Outback Sunset (31 page)

‘If you say so.’ He spun the chair around once and when it came full circle he pulled her out of it and imprisoned her with his arms. ‘Coming to bed?’

She blinked coquettishly at him. ‘Will you make it worth my while?’ She had gone off her contraceptive and, whether Bren liked it or not, they were going to have another baby. She was confident
that he’d come around and be happy about the idea once she became pregnant.

‘You bet.’ He kissed her, gently at first, then, with growing passion. His hands roamed across her back, fitted around her waist and then slid down to cup her buttocks and pull her hard against him.

In response, Vanessa’s arms crept around his neck and she arched against him seductively. They’d been married almost five years and despite some ongoing difficulties in their relationship, the excitement between them remained strong, perhaps even stronger because they were periodically separated due to her work. Lovingly, the fingers of her right hand traced down his recently shaved cheek and across his chin.

A discreet cough made them leap apart, almost guiltily.

‘Sorry,’ Curtis drawled from the doorway. ‘Thought you should know. Reg had a call from Nova. She’s coming home. He’s going to pick her up from Kununurra in the morning.’ Having delivered the message, and with a slightly embarrassed grin, he disappeared.

‘Too many damned interruptions around here,’ Bren grumbled as he patted Vanessa’s bottom. Hand in hand they went and checked on Kyle then walked towards their bedroom.

After they’d made love, Vanessa lay on the bed listening to Bren’s even breathing as she snuggled up to him, still too wide awake to fall asleep. It was good that after a few weeks thinking time he had agreed to go ahead with Amaroo’s savings plan. Curtis had been right about his brother’s need to
chew things over then make out that it was his idea. She didn’t care who took the credit for it as long as Amaroo’s future was assured.

And, at least they’d made love without arguing about another baby. Why wasn’t he keen to have more children? That he wasn’t puzzled her. Being an only child, she wanted a big family, three at least but Bren, disappointingly, appeared content with just one. She didn’t want Kyle to go through the loneliness of being an only child, as she had. And while she wasn’t entirely comfortable with deceiving him about going off the pill, she desperately wanted their son to have a brother or sister to play and grow up with. It would tie her down more and she’d do less stage and film work but that was, she had decided, an acceptable trade-off. And Bren would be happy about her doing less work as he didn’t like her to be away from Amaroo for long periods of time.

Her thoughts shifted to London, and her next engagement. In three weeks she and Kyle were flying to the United Kingdom where she would have several weeks of rehearsal before appearing in the drama,
The Women’s Room
at the Lyceum Theatre in the West End. She and Kyle would be gone for almost five months. Vanessa was looking forward to it, yet, at the same time she dreaded being away for such a long time even though there was appeal in the fact that it would be super to catch up with old friends and to show off her beautiful son.

She sighed and stretched like a sated cat. Tomorrow
she
would go and pick up Nova. She had to do several things in Kununurra and she didn’t
think Reg would mind if she took his place. Moving her body close to Bren’s warmth, she let sleep overtake her.

The young woman Vanessa met at Kununurra Airport mid-morning was sombre and dull-eyed. Not even seeing a bouncing, energetic Kyle again lifted Nova’s obvious depression. The chopper’s engine made talking difficult, even with headsets and attached mikes for communication, so on the return trip Vanessa wisely said little, though internally she was concerned. After landing the chopper and switching off the motor, she reached across and laid her hand over Nova’s.

‘When
you’re
ready,’ she said as she watched Reg and Fran drive one of the station’s utes towards them, ‘we’ll talk.’

Nova, understanding, nodded then asked, ‘Where’s Curtis?’

Vanessa schooled her features to show nothing of her thoughts, a technique she had mastered for television because there were times when her face was too expressive. ‘He and Warren are on the slopes, due west and past the old quarry, should you think of riding out that way.’

Nova regarded Vanessa for a few seconds, and then gave her a weak smile. ‘Thanks.’

It was three days before Nova felt sufficiently settled in to seek Vanessa’s company. There were things she wanted to tell everyone but couldn’t, as yet, bring herself to mention even to her father or stepmother. She didn’t think they would understand that for her
the last three months had been hell! She had sunk to the depths, lower than a snake’s belly slithering on the ground — that’s what she likened it to. Now she was in the throes of clawing her way out of the hole she had dug for herself then willingly fallen into, but she knew she had a long way to go before she got to the top.

