Outsider (20 page)

Trey
shook his head. “He looked me in eyes the entire time. It was like he was
trying to decide if he wanted to be with me—as a couple. I gave him my fucking
heart that night and when he’d finished me and finished himself, he said,
we
can’t ever do this again
. I didn’t think he was serious. What we’d shared
had been so beautiful. So perfect. It was the most powerful connection I’d ever
felt with anyone. But Brian was serious. We never did it again. No matter how
many times or in how many ways I tried to make him mine, he was true to his
word.”

“You
probably don’t want to hear how much I hate him right now.”

“Don’t
hate him for knowing what he wanted. Or rather what he didn’t want. He’s always
stood beside me through everything.” Trey grinned crookedly. “Unfortunately, he
never stood behind me again. Did I mention that he’s hung?”

Ethan
squeezed Trey’s ass in both hands, drawing a tormented groan from his lover’s
throat. He knew Trey was trying to make light of a matter that had scarred him
deeply.

“Better
hung than I am?” Ethan lifted his brows in challenge.

“Yep,
and just as thick.”

“Are
you trying to make me jealous?”

“Just
stating facts.”

Ethan
scowled. Trey stroked the tense muscles in his face.

“Do
you know how I said I’d never felt a stronger connection with anyone than when
Brian was staring into my eyes as he fucked me?”

Ethan
looked away, unable to stand the look of love in Trey’s eyes when he knew it
was directed at well-hung Brian Sinclair.

“I’ve
felt an even stronger connection since then,” Trey said. “With Reagan.” Trey
grabbed Ethan’s jaw and forced him to meet his gaze. “And with you. Brian
secured my devotion for ten years with that connection. How long do you think
I’ll be devoted to you when I feel an even stronger connection with you
multiple times a day?”

“I’m
hoping forever,” Ethan said, his voice gruff with emotion.

“Forever
and a day,” Trey whispered.

“What
happens when I’m too old to fuck you?”

“First,
I hope that never happens. Second, you don’t honestly think the only time I
feel connected to you is when you’re buried balls deep in my ass, do you?”

“You
made it sound that way.”

“Every
time our eyes meet, I feel it. Every time I hear your voice, I feel it. Every
time we touch, I feel it. Even when I think of you, I feel it. I feel it with
Reagan too.”

“Have
you ever told her this?”

“She
knows. I’m sure she knows.”

“She
might need a reminder.” Ethan stroked Trey’s hair back from his face, beard
scruff scraping against Ethan’s fingertips. “Do you need a reminder too?”

Trey
pressed his lips together, his green eyes going shiny with repressed tears. He
nodded slightly.

“I
love you,” Ethan said, knowing his words weren’t as eloquent as Trey’s had
been, but he had no idea how to explain his deep and complicated feelings in a
way that would do them justice.

“Yeah,
but do you ever wish I was a girl?”

Ethan
smiled. “Not even for a second. I’m glad Reagan’s a girl, though.”

“So
am I. We should probably go find her. Everyone is going to think we snuck away
for a little private time.”

“Isn’t
that what we did?”

Trey
nodded. “I probably should have included Reagan in this conversation, but there
are just some situations I feel you’d understand better than she would.”

“She’s
very understanding about such situations. When she caught me with Joseph, she
was heartbroken, but she didn’t kick me out of the apartment. She encouraged me
to talk to her about my feelings.”

“
You
talked to someone about your feelings?”

Ethan
couldn’t help but laugh at Trey’s flabbergasted expression.

“Well,
no, I didn’t. But it wasn’t because I didn’t want her to know how I was
feeling. I didn’t understand my feelings myself at the time. I’ve always
wondered if she’d have been so accommodating of my shitty behavior if she’d
caught me cheating with another woman instead of a man.”

Trey
scowled. “Let’s not find out.”

His
distrustful words punched Ethan in the gut. “Once a cheater always a cheater?
Is that what you’re getting at?”

