Out of the Shadow (10 page)

"Who are you talking to?" I asked.

"I don’t know. It’s a man, but I can’t... I can’t see his face...only a shadow..."

"Is there anything you notice about him?"

"He smells nice. Sweet and spicy. Like...Paulie." Her chest heaves and she places a hand over her heart.

"What does the man say to you?"

"He says he won’t tell on me if I let him see the pictures. He sits down beside me and flips through the book. I can hear his breathing grow louder, which scares me. There’s something not right about this, but I’m not sure what it is."

"What’s frightening you?"

"He’s looking at me funny. He asks me if I want to see the real thing. A naked man. I tell him no, but he starts to unbutton his shirt. Oh my God, he’s removing it... Stop that! Don’t do it!"

"What’s happening?

"I’m trying to get up, but he won’t let me. We must be alone in the house. I want to cry out, but I can’t."

"What happens next?"

"He kisses me. A wet, sloppy kiss turns my stomach. I push him away, but he pulls me back. He tells me how beautiful I am. How I’m his little sweetheart. How he loves me. He holds me against him, but I squirm and try to break free."

"And?"

"I start to weep. He stops, tells me not to be upset. He won’t hurt me. He loves me too much. I tell him I want to go watch TV, but he says we can have more fun here. He says he wants to play a game with me, but I tell him I have homework to do. He laughs and kisses me again. Then he takes my hand and starts to move it down..."

Becca covered her mouth, rolled onto her side and curled in on herself. "That’s all. I can’t see anything else. It’s all gone blank."

I could hear the distress in her voice. "I understand." And I did. These types of memories were painful; you had to take them in small doses. "You did a fine job today," I said, my heart going out to her. "You should be proud of yourself."

Becca remained fetal-style on her side for about five minutes, finally recovering her composure enough to slowly rise. She had taken a big risk by allowing herself to be led back to a time and place she never wanted to visit again. But she was the only one holding a ticket for the return trip to that time and place. In spite of her reluctance and fear, she would one day inevitably cash that ticket in, and wind up back in that bedroom.

Angela reluctantly sniffed from a sample bottle of
cologne
. "Explain to me again what we’re doing here?"

"We’re spending our precious lunch hour at Macy’s, snorting up men’s cologne instead of slurping on something scrumptious and fattening. This is your pre-holiday diet. Haven’t you read about the cologne diet in
Cosmo
?" Becca picked up another bottle, inhaled, and recapped it. "Strike three."

"How about this one?'' Angela asked.

Becca took a whiff of the open bottle, disappointed. "Nope. Wrong again. I don’t know if I’m ever going to figure out which one Paulie wore."

"Then we can go to lunch, right? I’m starving."

"Let me try a couple more." Two turned into four and still Becca hadn’t discovered the right fragrance. She was about to give into Angela’s impatience when Angela stuck another bottle under her nose. "Smell this."

Becca drew a deep breath and all at once, the ground shifted beneath her feet. Angela had found it all right. The one that drove her blood pressure up and her spirits down. She grasped the counter to steady herself. "What is it?"

Angela turned the bottle around so she could see the label. "
Aramis
, or as I call it, heaven in a bottle."

Becca pushed the offending bottle aside. "Pleeease. Give me a second to recover. I can barely handle the stuff."

Angela looked bewildered. "What’s the problem? Don’t you like it?" She sniffed the cologne. "It’s the cologne Elliot used to wear. He said he hasn’t worn it in years, but he tried it on when we were shopping last week, and I almost lost my mind."

"Believe me, it’s not that I don’t like it. It’s something else. We don’t have much time left, let’s go for a quick bite and I’ll try to explain."

"Wait. Would you mind if I bought some for one of Elliot’s Christmas gifts? I’d like to keep a bottle on hand at my apartment when he comes by."

"Of course not, as long as I don’t have to get wind of it again."

