Ordinary (Anything But) (12 page)

Ryder—he had turned
on
his sixteenth birthday. Two years he’d been living with that knowledge,
two
years he’d known the life everyone thought existed wasn’t real at all. What did that do to someone so young? Her gaze went back to James.

“I’m sixteen and six months and…five days. Same as I’ve been here.” Max began bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Max is a little hyper,” Zach supplied when Honor gave him a look.

“I noticed that.”

“I wanted to thank you,” Zach said, rising to his feet. He was tall, probably over six and a half feet, and muscular. Honor hadn’t noticed his muscles when he was sitting. His biceps bulged as he crossed his arms, showing he liked to life weights and a lot.

“For what?”

“For standing up for Scott. He hasn’t adapted well. He was brought here a day before you.” Zach showed his impressive teeth. “I heard you didn’t take the news so well either. We were in training when they brought you in, so unfortunately, we missed the excitement.”

Rose flipped her hair, a bored look on her face. “UD Headquarters.
Never a dull moment.”

“Where is he now? Is he okay?”

“He’s in lockdown, in his room, under supervision. Make sure he doesn’t flip out again, hurt himself, try to escape.” Max spun on a heel and began to moonwalk.

Honor watched him a moment, then shook her head.

“How did they break the news to you, tell you you were a UD carrier?” Zach asked.

The still-fresh anger and resentment reared up. “They didn’t tell me anything. I saw them take Christian. I was worried they’d killed him or something. I didn’t know what was going on. They came for me the next day. I didn’t know what to think.
So I ran.” Honor shrugged. She noticed Max stopped bouncing at the same time Zach stiffened. Rose sat up, looking interested for the first time since her arrival. Only James didn’t show any reaction to her words.

“Christian? You mean the UD?” Zach asked slowly.

Honor met his eyes. “Yeah. Christian Turner. I go to school with him.” The friendly atmosphere vanished. she literally felt the air around her cool. She shivered, swallowing.

“We don’t associate with UDs, Honor,” Zach said in a brittle tone.

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s a
UD
, an undead. He’s the enemy.”

“Enemy?
Since when are they the
enemy
?” Honor tightened her grip on the book, her anger building. “He’s not
just
a UD. He’s a
person
.”

“Not anymore he’s not. He could flip out, go on a killing spree. UDKs and UDs
don’t exactly hang out together. It’s pretty simple. They’re bad. We’re good. We keep our distance from one another.”

She stared at him, at all of them, stunned by Zach’s words and their facial expressions. “
They’re not
bad
. They didn’t ask for this and I’m sure they don’t
want
it. It could have been any of us,” Honor said softly. “We all were born with it. It could have gone either way.
We
could be UDs instead of UDKs.”

Max looked down, but Rose rolled her eyes.

Zach said, “Only we’re not.” He moved closer, looking down at her. “You better realize where your loyalty is, and fast. People who don’t know or choose unwisely…they don’t do so well outside these walls.” He ended his threat with a smile.

Honor stared him down; unable to believe what she was hearing. She glanced at Rose and away.
She wouldn’t be getting any understanding from her. She could see the indecision in Max’s eyes. He wasn’t quite like the other two, not yet. Max could go either way. James quietly watched her, no animosity on his face. He was smart. She could tell that from the few sentences he’d uttered. He was too intelligent to mindlessly follow anyone. She hoped.

She turned back to Zach. “You know who I’m loyal to, Zach? Me. That’s who.”  Honor hurried away from them, but not too fast. She didn’t want them to think they had upset her.

They had.

Honor didn’t want them to think she wanted to escape them as quickly as she could.

She did.

The way Zach, and maybe the rest of them, thought…it was scary.

Honor made her way down the narrow stairway
toward the UD housing. She pushed Zach’s harsh words from her mind. She didn’t care what he thought or said about her or Christian. He was wrong. She hated that Christian was being kept locked up like an animal or a criminal. He hadn’t done anything bad. He hadn’t asked for any of it. She was pretty sure he didn’t
want
to be what he now was. None of it was his fault. She couldn’t help but wonder if she hadn’t known him outside of the facility if maybe she would have thought more like Zach. She liked to think it wouldn’t have mattered. Honor didn’t really know. But she
did
know Christian, if only distantly.

Nealon was speaking with one of the robots. Honor stayed by the doorway, wondering if he would make her leave. He glanced at her and that was it. Her attention was immediately drawn to
Christian’s room. It was empty. Honor frowned, fear trying to take hold. She shook it off. She stalked over to Nealon, not waiting for him to acknowledge her. She was pretty sure that would be a long wait.

“Where’s Christian?”
He didn’t acknowledge her anyway. “Nealon. Where’s Christian?”

Nealon faced her, the man he was talking to fading away into the murky corner he probably lived in. “It’s
Agent
Nealon, Rochester.”

“Before it was Nealon.
Today it’s Agent Nealon?” He didn’t answer. “Fine. Whatever.
Agent Nealon
. Where’s Christian?”

He watched her features as he coolly replied, “Moved.” Nealon turned
away and headed for the stairs. Her stomach dropped and she took off after him.

“What do you mean,
moved
? Why? Where is he?” All she could think of was it was her fault somehow and that they’d probably hurt him or killed him or something and it was
all her fault
. Honor couldn’t stand the thought of being responsible for someone’s demise. It filled her with overpowering dread and helplessness. She couldn’t breathe thinking about it.

Nealon paused halfway up the stairs. “Your interest in the subject was frowned upon by the hierarchy. They thought it best he be transferred to another facility as you appear to be much too concerned over his welfare.”

“Hierarchy?” she barely got out around the tightening of her throat.
My fault. All my fault.
“Why
wouldn’t
I be concerned? I
know
him.”

