Out of the Ashes (5 page)

“You came.”

I turn toward the edge of the water, where Logan is standing, gawking at me in disbelief.

“I told myself part of you would remember this place, and that we met here.” He shakes his head. “I thought I was kidding myself. Still, I had to sneak past Linette and see if it was true.”

Oh God, he has this all wrong. I’m not sure what’s worse—that he thinks I remember meeting him here or that he got away from Linette. That’s bound to make him look guilty to the others, especially Garret. This isn’t what Logan needs right now.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” I say. “You have no idea what trouble this is going to cause for you.”

“Cara, I don’t give a damn what Garret or the others think. They can lock me up for all I care.” He steps into the water and swims over to me. I’m not sure if I should stay where I am or try to get away. He stops in front of me and reaches for my face.

I pull away, my heart breaking for him. “Logan, don’t.”             

He lowers his hand, his eyes staying locked on mine. “I won’t push you. I’m just relieved you remember this place and that it means something to us.”             

I swallow hard. I can’t let him think that’s true. Giving him false hope is worse than telling him the truth. I have to get this over with, and fast.

“I don’t…” God, the words are so hard to say.

“You don’t what?” He reaches for me again, and this time I can’t pull away because it’s taking all my strength to say the words I need to say.

“I don’t remember meeting you. I don’t remember any of it. I’m sorry.”

His face falls. “Will you do one thing for me? Please?”

I owe him that much for the way I’m ripping his heart out. I nod.

He raises his hand to my cheek. I tense up, but I don’t pull away. “God, Cara, after all we’ve been through…I don’t care that you’re a Phoenix. Really, I don’t. I just hate that it took you away from me, took your memories. I think I know how to get them back though.”

He’s desperate, and it only makes my heart ache more. If there were a way to retrieve memories, the Phoenixes would’ve figured it out by now.

He leans his lips toward mine. “Let me make you feel the connection between us. Kiss me, Cara.”

Chapter Five

Logan

I can see the panic in her eyes, but I’m not willing to back away. I slide my hand from her cheek to the back of her head, locking her in place. I need to feel her lips on mine again. There’s no way she won’t remember me then, remember what we shared. I mean, we’re in almost the exact same spot where we had sex. She never said it, but I know I was her first. I inch my lips toward hers.

Before they make contact, she says, “Don’t.”

Shit! I don’t want to be
that
guy. The one who doesn’t listen when a girl says no. I don’t back away, but I don’t kiss her either. “Cara, I know this will work. Please trust me. Please say I can kiss you.”

“Not like this. It doesn’t feel right, and I don’t want to associate any negative feelings with you kissing me.”

I let go of her, feeling like a major douchebag. “I’m sorry. I said I wouldn’t push you. I shouldn’t have asked you to kiss me so soon.”

“I’m sorry,” she says in a voice so quiet it’s a whisper.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. You didn’t ask for this.”

“But I’m hurting you.”

She has no idea how much. Maybe Anton is right to be with a different girl every night. Falling in love sucks. Cara’s staring at me, waiting for me to reassure her.

When I don’t respond, she says, “I should go. Everyone’s probably wondering where I am, and if they find out I’m with you…”

“They’re going to lock me up and throw away the key anyway. I slipped past Linette, and I’m sure she went right to Garret to rat me out.” I blew the trust of the only Phoenix who’s really on my side right now. I’m such an idiot.

“I don’t remember much about her, but I don’t think she’d do that.”

“I know, but you can’t deny the others are going to be pissed about this.”

She doesn’t answer, which only confirms what I said. “Will you stay for a little longer? Talk to me at least?”

“How did you manage to get past Linette anyway?”

I can’t help smiling because her question means she’s willing to stay here with me, despite the consequences.

“She had to use the bathroom, so I propped a chair up against the doorknob and bolted.”

Her eyes widen. “You locked her in the bathroom?”

“Without her phone so she couldn’t call for help. She can get out the window, though.”

“Why would you do that?”

“If you had let me kiss you, you’d already know.”

She backs up, looking pissed. “I’m finding it hard to believe this is the guy I fell in love with.”

“You didn’t exactly like me at first, but that changed quickly.”

“Why?”

