Our Time (15 page)

"She is such a--" she
stopped and looked around to see if the kids were close by and lowered her
voice. "A bitch. I don't know what you ever saw in her, Drew. She is
crazy."

I squirmed in my seat and watched
Jocelyn put her head down and pick at her nail polish again. She only did that
when she was nervous and I felt a tight squeeze in my chest thinking about how
Megan had made her feel today.

"It was a long time ago,
Maddy, and I have learned my lesson. I don't really want to talk about her,
okay?" I leaned over and grasped Jocelyn's wrist gently. She looked up at
me and forced a smile.

Enough was enough, I didn't care
if everyone knew. I wanted them to know that she was mine and I was happy with
her. I yanked her out of her chair and pulled her onto my lap, she yelped in
surprise, but didn't resist. I wrapped my arms around her and her smile was
genuine and reached her eyes. Having her in my arms felt like the most natural
thing in the world. We fit together.

"Hi," I said and she
draped an arm over my shoulders.

"Hi."

"Well, well, well. It's
about time!" Maddy exclaimed. She smiled wide and clapped her hands.

"Tell me about it,"
Catherine added, "I thought I might explode from all the sexual tension
going on between you two. Just friends my ass!"

I laughed, because only Catherine
would care less about swearing around the kids in a situation like this. Jocelyn
looked a little embarrassed and I pulled her in a little tighter. "It's
not exactly like
that
, Catherine," I muttered.

"Why not?"

"Well…" I couldn't
think of how to explain it. I looked to Jocelyn and she looked a little lost,
too.

"Listen," Maddy said firmly,
"I know you guys are probably taking it slow, which is good. No need to
rush into anything when there is a child involved. Plus, you two have been
close friends for a while now and that is completely different from being a
couple. We get it. You have to get to know each other differently now."

"Couldn't have said it
better myself," Jocelyn replied.

"But…" Maddy looked a
little hesitant yet determined to say what she had on her mind. "Life is
short."

I felt Jocelyn's whole body
stiffen in my arms and I sat up a little straighter, a little miffed by her
reaction. What did that mean to her?

"You can't spend too long
pretending that neither one of you want to take the next step or you will
regret it for the rest of your lives. If you know, you know."

Everyone was really quiet and I
could feel the nervousness radiating off of Jocelyn which, in turn, made me
nervous. She pulled out of my arms and stood, "Thanks, Maddy. We will keep
that in mind." Then she disappeared into the house.

Catherine looked over at Madison
and shrugged. Ethan and Ty were pretending to be paying attention to the kids
and Ty muttered silently to Ethan, "Women. They don't know when to just
stop talking, huh?"

"Oh you two can go bite the
wall!" Maddy shouted. "Come on, let's get everything cleaned up. It's
getting dark and we still have to find a spot for the fireworks." She shot
me a knowing look and tilted her head toward the house, "Sorry. You better
go in there," she mouthed.

When I didn't find her in the
living room, I hurried up the stairs and found her in Olivia's room standing
over her crib and clutching it for support. My stomach dropped when I saw that
her eyes were shut tightly and her face was tense with concentration. I watched
her for a moment, hoping she would open her eyes and talk to me.

"Joss? Are you okay?" I
made my way over to her and she looked up as if she didn't realize I was in the
room until now.

She cleared her throat and
stepped back, "Yeah! Of course." Her voice was a little too high to
be convincing and I shook my head.

"No. I don't think you are.
What's going on?" I ran my hands up and down her arms trying to comfort
her, replaying in my head what Maddy had said and trying to pinpoint the exact
moment Jocelyn's demeanor had changed. "Sweetheart, please tell me what
happened back there. Are you upset because of what I did? I know we didn't get
a chance to talk about what we wanted to do with everyone else, but I just
couldn't take it anymore. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

She took a deep breath before
speaking in a steady voice, "No. It's not that, Andrew."

She ran a shaky hand through her
hair and looked pale and nervous despite the guarantee in her voice.
"Hey," I kissed her forehead and wrapped my arms around her,
"you can tell me anything, you know that. What's going on?"

She buried her face in my chest
and inhaled deeply. "Andrew, I think that maybe we need to talk
about--"

"Hey, you two! We are going
to head out of here in a minute," Ty shouted from the bottom of the
stairs. I silently cursed him for interrupting, but kept my arms locked around
her. She sighed, almost as if it was relief she felt, and pulled back, shutting
her eyes tightly for another moment.

"We better get going,"
she murmured. "I still have to grab a blanket and get Olivia's bag
ready." She stood on her tip toes and kissed my cheek. "Will you go
get Liv ready to go?"

After a beat, I nodded.
"Sure. You need anything else? You are making me a little nervous."

"No, I'll be fine. Sorry, I
just needed a minute. I'm better now."

I narrowed my eyes at her, but
she didn't waver. I had to trust her.

She walked out of the room and
into her bedroom. Now was not the time to discuss something important anyway.
We needed to do that when we could be alone. It had been a good day and I was
determined to keep it that way. I would be patient with her, but I was going to
make sure she knew how important she was to me. Tonight, she was going to
realize that no matter what she had to say, I would still want her. Life
is
short and I wasn't going to lose another second with her or Olivia.

***

We made our way to the high
school where the fireworks were set up and put out blankets and chairs. Olivia
started climbing all over me when we sat on the ground and I wrestled with her
for a few minutes making her giggle and scream excitedly.

"Daddy, can we go throw the
football around?" Josh asked Ethan.

"Yeah, buddy, let's
go."

"Me too, Daddy," Ella
shouted and ran after them.

"You coming, Andrew?"
Ty asked as he tossed the football in the air and caught it.