“Should
I be worried?”

“Never.
I blew it once with Reagan, and it was the stupidest mistake I ever made. I
refuse to fuck this up, not when I have everything I could possibly want or
need with the two of you in my life.” Well, except a career that didn’t make
him feel like a mooch, but Ethan would figure that out once he felt Reagan
could tour the world safely on her own. He scowled at the direction of his thoughts.
If she was on her own, that meant she’d be without him for lengthy stretches of
time. Perhaps Ethan would put more effort into being an essential member of
Exodus End’s security team. He was disappointed in himself for not taking more
initiative already. Being complacent wasn’t like him. He blamed his lack of
ambition on being in love with two people at once. It was challenging enough to
keep one’s head out of the clouds and feet on the ground when in love with one
person; he currently had a double dose of the loopies going on. And then there
was the sting his ego had taken for being kicked off the force. They’d called
him not a hero but a liability. A
liability
. Just because he’d
rearranged some woman-beater’s face. Ethan supposed lawsuits were far more
frightening than criminals to some people. He wasn’t one. He didn’t regret
beating the shit out of that asshole. Even knowing the consequences, he’d have
done the same thing again. He just wished he could help more people. But his
current state of affairs didn’t lend itself to that impulse.

“Ethan.”
Trey shook his shoulders.

Ethan
blinked hard to force his gaze to focus. “What?”

“You’re
off in your own little world there. What are you thinking about so hard?”

“Nothing
much. Work mostly.”

Trey’s
ornery grin refocused Ethan’s attention at once.

“Is
that what you call following Reagan around all day?”

“I
do get paid to do it,” Ethan said, trailing Trey out of his stuffy bedroom and into
the breezy hallway.

“Some
guys have all the luck.”

Ethan
could hear someone in the distance calling for Trey. “I think we’ve been
missed,” Ethan said.

“They
can’t expect me to pass up a chance at being sucked off by the gorgeous tough
guy my mother wants to see naked.”

“But
I didn’t—”

Trey
laughed at Ethan’s expression.

“We
were gone for quite a while,” Trey teased, hurrying out of Ethan’s reach. “You
could have sucked me off three times over in that time.”

“Trey,”
Ethan whispered harshly. “Don’t make your parents think that I did
that
to
you under their roof.”

“Did
what?”

“Blew
you,” Ethan said under his breath.

“Would
you be mortified?”

“Yes!”
he hissed, chasing Trey down the stairs so the fool wouldn’t have time to make
embarrassing announcements before Ethan could stop him. Why did he put up with
this guy?

When
Trey stopped short at the foot of the steps, allowing Ethan to capture him, he
knew exactly why he put up with Trey. The man was irresistible. He was also
loving, generous, and fun, not to mention as sexy as sin.

Ethan
held Trey’s back securely against his chest and pressed his face into the crook
of Trey’s neck. Ethan’s heart pumped vigorously as he found that the prey he
hadn’t realized he was stalking was at his mercy.

“You’d
better get that hard-on under control,” Trey said. “I guarantee those
approaching footsteps are my mother’s.”

Footsteps?
Ethan had been so wrapped up in Trey, he hadn’t even heard the soft cadence
echoing lightly off the mosaic tiles of the foyer.

“There
you two are,” Gwen said, her smile never faltering as she took in her son in a
compromising position with another man. “The cobbler just came out of the oven.
I know you prefer it warm.”

“With
melting vanilla ice cream on top,” Trey said, covering Ethan’s forearms with
his hands so he couldn’t pull away.

“Obviously,”
his mother said. “Reagan said if you didn’t turn up soon, she was going to eat
both your shares.”

“Sounds
like something she’d do.”

Feeling
a tad uncomfortable but, surprisingly, not mortified, Ethan followed Trey and
his mother toward the kitchen at the back of the house.

“She’s
delightful,” Mrs. Mills said. “So enthusiastic and vibrant and witty. I can see
why you fell for her.” She peeked over her shoulder to catch Ethan’s eye. “Why
both of you fell for her.”

