Out of the Ashes (33 page)

One Week Later

I sat in my car, gazing at the wrought iron archway in front of me, unable to move. My seatbelt was still on. I had barely been able to turn the ignition off, but I did. I couldn’t do more than that though, more than stare up at the building that I had grown to love in my short time in Amber. One of the many things I had grown to love. But now I couldn’t get how I could go in there. How I could still love it.

It had been a week since the day I got the terrible news, since my and Lexie’s world, and family got a whole lot smaller. Since the morning that Lexie’s and my family also got bigger, with a biker giving us support that we wouldn’t have been able to survive without. Packing, flying to DC, planning a funeral, dealing with fake and inconsiderate friends. It was harder seeing the real ones, the genuine friends who had been a part of not only Ava and Steve’s life, but mine and Lexie’s. People we hadn’t seen in months, people who had come to support us. Somehow, that was harder.

Dealing with the police was a nightmare. Having to go through interviews while they didn’t tell us a freaking thing about why this happened to Steve and Ava, only that it was a burglary gone wrong.

Through all of it, Zane had been there, by our sides. Mostly silent, but he spoke when he needed to, when it mattered. He was always close to me, touching me as often as he could, claiming me. It would be hard to call it affectionate, but it was somehow tender, even though he stayed stoic and blank-faced most of the time. His tender looks were saved for me and Lexie. He didn’t shy away from giving gestures to show he was claiming her too. Brushing her hair out of her face, squeezing her hand, bringing her into his shoulder in the moments when she couldn’t smile through her grief. He had made it clear to the world, and to us, he was inserting himself in our lives, in our family. Lexie hadn’t questioned this; she had attached herself to Zane in a way that made me think she was claiming him too. She didn’t even blink when he stayed in the same room as me in the suite we had at the hotel. The
suite
he insisted he pay for when I realized I couldn’t stay in Steve and Ava’s home, the first home Lexie and I’d had after we escaped Hell.

It was then, the first night in the hotel after the exhaustion of travelling and organizing the funeral, that I let Zane in on why I couldn’t face it.

He had just made love to me. Nothing like the desperate, furious fucking we used to have prior to the party. Prior to him leaving me. This was a different kind of desperation. A desperation for him to imprint himself onto every part of me. Worship every part of me. Own my body. And my soul.

So after he was finished I was lying in his arms, tucked tight into his chest. We were silent, like we usually were after we made love. I was only just getting used to being able to relax, to bask in the intimacy of the moment and fall asleep feeling safe, which was why we were normally silent. Zane, because he was well...Zane and me because I was too busy in my own head, enjoying the moment to bother with words. A first for me. So I was especially surprised when Zane spoke.

“Weren’t your parents,” he said quietly.

I jerked slightly, not only at the fact he was speaking but also at the fact the words seemed like we were already halfway through a conversation.

“Pardon?” I asked, more out of shock than confusion.

“Steve and Ava,” he clarified, shifting me slightly so I could meet his eyes. “They weren’t your parents. You speak about them like they were, like they were grandparents to Lexie,” he said.

I tried to ignore the stab of pain that seemed to come with every thought, every memory of them. I failed. “They were,” I spoke quietly. “Parents to me, my best friends, grandparents to Lexie. Hell, Steve was the only father Lexie ever knew. They were my parents in everything but blood,” I told him.

His eyes searched mine. “Your real folks?” he asked.

I was surprised at this curiosity; he was genuinely asking. I couldn’t help but laugh without humor. “Who knows, probably wherever they can get the most drugs for the lowest price—rotting in the same trailer park I grew up in, most likely,” I said bitterly.

Zane jerked slightly and his eyes turned hard.

“Steve and Ava were everything to me. They were the only people to give me unconditional love, apart from Lexie,” I said honestly. “My parents,” I scoffed, “I’m loath to even call them that. They didn’t give a shit about me. I was merely a way to get some more money on the benefit, get their next fix,” I told him. “That’s why they fed me enough to survive, clothed me so I didn’t freeze. See, if something happened to me, I got taken away, so would a payday.” I shrugged. “I’m luckier than a lot of people I grew up with. They didn’t hit me, didn’t abuse me. Just barely acknowledged me.” I met his eyes, which seemed to be glittering. “I took care of myself since I was young enough to be able. Got out of there as soon as I could.”

I skipped the part where I jumped out of the frying pan and into the fricking fire. Fire I didn’t even notice until it almost killed me.

Zane was silent for a long moment. “Then Lexie?” he guessed correctly.

I smiled. “Then Lexie. Best thing that has ever happened to me,” I told him honestly. Though the person holding me was quickly coming a close second. Not that I said that.

He seemed to search my face for a while. “Her dad?” he asked blandly.

I tensed. Zane hadn’t asked me once about Lexie’s father, which I had been glad about. He seemed to be protective of her since before we were anything, but his protectiveness didn’t seem to translate to a need to know about her father. Until now. My movement was not lost on Zane and his arms tightened around me. He frowned down at me.

“Babe,” he said as almost a warning. There was no getting out of this one. I knew I had to tread carefully. Not only because the truth would no doubt turn Zane into a mindless macho ball of fury, but because the truth needed to stay buried. For my safety. Or more importantly, for Lexie’s.