"Nah, I'm going to stay here
with Liv." She was sitting on my leg rummaging through her bag and talking
to herself quietly while looking for a treat.

Jocelyn was listening to Madison
and Catherine gossip about some of the people around us with an amused grin on
her face. She wasn't much of a gossiper and never had a bad thing to say about
anyone and I admired her for that. Her long brown hair fell over her shoulders
in waves and she kept trying to pull a piece away from her eyes. The same piece
I always itched to wrap around my finger. Her cheeks were a little flushed from
the slow jog she had to take to keep up with Liv and the kids while I carried
our stuff. She was exquisite and she was with
me
.

Her eyes jerked over to me for a
split second as if she could feel my eyes on her. She saw me staring and a
blush slowly crept up her neck. My lips were burning with the urge to kiss the
skin at the base of her neck, knowing I would be able to feel her pulse
thrumming wildly. No woman had ever affected me like this. I winked at her and
tried to catch my breath as I turned my attention back to Liv.

She was trying to rip open a pack
of fruit snacks, but her little fingers struggled to grip the plastic. She
turned to me and held up the pack, her little voice rang out loudly,
"Daddy, open peez."

My heart stopped.

Jocelyn

My head snapped over to where
Olivia sat on Andrew's lap. She just called him
Daddy
.

"Oh my God," Madison
breathed next to me and slapped her hand over her open mouth.

Andrew had a shocked look on his
face as he stared down at my little girl. Olivia scrunched her eyebrows
together in frustration. She waved the pack in front of him and spoke louder,
"Daddy, open peez."

He didn't know what to do.
"Um… okay, Liv." He took a deep breath and took the package from her,
opening it with shaky fingers. I was still staring at them and realized I had
stopped breathing. Was this going to freak him out? Was this freaking
me
out?

Andrew looked over at me and I
saw the moisture in his eyes just before he blinked it away. "W-what would
you like m-me to do, Joss? I'm not sure… I don't know why…"

I finally snapped out of it and
knelt down beside him, my emotions on overdrive and my mind racing for a
solution or at least an explanation. "Liv, sweetie." She looked up at
me with her big gray eyes and smiled as she stuffed three fruit snacks into her
tiny mouth.

"Hi, Mommy. Snacks!"
she exclaimed and held the package in front of her to show me.

"Hi, sweetie. Um…" I
turned my gaze to Andrew who was watching Liv with tenderness and warmth while
she ate the treats. He cleared his throat as if to speak, but couldn't. He was
trying to control his reaction, but was having a hell of a time doing it. His
lips twitched, urging him to allow the smile that he so desperately wanted to
form, but obviously wasn't sure if that was okay. It stopped the rush hour of
thoughts coursing through my head. He wasn't freaking out, but I still didn't
know how I felt about it. Things had just begun with me and Andrew. Liv was too
attached for it to end any other way but badly.

Same for me.

I looked back down at my daughter
and ran my fingers through her dark curls. I had meant to correct her. To tell
her that he was Andrew, not Daddy, but I couldn't. Not because I knew she
wouldn't really understand, but because the shock I had felt didn't come with a
terrible feeling of dread. It was somehow… right, just surprising. Andrew had
been a father to her more than anyone else had. He had loved her and spoiled
her and protected her like a father should. How could I tell her that she
didn't have a daddy like Ella and Josh did? That he wasn't her father? How
would she grow up not knowing the love of a father? The love that only Andrew
had and could truly give her. I felt the sting of tears in the back of my eyes
and a lump lodge in my throat.

"Andrew," I whispered.

He slowly tore his gaze away from
her and I saw him strain to swallow. He took a deep shaky breath, "Yeah,
Joss?" His blue eyes focused on mine. They were packed with nervousness,
but full of joy and hope.

"I don't know how to correct
her. I'm not sure if…"

His eyes brightened, the lines of
anxiety disappeared, and his lips curled up into a glorious smile which I
reflected right back to him. He ran his fingers across my cheek, "Then
don't… please, don't." His lips tenderly brushed across mine and I melted
into his side.

 He pulled Olivia to his chest
and kissed the top of her head. She was devouring the fruit snacks one by one
and reached up to put one in his mouth. He took it with a smile and she giggled
when he pretended to bite her finger. The lights started to shut off and she
leaned her head back on his chest.

"I love you, pretty
girl," he whispered into her hair and unknowingly stopped my heart.

I knew then that I had to tell
him how short life truly was. That, if we were going to do this, I had to make
him promise me that Olivia would come first and foremost and that when I wasn't
around, it would stay that way.

Olivia's little voice sang back,
"I yuv you."

He gasped and smiled even bigger
as he kissed the top of her head again. She had said it to me before and he had
heard it, but she hadn't ever directed it at him.

He pulled me into his side and I
rested my head on his shoulder. I heard Ethan and Ty get back with the kids and
barely registered Catherine and Madison whispering excitedly about what had
just occurred.

I know the fireworks were amazing
because Liv said 'wow' several times throughout the show. I didn't see them,
though, not through the tears that constantly trickled out. Andrew held me
tightly against him, aware that his shirt was getting a little wet, but
oblivious to the fact that my tears were not only from joy and relief, they
were also from the guilt I felt for not telling him what he was getting into
and from the anxiety I had for what I had to do now.

They were for the time I knew I
would miss with him and Liv. And I had no idea how to tell him.

***

A few days after the fireworks
and all the craziness, Ben came into town for his conference. He was staying in
a hotel in Portland, but came early in the morning to visit before his last
meeting. When he pulled into the driveway, I did my best to hold back the
tears. I had missed him so much. He had helped me through too many tragedies
and I was forever in his debt.