Angela made her purchase and they left the store for the lunch counter two doors down. After they were seated and had ordered, Becca turned to Angela. "I know this is quite a coincidence, but Elliot’s favorite fragrance might also be my Uncle Paulie’s poison. I swear the cologne you just bought was the same one he wore the night of my parents’ party; the one that threw me into such a tizzy."

"It might not be a coincidence. According to the package,
Aramis
is one of the most popular men’s colognes. I’ll certainly be doing my part to promote it. I’ll buy it for all my men from now on. It will keep me in a state of constant arousal."

"Just don’t bring them around me or I’ll be in a state of constant craziness."

"What’s new?" Angela flashed her a big grin. "I hope it didn’t bother you that I bought a bottle."

Becca shook her head.

"It drives me crazy, too. Crazy for Elliot. We had so much fun when we vacationed out of town. I don’t mean to bore you with the details, but I’m beginning to think he’s the one, Becca."

Becca sipped the coffee, but it didn’t agree with her churning stomach. "Do I hear wedding bells?"

Angela shook her head. "Not yet, but I’m working on it. It’s hard to pin Elliot down with his practice and all, but when I do, it’s definitely bells and whistles."

"Should be quite an affair. Bells, whistles, cologne and crazies. I’m looking forward to it."

"Me too." Angela looked down. When she looked back up, a small smile creased the corners of her eyes. "Can I tell you a small secret? Elliot asked me not to say anything to anyone, but I can’t keep a secret from you."

Becca nodded.

"He knows how tired I am of my job at the hospital. Yesterday he mentioned when we move in together, I wouldn’t have to work there any longer. Actually, he said I wouldn’t have to work at all and could do what I wanted with my time. It’s like a dream come true."

"Almost sounds too good to be true. Before you tie the knot with Doctor Elliot, how much do you know about him?"

Angela tilted her chin upwards in a defiant poise. "Enough." Then she narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

"He sounds...wonderful."

"Believe me." Angela laughed. "He’s a find."

"Where did you say you met him?"

"In the scuba I took at the YMCA. How’s that for luck? I’ve taken a dozen
Learning Annex
and other classes and never met a soul. Then, I put on my scuba gear and look like the monster from Mars, and meet Elliot. We both love scuba diving. We’ve been talking about a dive trip to Cancun sometime next year."

"Lucky you."

Angela laughed a husky, phlegmy smokers’ laugh. "You have that right. I chose the class because I thought I might meet an interesting man, but I never expected to meet anyone like Elliot."

"Yeah, it’s hard to meet men who are willing to d
ive
into something this fast," Becca joked. "But before you decide to marry the dude, perhaps you should make sure he’s everything he’s cracked up to be. Has he introduced you to his family and friends?"

"Not yet. But we’ve only known each other a short time."

"And how about the double date we were supposed to be planning? Whatever happened to it?"

"I mentioned it to him, but...well, he’s busy with his practice..."

"I don’t mean to sound suspicious, but isn’t he the one who kept asking you about me? Don’t you think he’d be curious enough to want to meet me? Maybe I’m being paranoid after everything that’s happened to me this past year, but I’d be careful before I committed to anyone whose behavior was inconsistent."

"You are being paranoid. Elliot’s the most terrific man I’ve ever met! He’s loving and generous and supportive. I couldn’t ask for anything more." Angela gulped down her coffee. "Maybe you’re a tad envious, too. I know you’ve been lonely and unhappy these last few months, but that’s no reason to rain on my parade. Believe me, even if I were to marry Elliot, you’d still be my closest friend. Nothing would ever change that."

Becca cringed at Angela’s reaction. While their friendship had always meant a great deal to her, it had been her lifeline these last few months. If Angela had decided this was the man for her, who was Becca to question her choice? She would support Angela in every way possible. Becca held up her hands. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. My mind’s still reeling from the
Aramis
. Please forgive me."

Angela pouted. "I’ll think about it." Then she smiled.

