Paige and Chloe (10 page)

Placing my hands on the steering wheel,
I bowed my head and let out a loud sigh.
What the fuck had just happened?
Cade had some type of pull over me and I couldn't work out how or even why?
I had enough going on in my life at the moment without him complicating things,
and I knew that I needed to keep my distance, I'd created a barrier around
myself for a reason and didn't intend in letting someone break it down so
easily.

I took the short journey home to
my shared house in Epping and noticed that Tiffany's car wasn't parked outside,
which was a godsend as I could get high and not be disturbed. On entering the house,
I glanced around making sure that everything was in order before scurrying to
my bedroom, which was also my sanctuary.

I quickly pulled the plastic
container from under my bed and opened the lid carefully, to remove everything needed
in order to inject the heroin. Opening the wrap, I placed the small block onto
the spoon and added a small amount of water to it. I held the lighter firmly under
the metal spoon long enough for the solid lump to turn to the required
consistency.
Pulling on the syringe, the liquid worked its way up through the cotton ball
until the brown evil liquid filled the syringe. I tightened the strap around my
arm so that I could use my preferred vein and slapped it a couple of times
until it jutted out of my skin.
I let out a long sigh as I injected the poison into my arm knowing that I'd
soon get the buzz I so desperately needed, to forget about all of the shit I'd
been through for at least a couple of hours.
I didn't want to be doing this to my body, this wasn't the life I wanted for
myself but then as a young child I didn't suspect that I would be molested by
my uncle.

Uncle Harry was an associate of
the club with a larger than life personality and everyone's friend. If you
wanted it, he could get it at a cut down price and because of that, he quickly
became popular at every local boozer and helped the club with the odd job or
two.
Maggie and Frank were heavily involved in the club at the time as Frank had
been promoted to Secretary, wanting to prove his worth to the club, he worked
extremely hard putting in a lot of hours. Maggie was required to do her fair
share and became responsible for organising the functions at the club but
having four children required a babysitter. Clubs usually looked after their
own not allowing outsiders to take care of their children, so Uncle Harry became
the perfect solution to their problem.

He took an instant like to me
and called me his special princess. I remember liking this because up until the
attention shown by Harry, Chloe and I would always be mistaken for one another,
and we always came as a pair but Harry treated me as an individual.
At night, he would read us stories, allowing me to sit on his lap in the living
room and would sometimes read to us in our bedroom. Harry would sit on the
bottom bunk with me and read stories long after Chloe had fallen asleep, and
made me feel special as I was allowed to stay up later than that of my siblings.
Harry made it clear that this was our little secret, I wasn't to tell Frank or
the other children as they would only try to stop our fun. Sometimes he would
make up his own stories about a handsome king and his niece the princess who he
loved very much. They would go on adventures and do all kinds of exciting
things together and enjoyed each other's company.

It wasn't until I was eight
when he touched me for the first time. Chloe had fallen asleep as usual and Harry
continued to read me a story but this time he placed his hand on my leg. I
didn't think anything of it at first but as he ran his callused fingers up and
down my thigh, I remembered feeling uncomfortable and asked him what he was
doing. Harry explained that sometimes uncles do this to their nieces because
they love them, he asked me if I loved him and I nodded because I truly did.
His bright smile and then his tight hug reassured me that this was okay, and it
was normal to show people that you loved them.

After this incident, Harry
tried to get me alone whenever possible but it was difficult for him with three
other children in the house. He gave Jayden and Tyler a lot of freedom and they
were allowed to stay out late, much later than Maggie and Frank would've
allowed.
Uncle Harry had started to insist that Chloe and I were to have regular soaks
in the bath before bedtime and was happy for Chloe to have hers unsupervised
but he'd made up a story about me nearly slipping under the water the last time
I was bathing, so I now needed to be supervised by him.
My siblings had great pleasure in taking the piss out of me but Harry had an ulterior
motive, he would make me stand naked as the water slowly filled the bath watching
me with leering eyes. If I ever tried to cover up my body, he would spank me on
the arse, using either his hand or the towel. I also wasn't allowed bubbles in
my bath water as he hated not being able to see me properly, but what he
enjoyed the most was washing every part of my young body to make sure I was
clean.

Bed time was becoming earlier
each evening he looked after us and I remember him screaming at Chloe one time
because she couldn't fall asleep quickly enough, he had become frustrated that
he couldn't spend any alone time with his special niece.
Each evening I would lie on my bed, hoping and praying that Chloe would stay
awake so the monster couldn't touch me but every night she would let me down
and eventually fall asleep so that he could put his dirty hands on me and rub
my legs and tummy. Why couldn't she see what he was doing to me? We were
supposed to have a special bond, we were twins or did she like the fact that he
liked me because it meant he would leave her alone?
Then that frightful night that will stay in my memories forever came, that
night when he violated his special niece who he was supposed to love.

