Our Eternal Curse I (32 page)

After settling in and getting to
know the family, Robert spent days walking through the old city with his men
looking at the places he seemed to know intimately.  The lads were fascinated
with his explanations of the old roads, columns, buildings and ruins.  They
loved the stories attached to even the smallest of stones and as fighting men
they connected with the honor of the conflicts depicted on so many structures.

Visiting the Circus Maximus,
Robert explained the bloody mayhem that had taken place down on the racetrack
over many hundreds of years.  Leading his men down to the archaeological dig
under the great stand Robert experienced a bitter paradox.  Expecting to find
pleasure in the place where Mr Woods found his beloved amulet, he found
unimaginable physical pain.  Just entering the dank space made his body, head
even fingernails ache.  Unable to understand the hurt, Robert had to leave the
cold and violent room.  Sensing his discomfort the men caringly supported his
return to the sunlight.

When the time came for them to
leave they were all sad but their departure could no longer be delayed because
the 92nd Highlanders were disbanding and the men had been ordered back to Paris
for demobilization.

It was a cheerless farewell with
grown men fighting back tears but Robert made their trip home a lot easier by
giving them the coach, the horses, the weapons and enough money to get
everything home to Scotland where such things still fetched a pretty penny. 
His final words had been to extract a promise from each that they would use the
proceeds of the sale to buy smallholdings for the future of their families and
they all gladly gave their words.

Once alone, Robert began his
search for an answer to his troubled life and during his wandering he found
places that felt like home.  Day after day he was drawn to places like the
fruit and vegetable markets where he would stand and watch the men trundling
their barrows across the cobblestones.  Robert felt close to these nocturnal
people, with their leather aprons and always found an element of peace as he
listened to the droning voice of the auctioneer.

These phantom memories of having
been in Rome before were now commonplace and Robert was becoming more and more
resigned to the feeling, which had once frightened him.  He no longer saw them
as odd nor feared for his sanity, he simply wanted to understand the emotions,
which had set him apart from others and scarred his life.

One morning, as the respectful
house servants served Anton his usually lavish breakfast, Robert plucked up the
courage to share the thoughts he had been keeping close to his chest since the
riverbank at Cambridge.  Fear of being thought a sorcerer or a warlock had
compelled him to keep his intimate knowledge of Sulla and Gaius Marius hidden
away but newfound feelings of security were allowing him to trust both himself
and others for the very first time.

Between sips of coffee, and more
modest mouthfuls of breakfast, Robert spoke about the great men’s history
changing lives in amazing detail.  He understood the motivation behind their
many conflicts.  He knew incredible minutiae that had never been published in
any history book.  He even knew the real reason why the Senate banished Sulla
from Rome; yet everything after that moment became completely strange to him.

“
88BC?”  There was more than a little surprise in
Anton’s reply.

“
Exactly,” confirmed Robert.

“
My family have always referred to that year as both
the terrible time and the best time,” continued Anton.  “It was the year of our
success but also the year Sulla returned to Rome, massacred many Senators and
occupied Rome with his legions.”

“
The year Rome’s streets ran red with blood,” interjected
Robert.  “I know what the history books tell us but, unlike the years leading
up to 88BC, the events of that year feel completely unfamiliar to me.  I know
that Sulla turned for Rome at the very moment his army boarded ships bound for
the Mithridatic War, but I have no idea why.”

Anton stopped chewing and looked
at Robert.  After a moments thought he turned and politely dismissed his
servants.  Waiting for the black-clad men to leave the room he could not resist
just a little more of the cold meats, delicate cheeses and wood-fired bread. 
Much to Robert’s frustration there was a long pause for chewing and swallowing
before Anton continued with the suspenseful words:  “What I am about to tell
you has never been heard by anyone outside my immediate family.”  Being
uncharacteristically hesitant, he added:  “88BC was the year our founder
Antonius moved from having nothing to becoming the biggest provider of
foodstuffs in all of Italy.”

“
In just one year’s time?”  Robert’s surprise was
heard in his tone:  “How can that be?”

Once again, Anton paused before
saying.  “My family has always been too ashamed to speak of it but the truth is
Antonius had a benefactor.”