Ethan
shifted his gaze to the wall, unable to believe that Mrs. Mills really thought
their relationship was acceptable.

“You
forgot to mention she’s talented,” Trey said. “And apparently she’s even better
on cello than electric guitar.”

“It’s
a fact,” Ethan said. She tried to hide her love for the instrument her father
had forced her to take up as a child, but when she played, the bond she had
with the music—
classical
music—was magical.

“You’ve
heard her play?” Trey asked, hesitating for a step so that Ethan would walk
beside him instead of behind him.

Ethan
smiled. “Many times.”

“Unfair.”
Trey scowled.

“I
don’t think she’s played cello at all since she signed with Exodus End.”

“Maybe
she’ll play something for me,” Gwen said. “Your rock music gives me a
headache.”

Trey
laughed and hugged his mom with one arm. “You poor woman. Having to put up with
two budding rock stars in your house must have been pure torture.”

“Why
do you think we built the pool house?”

Trey’s
jaw dropped. “So you didn’t have to listen to us play? Does Dare know you hate
us both?”

“I
could never hate you, sweetheart, but I was going through so many earplugs with
you and your friends always jamming in the main house.”

“Earplugs!”

Ethan
chuckled, suddenly missing his own mother. She was a great woman—similar in
many ways to Gwen. If not for his brothers, Ethan would have liked her to meet
Trey. She’d have a great time teasing him. But Ethan doubted she’d keep his
secret from the rest of the family, and he didn’t want his stepfather and
brothers to know he was a disgusting faggot. He could hear them using that odious
word in his head, because they’d used it in reference to other gay men. Ethan
wasn’t sure how he’d react if they referred to Trey in a derogatory manner.
He’d likely go off the deep end. Best to not risk it, he decided.

Reagan
was seated at the dining table, one undoubtedly of Gwen’s design. The top
consisted of an enormous old door—maybe from some medieval castle—and the legs
appeared to be fashioned from the bottoms of lamp posts. Each chair around the
table was unique. Ethan settled into the one that seem inspired by an Andy
Warhol painting of soup cans.

Reagan
was talking animatedly to Dr. Mills about killer whales in captivity. Ethan
hadn’t realized she was passionate about wild animals being protected in their
natural habitats.

“Try
thinking of them as ambassadors for their species,” Dr. Mills was saying.
“Thousands of people see their performances each year, cementing a bond with
the animal, so they become aware of the animal’s plight and are more likely to
do something about it. If you never saw a killer whale for yourself, you
probably wouldn’t give them a second thought.”

“Just
so you know,” Trey said, sitting across the table from Reagan, “no matter which
side you’re on, my dad will take the opposing side. The man loves to argue and
will not back down until he thinks he’s won.”

“That’s
not true,” Dr. Mills said.

“You
see?” Trey said. “He even argues about arguing.”

Gwen
set a plate in front of Trey, and his father stole his spoon. “I’ll teach you
to argue with me, son.”

Trey
picked up a gooey cherry with his fingers and popped it into his mouth. “Like
that’s going to stop me,” he said.

Dr.
Mills turned to Ethan, his green eyes, so like Trey’s, wide and inquisitive.
“Reagan tells me that you used to be a police officer. Why did you quit?”

Ethan
supposed he’d eventually have to participate in the conversation. That didn’t
mean he was prepared to answer prying questions.

“Dad,”
Trey admonished. “Ethan doesn’t like to talk about himself.”

“So
that would make him your exact opposite, wouldn’t it?” Dr. Mills teased,
drawing a chuckle from Ethan.

Trey
snatched his spoon from his father’s hand and scooped up some melting vanilla
ice cream. Ethan picked up his spoon to sample the sweet-looking dessert. He
didn’t care for sweets in general, but if eating would allow him to avoid
revealing his darkest secrets, he’d endure.