Out of the Shadow (46 page)

Everything seemed to be falling into place except for the most irksome of details: Robby and Cole. She still hadn’t decided what she wanted to do – if anything. She cared deeply for Robby and still loved Cole – but was that love romantic or friendly? And did she want to date either one?

She continued to go to dinner or the movies or out scouting bands with Robby and spent as much time as possible with Cole – often with Jamie and RJ, also. She enjoyed herself for the most part but she was also filled with stress.

She was nowhere near ready to make a decision and it was tearing her up inside.

She sat at her desk one evening, staring at her notes, not studying like she was supposed to be doing, when Shannon came in the door. Ally smiled at her over her shoulder and turned back to her books, forcing her mind to focus on the words and not the problems in her love life. After about a half an hour, Shannon finally broke through her thoughts.

“
Ally, you’ve been staring at the same page for a very long time. Is something the matter?”

Ally slammed her books shut and swiveled her chair around to face Shannon. “I just can’t concentrate.”

“
Why?” Shannon asked, her brows slamming together. “What’s going on?”

Ally tugged on her ponytail, tightening it with a grimace on her face. “I just don’t know what to do and it’s driving me crazy.”

“
About what?” Shannon asked.

“
Robby and Cole,” she said with a long sigh. “I just don’t know what to do. Robby is so fun to be with and so impossibly sweet but the chemistry isn’t there like it is with me and Cole. And Cole and I have history and I think I’ll always love him – but do I love him for more than a friend?”

Shannon’s lips pulled down as she nodded slowly. “I see your dilemma but, Ally, why do you have to chose? Are they pressuring you to make a decision?”

Ally looked at Shannon, blinking rapidly as her head tilted to the side. “No, they’re not. Neither one of them have put any sort of pressure on me. But I feel like they’re both waiting for me to decide – like they’re both holding their breath. And I feel like I have to make a decision – for my own piece of mind.”

Shannon shrugged as if the entire situation was no big deal whatsoever. “But why are you worrying about it if they’re not pressuring you? What’s the rush? Why do you even have to pick one of them? What if you meet someone else?”

“
Huh,” Ally said as she flopped back in her chair. A tiny smile toyed with her lips. “I think you have a good point. And you’ve given me a good idea.”

“
I did?” Shannon asked in disbelief.

Ally’s smile widened as she wheeled her chair closer to Shannon. “Yes, and let me tell you all about it.”

That night, as Shannon’s quiet breathing floated in the air, Ally tossed her blankets back and opened the top drawer of her dresser. She dug around until she located a tiny box on the bottom and withdrew it quickly. She closed the drawer and scurried back to her bed. By the pale moonlight seeping through the blinds, she pinched the box open and traced a light finger over the precious stones in the double heart setting. Her mind whirred back to that day so long ago when Cole had slipped that ring on her finger and she remembered with perfect clarity the love that had filled her heart.

Memories flooded her mind – memories of Cole and the struggle they’d gone through to even get to the point where he’d felt confidence in giving her a ring. It hadn’t been an engagement ring, she reminded herself. It had been a symbol of how much he loved her and a promise to marry her when the time was right.

Had
the time ever been right?
she asked herself. Sure, they’d been very much in love but that one night, that drunken night when the magazine article had come out, she’d weakened and kissed Robby. And the attraction had been there before that night. She remembered when he’d shown up at her softball games during the National Tournament and how he had escorted her to the party. She remembered how charmed she’d been by him and how he’d made her heart thump wildly.

But
, her mind said,
remember how uncontrollable your feelings were with Cole. Remember how he could turn your insides into mush with just a simple touch. Remember how he’d always been there for you, throughout your entire life.

She was getting nowhere. She was thinking in circles that was doing nothing but confusing her. She’d been right when she’d made her decision earlier with Shannon. Yes, she’d go through with her plan. It was all she could think of to do.

She closed the box and shoved it in the drawer in the nightstand. She buried herself in her blankets and squeezed her eyes shut, going over her plan again and again.

***

“
Hey, cuz,” Jamie said after their last class. “I’m going to hang out with the guys tonight. They’re leaving for L.A. in a few days, you know.”

“
They just went last month,” Ally protested.

“
Yeah but Rhys wants them out there to shoot another video. The CD will be released this summer.”

“
I’d love to go but I have plans tonight,” she said. “I’m having dinner with Robby.”

“
Oh,” Jamie said as they stopped before her dorm. He shifted his backpack from one shoulder to the other. “That’s cool. So, are you guys working things out or something?”

“
No,” Ally said with a smile. “I’m having dinner with Cole tomorrow and don’t worry – they both know. I mean, Cole knows that I’m having dinner with Robby tonight and Robby knows I’m having dinner with Cole tomorrow.”

“
Okay,” Jamie said, obvious confusion in his eyes. “What’s going on, cuz?”

“
Nothing, Jamie, I swear,” she said. “I’m going to discuss things with them both and I think they need to know what I’m going to say before I tell someone else.”

