Out of the Blues (16 page)

His expression became pained. I didn’t know if I hurt him. Or…I found myself on my back on the bed. He’d flipped me and rolled me under him, pushing my legs back as his eyes went darker. Anger rolled over his face. “Hold on to my shoulders.”

I wrapped my arms around him and held onto him. He leaned over me just as I had him, the anger in his gaze becoming softer as he pushed inside me. “Tell me if I hurt you.”

I nodded and shook my head. I had to breathe out a couple of times as I stretched. “Not like a finger,” I said, trying not to gasp as he pushed past a barrier I didn’t know existed.

“No, not like a finger.” He blew out between his teeth, I could tell he was holding back. “I’m going to fuck you now, Mason, I’m going to fuck you hard. Tell me if I hurt you, I’ll stop.”

“Don’t stop,” I told him and pulled him to me. I wrapped around him as he’d done me, arms and legs, and mouth. I sucked his tongue into my mouth and held on while he made the electricity that tingled along my spine become a living entity that consumed me.

“Going to come, Mason,” he said, breathing hard into my mouth. His body was slick under my arms. I held onto him, gripping his ass, encouraging him to move harder and faster. “Want to come inside you. Tell me not to and I won’t.”

“Come inside me.” Something primitive inside me screamed for release. I’d never felt like this, like live energy. I couldn’t move, I could only hold on while he rammed himself deep inside me. He buried his face in my neck and clawed at my back as he tried to pull me inside him.

The heat and force of his release surprised me and sent me over some razor-thin precipice I didn’t know I balanced upon. I fell, taking him with me hard and fast, and I held onto him tight because I didn’t know if I was going to survive. My body betrayed me, I came, spurting fluids I didn’t know I had. He nuzzled my neck and kissed my lips, and I whimpered and died, right there in his arms while he did the same.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Kilby pounds sand.

The suit fit. I wasn’t sure why that made me angry. I wasn’t sure why the rain made me angry. I wasn’t sure why I was angry. I was more than angry, I was fucking pissed and I didn’t know why.

He’d stayed after. I’d held him while he lay quietly in my arms. He’d touched my face and smiled. I don’t think the smile reached his eyes, but he stayed. We showered together, washing off the spunk and the lube and the sweat. I washed him, he washed me. We kissed under the water. There was no sex in the shower. We were sexed out.

I lay the garment bag in the backseat of my truck so it wouldn’t wrinkle. The shoes and accessories bag went on the floor. I was starving. I’d missed lunch. I just wanted a burger or something I didn’t want any of the fancy shit on the menu at the hotel restaurant.

I drove around the town looking for that place we’d gone to yesterday. I couldn’t find it. I found a chain place instead and pulled into the drive-thru. The rehearsal thing was in a few hours and I had nothing to do except go back to the hotel and fuck Mason Foxworth.

Fucking Mason Foxworth was becoming my go-to favorite pastime. Holy fuck, I’d fucked Mason Foxworth. I’d come in his ass. I’d taken his virginity and made him come so hard he was dazed for an hour afterward. What the fuck was I doing?

Letting him get under my skin was what I was doing. Letting him use me to get his rocks off was what I was doing.

I’d sworn years ago to stop letting men do that to me. Use me, use me up, and fucking leave me when I let my heart get involved.

My heart wasn’t involved with some messed up straight guy I’d known for two days.

Was it?

He was fucking hot. He was young. And I was fucking horny. So yeah, I’d let him use all of that against me. God, he was beautiful. But so messed up…I had my fill of messed up.

Fuck, I was messed up.

Messed up men turned my crank.

Obviously.

Fuck.

The sandwich had no flavor. I tossed it in the bag and drove out of the lot, tossing the whole thing in a trash can as I drove by it.

I found my phone and pulled over at a gas station to fill up. I’d be heading out early Sunday and I didn’t want to find a place open to do that then. I thumbed up my foreman’s number and called home to check on things.

I wanted an excuse to leave right after the ceremony tomorrow. I didn’t get one.

Everything was fine. The cattle were doing well. No fields needed plowing. We were set for winter…everything was fucking fine. I could stay away all month and not be missed.

I think that’s why Hunter had insisted the wedding be in November instead of summer so that I wouldn’t have an excuse not to come. So that I had no choice but to be here to stand up with him.

I would have come in July. He was my fucking brother and I loved him.

Damn it.

I drove back to the hotel and made it inside just before the rain started up again. Hunter met me in the lobby and handed my things off to one of his staff to take up to my room.