I’ve never had to explain my appeal to a girl before. Then again, I’ve never met anyone like Cara. She didn’t give a damn that I was a track star back in New York. Sure, I’d caught her checking out my abs and seen her blush when I went swimming in my boxers, but my appearance alone wasn’t enough to make her fall for me. I’m not sure what it was. Maybe the imprint her mother told me about, though I hope it was more than that.

“Logan?” Cara cocks her head at me.

“Sorry. I was lost in my memories for a second.”

“Must be nice.” She fans her hand in front of her, making the water bubble and steam.

“Did you heat up the water?”

“Yeah. Sorry. I was just trying something. You won’t get burned. Don’t worry.”

“No, it’s not that. I’m pretty sure you did that back before I knew you were a Phoenix. We were here together, and you made the water bubble. I thought I’d imagined it, but your Phoenix traits came out a lot around me now that I think about it. You were always so hot to the touch.”

She stops playing with the water and meets my eyes. “Is that how you figured out what I am?”

“No.” I stare deep into her eyes so she can see I’m telling the truth. “You told me.”

“That’s like Phoenix rule number one. Don’t tell anyone what we are.” She sighs. “I sort of suck at being a Phoenix.”

“Yeah, well you’re awesome at being my girlfriend.”

“I really should get going.” She starts to swim away, and I grab her arm.

“Don’t. Please stop running away from me.” Her eyes are locked on my hand on her forearm. “Can’t you feel anything with my touch? Please, Cara, let yourself feel for a minute. Forget everything else and be here with me.”

She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “I can’t.”

“All I’m asking for is a chance to show you what we mean to each other. You don’t have to remember what we were. Let me show you what we can be from here on out.”

“You’re like two different guys. One minute you’re full of yourself and the next you’re, like, the most romantic guy ever.”

I swallow hard at the feeling of déjà vu. “You’ve told me that before. Don’t you see? Being around me is making you relive things, say things you’ve said before. It will all come back if you let it. Let me in.”

She gently pulls out of my grip. “You don’t know that. I might never remember.” She shakes her head. “No. I
won’t
remember. And then where does that leave you? I can’t be the girl who breaks your heart.”

“Too late.” The words come out before I have time to think about how much they’ll hurt her. “My heart shattered the moment you opened your eyes and didn’t remember me. The only way to put it back together is to give me the chance to be your boyfriend again. We never broke up, Cara. You’re still my girlfriend. And I’m asking you, as my girlfriend, to please let me kiss you. Let me show you why you chose me to be your first.”

Yeah, I went there.

Her mouth drops open. “We…?”

“Here, actually.” Even though my emotions are raging inside me, I keep my voice as soft as possible because she looks like she’s about to break. “You said you had to tell me something, but then you didn’t. We had sex, Cara. It was what we both wanted.”

“God, I can’t—”

“I’m not asking you to sleep with me. I’m asking you to kiss me. That’s all. I swear I won’t take it any further.” I brush my thumb across her cheek. “I love you, Cara.”

Her eyes close, and a single tear trails down her cheek. “Please don’t say that.”

“Not saying it won’t change it.”

“It’s too hard to hear right now.” She still won’t look at me. I could easily lean forward and kiss her, but I don’t want her to hate me for it. Although I’m confident she’ll enjoy the kiss once she gets over the shock of it.

“Open your eyes,” I say.

She does, and she pulls back slightly when she realizes how close we are. She’s so obviously conflicted. I don’t doubt there’s a big part of her that wants me to kiss her, but she’s also trying to be a good little Phoenix. Kissing me would be defying her kind and what they told her to do.

“Did they tell you not to talk to me?”

She nods. “My mom thinks the imprint will fade if I stay away from you.”

“And what if I can’t stay away from you?” I close the little distance between us. “Look, you’re not backing away. You must feel, somewhere deep inside, that this is right. That we’re meant to be together.”

“You’re not a Phoenix. That means we can’t be together.”

“Says who? Garret?” I wish I could have one good swing at that guy.

“Says my mother’s imprint.”

Her mother imprinted on someone? “What do you mean?”

“She was heartbroken when my dad died, and now she’s stuck with this imprint that won’t let her move on. If I fall for you, I’ll be just like her.”

“You’ll feel the way I feel now.” I didn’t think about that. Can I really put her through this, knowing how much it hurts?

“We’re not sure if she’ll be able to imprint on someone else in her next life, but at least we’re hopeful that this imprint will break once she’s reborn again.”

