Outcast (35 page)
Authors: Susan Oloier
“I said break a leg. Is that wrong?” He was genuinely concerned.
I pictured
Chad
standing in the wings, smiling at me with his beautiful dimples.
“No. It’s perfect.”
Becca married Doug in a small ceremony at the Justice of the Peace. I stood up for Becca, and Flip played the role of Doug’s best man. His girlfriend, Lucy, sat in a fold-up chair next to Henry. She was real and not the ghost of his imagination that I pictured her to be.
Though I’d always harbor resentment for Doug, I knew he truly made Becca happy. His love for her had to count for something.
I never heard from
Chad
again, though I thought of him often. I wondered what he was doing, where he ended up, if he fell in love. Like a ghost, he floated through my thoughts, but only for a
while. Though Henry acquired my heart, a small part of it would always be reserved for
Chad
.
In
Chicago
, I felt surrounded by all the things I loved: theater, art, jazz, parks in which to run, my love for Henry, and lots and lots of rain.
One weekend, instead of studying, we decided to drive to
Wisconsin
to camp. It had been a year since Grace’s death, and I still felt the presence of the phantoms of the past. Along with rented camping gear, I packed my journal—the one with Monet’s water lilies, as well as some mementos.
Henry and I found a secluded spot in the woods, pitched a tent, and built a campfire. When Henry went to sleep, I pulled out that journal and read by the dying firelight. I conjured memories of Trina and all the hateful thoughts I possessed for her and had etched on the lined pages. When I finished reading the excerpts, I felt drained. A light rain began to mist the air. One by one, I tore the pages out of the binding and hurled them into the fire. Each one burst into a firework of flames. A loose page fluttered out of the binding like a large moth. It was the poem
Chad
gave to me. Before reading it, I pulled out a chain tucked beneath my jacket. The pizza pendant dangled from it, and I let my fingers linger on the agate while I continued to tear and burn the pages. When the whole journal was finally consumed, I read the poem, and then gently tucked it into my coat pocket. Maybe I would burn it, and maybe not. Either way, the peaceful night rain would extinguish the fire before daylight.
If you or someone you know is the victim of bullying, know that you are not alone. Please reach out for help. The following websites offer outreach to those who have had the misfortune of being bullied.
Outcast has been 11 years in the making. So many people have given me their love and support during those years.
I have met so many amazing writers
through the extensive world of cyber space. I thank all of you for reading my blog posts, encouraging my writing, and helping me in countless ways without ever expecting anything in return. I couldn’t possibly list all of you, but I know you know who you are.
I am forever grateful to my husband and two sons for allowing me to be a writer, as well as a wife and mom.
To my mom for reading my books and always encouraging me to write more. Thank you for your love and support. To my dad for feeding the inner artist in me throughout the years.
Many thanks to the friends who continue to stick with me through it all, especially Samantha Shultis for being the friend I needed in high school and today. I am so blessed to have met you so many years ago.
And a special thanks to Shawn Railey, my critique partner, who offered awesome suggestions to make Outcast so much better than it was and for catching all those tricky editing issues. You’re the best!
Finally, I would not be able to do any of this without the ongoing support of my readers. I am grateful to each and every one of you. Thank you for taking the time to read my books.
Susan Oloier is the author of My Life as a Misfit, Fractured, and Superstitions. She has written both fiction and narrative non-fiction. Her articles and essays have appeared online in both regional and national publications, including The Daily Beast. Susan lives in
Southwestern Colorado
with her husband, two sons, and a fish. She can be found on her blog at
Susan Oloier, Author
, on
Twitter
, a
nd on
Facebook
. She is also a contributor to the YA blog,
Moxie Writers
.