“Did it fit?” he asked, looking at me through eyes that I knew saw too much. He’d always seen too much.

“I wouldn’t have brought it back if it didn’t,” I growled at him. I rubbed my face when I realized I’d just snapped my brother’s head off. “I’m sorry, Hunter, that was uncalled for.”

“What bug crawled up your ass?” He tilted his head, a hint of a smile on his lips. “Or was it something bigger than a bug?”

“I will fucking kill you right now,” I told him, meaning it. I grabbed his arm and all but shoved him into a corner far away from people. He looked at me with the first hint of alarm and I felt like a dick. “Don’t keep harping about Mason. Just, please, Hunter, shut up about it.”

“Kilby—”

I didn’t want to hear it. “Yeah, I fucked him. Yeah, he’s under my fucking skin. Just shut up about it. I can’t…” I didn’t know what else to say or do or… “Do you have a gym or something in this place. I need to beat something.”

He smiled at me again and before I could threaten him he shook his head. “That’s on the list of amenities to come. I’m sorry. I thought you’d worked all of your aggression out on Mason considering he’s so calm he’s damned near comatose.”

I sat down on a bench in the corner and tucked my hands between my knees. “Jon left a note, you know. Addressed to me.” I had picked up Mason’s,
you know
. “I never told you.”

Hunter sat down beside me and leaned back against the wall. “I figured it was something like that. What did it say? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I’m sorry. I loved you,” I said trying to make it sound punctuated when I was sure it shouldn’t have been at all. “I hear it as I’m sorry I loved you. I…can’t keep getting involved with emotionally unavailable men.”

“And Mace completely fits that description.”

“Yep.” I kept leaning looking at the carpet. “And he’s…making me nuts.”

Hunter laid his hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I can move him in with Harper for tonight and bunk with you…you know, that whole seeing the bride before the wedding thing.”

I had to laugh at the suggestion. “Harper would have your balls.”

“She would,” he agreed, the smile leaving his voice. “I’m lucky she didn’t call off the whole thing and run away. Hell, she still might. Or murder her mother. She’s wearing that same spooky calm smile that Mace has on. Like the world is fabulous and everything is fabulous, but with Harper I can see murder brewing in her eyes. Mace…I don’t know…I’m not sure he’s even here right now. Mentally that is.”

“You sure you want to be marrying into this family?” I asked. I could hear chatter coming from one of the nearby lounges, Arden Monroe’s voice rising above the others a time or two.

“I’ve known Harper for three years. I’ve met her parents a couple of times before now. We had to go to them. Doug is a nice enough guy away from all this. His kids are small. Gwen is trying hard to be friends with Harper. Hell, there’s not much of an age difference between them, but really, we won’t see them much. Mason though…what the hell, Kilbourne?”

I think I rivaled some mad character from a comic book. I heard the sound coming from my mouth, but was helpless to stop it. “I’m fucking older than the man’s wife and I sure as fuck don’t want to be friends with his son.”

I stood up then and thought about leaving and driving around Georgia until I was good and lost. Maybe I’d end up back in Tennessee.

“Don’t leave.” I guess he knew me well enough. “Jesus, Kilby, you’re fucking scary when you’re…” he looked at me, his eyes going wide as he studied me. “Falling in love. Oh fuck, Kilby, you’re falling for him.”

I couldn’t look at him or I’d punch him out for telling the fucking truth. “I know,” I said and walked away before I could hurt my brother. I needed to hurt something or someone.

I went to the desk and asked directions to the nearest tattoo shop. I hadn’t gotten any new ink in four years. Not since the last one, the one under my left breast. It was high time I made that one not mean anything.

* * * * *

And Mason blows shit up.

I spent the afternoon in a daze of sorts. I joined my family in a lounge for lunch. Just my parents and…the kids. Brothers. We had brothers. They were more of them and they were younger than I thought. The oldest one was seven and full of piss and vinegar and football. He wore a kid’s version of Doug’s old jersey with Doug’s name and number on it. I’d never even had one of those. The kid toted around a regulation football and knew what to do with it. I didn’t even know what to do with a Nerf ball.

The little one wasn’t quite two. He wasn’t talking yet and Gwen was afraid there was something wrong with him because the other two had talked before they were one—to which Arden had to chime in that Harper and I hadn’t talked until we were much older. Except to each other like we were some kind of changelings and she despaired of ever understanding us. I heard Harper snort silently. She sat curled up next to me. She’d yet to talk to me about last night. Or I hadn’t listened when she’d tried. I don’t know. I was…fucked. I’d let him…I’d done…I shivered thinking about it. He’d made me…I wrapped my arms around my chest. I was freezing.

