Read Oscar: An Accident Waiting to Happen Online
Authors: Melinda Ferguson,Patricia Taylor
Oscar: An Accident Waiting to Happen (11 page)
Sent from: Oscar Pistorius
I was completely drawn in by the letter; it seemed to go on forever. I read it over and over, almost incredulous at how open, honest and self-aware he came across in the writing. It seemed almost like
a confession and in many ways it was. This was really the first time I had seen this side of Oscar, it was the Oscar I had longed to see, the one who could look within, own up to things and see his part in the pain he had caused others. It was the Oscar I had always hoped existed. The letter suddenly made me start seeing him in a new light.
I have always believed it takes great nobility and real courage to open up and confront one’s demons. In his letter it looked like this was exactly what Oscar was doing. I wanted to reach out to him, embrace him and forgive him as soon as I had finished reading it. I hoped it would have the same effect on Sam too. I emailed him back about two hours later:
From: Trish Taylor
Subject: Re: Oscar
Date: 18 July 2012 6:22:15 PM SAST
To: Oscar Pistorius
Dear Oz
Thank you for your truly honest letter, it really must have taken a lot to write it, and I appreciate you sharing.
I feel as if I have been living in a really sad movie in the past couple of days, and feel absolutely drained. I think the saddest thing for me is that you guys are amazing together, you have an almost mental telepathy with each other, and something so beautiful has ended up in such a bad space. But I think it is time to move on from the past and move forward.
I love this saying – The past is forever gone & the future is not yet, so for Now we are free from both.
I have always drummed it into my kids’ heads to live their lives with honesty and integrity, and I always do my best to live my life like this as well.
I know that I feel a lot better after reading this letter and I am sure Sammy does as well. And if nothing else out of all this sad drama, if you guys stay together, which I really hope you do. I think so many honest things have been said between all of us that
it will create an amazing future to your relationship. Remember to keep the communication going – oh and you are welcome to give me honest criticism at any time – I am feeling really bad as I send off my messages to you (I think it is my psychology background rearing its head), as I have been trying to guide you, and am so grateful that you have taken them in the way that they were intended, and I so admire you for doing this.
I think as I reply to your email, and going to reply to points that you have made honestly
Firstly, I accept your apologies
I understand the self sabotage thing, but don’t do it – you need to get out of the cycle now, even if you go for counselling. Every single thing that you have, including love and respect, you have earned and you deserve.
My first impression of you was great, I had no preconceptions, and I honestly met you and thought what a genuinely nice guy. You were easy to chat to and I really liked you (I still do, a lot).
I think more than anything Sammy will appreciate your honesty about Jenna, and thank you for letting her know.
Oz, I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like losing your mom at such a young age, especially as she was such an amazing lady. I lost my mom when I was 37 and not a day goes by when I don’t miss and think about her.
I met a young lady the other day who went to the school where your mom was the secretary, and she told me how amazing your mom was to her – this girl didn’t have a mom, and your mom took her under her wing. She says if you ever want to chat about your mom, she would love to as she still thinks about her often.
I understand how you have worked so hard to get to where you are now in your career and you have made history, which is absolutely amazing, and I can understand how you tried to protect yourself emotionally, but once again this [is] only stepping back and you need to move on.
As a mom, I am so incredibly proud of my family, and so emotionally attached that I probably feel too much for kids, but more than anything I wanted them to grow up with a close bond.
And you and your brother and sister are so lucky to have your close bonds. I must say there have been moments when you have been here and I have wanted to mother you and look after you and sometimes advise you, and I have held myself back. I am sorry now in some ways that I didn’t, as maybe some of my advice would have been beneficial. You are also so powerful and successful and I never wanted to undermine that.
Just stay positive right now and focus – everything that you have worked for is so close.
Lots of love
Trish
Oscar’s letter would be of critical significance regarding things that would happen in our lives. It felt monumental, and primarily because of its apparent honesty, it was the key factor in getting Sammy and Oscar to reunite.
However it did not have the immediate results Oscar was hoping for. Despite his efforts to be open and transparent in the hope of getting Sammy to change her mind and forgive him, my daughter was not immediately swayed and was still intent on trying to forget about Oscar and move on.