Nova and Vanessa went for a bike ride down to Gumbledon Creek, while Fran took care of a disappointed Kyle, who’d wanted to go with them.

Propping her bike up, Nova got off and wandered close to the creek’s bank. Gathering her thoughts she looked across the creek and saw a row of barrels lined near a fallen tree on the other side, ‘the shooting range’. ‘Do you still practise shooting?’

‘Bren insists that I do, once every three months. He says it’s easy to lose your eye if you don’t practise regularly.’

‘He’s right. I suppose you’re a better shot than me by now.’ Probably better at just about everything, except singing, she thought disconsolately.

Vanessa gave Nova a wry smile. ‘You’ll understand if that’s not something at which I want to be better.’

There was a little silence between them then Nova said as she leant against the trunk of a willow bark. ‘You’re so lucky, Vanessa. You’ve got it all together.’ It was hard to keep the envy out of her voice but she managed to. ‘Shit, I wish I could say that about my life. I’ve …’ she shook her head and blinked back the urge to cry, ‘messed up.’

Vanessa put her index fingers behind her ears and wiggled them. ‘I’m all ears,’ she said with an encouraging smile. ‘Unburden yourself.’

‘I’ve been, umm …
sick
. I didn’t tell Dad, didn’t want him to know. For the last six weeks I’ve been in a sanatorium, drying out.’ She raised an expressive eyebrow and pre-empted the expected question. ‘Uppers, downers, alcohol.’

‘Hard drugs?’

‘Shit, no. I might be stupid but not that stupid. I started taking uppers because I wanted to perform at my best. Leo introduced me to the habit. Then I needed downers to come off the highs and to relax. The boozing started when our relationship started to go down the tube. We busted up, you know.’ She made brief eye contact with Vanessa. ‘His fault, not mine. Leo couldn’t stand me being more popular than he was. His bloody ego couldn’t cope with it.’

Vanessa nodded as she absorbed that information. ‘And there’s no man in your life now?’

‘No one serious though I’ve dated a few since. I’ve gone solo and I’m on the road a lot. That makes relationships difficult.’

‘Sounds like you’ve had a nervous breakdown,’ Vanessa made the obvious conclusion though Nova hadn’t said she had, ‘or gone close to it. How did it happen?’

‘You know,’ Nova tilted her head to one side as she thought about the question, ‘I think some people have a self-destruct mechanism inside them. I think that’s what I have. Everything was going well, I was coping without Leo. Mind you, he was good to have around in many ways. Great sex.’ She wiggled her eyebrows. ‘And he could cook and keep track of the money, that sort of thing. I still miss him for those things.’

‘Really? Is it Leo you miss or the fact that he made your life easier?’

‘The latter, I guess,’ Nova’s reply was honest then, uncomfortable with the admission, she changed the subject. ‘I went to Nashville, did the big-time audition. A small, on-the-move recording company, Reece Records, signed me up. That’s when everything started to come unglued.’ She kicked a fallen tree branch into the water and the sound of the branch’s splash scared off two jabirus on the other side of the creek. Screeching their annoyance they spread their long wings and took off to settle further down the creek where it was more peaceful.

‘I had it in the palm of my hand — international success — and I let it slip away. Couldn’t hack the pressure. I guess I am a stupid bitch. Reece pulled the plug on the album. The reason they gave was that putting the tracks down was taking too long; costing too much from a labour point of view was what they really meant, because I wasn’t happy with the backing tracks. We were recording late one night and I took a break. An executive of the company, a damned born again Christian vice-president no less, caught me taking stuff.’

She glanced meaningfully at Vanessa, ‘Smoking a toke. He went right off and that was that. No recording contract, exit stage right! Anthea’s pissed off with me. Jo, my co-composer who was doing some harmonies with me, got pissed off.
Everyone
got pissed off and I ended up in the funny farm.’ Failing to see any criticism in Vanessa’s features, she continued the sorry tale. ‘Anthea flew me home and had me admitted to a sanatorium north of Sydney to
dry out. Afterwards, she told me to go somewhere quiet and pull myself together. That’s why I’m here.’