“
Yeah, sure,” Jamie said. “I guess you’re right.” He studied her for a brief moment. “Are you okay?”

“
Yeah, I think so,” she said. “Or I will be, soon.”

He kissed her cheek. “Let me know if you need me. I’ll see you later.”

She watched him jog away in the direction of the men’s dorms and released the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. She hoped what she’d said was true – she hoped she’d be okay after she did what she had to do. And she hoped she didn’t hurt anyone else again.

***

Cole crammed his mouth full of Chinese food as Jamie took control of the remote and flipped through the stations until he found a baseball game they all approved of. RJ perched on the edge of the sofa, holding a carton of General Tsao’s chicken under his chin.

“
This is supposed to be a great game,” RJ said.

“
It’s too early in the season for ‘great games’,” Jamie argued as he dropped the remote on the coffee table and rummaged through the cartons until he found something he liked. He glanced at Cole who’d sat silently in his recliner, eating.

“
Stop staring, James,” Cole said with a smirk. “People will talk.”

“
Whatever,” Jamie grinned. “I was just wondering what’s going on with my cousin. She told me she was going out with Robby tonight and with you tomorrow.”

“
She’s saving the best for last,” Cole said with an unnatural touch of arrogance.

RJ guffawed and jumped from his seat to bump his fist with Cole’s. “Ain’t that the truth.”

Jamie frowned at RJ and pushed him to the sofa. “And how would you know? Speaking of people talking and all…”

RJ had the decency to blush before punching Jamie lightly in the shoulder. “Just saying, man.”

Cole slid to the edge of his chair and set his carton on the coffee table. He picked up a napkin and wiped his face. “I don’t know what’s going on for sure. I’m thinking maybe Ally made a decision and she wants to let us both know.”

“
They decided to be just friends,” RJ said, jabbing his finger at Cole. “Ally and Robby did. So, what does she have to decide? Is she supposed to choose between the two of you?”

“
I have a feeling it was Robby’s idea for them to be friends,” Cole said in a quiet voice. He had more than a feeling – he was sure of it. He’d gotten to know Robby better after working closely with him for months now and it seemed like the gentlemanly thing to do. It was obvious that Ally had been pretty distraught over how things had turned out and perhaps it had affected their relationship. Maybe he’d just been trying to give her an out – give her a chance to get her head on straight.

“
I think you’re right,” Jamie agreed, his eyes never leaving the TV. “I think she worked herself into a tizzy over everything and he just wanted her to take a breather.”

“
Really?” RJ asked. “Hmph. Well, that bodes well in his favor but I still think she likes Cole best.”

Cole shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. Guess we’ll see.” He got up and started for the kitchen. “Anyone want anything to drink?”

***

“
How are you doing, Ally?” Robby asked after they ordered. “You look like you’ve not been sleeping well.”

“
Finals are over so that’s a relief,” she said with a smile. “I’ll be able to sleep again.”

“
How do you think you did?” he asked.

“
Okay, I guess,” she said. “Either way, it’s over and I don’t have to worry about assignments or tests or exams until fall.”

He chuckled and thanked the waitress as she set their drinks in front of them. He took a long drink of his beer and studied her over the rim. “How are things with you and the guys? I know you’ve been hanging out with them more.”

“
Good,” she said with a soft smile. “It’s almost like it used to be. Cole doesn’t treat me … differently. He acts as though I’m his friend.”

“
Is that what you want?” he asked, his eyes narrowed, his body tense.

“
I don’t honestly know,” she admitted as she twisted her glass on the table, leaving a row of water rings. She wasn’t ready to broach the reason why she’d asked him to meet her for dinner yet.

And he sensed it. “Well, they’re leaving for L.A. soon.”

“
I know,” she said. “And tell me, Robby, how things are between you and Cole? I heard a little rumor awhile ago that there might have been some tension.”

He smiled, his dimples still so charming to her. “It wasn’t bad, Ally, honestly. And I told you that Cole and I had had a little talk when they first starting working with me.”

She gasped and leaned across the table. “I remember that, I think. What happened?”

“
Nothing, really,” he said with a shrug as he tipped his glass to his lips. He smiled again. “We talked about the situation and agreed that we wouldn’t let our personal feelings interfere with work. And even though we weren’t exactly friends, I think things have sort of found a way to resolve themselves. We get along just fine, now.”

She had her doubts, though they were small. She had a feeling that maybe some hard feelings might still linger between them – and it increased her guilt.

The waitress returned with their entrees and they took a few minutes to taste their meals. Ally fussed a bit longer over hers, stalling for time.

“
All right, Ally,” he said, setting his fork next to his plate. “You have something on your mind, I can tell. Why don’t you spill?”

She sighed as she, too, set her silverware aside. She folded her hands above her plate, her appetite disappearing. “I made a decision, Robby, concerning our…relationship.”