At one stage when Sam was still adamant that she did not want to go back to him, even after countless calls and emails, he told me how angry he was that he had wasted over R80 000 on phoning our family. I remember being surprised. Considering all the international calls that we received from him, I would have thought it was a lot more.
On the home front, although I had done everything in my power to try to persuade Sammy to postpone her trip with Quinton to Dubai, knowing how fragile Oscar was, I also knew how broken she was and how much she needed to find some peace and distance.
With Sammy refusing to engage with Oscar while she was away, I became more and more of the go -etween, responding on Sammy’s behalf. It was an insane situation to be in, but I was
terrified that Oscar was going to resort to doing something drastic, like pull out of the Games or disappear. I even thought he might kill himself.
From: Trish Taylor
Date: Mon, 30 Jul 2012 08:16:35
To: Oscar Pistorius
Subject: Fwd:
Dear Oz
I am so pleased to hear that you are training hard, and you seem to be surrounded by really positive people. At least this will help you get your heart and soul back into the game. I can imagine that you are still hurting so badly, and it must be really tough.
I thought Sammy was getting back this morning, but she only gets back tonight, and she
SMS
’d me last night to say that she wants to come straight home when she gets back. I can’t wait for her to get home, and then I will sit and have a chat with her.
I still honestly pray that she comes over for all the reasons that we have discussed, for the sake of both of you. But I am going to leave it up to her to make the decision. Because at the end of the day it is between you and her.
I am going to get hold of the Visa place now, to see how quickly they can arrange a visa if need be.
It has been a tough couple of weeks for everyone, and I still feel very heartsore, so we now have to pray that whatever the outcome is, will ultimately be the best for both of you.
Please remember that I am here to give you support if you ever need it, as I really care very much about you.
Hope you have an amazing day
Lots of love
Trish
The quote below is so true
“Love is like the truth, sometimes it prevails, and sometimes it hurts.” – Victor M. Garcia Jr.
Here are some quotes to motivate you for today
Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. – Author unknown
Stubbornly persist, and you will find that the limits of your stubbornness go well beyond the stubbornness of your limits. – Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock. – Author unknown
If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. – Buddhist saying
I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday. – Author unknown
Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines. – Robert Schuller
I hoped these words would help Oscar. I knew how much more help and support he needed than little paragraphs and links to inspirational websites, but what could I do, thousands of miles away? All I could hope for was that somehow, knowing that somewhere out there someone cared, that would be enough to help him through dark days.
On 30 Jul 2012, at 10:56 AM, Oscar Pistorius wrote:
Hi Trish,
Thank you very much for the email.
I have been out in Twickenham with the athletics team, we only move into the village later today but some of my old school friends came to visit me yesterday afternoon after training which was a blessing.
She sent me a message this morning saying that she is coming back today too. I think that’s best. This [sic] past two weeks hasn’t been easy on her. I just don’t think there is anymore I can say to her and at the end of the day she needs to do what makes her heart happy. Thank you for all the messages of support and for the encouragement, guidance and clarity you have given me these last days.
I miss Sam very much, I care about her terribly too. I’m finding it hard not knowing how she is or what she has been up too [sic] or who she was with. I want and need her in my life and I’m trying to keep hope that she feels the same because it doesn’t feel like it anymore. I have myself to blame for most of it but I still feel like it [sic] we have an unbelievable bond and if we can’t get through this after everything and all this time apart it would be very sad.
I hope you have a blessed day.
Love Oscar
If by some miracle she changes her mind and decides she wants to talk to me and we can sort out what’s between us and she wants to be part of this time in my life then I can call the consulate in Pretoria and see what they can do.
From: Trish Taylor
Subject: Re:
Date: 30 July 2012 11:16:45 AM SAST
To: Oscar Pistorius
Hi Oz
I agree, I don’t think there is any more to say now, I think she must just have her space to think when she gets back today.
We will keep you posted, later.
I don’t know whether you have ever been onto this website – but if you go through it – there are some very calming meditations on it – worth have a look at,
www.thereisaway.org
Hope you have a stunning day
Lots of love
Trish
xxx
And so it went on, with me trying to keep things light and chatty and positive. I had resorted to doing what I knew best; I tried to mother him, sending Oz little lines of hope, links to meditations, willing him on towards the huge event that lay looming like some huge threatening black cloud on the horizon.