“Because that’s what happened to you. You forgot you love me.” This time I back away from her.

“You won’t always feel this way. You’ll forget me as soon as this imprint fades.” Her voice is full of hope, like she thinks this is what’s best for me. She couldn’t be more wrong.

“No. I’ll never forget you, Cara, because you changed me. You made me open up about my mom and why I wore that leather jacket.” Her eyes narrow because she doesn’t remember. “The jacket was the last thing my mom gave me before she died in a car accident, and now it’s gone too. It burned up in that chemistry lab, along with you. Don’t you see? I have nothing left. My dad doesn’t give two shits about me. He works all the time so he doesn’t have to be around me because I remind him too much of Mom. That’s fine with me because he’s the reason she’s dead. I can’t stand to look at his face. And I had you. You made everything better—being in this backwoods town, losing her. Now I don’t have you. If this imprint fades, I’ll truly have nothing left.”

I turn away because I can feel the tears filling my eyes, and I’ll be damned if I’m crying in front of Cara. I already feel like a
complete wuss for blurting out all my feelings like that.

Her hand presses against my back. “Logan…”

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry. I don’t want your pity. Forget I said all that.”

I lower myself into the water to regain my composure. I open my eyes and see Cara under the water with me. We stare at each other for a moment before we surface. Our faces are so close when we come up for air. I can see the mental battle going on inside her, and even if she doesn’t understand what she’s feeling, I do.

“Don’t even think about kissing me right now. That’s not why I told you that. It wasn’t a move to get you to give in to me.”

“I didn’t think it was.” She reaches for my face. I know if she leans into me, even the slightest bit, I’ll cave. I’ll take her in my arms and kiss her until neither of us can breathe.

“I wish my mom could see you like this. Open and vulnerable. Maybe then she’d understand…”

“Understand what? Are you saying you feel something for me right now? Other than pity?”

“I don’t pity you. I can see you’re hurting, and I want to make it stop.”

“You can.” She’s the only one who can. “You did it again, you know.”

Her brow furrows. “Did what?”

“You said something you said to me over the summer. Your mom was trying to keep us apart and you said you wanted her to see the way I am with you because then she’d have to like me.” This has to mean something. It can’t be a coincidence that she’s repeating herself.

“You really think kissing you will make me remember?”

It takes all my might not to pull her to me, but this has to be her decision. “I do.”

She reaches for my arms, like she’s steadying herself. “What if it doesn’t work? I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.”

“If you don’t kiss me now, it might kill me.”

“I feel like you’re putting everything into this one kiss.”

“That’s because you don’t remember how amazing it is when we kiss.”

She blushes slightly and leans toward me, giving me permission. I tilt my head toward her, breathing in her cinnamon scent. God, how I’ve missed that. It’s intoxicating. I want to crush my lips to hers, but I hold back. I want her to enjoy every second, feel every sensation. I inch closer, hoping I’m teasing her and making her want this as much as I do. My bottom lip grazes hers when someone yells, “Logan!”

Cara pulls back and I stifle a slew of curses. I’ve never hated Linette, but right now I do. Cara looks at me briefly before swimming to the shore. Linette meets her, ranting and arms flailing. Cara takes off running home.

I squeeze my hands into fists, afraid if I get out of the water and go anywhere near Linette, I’ll break my rule of never hitting a woman.

“Logan Schmidt, you get your sorry behind out of that water this instant!”

“Believe me, Linette, you don’t want me on the shore with you right now. Go away.”

“Mister, you locked me in the bathroom and ran off. I have every right to be angry with you. I stuck up for you.” She waves me over. “Get out of the water. I’m not screaming all this to you.”

I make her wait, knowing she can’t talk about the Phoenixes out in the open like this. We might be the only people at the falls right now, but someone could easily walk up and overhear us. I calm myself down, trying not to focus on how close Cara’s lips were to mine. God, one more second and I would have had her back in my arms. I know it. At least she’d been willing to kiss me. That means I still have a chance. I have to get her alone again. Away from her house and the other Phoenixes.

When I reach the shore I glare at Linette. My drenched running shorts and t-shirt are plastered to my skin. “I’m not apologizing, so if that’s what you’re looking for, you may as well leave.”

The anger drains from her face. “You don’t get it, do you? I’m not only protecting you. I’m protecting Cara. I saw what almost happened between you two.”