Relieved, Becca returned the smile, but her stomach still churned with a sense of unease.

Perhaps Angela was right; she was being overly suspicious. She certainly hoped so for Angela’s sake, and for the sake of their friendship.

But why did she harbor such doubt?

As planned, Becca met Drew the following day after work at a
coffee shop
near city hall. She was already seated at a table, reading a Tony Hillerman mystery, when he rushed in. The shadow of a beard failed to cover the scarlet glow of his cheeks on such a bitter December afternoon. His thick black hair, ruffled from the wind, looked sexy yet sophisticated, and fit in nicely with his red
jacket and black jeans.

"Sorry I’m late," he said. "I had a last minute consultation. I left you a message on your cell."

"I got it. Don’t worry, I only stumbled in here a few minutes ago." She failed to mention it was because she had stopped by
Macy’s
to look at their late fall sale.

"What will you have?" he asked. "A mocha? Cappuccino?"

"Make that a seasonal eggnog Cappuccino, and you’re on."

He made his way to the counter and she waited until he returned, carrying their drinks. She sipped the warm, rich coffee mixed with the sugar-flavored syrup and steamed milk. "How are the new cases going?"

He looked up with the cutest mocha mustache, before wiping it away with a napkin. "Not bad. I have a tough one going to court in a couple of weeks. Big corporate polluter. They have the money to pay the big guns to represent them. Should be a real challenge."

"Who are you representing?"

"A poor community down-wind from their plant. Industry often locates its most toxic plants in poorer neighborhoods, hoping poor people won’t be able to fight back. That’s the case here. But these people are determined to do the best they can for their families and their community. I’ve taken the case
pro bono
, even though I shouldn’t take on any freebies just yet. At least not until I’m more established and making a real living at this."

"That’s really noble of you. Do you mind if I ask what you’re living on?" She sipped her drink, feeling more than a little guilty for allowing him to buy. Perhaps she should offer to pay for her order.

"I’m all right. I have money socked away from my last job. But let’s not talk about me. I want to hear more about you."

"What’s there to tell? I live a fairly mundane existence. All work and no play. Nothing much more than I told you at the party." She toyed with a napkin.

"I’d believe it if I hadn’t seen your grand exit the other night. Mind telling me what was going on?"

She didn’t know how honest to be, especially since their parents were such good friends. "I’m still raw from my trauma and not terribly comfortable in social situations. I can only take so much."

He ran his finger over the rim of his cup. "Does that mean you’re not ready to go out with me?"

She looked over at his strong profile, his wavy ebony hair and violet blue eyes. A ruggedly handsome man, he must not be used to women turning him down. "I’m not ready to go out with anyone, but I sure could use a friend right now. Are you up to the job?"

"I don’t know if your mom would approve, but I think I could take it on."

"It’s a deal then." She reached across the table and grabbed the hand he offered her, letting him squeeze and release hers. "By the way, you should be sainted for your handling of Julie the other night. I’ll put a word in with the Pope for you."

He laughed. "You don’t have to. Your mom’s been good to my folks."

Becca grinned to herself. She wished Julie treated her family as well as she treated his. She glanced over at Drew, and knew what she had to do. She rose. "It’s my turn to buy us a couple of refills."

The moment Becca exited St. John’s the following afternoon, a refrigerated burst of late autumn air smacked her in the face. She drew her coat closer around her, and hurried down the steps to the street. The sky, streaked with ominous grey and plum-colored clouds, shrouded everything in an eerie half-light. Leafless trees reminded her of scarecrows. Newspaper pages and empty Styrofoam cups tumbled against the curb. The wind blew the last of the autumn leaves around her. Chilled to the bone, she darted off in the direction of her bus stop, hoping she’d catch the 4:15 and wouldn’t be forced to wait for the next bus. Lately she had the unsettling sensation someone watched her every time she left work. She didn’t want to wait around to find out who.