“Lexie’s dad was the first escape I ever got. First show of affection of love I ever had.” I paused. “At least my fifteen-year-old brain thought it was love.” I looked at Zane. “He wasn’t from a family like mine. They seemed happy. Loving. Normal. Something I craved. And when I got pregnant they weren’t angry, they supported me. Supported us. Moved me in, much to my parents’ dismay.” I wrinkled my nose at the memory. “It was the first time I’d seen them pay an extended amount of attention to me,” I told him. “Thought it was because they finally decided they loved me, finally muddled through their drug-addled brains to find some affection for their only daughter,” I scoffed. “Like always, they weren’t worried about me, but their paycheck.”

Zane’s arms stayed tight around me and his gaze burned into mine. He silently urged me to continue.

“His parents…Lexie’s dad’s,” I was careful not to say his name. “They sorted it. Moved me and him into a house next to theirs. Lexie was born, best day of my life,” I declared. “Never thought you could love someone that much,” I smiled. “I thought I finally had a family. It was okay for a while.” I struggled not to get gripped by the memories, not to go in too deep and betray too much. “Then it wasn’t. So I left. With Lexie, then found Steve and Ava. They only had one hotel then, wasn’t much but I was desperate for a job to feed me and my baby.” I didn’t add I was desperate for a hiding place. “And all of the big places wouldn’t take on a kid with no experience. Ava and Steve did. Gave me somewhere to stay, a job, a way to feed my baby.” I paused, trying not to choke up. “Finally gave me a family,” I said quietly. “Gave Lexie the most precious thing ever,” I added.

Zane stared at me for a long time, his gaze hard and soft at the same time. His hand moved to lightly trace down my eyebrow to my jaw. “Didn’t think you could get any more magnificent,” he said hoarsely. “Stand corrected, Wildcat.”

The reverence in his gaze, the emotion behind his words did it again. Even amidst the grief and sorrow, another little broken piece inside me melded back together.

The softness of his gaze didn’t last for long. “Lexie’s dad. Wanna elaborate on what made you leave him, babe?” he asked with a hardness to his voice that wasn’t there before.

I swallowed. “The blindness of first love wore off. I saw him for who he was,
what
he was,” I said honestly, hoping I didn’t have to lie too much. I couldn’t, not in this moment.

Zane’s face hardened in suspicion, in a kind of pre-rage. “What was he?” he bit out through clenched teeth.

I knew if I told him the truth his rage would consume him. He would probably try and find Lexie’s dad. No, he almost certainly would if I told him the whole truth. Whatever had happened between us lately, that pivotal change had showed me just how far he would go. I knew he would kill him if he knew what had happened all those years ago. As much as I wanted the asshole dead, I couldn’t risk it.

“Not who I thought he was,” I said simply. “I realized he didn’t love me, didn’t love Lexie. Didn’t want a family, wasn’t what we needed so I left,” I lied.

“He just let the two most beautiful girls on the planet leave him without a fight?” Zane half snarled in disgust and disbelief.

I nodded, trying to omit as many verbal lies as I could. “He was young. Reality of family life hit him. He didn’t want it.”

Zane’s face turned to granite. “And now? He’s no kid.”

I shrugged. “Now we still aren’t on his radar. I’m glad.” This was kind of not a lie.

A muscle ticked in his jaw. “Want to kill that motherfucker,” he bit out. “Letting you leave. Missing out on Lexie growing up. You growing up.” He shook his head in disgust. “Stupid fucker.”

I blanched slightly. If he wanted to kill him because he thought he abandoned us, he could never know the truth.

Zane cupped my jaw lightly, rage disappearing. “Also tempted to thank the stupid fuck. If he wasn’t the asshole he was, I wouldn’t have you. Wouldn’t have Lexie,” he said quietly.

I didn’t know what to say, the rawness of past demons combined with the freshness of new grief making me hyper-sensitive to beautiful declarations coming from someone who didn’t give them often. I didn’t have the words, so I let actions speak for me. I leaned up to kiss him lightly, tenderly, pouring all of my feelings for him into one kiss. The kiss turned from tender to frenzied in a matter of seconds. And before I knew it, Zane had lifted me and pinned me down. He then preceded to fuck my brains out.

That night had changed things even more. I watched Zane every now and then, looking at Lexie, no doubt thinking about her father, about her loss and giving her a small neck squeeze or a kiss on the head. He had barely let me go, not that I was complaining. So somehow, amidst the hardest times of my and Lexie’s life, I also found some of my happiest. It was safe to say it had been an emotional roller coaster that left me exhausted. When we arrived home last night, I had been ready to crash in Zane’s arms as I had grown accustomed to. But he had taken our luggage in then moved to the door once Lexie had gone to sleep. His face had turned from one I had come to be used to over the past week back to its original blank, hard gaze. I had almost flinched. Especially when he declared he had “club business” and he didn’t know how long it would take. He had then given me a chaste kiss on the mouth and was gone.

I hadn’t seen him since then and hadn’t heard from him. Which meant I hadn’t crashed last night like I had planned. Instead I had tossed and turned, waiting for Zane to come home and playing over events to see what could account for the change. I had narrowed it down to a phone call he had gotten just before we left the airport. This all contributed to about one hour of sleep, which in turn made me into an even bigger wreck. I had already had a week off work and I needed to get back. Especially since our owners were...gone and I would have to run things until the lawyers settled the estate and new owners took over. I didn’t have time or space in my brain to think about what that would mean.