Out Of Place (Face the Music Book 2) (16 page)

No wonder she had no idea what to do about Ed.

“You’ll pull through.” That sounded lame as soon as it left her lips. Of course she’d get through it. Her kids needed her to. There was no other option.

This wasn’t the first separation the group had been through. Di’s divorce had been finalised a month ago. She’d been single for over a year.

“Find yourself someone cuter and younger and then enjoy kicking them out of bed when you are done.” Di picked up a piece of the butter toffee crunch. “This is like crack. Put nuts in it next time so I can’t eat it.”

Olivia smiled. Di said that every time. Di had never made a secret of her dating. When her hubby had walked out, after deciding he didn’t actually want kids, and had moved to Thailand, she had jumped straight back out in the dating minefield with a fearless determination to be happy.

“How do you juggle boyfriends and a kid?” Olivia hoped her question sounded casual.

“I feel I’m entitled to a life beyond work, domestic or otherwise. My sister and I swap babysitting so she gets a date with her hubby and I get to go out. Funny how no one ever asks a married woman how she juggles her sex life with kids.”

“I didn’t mean it like that…” She wanted to say something. To admit that Ed existed in her life if only for a little while. “I met someone.”

It wasn’t that hard to say and it felt kind of nice.

“Really…you aren’t joking?”

“Is it that had to believe?” Did they still see her as poor broken Olivia? At least Ed had never seen her like that. For that she was grateful. With Ed it was like a fresh start and a chance to live a different life. At some point the two would have to collide. She wasn’t sure how to handle that either, despite her mother’s well-meaning words.

“I can’t believe that it’s taken this long. You’re ten years younger than me. If I can pick up, you should have guys falling all over you.” Di reached for another piece of toffee crunch.

“Don’t give him a second chance if he cheats.” Chrissy was definitely in the angry phase. But would he cheat? They hadn’t agreed to be exclusive, and women would be offering themselves to him, and as he got more famous it would get worse. And how would she ever know if he did? Chrissy hadn’t known about the affair for months and they lived together. There was no certainty. Ever.

That’s what she wasn’t quite ready for. The risk. But Friday night had felt pretty damn good.

“Is it a booty call or a relationship?”

“Um…” She didn’t know what to call it. They hadn’t agreed to anything or discussed it. What they had was really casual. That should be a good thing but she hated not knowing where she was going to land. Once she wouldn’t have cared.

“Have you, you know?” Di raised her eyebrows.

The reddening of her cheeks was all Di needed to see. Why couldn’t she be as frank and bold as Di?

“And how many dates?”

Olivia held up one finger. One real date.

“Make the most of it. Wear him out.” Di laughed.

“Is that all you ever think of?” one of the other women said as she nibbled a carrot stick. She was one of the women who hadn’t wanted her husband anywhere near her after giving birth.

“I spend all day looking at people’s teeth. I’m allowed to have fun.” Di glanced at Chrissy. “But never with married men. I give them a piece of my mind.”

That she could picture all too clearly.

Wear him out.

The idea had appeal but she’d never been that kind of girl, but then, she’d been so young that she’d never really had a chance to work out who she was.

Sex with Ed was…well, it had been so long she had nothing to compare to, but it had certainly worked for her, although it would be nice to try sober.

It was a day later and she was still thinking about his hands on her calves as he took off her shoes, the way his lips had been hot on her skin, and the feel of him inside her. She supressed a shiver of longing. She’d opened up the door to desire and now wanted to explore more.

The conversation turned to those who were pregnant again or were trying to get pregnant. As the chatter bubbled around her she watched the kids play. Di was right. He wanted her and she wanted him, and it didn’t matter if it went nowhere because they were both getting what they wanted right now.

If he called her, then she’d say yes.

If he didn’t…well then, there was no decision to be made.

There was no one in the house except him. His father was at work, his mother and sister were at the salon—apparently everyone wanted their hair done before Christmas—Gemma was helping her mother get away from the man who had made Gemma’s teenage years hell, Mike was at work and Dan was doing whatever the fuck Dan did when he wasn’t here.

