P I Honeytrap (20 page)

‘Angry?’ he repeated. ‘Anger doesn’t go anywhere near what I’m feeling. What I felt when I heard that – recording.’

‘What did you think you heard, Reuben?’ Her voice was barely a whisper. Perhaps it was a good place to start. Give him a chance to vent his feelings. Although perhaps she was opening Pandora’s Box?

She had dealt with other people’s pain, hurt, and anger all her life. But she didn’t know how to deal with Reuben’s. His was like a cold knife twisting inside her. She didn’t want him to deal with it the way she always dealt with hers. By running away. It mattered to her that he understood.

She reached out to touch him but he jerked back again. The knife twisted some more.

‘I thought you had an erotic movie playing on your computer. It sounded pretty steamy and I could see how – involved you were. I actually liked the idea of you getting off on it. So I watched you. It made me hot.’

Now Hayley watched him. She hardly dared to breathe, knowing it couldn’t be easy for him to talk about it, like this. She still wanted to fool herself that it was a misunderstanding. That when she explained it was just about her job, he would get it. But she knew she was deluding herself. What man could ever accept a woman making her living the way she did? And she could no longer pretend that particular footage was merely her job. She got off on being tied up. Why the hell else would she have kept the damn thing? Watched it over? Come half-a-dozen times for Tony bloody Stanton?

Reuben had caught her watching it, because it thrilled her. ‘I’m sorry.’ What else could she tell him?

‘Me too.’ Reuben turned his back and reached to pull on his clothes.

‘It still isn’t exactly what you’re thinking.’ She wasn’t going to let it go like this. Even if she lost him, she would try to be honest with him now. Tell him what she did for a living. And that she actually liked it. He deserved that. She owed him that much.

‘And you would know what I’m thinking? When I heard that tape I was about to let you know I was standing there. About to ask if I could watch it with you. Maybe try out some of the moves.’ Reuben’s pained voice trailed off again.

‘And then you heard my voice.’

Her acknowledgement animated him. He whirled around. ‘Heard your voice? I heard you moaning with pleasure. I heard you making those erotic little noises that you make when you need to come. I heard you calling out to another man. A man who was dominating you with sexual control. You always led me to believe you needed to be the one in charge. I gave my needs up for yours. You played me.’

‘No. I loved you for doing it. This was my job.’ It sounded weak even to her ears. She was still avoiding the real truth.

Reuben gave a harsh, bitter laugh. He ignored her declaration completely. ‘Some job. You mean you get paid for having kinky sex with other men? That’s called prostitution in anyone’s language.’

Oh God, this was getting worse and worse. He was getting angrier. ‘No,’ she exclaimed. ‘Yes. No! Listen to me, Reuben.’

‘I’m done listening. I tried to be patient with you because you meant a lot to me. I knew you were having trouble committing, because of something in your past, but I would have waited for you because I valued you too much to push for what I wanted.’

It had all come unravelled. He would never listen to her now. Emotional self-preservation kicked in and she lashed out. She jumped from the bed, flipping the sheet around her naked vulnerability. ‘Patient? Waited for me? Then how come you came around that night when I’d told you to stay away?’ She wound the protective length of cotton sheeting tightly around herself, over and over. He wasn’t without blame here.

‘And if I hadn’t, I’d never have known what you really wanted from a man, is that it? I thought you needed a guy to be gentle with you, when all the time you were going out and getting your needs satisfied elsewhere, in quite a different way. Because you couldn’t be honest with me.’

Hayley cringed. ‘I didn’t do it for satisfaction.’ Even as she said it, she knew it was a lie. ‘I do it because that is how I earn my living.’

‘You screw men for money?’ They were back to the same old argument.

‘Not like you’re making out.’

‘Then how?’

‘Well if you’ll listen, I’ll tell you.’ The fight dissipated as quickly as it arose.

Reuben folded his muscular arms and stood waiting.

It wasn’t easy, especially with Reuben standing there looking at her like that, but Hayley slowly explained the exact nature of the job she did at her agency. She could hardly bear to look at him as she spoke, but she refused to look away either. She did a good job, provided a great service for people, and she would not be ashamed of that.

