You did it, though.”

“Not without a lot of deliberation. I’d already made more money than I knew how to spend, but I realized I wasn’t going to be happy retiring before the age of forty. I had to have something to do. It took a couple of years—and Grace’s help—to figure out what that should be.”

Valerie nodded. “I feel the same way. I’d never be happy just sitting at home— I’m too much like you.” The extent of his sacrifice shook her. “How could you have given up everything you’d worked all those years to build?”

“Without your mother my life would’ve been empty. My work didn’t matter anymore. Grace was important, and the life we were going to build together was important. I gave up one life but gained another, one I found far more fulfilling.”

“But didn’t you ever get bored or restless?”

“Some, but not nearly as much as I expected. When we’d been married a year or two, your mother saw I had too much time on my hands and we looked around for something to occupy me, some new interest. That was when we bought the orchard and moved here.” He grinned. “My own Garden of Eden.”

“I don’t think I ever understood how much you’d changed your life to marry Mom.”

“It was a sacrifice, and at the time it seemed like a huge one, but as the years passed, I realized she’d been right. I would’ve killed myself if I’d continued in business. Your mother brought balance into my life, the same way Colby will bring balance into yours.”

She allowed a moment to pass before she spoke. “I’m not marrying Colby, Dad. I wish I could tell you I was, and that we were going to seek the same happiness you found with Mom, but it isn’t going to happen.”

It was as if she hadn’t said a word. “You’ll be so good for him, Valerie. He loves you now, and you love him, but what you feel for each other doesn’t even begin to approach the love you’ll experience over the years, especially after the children arrive.”

“Dad, you’re not listening to me.” He seemed to be in a dream world that shut out reality. She had to make him stop, had to pull him out of the fantasy.

“He needs you, too, you know, even more than you need him. Colby’s lived alone too many years. Only recently has he recognized how much he wants a woman in his life.”

“He doesn’t want
me.
”

Her father closed his eyes and smiled. “You don’t truly believe that, do you? He wants you so much it’s eating him alive.”

She lacked the strength to argue with her father, not after her confrontation with Colby earlier in the day. Nor
did she have the energy to explain what had passed between them. In her mind, it was over. She’d told him she wouldn’t look back and she meant it. She’d swallowed her pride and gone to him and he’d cast her out of his life.

She didn’t hate him for being cruel; she’d asked for that. Nor had she made it easy for him to reject her. But he’d done it.

David sipped his coffee, and his smile grew even more serene. “You have such happiness awaiting you, Valerie. This problem with my heart is a perfect example of good coming out of bad. My attack was what brought you racing home. Heaven only knows how long it would’ve been before you met Colby if it weren’t for this bum heart of mine.”

Valerie reached for her own mug of coffee and took a sip. “You want anything else before I go inside?”

“So soon? It’s not even dark.”

“I have a lot to do.”

“Are you going to think about what I said?”

She hated to disappoint him, hated to disillusion a romantic old man whose judgment was clouded by thirty years of loving one woman.

“I’ll think about it,” Valerie promised, but it was a lie. She intended to push every thought, every memory of Colby completely from her mind. That was the only way she’d be able to function. She got slowly to her feet.

“Good.” He nodded, still smiling. “Stay with me, then. There’s no need for you to hurry inside.”

Valerie hesitated. This conversation was becoming decidedly uncomfortable. Despite her father’s illusions, she had to face what had happened between her and Colby, accept it as truth and get on with her life. Pining away for him would solve nothing. And listening to her father only added to the pain.

“I need to do a few things before I leave.” The excuse was weak, but it was all she could think of.

“There’s plenty of time. Sit with me a spell. Relax.”

“Dad…please.”

“I want to tell you something important.”

“What is it, Dad?” she asked with a sigh.

“I know for a fact that you’re going to marry Colby,” he said, smiling up at her, his eyes bright and clear. “Your mother promised me.”