“It is really cold in here,” Gwen, my very young stepmother said. Apparently, she’d been watching me. I didn’t know what to say to her, she didn’t know what to say to me, so I nodded at her and pretended that it was the lack of heat that was causing my chills.

Hunter left the room and I assumed he went to do something about the heat. I heard Kilby’s voice in the lobby. I shivered again. His voice, just his voice. He did things to me with just his fucking voice, from two rooms away.

“Here, hon,” Arden said, offering Gwen a coffee liberally laced with Irish whiskey. That’s one thing about us, we did love our whiskey. “This will keep you warm.”

“Oh, no, thanks, Arden.” Gwen waved her hand before the coffee cup made it to her. She looked at Doug and did this little head tilt and lip bite thing as if she were asking him for permission. And I knew before she opened her mouth what she was going to say. Doug smiled and nodded and…yep there it was… “I can’t, we’re hoping for a girl this time.” She rubbed her belly and Harper went incredibly still. She stopped breathing. Oh fuck.

I reached around her and pulled her as close to me as I could without attracting too much attention. “Breathe,” I whispered in her ear. She didn’t. “Breathe, Harper. Smile and breathe.” She drew in a deep ragged breath that I felt rattle her whole frame.

Hunter came back in, without Kilby in tow. He looked about as happy as Harper was. That is to say, not at all. The baby, what the fuck was his name? Jayden, it was Jayden. He toddled up to us and pounded my knee with his little pudgy baby fist and babbled away in a drooly happy babbly way. He was telling me he was the damned baby and he wasn’t wanting no damned sister by god, and football sucked…pick me up…so I picked him up and held him so that he could cuddle against Harper and myself. He grabbed a handful of her hair and happily stuck it in his mouth and Harper burst into tears.

She was up and walking toward Hunter, but Doug intercepted her and I swear to fucking god he told her she was being rude and that she should be happy…I stood up with the baby and started to try to forestall the drama as Hunter came closer. We were both in the ‘oh hell there’s a live grenade and it’s about to explode’ train of thought when yep…Harper lost her shit.

“Well, I am happy for her…and you because guess what…Doug…you’re going to be a grandfather…and my kid and your kid will be the same age and isn’t that just fucking awesome?” Harper ran then, Hunter followed and I stood holding the littlest brother who thought this was funny.

And I said… “Boom.” Because I was an idiot and someone needed to say it.

So did the kid. “Boom.” But with juicy burbles at the end.

I liked this kid, wonder if they’d let me keep him. I needed a mini-me. And the little fucker had my fucking eyes and by god, if there was a God I could make this kid over in my image and there’d be two of us who hated football…and women young enough to be our daughters….well, I was only twenty-five, damned sure I couldn’t get away with dating anyone eighteen years younger than me…there was a name for that.

I stood there holding the kid and waiting for the adults in the room to speak.

I waited a long fucking time.

And Kilby Adams still didn’t show up.

What the fuck was I supposed to do now?

I took the kid and walked out.

He was mine now. I claimed him…in the name of the oldest son.

I was taking prisoners.

It was that fucking bad.

“Come on, Jayden, let’s go get drunk.”

I swear he said fuck yeah, dude, where’s the Jack?

“Stick with me kid, I know where they keep the top shelf gummy bears.”

“Bears.”

I’m pretty sure that was his first word, probably because Doug used to play for the Bears. I sighed. Kid was hopeless.

“Yeah, Bears, kid. Get used to the freakin’ Bears, they will haunt you the rest of your life.” I stopped in the kitchen and got some treats, and took the kid to the ballroom. I set him on my lap at the piano and let him play along while I pounded out the tune that was stuck in my head.

Kilby still didn’t show. The kid was getting gummy bear goo on the keys and I still didn’t know where I’d heard that tune before.

And my ass hurt.

And I wanted to make it hurt more.

I was out of my fucking mind.

Even the kid thought I was nuts.

He abandoned me the moment he saw his mother, slipped off my lap and took off across the room like he was running for his life. He probably was.

Wish I could.

I ignored the goo and the world and set about trying to remember that fucking tune. I pulled out one of Cody’s notebooks and started jotting down notes and chords and words. There were words. I had words.

There was music and still no Kilby and I didn’t even have a partner in crime to hide the pain from. I slammed the lid on the piano and went to the window seat and pretended the rain slamming against the window would hide the damned tears leaking down my face.