Reuben was quiet for a long time. Hayley could see he was having trouble understanding everything she’d told him. She hoped his knowing the rest of the team observed her encounters and recorded what happened made him realise it wasn’t all about her unresolved sexual needs. It was the best she could hope for now.

He was too smart to be duped. ‘That still doesn’t explain what I heard on that tape. What I heard wasn’t work. It was what you wanted. You liked it. And it wasn’t the type of sex you’ve ever tried to explore with me.’ He raised an eyebrow. He knew she still wasn’t telling him the whole truth. He silently demanded no less. Deserved her honesty.

‘OK. I like to experiment.’ It was a difficult beginning. How could she begin to explain what she was only just acknowledging herself?

He waited.

‘Perhaps I get turned on too, sometimes, when I’m made to submit.’ She’d said it. Reuben was no fool. She had liked being dominated. She knew she would want to try more of that kind of daring sex again, not only for the thrill but because it answered some deep supressed need in her. A way to cleanse her of her past demons, perhaps? But what could she say to Reuben who was so straight, so gentle? He could never understand. ‘I’m sorry, Reuben.’

When she had done, Reuben stood there for a long time. Hayley’s heart pounded. She had no idea how he would react to her revelation. Disgust? Contempt? Pity? She knew that she had lost him anyway, and it truly broke her heart.

‘I need to think about this,’ he said. It was the quietest she’d ever known him. She realised it was the end. He was ending it. He couldn’t understand who this strange, sexually submissive Hayley really was.

‘I’ll go.’ Hayley mimed borrowing a clean T-shirt and shorts and he gave her a curt nod. ‘You’re the only one I ever truly cared about,’ she whispered. She wanted to leave him that gift, however unwanted. She hoped he trusted that, if nothing else.

Hayley turned once in the doorway and looked back before she slipped through it and left. Reuben didn’t acknowledge her again.

She padded down the stairs bereft, each step making her heart feel heavier as it took her further and further away from the only man she’d ever truly wanted. She understood that much finally. Perhaps it was for the best. Reuben was a gentle, caring lover but she had explored a darker side of her sexuality and liked it. Needed it. She knew Reuben could never deal with such a woman.

She had never had the courage to reveal that side of herself until today. Not even to herself. Perhaps she had been exploring it all along, anonymously, subconsciously, with strangers, when she worked? Truths were beginning to descend on her awareness like the cold needle-sharpness of a sudden torrential downpour. She shivered beneath the onslaught of realisation.

The dimmed gym hall, as she crossed it, felt like unknown territory to her this evening. Empty and locked up, it reminded her of all the times she’d come here to seek solace in Reuben’s arms. Without Reuben in it, it was an alien landscape. The way her life would feel without him in it.

The overhead lights suddenly flared to life and she whirled around, her heart thumping. Reuben was standing with his hand on the master switch. He strode across to where she stood.

‘Take my clothes off,’ he ordered.

‘Reuben?’ Hayley was confused. He wanted his clothes back?

He reached over and hauled his T-shirt over her head. He looked down at her naked breasts, a gleam of raw desire in his eyes.

‘Did you hear me? Your clothes. My clothes. All of them.’

She didn’t move. ‘Reuben?’ Was he so done with her, he wouldn’t even let her borrow his stuff to get home in? She felt a flutter in her stomach. A little fear. He was a big, strong guy. The flutter turned to excitement. He was a really dominant, virile, and very fit-looking guy.

Reuben didn’t plan to answer her questions or wait for her compliance. He stepped close, took hold of her, and turned her around, capturing her inside the cage of his arms. One hand grasped her breast and fondled it roughly as his other worked at undoing the shorts, yanking them down over her hips. ‘From now on, we have sex when I want it. Any way I want it.’

Hayley was already growing moist. He had always asked her permission before. She instantly liked this masterful version of Reuben and mewled as he slid his fingers along the slit of her pussy, deeper and deeper, to caress her clit and invade her vagina rhythmically. No massage, no foreplay. Just taking what he wanted. What he still wanted from her.

He snarled, ‘You’re going to get a naked workout on my equipment. I want you fit for what I am going to use you for. I’ll train you to pleasure me and you will follow my instructions exactly.’