“D
ad,” Valerie said, suppressing the urge to argue with him. “If it’s about your dream, I don’t think—”

“It was more than a dream! I was dead. I told you—ask Colby if you don’t believe me. I crossed over into the valley of shadows. Your mother was waiting for me there and she wasn’t pleased. No, sir. She was downright irritated with me. Said it wasn’t my time yet, and I was coming home much too early.”

“I’m sure this seemed very real to you—”

“It
was
real.” His voice had grown louder. “Now you sit down and listen, because what I’m about to tell you happened as surely as I live and breathe.”

Trapped, Valerie did as her father asked, lowering herself to the top porch step. “All right, Dad, I’ll listen.”

“Good.” He smiled down at her, apparently appeased. “I’ve missed your mother, and I didn’t want to continue living in this world without her. She told me my thinking
was all wrong. She promised me the years I have left will be full and happy ones, with nothing like the loneliness I’ve endured since she’s been gone.”

“Of course they will.” Valerie didn’t put much stock in this near-death experience of her father’s, but he believed it and that was the important thing.

“Problem was, I didn’t much care about my life back here,” he went on, almost as if he hadn’t heard Valerie. “I was with Grace, and that was where I wanted to be. As far as I was concerned, I wasn’t going back.”

Valerie was familiar with her father’s stubbornness; she’d inherited a streak of it herself.

“Your mother told me there was a reason for me to return. To tell you the truth, I’d already decided I wasn’t going to let her talk me into it. She was darn good at that, you know. She’d drag me into the most outlandish things and make me think it was my idea.”

Her father was grinning as he spoke, his eyes twinkling with a rare joy.

“That was when she told me about you girls. Your mother and I were standing by a small lake.” He frowned, evidently trying to remember each detail of his experience. “She asked me to look into the water. I thought it was an unusual request, considering the discussion we were having.”

“What did you see?” Valerie was picturing trout and maybe some bass, knowing how much her father enjoyed lazing away a summer afternoon fishing.

“I saw the future.”

“The
future?
” This sounded like something out of a science fiction novel.

“You heard me,” he said irritably. “The water was like a window and I could look into the years ahead. I saw you and your sisters, and you know what? It was the most beautiful scene I could ever have imagined. So much joy, so much laughter and love. I couldn’t stop looking, couldn’t stop smiling. There were my precious daughters, all so happy, all so blessed with love, the same way your mother and I had been.”

“It sounds lovely, Dad.” Her father had undergone traumatic surgery and just barely survived. If he believed in this dream, if he maintained he’d actually spoken to her mother, then Valerie couldn’t bring herself to disillusion him. Nor did she want to argue. Especially not now, when her own emotions had taken such a beating.

“I remember every single moment of that meeting with your mother. I didn’t see a single angel, though. I don’t mind telling you, that was a bit of a disappointment. Nor did I hear anyone playing the harp.”

Valerie hid a smile.

“You understand what I’m saying, don’t you?”

“About angels?”

“No,” he returned impatiently. “About you and Colby. He’s the one I saw you with, Val. You had three beautiful children.”

“Dad, why now?” At his quizzical gaze, she elaborated. “Why are you trying so hard to convince me to
marry Colby? After the surgery, you seemed to have given up the idea. What happened to change your mind?”

“You did.”

“Me?”

“You’re both so darned stubborn. I hadn’t counted on that.”

“But you apologized for the matchmaking, remember?”

“Of course I remember. I gave it up on Grace’s advice, but only because I felt you two wouldn’t need any help from me. But I quickly found out you need my help more than ever. That’s why I talked about Cassidy so much. To get you thinking about what you really wanted. And to make Colby a little jealous. Face it, Val. Eventually you’re going to marry him.”

“Dad, please, I know you want to believe this, but it just isn’t going to happen.” Without realizing what he was doing, her own father was making everything so much more painful.

“Don’t you understand, child? Colby loves you, and you love him, and you’re going to have a wonderful life together. Naturally there’ll be ups and downs, but there are in any marriage.”

“I’m not marrying Colby,” she said from between gritted teeth. “For heaven’s sake, I only met him a few weeks ago!”