Now she didn’t bother to stop tears of self-pity from trickling down her cheeks. ‘A-nd, a-nd …’ she began to hiccup, ‘I’m scared shitless that I won’t be able to hack it.’ Not only was she scared, secretly she was angry with herself for letting the opportunity to eclipse Vanessa, by becoming an international recording artist, turn into a failure. That hurt more than anything, more than Anthea’s reproachful attitude, more than Jo Brooks’s disgust …

It was galling to have to confess her shortcomings to Vanessa —
Miss Perfect
— she had dubbed her, but she had an ulterior motive, sympathy. Vanessa was a soft-hearted woman, a bit of a do-gooder like Fran, and getting her on side would make it easier to tell her father and Fran what had happened.

Vanessa, who’d been standing beside the bikes, came over to Nova and drew her into her arms. She hugged her. ‘You poor thing, you have been through the mill.’

‘Hah! That’s the rub, I’m not poor. Anthea’s a terrific financial manager. She took over my finances when Leo walked out. I have a very healthy bank balance.’

‘That’s good, you can be miserable in comfort.’ Vanessa tried a lighthearted remark but seeing Nova’s distress she became serious. ‘You know, the thing about nervous breakdowns, according to what I’ve read and heard, is that most people, with good advice and treatment, get over them. You’re in a trough, a downer, but it won’t last forever. Your therapist probably told you that.’

‘The shrink did. He also said that I’m the only one who can get myself out of it.’ A rogue muscle twitched at the side of her mouth as she spoke.

‘With help,’ Vanessa encouraged. She found a pocket pack of tissues in the back pocket of her jeans — she kept them there because of Kyle — and offered them to Nova. ‘Did the psychiatrist also say that you need to decide where you want your career to go?’

‘He said lots of things, half of which I don’t remember because I was strung out.’ Oh, yes, she was laying it on a bit thick but she knew that Vanessa was enough of a sucker for a sad tale to believe her wholeheartedly,
stupid bitch that she is
, a thought, no, a strange little voice suddenly popped into her head. She was, Nova agreed with it.

Vanessa was quiet for a little while. ‘Well, be assured that you’re welcome to stay at Amaroo for as long as you need to. And whenever you want to talk, I’m here.’

Nova gritted her teeth. Vanessa being nice, being sympathetic, only rubbed more salt into her overemphasised wounds. ‘I know,’ she said in a piteous tone. ‘You, Bren and Curtis have been wonderful. I won’t forget it.’

‘Come on then,’ Vanessa pulled her towards the bikes. ‘Let’s go for a real ride. We’ll brush the cobwebs away with some fresh air and a bit of speed.’

‘I guess you now ride a bike better than I do too,’ Nova retorted, her mouth turning down glumly.

Vanessa straddled her bike and gave Nova a wink, challenging her with, ‘Come on, let’s find out.’
Fresh air, blue skies, rest and being around normal people, worked wonders on Nova’s problem. It had been good for her inner soul to confess what had happened to all and sundry one night at dinner, leaving none of the gory and sometimes embarrassing details out. Good therapy. Vanessa had said it would be beneficial and it was. As well, she’d managed to gain everyone’s attention and sympathy, especially Curtis’s, though other people’s reactions varied. Her father was shocked. Fran remained her non-committal self but she saw a glimmer of understanding and sympathy in the older woman’s eyes. Bren, who had some personality difficulties of his own showed a surprising understanding, and Curtis was his usual kind, supportive self.

Afterwards, Nova began to compose again and it was a surprise to her that the source of her inspiration was the young, energetic Kyle who followed her everywhere, when she wasn’t out on the range. It was something of a nuisance the way he interfered with her plan to be with Curtis whenever possible. But, the up-side to him tagging along was interesting because she could observe him and take on board the way toddlers thought and acted.

As a result, his innocence, energy and delightful personality became the basis for several compositions. She wrote three songs geared towards small children, recorded them on audio with a guitar backing and talked to Anthea who encouraged her to continue. Having Vanessa to talk to, and to a lesser degree, her father, Fran and Curtis helped to exorcise the demons within her, though
occasionally, that strange, inner voice would pop into her head involuntarily, criticising Vanessa and the things she did.

Nova welcomed the return to feeling strong, mentally and emotionally, almost her old self, until one night …

At the barbecue Bren and Reg organised and were in charge of the cooking, Nova studied Curtis as he in turn watched Vanessa play with Kyle. All at once, seeing his concentration on mother and son, something, a certain realisation hit her with the force of a ten tonne Mac truck. Shit! She could hardly believe it, but neither was she imagining it. Because Bren and Reg were occupied, Curtis was giving his undivided attention to his sister-in-law and his expression could only be described as, she wasn’t mistaken, rapt.