‘Yes, Reuben.’ She wanted a quick penetration. She felt instantly needy and aroused.

‘Sir.’

She hesitated at this demand that she defer to his authority and he slapped her naked rump.

‘Yes, sir.’ Was he doing this to punish her? Or to keep her?

Reuben pulled the leather belt from his jeans. He curled it around her neck and fastened it through the buckle snugly. ‘I will collar you frequently as a reminder that I am your sexual master. You will submit to me without question.’ He wasn’t asking permission.

The excess leather hung down between her bared breasts to rest on her mound. He yanked gently on it to jerk her forward a few paces. Then he used the loose end to slap across her breasts, stinging her nipples.

Hayley winced a little and her eyes widened.

‘Are you questioning my wishes, Hayley?’

‘No, sir.’ She felt the moisture flood her pussy.

‘Good. I should so hate to have to punish you quite so soon. However, it will give me great satisfaction to whip you into shape.’ He raised the belt and flipped it down smartly over her pussy, in demonstration. She started in surprise.

Reuben drew a length of twine from his pocket and fashioned it into a slipknot. He held her by one wrist and dropped it over, pulling it snugly. ‘If you pull away from where I place you, it will tighten,’ he warned. He tied her wrists together in front of her. ‘Your safeword is
truth
. Use it and this stops instantly.’

He was taking care of her. Still taking care of her.

He walked smartly off and she tripped along behind him, led by her belted collar to the rowing machine.

‘Now I want you to remove my clothing,’ he instructed her and stood waiting. She slid her hands over the skin of his chest as she bundled the fabric upwards. She felt a quiver roll through him and knew by this he was enjoying their game too. He held himself erect and unsmiling, though. She deliberately teased his tight nipples with her fingers as she worked.

Reuben yanked her tied wrists from his body and the cord tightened subtly. Clearly she wasn’t meant to wrest control from him in any way. ‘Do exactly as I say or you will be punished. Don’t even think to toy with me.’ He sounded so stern. So unfamiliar. So sexually arousing.

‘Yes, sir.’ Hayley wondered if he was still mad at her and concluded he probably was. The thought that he was attempting to punish her for real made the whole game more fraught and more exciting. She realised the element of danger in all her working assignments had always made the sex more alive, more urgent to her.

She longed for Reuben to touch her body. She wanted to feel his hands working over her heated nakedness, but dared not ask. She wanted him to control her. It would make them both feel better about everything.

Somehow she understood that Reuben taking control removed all responsibility from her shoulders. All the associations of guilt or cheating or betrayal that she had encountered her whole life, from her mother’s unhappy marriage to her stepfather to the work she did could be set aside. This was simply her subconscious need, and his.

Hayley viewed Reuben standing there in just his jeans. His chest was hard and bronzed and his muscles bunched, creating shadowed valleys between. She slid her fingers under his waistband, grazing his tight stomach with her knuckles as she flipped open his button. When she drew his zip slowly down, he reached out to touch her breasts.

His fingers gripped her nipples and twisted them both hard. She moaned at the electric sensations coursing through her breasts. Her lips parted, her eyes closed, and he pushed one thumb inside her mouth for her to suckle as his other hand worked her breasts to sensitive peaks.

When he pinched harder, she bit down softly, unable to help herself. His thumb in her mouth reminded her of his cock, which she wanted in her body already. She knew he could have taken her; his stiff erection pressed against her fingers, but he was withholding pleasure deliberately. She wondered how long she’d have to wait for his pleasure to become hers. With the mood he was displaying at this moment, it might be some time, which only served to make her more impatient. Her hand strayed to her pussy to relieve the mounting tension. He yanked her wrists up again with the twine.

Reuben gripped her firmly around the jaw with his fingers and stared deeply into her eyes. ‘When I want you to arouse yourself ready for me, I will tell you. You need my permission to orgasm and I haven’t given it.’

If her pupils were as dark and dilated as his, he would know how aroused she already was. She tried to control her rapid breathing. ‘When may I orgasm, sir?’

‘Perhaps not today. I will see if you earn it. Kneel and remove my jeans.’ He pointed to the floor where he wanted her to get on her knees before him.