“You think I’m an old man whose elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top, but you’re wrong.” He gave her a lazy smile. “I know what I saw. All I’m asking is
that you be patient with Colby and patient with yourself. Just don’t do anything foolish.”

“Like what?”

“Going back to Texas. You belong here in Orchard Valley now. It’s where you’re going to raise your children and where Colby’s going to continue his practice.”

“It’s too late.”

“For what?”

Valerie stood, her chest aching with the effort to breathe normally. She felt so empty, so alone. More than anything, she wanted to believe her father’s dream, but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

“I’ve already booked my flight. My plane leaves in the afternoon.” She didn’t wait for her father to disagree with her, to tell her what a terrible mistake she was making. Instead she hurried into the house and up the stairs, not stopping until she was inside her room, with the door firmly closed.

She hauled her suitcase from the closet. There wasn’t much to pack, and the entire process took her all of five minutes. She didn’t weep. Her tears had already been spent.

When she returned to Texas, she’d be more mindful of love. It had touched her life once; perhaps it would again. In time. When her heart had healed. When she was ready.

With that thought in mind, she reached for the phone on the nightstand and held it in her lap, staring sightlessly at the keys. After an endless moment, she tapped out the long-distance number.

“Hello.” The deep male voice sounded hurried and impatient.

“Hello, Rowdy,” she said quietly.

“Valerie.” He seemed delighted to be hearing from her. “I’m glad you phoned. I tried to reach you earlier in the day, but your sister told me you were out. Did she mention my call?”

“No. Was it something important?” Norah must have been the one who answered, since Steffie was out most of the day. Romantic Norah, who so badly wanted Valerie to marry Colby and live happily ever after.

“It wasn’t urgent. I just wanted to see how soon CHIPS could have you back. There’s been a big hole here since you left.”

“I realize my being gone has been an inconvenience—”

“Don’t be silly. I wasn’t referring to the workload, I was talking about
you.
Like I told you before, I got used to having you around,” he said gruffly, as though he was uncomfortable saying such things. “Doesn’t seem right with you not here. You’re an important part of my team. That’s how come I’m giving you a ten percent raise—just so you’ll know how much you’re appreciated.”

Valerie gasped. “That isn’t necessary.”

“Sure it is. Now, when are you flying home?”

Home.
Home wasn’t in Texas, it never really had been, but Rowdy wouldn’t understand that.

“Valerie?”

“Oh, sorry. That was actually the reason for my call.
I’ve booked my flight for tomorrow. I’ll arrive early in the evening and be at the office Monday morning.” She forced some enthusiasm into her words.

“That’s great news! It’s just what I was hoping to hear. We’ll celebrate. How about if I pick you up at the airport and take you to dinner?”

The invitation surprised her, although she supposed it shouldn’t have. “Ah…” She didn’t know what to say. She’d already promised herself she wasn’t going to spend the rest of her life pining away for Colby Winston. Yet when the opportunity arose to put the past firmly behind her and begin a new life, she hesitated.

“I don’t think so,” she told him regretfully. “Not just yet. I’m going to need some time to readjust after being away for so long.” It had been less than three weeks, but it felt like a whole lifetime.

“You’ve been gone
too
long,” Rowdy said, his voice low and resonant. “I’ve missed you, Valerie. I haven’t made a secret of it, either. When you get back, I’d like the two of us to sit down and talk.”

Sudden dread attacked her stomach, her nerves. This wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “I—I don’t know if that’d be a good idea, Rowdy. I don’t mean to be—”

“I know what you’re thinking,” Rowdy cut in. “And I have to admit, I share your concern. An office romance can lead to problems. That’s why I want us to talk. Clear the air before we get involved.”

It obviously hadn’t occurred to Rowdy that she might
not be interested. But only a little while ago, the prospect of a relationship with him would have filled her with excitement.

Colby had hardly ever spent a more uncomfortable night. He hadn’t been able to sleep and, finally giving up, had gone downstairs to read. Another hour ticked slowly by, and still his mind refused to relax. Feeling even more disgruntled, he set the novel aside.