“
Ashamed?”  asked Robert unable to understand why
Anton would struggle with such an innocuous fact.  “Who of us can honestly say
they have not received support at one time or another?”

Mopping his lips with a linen
napkin Anton bought a little more time to find the right words.  “More than a
benefactor.  You see, the truth is our founder Antonius was simply given all of
this.”  Anton paused for a sip of freshly squeezed orange juice.  His words
were not coming easily.  “I think this will be made simpler for me if I show
you.”

After a little more breakfast,
Anton led an impatient Robert through the house and down a very old case of
stone stairs.  Finding a hidden key above a rafter, Anton unlocked the heavy
wooden door to a vast stone vault.  It was a very dry and very well-organized
space at the very bottom of the house.  The temperature inside was permanently
cool which explained why Anton had insisted Robert bring his winter tailcoat.

Looking around the room, Anton
pointed out the many wonderful old artifacts lining the walls.  He knew the
history of ancient helmets with faded horsehair plumes, swords, shields, spears
and ancient weaponry of all kinds.  He knew everything about the valuable
paintings hanging on the walls and the ancient ceramics which sat in beautiful
presentation cabinets wherever Robert looked.  On shelf after shelf sat buckets
of well cared for rolls of parchment and books of all kinds and ages.  Picking
up a silver breastplate in the shape of a powerful man’s torso Anton spoke in a
solemn voice:  “This is the thing I have brought you here to see.”

“
It seemed so familiar to me.”  Robert was clearly
moved by the object.  “Could I have seen it somewhere before?”

“
That is simply not possible.”  Anton handed the
silver armor to Robert.  “It has been hidden within this collection for over
two thousand years.  Not a soul outside my family has ever seen it during that
time.”

Holding the silver carapace with
cautious reverence Robert asked, “How did your family come by such a valuable
object?”

“
That is the crux of it,” said Anton, still a little
tentative.  “It was given to our benefactor in gratitude for a deed well done.”

“
A deed?” wondered Robert turning the breastplate. 
“What deed could possibly warrant something so valuable?”

“
Our benefactor rode through the night with the very
information that halted Sulla’s departure.”

“
Just who was this well-informed man?”  Robert tried
to make the silver breastplate fit his body as he spoke.

“
Well-informed woman,” corrected Anton.  “Clitumna
Livia Drusus.  Sulla’s savior.”

The breastplate clattered to the
stone floor as this strange name struck spontaneous shock and fear in Robert. 
The sudden weakness in his knees compelled him to sit.  Not wanting to risk his
weight on any of the ancient furniture, he fell to the floor with no idea why
the name had such an untoward impact on him.

“
Are you ill?” enquired a concerned Anton, kneeling
by his dear friend’s side.

“
I have no idea,” replied Robert in a beaten tone.

“
I will summon help.”  With those words Anton was
gone.

Alone in this cold place,
surrounded by artifacts, Robert felt isolated and vulnerable.  The woman’s
Latin name provoked visceral feelings of defeat, fear and deep loss.  Once
again, someone else was raging inside him and this time Robert truly feared for
his sanity.  The optimism so acutely felt at Waterloo was now completely spent
and he knew that his obscure misery would have to end.

Without waiting for Antonius’s
return, Robert stood up and walked from the vault.  An hour later he was booked
on the first ship leaving for Canada and a battle, any battle, that would bring
him his longed-for tranquility.

That night he hoped to find a
little calm in the recurring dream of himself standing on the foredeck of a
sailing ship with Julia.  Crossing the imaginary blue ocean had offered
feelings of comfort since Belgium, but now it was simply a restless interval
between the pain of night and the time daylight brought him back to his
miserable existence.

During the sad days between the
revelations in the vault and his ship’s departure, Robert killed time with
endless wandering.  Everything in Rome had become tainted by that woman’s name
but, like an addict, he felt unable to stop punishing himself with the sights
of the city.  He could feel it destroying him but the unknown force dragged him
from street to streets searching for God knows what.

These miserable daily journeys
were always brought to a wine-sodden crescendo in exactly the same place. 
Whatever it was that drove him to the Circus Maximus always forced him to sit
in exactly the same seat with exactly the same terracotta jug of red wine. 
There were hundreds of rows but one stone seat in particular attracted him. 
Any attempt to move caused deep upset so it was simply no longer worth the pain
of trying.