The silence was unnerving.

He’d texted Dan and got no response.

Ed knew he should be working but he couldn’t get started. After finishing the milk and the tin of Milo, he knew he’d have to go out and buy more or his mother would be pissed off. Finishing the milk and not replacing it was a capital offence and had been since he and Kirsten earned money and could drive. He deliberated going out now but he didn’t want to waste the morning at the shops, they’d be full of last minute Christmas shoppers.

So he texted Olivia, hoping that they could get together and he could ignore his lack of motivation a little longer.

Want to catch up?

He almost added that he had the house to himself, but that looked too much like all he cared about was sex.

Can’t right now. This evening?

Movies 1st?

Not staying over this time...how do you want to spend a few hours?

Hmm. He wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Come round and we’ll work something out.

7ish, after E’s bedtime?

He had to remember that she came with attachments. Plus she was looking for work. She couldn’t drop everything to spend the day with him.

OK C U then x

He pressed send then immediately wondered if the x was too much?

:) x

He exhaled with relief. Now he had nine hours to kill. He looked around the kitchen, then put his glass in the dishwasher. The lawn didn’t need mowing. Maybe he should go to the shops then getting the milk was done.

No. He had nine hours until he saw Olivia and he was on his own. If he couldn’t get one song written in that time, he should hang up his guitar and get a real job. A shit song was still a song. He gathered up the papers and notebook from his room, his tablet and an acoustic guitar, then sat out in the backyard.

He started flicking through the bits and pieces, looking for an idea or a few chords that sparked something. After a while, time lost meaning.

It was a rattle and the sound of something or someone hitting the ground that made him pause. The sun had crept around and was close to burning his feet and he was thirsty. He should take a break and relocate to somewhere where he wouldn’t burn.

Dan walked around the corner. “I texted. Thought you were ignoring me. Then I heard you.”

“So you jumped the fence?” He’d actually been enjoying being alone and he’d made progress on a couple of ideas. One of which was not for anyone but him because it was about Olivia.

Dan shrugged. “What you going to do? Bark at me?” he said as he chewed gum. At least the dishevelled look was over. “What you working on?”

Ed cringed at sharing something so half assed. Once it wouldn’t have bothered him. Dan was here now so they either finished this song or wrote something fresh. He had to suck it up. “It’s something I was thinking about while surfing.” The idea was weak—no, the idea was fine and so was the melody, it was his lyrics that were sucking. Dan might be able to work his magic. “What would you choose, a rip or a shark?”

“Did you get hit on the head with your board one too many times?” Dan sat and looked at him.

“I’m serious. Your two options are stay in the water with a shark or go for the shore where there is a rip.” Both were possibilities that he was well aware of.

“Remind me why you like surfing again?” The gum snapped between his teeth.

Ed shook his head. He couldn’t remember Dan ever being a gum chewer before and if he wasn’t going to be serious he’d be better off working alone.

“Rip,” Dan said after a few more seconds of thought.

“Why?”

“I dunno. I don’t like the idea of getting eaten.”

“But it may not bite you…you could drown.”

Dan was silent for a moment. “Yeah, but it was my choice, not the sharks.”

Interesting.
Was Lisa the shark who’d taken a bite? Dan seemed better…too much better if that made any sense. “Anyway there’s no sharks in what I’ve written, just a rip, and the lyrics need work.”

“You say that about every fucking song you’ve ever written.”

Did he? He fiddled with the tablet and pulled up the last recording he’d made, making sure to close the song about Olivia. Then he made himself sit there and listen to the song about the rip.

The sound quality was crap, but it was enough that when he was toying with ideas they were captured instead of being lost.

“The first verse sounds pretty solid…second verse is a little rough and the chorus isn’t quite right.”

That was what he’d thought. It was okay, but not great. Not yet. “You want to work on it or do something fresh?”

“Send it to me and I’ll listen to it again later. Let’s do something else, something fresh.”

Ed looked at his notebook and papers. “Got any ideas?”