It would have helped if Sherry had kept her dinner date, but she’d cancelled. Not only that, she’d let him know she didn’t want to see him again. She was right to have done it, too—a fact that didn’t improve his disposition.

When it came to his relationships with women, Colby just wasn’t getting anywhere. Okay, so he was behind schedule. He’d underestimated the difficulty of finding the type of wife he wanted.

His requirements were very specific, which was why he’d intended to conduct his search in a methodical, orderly manner. It wasn’t as though he’d discovered any shortage of “old-fashioned” girls, either. Unfortunately, most of them didn’t appeal to him.

This only served to confuse him further. Obviously there was a flaw in his plan. Of one thing he was certain—Sherry was out of the picture. For that matter, so was Valerie.

Valerie.

Her name seemed to be engraved on his mind, but by
sheer force of will, he turned his thoughts in another direction. He got up and moved into his den to print out the article he’d been working on earlier that day. Although he’d shrugged off its importance when he spoke to Valerie, he was well aware that the invitation to submit it was a real honor. He’d done exhaustive research, and every word he’d written had been carefully considered.

But right then and there, Colby realized it meant nothing. Nothing. With an angry burst of energy, he crumpled the sheets and tossed them in his wastebasket.

Colby rarely acted in anger. Rarely did he allow himself to display any emotion. He’d schooled himself well; he’d needed to. He dealt with death so often, with fear, with grief. It became crucial, a matter of emotional survival, to keep his own feelings strictly private. Over the years, that had become second nature. For the first time in recent memory, he deplored his inexperience at expressing emotion.

He had no trouble recognizing that his inability to sleep, his lack of interest in a good novel, his discontent with the article he was writing, were all caused by what had happened between him and Valerie that morning.

He’d done what he had to do. It hadn’t been easy—for either of them—but it was necessary. She’d made him angry with her demand that he be cruel. She wouldn’t accept anything less. By the time she left, he’d been furious. She’d prodded and pushed and shoved until, backed into a corner, he’d had no choice.

Every harsh word he’d spoken had boomeranged back to hit him. She’d insisted repeatedly that he tell her to get out of his life. And he’d done it….

It was over, which was exactly what he wanted. Valerie would go back to Texas and he’d continue living here in Orchard Valley.

Her sad gray eyes would haunt him. And it had taken all afternoon to forget the feel of her fingertips as they grazed his face.

His intention had been to send her away, hurt her if he had to, so the break would be final. He hadn’t grasped how much that would cost him.

Twenty hours later, he was still angry. Still in pain.

Walking back into his living room at 2:00 a.m., Colby sank into the recliner and reached for the television remote control. Surely there’d be some movie playing that would hold his attention for an hour or two.

He was wrong. All he could find—other than infomercials and vapid talk shows—was a 1950s love story, filmed in nostalgic black and white. The last thing Colby was in the mood to watch was a sentimental romance with a happy ending. He turned off the television and stood up.

He hadn’t been out to the Bloomfields’ in three days. Although David was home and they’d scheduled an appointment at the office early in the week, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to stop by and see how the older man was recovering. They were friends, and it was the least Colby could do—for the sake of a longstanding friendship.

That decision made, he found himself yawning loudly. Fatigue greeted him like an old comrade, and in that moment Colby knew he’d be able to sleep.

Valerie was dressed, her suitcase packed. She’d lingered in her room far longer than necessary. Her flight wasn’t until 1:00 p.m.—not for another four hours—so she had plenty of time, yet she felt an intense need to be on her way. But there was another feeling that ran even deeper, even stronger: she dreaded leaving.

“Valerie?”

She turned to see Steffie standing in her bedroom doorway, frowning as she glanced at the suitcase. “Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”

Valerie gave her a wide and completely artificial smile. “I’m positive.”

“How can you smile?”

“It’s such a beautiful morning, how could I possibly
not
smile? Dad’s home and thriving, you’re here, and Norah’s in seventh heaven because she’s got someone to cook for.”