On the sunny afternoon of the
day his ship was set to depart for Canada, Robert paid one last visit to the
Circus Maximus.  Walking to his regular seat in the stand he found a woman’s
handbag lying by itself completely unattended.

Looking around the arena, he
could see no one.  The appearance of the bag was a mystery.  It had to be moved
if he was to sit in his normal position but sliding the bag with his foot
caused it to spill open.

Like a ship being launched into
the sea out slid the amulet.  It felt surreal and to make things even more out
of the ordinary there was a letter addressed to Robert in Mr Woods’ very
familiar handwriting.

Instinctively sliding the gold
band onto his hand Robert noticed a woman entering from the rear of the
Senatorial seating area accompanied by Anton.  Her back was turned towards him
but there was something achingly familiar about her.  Mesmerized by the woman,
he watched her, seemingly searching for someone, or something, in the stands.

Applying pressure to the rigid
amulet Robert tried to force it over his knuckles as the woman slowly turned to
face him.  Recognition provoked surges of pure emotion.  Perspiration cascaded
over every inch of his skin and the gold band gave way all at once landing
directly over his birthmark.

Robert was instantly cast back
in time.  He experienced feelings of becoming the same person who controlled
him while walking in a trance from the square at Waterloo.  All around him
stood thousands of people dressed in the style of ancient Rome cheering at the
top of their voices.

Looking down he noticed that he
was dressed in the same Roman manner and, with great surprise, he
realised
his hands had become those of a
woman.  He was a completely different human being.

Beside him stood a fat man who
looked like Anton and a maternal woman who he knew intimately.  It was Nanny
Parks.  She was also dressed in the style of ancient Rome; her hair was
different but, there could be absolutely no doubt, it was his beloved Nanny. 
He wanted to embrace her but yet again, he had become a mere observer in his
body while someone strange, yet familiar, used it to play out an unknown role.

Robert was horrified to see
gladiators committing bloody murder down on the racetrack below and such a
humane reaction surprised him.  In battle he had seen and done far worse acts
of violence ...

The face of a young man looking
at him from the crowd stopped his thoughts dead in their tracks.  It was the
face on the statue, his face, and floods of uncontrollable guilt pulsed through
the very frightened mind within.  He knew that his alter ego was torn between
feelings of love and guilt for the young man, but did not understand how or
why.

Robert
recognised
the great Sulla instantly as
the woman inside him moved his gaze.  Standing at the front of the Senators
seating area Sulla’s silver breastplate flashed in the bright sunlight.  With a
growing sense of panic, Robert experienced the wave of emotions provoked by
very same object in Anton’s family vault.

Much to Robert’s amazement he
watched the ornately clad General leave the Senatorial box and make his way
through the crowd in his direction.  The emotions of the being who controlled
his senses were now on the very edge of panic as Sulla stood before him looking
hard into her eyes.  Robert experienced the turmoil of confused feelings which
the woman inside him felt for this man; it charged through his veins like fire.

As Sulla kissed the woman
within, Robert felt his ever-present pain lift like a curtain from his heart. 
The things that wronged this woman were being righted by one simple, but much
longed for, act of kindness.

With pleasure replacing pain,
Robert
was
returned to
himself, standing in an empty Circus Maximus being kissed by his Julia.  As her
lips moved on his, the hollow, sad, lonely feeling in his heart evaporated.

“
Robert, my love.”  Julia’s words were both a
statement and a question.

“
Julia, my love.”  There was absolutely no
hesitation or doubt in Robert’s reply.

Julia’s relief was made clear in
her happy smile. 

“
Your mama and papa both long to see you again,
Robert.  They have booked our passage home.  If you are willing to accompany
me, we sail tomorrow on the noon tide.”

“
I would like that very much.”  Robert was extremely
relieved to feel his words ring true.  The pain, guilt and general malaise he
had always felt was now completely gone, erased by someone or something unknown.

With the extraordinary feeling
that more than two people had found calm this day, Robert looked into Julia’s
eyes and returned her lifesaving kiss with interest.