Despite not wanting the whole album to be tormented and dark,
Rip
, which would need a new title once the chorus was cleaned up, was following that vein. He wasn’t fool enough to deny the muses.

Dan chewed his gum and considered. “
Rip
is a little slower, it’s a nice balance to some of the stuff we already have…we need a Gemma song.”

By that he meant something a little more pop. Gemma wouldn’t be impressed but she did bring a snap and sparkle. “She said she’s working on some songs.”

Dan nodded, then he snapped his fingers. “What about something with epic drums? You remember that bit Mike laid down last year that we never used?”

“Yeah…we didn’t use it because it didn’t fit but it kicked.” Mike had been sad it hadn’t make the cut.

“Mike may not be here in body…”

But he was there electronically, if Ed could find the track. Today hadn’t been the waste he’d thought it would be, and there was Olivia’s visit to look forward to.

Olivia put the ring on and then took it off. She’d done the same thing a half a dozen times this morning. Now, in the driveway of the people who should’ve been her parents-in-law, she was stalling. Wearing the ring didn’t feel right anymore. If she wore it, she was lying to herself and them.

The alternative was telling them she was moving on. This Christmas she didn’t want to cry about what she didn’t have or the life she should’ve had. She wanted to celebrate what she did have…and that included seeing Ed tonight.

She’d read his text and thought about saying she couldn’t. But she could. Her parents were home and there was no reason she couldn’t go out for a few hours. So she’d accepted. Di would be proud of her, making the most of the guy who’d carefully avoided saying come round for sex while still making it clear that was what he was implying. He certainly hadn’t asked her out for dinner. But she wasn’t going to say no to what he was offering.

“Come on, Mummy. Nan will have presents.” Ethan kicked his legs wanting to be released from his car seat.

She glanced at her son in the rear-view mirror. “Yes, she will.” She held the ring in her hand for a second longer. She was allowed to move on, but she was aware that Miles’s parents never would.

At first she’d carried the guilt that it was somehow her fault, and that she should’ve done something to stop him from driving. Miles had claimed to be fine and she hadn’t wanted to cause a scene. She never trusted people when they said that now. Ed’s refusal to consider driving on a night out made her smile.

Her memories of that whole night made her smile. It was the morning after that gave her reason to pause. She needed to be like Di and enjoy the ride until it stopped, instead of focusing on the maybe and what-ifs. It was hard when it had become habit. She put the ring in her purse. She didn’t have to tell them she was seeing anyone. One thing at a time.

She turned off the car and got out, freeing Ethan before grabbing the bags and walking up to the front door. There would be no AC, only hot tea and fruitcake.

Her parents would serve fruit punch and mince pies.

How would Ed’s parents celebrate?

Karen opened up the flyscreen and let them in. Olivia’s heartbeat increased. How long until she noticed the missing ring? It wasn’t too late. She could put it on.
No.
They would find out eventually—did they really expect her to be single forever—and small steps were better. A slow change instead of an instant that could never be reversed.

The windows were open and the ceiling fan was on, moving the hot air around. Pictures of Miles decorated the lounge room, turning it into shrine. Ethan went straight for the toys while Olivia perched on the brocade sofa.

Karen poured the tea; the cake was already on the table uncut and fresh out of its packet. She was starting to hate fruitcake and everything it stood for. Her gaze darted around the room. Once she’d enjoyed coming here, now it was a chore and a constant reminder. She wished Karen would stop holding her breath and hoping that Miles was going to walk through the door at any moment. He wasn’t.

It had taken her three years to realise that she’d been waiting for something without realising she had to do something. It wasn’t a case of waking up one day and noticing that she’d moved on. It would be nice if it was that easy.

“This is for you.” Olivia held out the present.

“Thank you.” Karen smiled, but it was a shadow of what it had once been. In losing her son she’d lost part of herself. If anything happened to Ethan, Olivia didn’t know how she’d cope. Would she let sadness suck the life out of her until nothing remained, or find something positive to do? “There is something under the tree for you and Ethan.”