Nealon kept going, his form almos
t up to the top of the stairs. Honor came to a stop, her shoulders slumped. What had she done? She’d jeopardized Christian’s safety with her good intentions. What if they had hurt him, because of her? “I don’t understand. Who are these people?” He didn’t stop, didn’t slow down. Dejected, Honor stared at his taut back, sad on so many levels. It was too much. She was going to break apart from it all. “Nealon?” she softly beseeched, not really expecting him to respond.

His back stiffened even more than it already was and Nealon swung around, coming down the stairs toward her fast. He was tight-lipped and his eyes warned of danger. “I am
not
your friend. I am your superior. I am here to guide you and nothing more.”

“I didn’t—“

Nealon leaned close enough that Honor could smell his scent that pierced her chest with an ache for her father and her childhood; her innocence. “It’s
Agent Nealon
. Don’t think I’m anything more than your director, Rochester. Understand?  I am not here to babysit you, to take care of you. I am not your pal. I am
not
your father.” Honor sucked in a sharp breath, debilitating pain stabbing her heart. She couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. She blinked her eyes, but warm tears formed regardless, slowly trailing down her cheeks.

He
swore, showing more emotion in that curse word than in anything else he’d said or done since she’d met him. He whirled around and stormed up the rest of the stairs, taking a little sliver of Honor’s dignity with him. She wiped the wetness from her eyes. Honor hadn’t thought he could be a father figure to her, for one thing he wasn’t
that
old, but she had kind of, for a moment, thought he was someone she could look up to. Obviously she had been wrong. He’d gone from Nealon to
Agent
Nealon and she’d gone from Honor back to Rochester. Fine. Who needed him anyway? Honor would be fine on her own. She didn’t need or want anyone. She could take care of herself. And she would.

***

“Mom?” She heard the sharp inhalation of breath on the other end of the phone.

“Honor?” her mother whispered in a trembling voice.

She tightened her grip on the track phone a guard had given her before moving outside the room she slept in. “Yes.”

Her mother wept, her sobs tugging at Honor and making it hard for her not to break down herself. “I’m so sorry about all of this, Honor, so sorry. Your father…I…we were hoping…we hoped you’d never have to know any of this.”

Honor stared at the brown blanket on the bed she was sitting cross-legged on, tears burning her eyes. “It sucks.”

“Is everything going okay? Are they treating you well?”

“Sure. The best.”

“I spoke with Agent Nealon. He seems like a decent man.”

She wiped her eyes with the back of a hand. “He’s nice,” she lied. She couldn’t tell her mother the truth. She couldn’t tell her any of it. The chasm between them was too great and would only widen with time, especially with Honor’s new life and new responsibilities. She couldn’t even think about all of that right now. Everything was different, would always be different from now on. What happened when she left the walls she was currently inside of?

“How could you keep this from me?” she whispered, her voice brittle.

“Oh, Honor. We did it out of love. We did it with the belief it was better not to tell you in case it never affected you. We did what we thought was best. Your father, he so wanted you to have a normal life, for as long as you could, and he didn’t want to burden you with any of this if he didn’t have to.”

“How…how old was Dad, when it happened? I want to know.” Honor could feel her mother’s hesitation. “Tell me. You at least owe me that.”

“Seventeen. We had just started dating and then things got all weird. It was over the summer. He left for a few weeks and I didn’t know where he was. I never heard from him. I figured he was blowing me off, that maybe he had found another girl he’d rather be with. When he showed up again, he was different. I stayed away; thinking that whatever was going on with him wasn’t worth me getting upset over. We almost didn’t end up together.

“But then I saw him at the store and when I looked at him, I knew whatever had happened, it had been bad, and it hadn’t been something he could have controlled, or something he could talk about. His eyes were so…
haunted
. I didn’t know what was going on, but I decided not to give up, I decided to fight for him. I didn’t find out the truth until years later, when we wanted to marry. He didn’t tell me, not until he had to, and by that time, I loved him so much I didn’t care. I wanted to be with him any way I could. He struggled with it, and it was a long time before he accepted things, but once he finally did, he was okay. We were okay. He had a good life, Honor, in spite of everything.”

She thought of her father, pictured him locked up in a room, his body painfully dying, and she felt sick.
“Can I talk to Scarlet?”

There was a long pause.
“Of course. Here she is. I love you, baby cakes.”

She bit her lower lip. “I love you too.” The tears fell again and Honor let them.

“Hi, Honor,” her little sister exclaimed. The sound of her voice was a balm to her wounded heart and soul.

“Hey, you.
What have you been drawing?”

“I drew a unicorn and a Pegasus. The unicorn is pink and white polka dotted and I made her for you. The Pegasus is for Mom. I miss you. When are you coming back?”

“Soon,” she lied again. “Soon.” Honor swallowed. She didn’t know what she would do when all of this was done, but she knew she wouldn’t be going back home. She couldn’t.

“Okay. Mom and I are making cookies. ‘Bye.”

“’Bye,” she whispered, turning the phone off. Honor stared down at it, saying a silent goodbye to her old life, to childish drawings and cookie making and any kind of innocence. The guard came back and took the phone from her limp fingers.

***

It was hard to know what time of day or night it was without a window to show her, without a clock to tell her. A short buzzer sounded at 6am every morning. Newbies were instructed to shower and dress for the day at that time. Honor was up before the alarm went off on her third day there, Monday, looking at the strangely intriguing book Nealon had commanded she read. She squinted her eyes in the grayness to make out the words and photographs in the book. She thought it had to be close to 6am, but Honor had no way of knowing for sure. Training and schooling of some kind started today at 8am. She was not excited. Honor wanted to go home, but at the same time, she felt like that girl she’d been a few short days ago was gone forever.