As soon as Chloe had fallen
asleep the stroking began but this time I remember it being with a little more urgency
than normal. He moved his hand up my body and around my tummy but proceeded to
move his fingers inside my pyjama bottoms. I asked him to stop, I remember the
salty tears that fell from my cheeks as I asked him to stop repeatedly, and the
stinging sensation as he pushed his fingers inside me. I couldn't breathe but
he didn't listen, Harry continued to hurt me until I couldn't cry any more.
The following morning he came into my bedroom and removed my bedding because it
was covered in blood, he replaced the sheets and hugged me tightly telling me
what a brave little girl I had been. I was stunned that he could act so normal
after what he had subjected me to, and the lies that fell from his mouth to
cover his tracks by informing Chloe, Tyler and Jayden that I had wet my bed.
This obviously came with a punishment and I wasn't allowed to play out with the
other children, which gave him another opportunity to violate me although I was
still hurting.

The abuse continued and with it
my mood swings got worse, I was afraid to tell Frank as Harry had manipulated
my parent's perspective of the turn of events over recent years. I was
portrayed as a troublemaker and my siblings started to hate me because I was moody
and angry all of the time. I would purposely pick arguments with Maggie and I
couldn't stand for Frank to come near me, let alone touch me because he was so
similar to his brother.
I felt isolated and resented my family for not noticing the signs, I had no appetite
and I became a loner preferring to stay home rather than playing out in the
street like the other children.

Jayden was my only solace
during this time, he knew something was wrong but I chose not to tell him, I
didn't want him to think that I was dirty. He would allow me to sit with him in
his bedroom, which probably saved me from more abuse over the years. We became
close and Harry could see the relationship developing and took drastic action
by offering Jayden large amounts of money, so that he could go out more and
stay out later, so that I was totally isolated and had no one around for
support.

However, the worse day of my
life was still to come, Maggie informed me two days before my twelfth birthday
that I was going camping with Uncle Harry. My mood swings had become unbearable
and I had lashed out at Chloe the night before to try and vent some of my anger
and frustration, so Maggie had decided that it would be a good idea to give
everyone a break.
Uncle Harry jumped at the opportunity of taking me away but my protests and
fallen on death ears as Maggie and Frank thought this break may give me time to
reflect.

I remember the retching feeling
in my stomach as Maggie waved me goodbye as we drove down the road, Harry had already
placed his hand on my thigh and was rubbing it roughly before we had even left
the street.
We didn't even go camping like he'd told my parents, he had a house in Norwich
which he took me to and that was the night that I lost my innocence to the
paedophile that was my uncle.

During the journey home the
following day he continued to tell me that this was our little secret but as I
sat in the smoky car next to the vile man that had hurt me, something inside me
changed. The anger that had built in the pit of my stomach was slowly turning
to hatred, I could feel the rage build inside and knew that I needed to do
something otherwise this would continue and become my life forever.
I knew this was wrong, as he wouldn't have asked me to keep it a secret
otherwise. Harry had explained that my family wouldn't even believe me if I did
decide to tell, and they would probably send me away because I was a liar, but
last night I had noticed that he had marked me. I had bruising between my thighs,
and he had grazed my shoulder in a place I wouldn't be able to and I knew this
was my opportunity to get him back.

I knew that Frank was part of a
gang, I'd heard the whispers of death, guns and drugs over the years and I was
prepared to let everyone know what Harry had been doing to me over the past
four years and fuck the consequences.
As we pulled up outside my family home, he reached over and rubbed my leg again
and I smiled. He also smiled obviously thinking that I was enjoying his affection
until my smile turned into giggles, and the giggles turned into uncontrollable
laughter.
Harry's facial expression quickly changed to concern as he watched me, unsure
as to what was going on. I eventually stopped laughing and turned towards him
to let him know that I knew what he was doing was wrong. He tried to blame me,
stating that it was my fault for making him feel the way he did but he couldn't
make me feel any worse than I already did.

Maggie and Frank made their way
out of the front door and down the path towards the car, and I knew that I was now
safe. I turned towards Harry and told him that there would be no more
babysitting, he was to tell Frank that he was too busy and that he was moving
away, and if he didn't, I would tell everyone what he'd been up to.

After that day we never saw
Harry again, he moved that night and we only heard from him at Christmas and
birthdays via post. I'm glad my threat had worked, as I don't think I was brave
enough to tell people because I'd feel humiliated.
During the abuse, I had often thought why Uncle Harry would want to hurt me and
not Chloe as we were identical. Had I just been born naughty and worthless? Did
I encourage him like he'd said? I had come to the conclusion later in life that
he had preyed on me because I was dispensable, Frank and Maggie had two of me
so it didn't matter if one was used, dirty and broken.

I woke on my twelfth birthday
and knew that things needed to change, I decided that from that very day, I
wouldn't let anyone ever hurt me again. I would choose what I did or didn't do,
and it would only be for my benefit and no one else's. Why should I help and
support the people that had let me down and allowed me to be abused? Frank had
invited the monster into our home, Maggie had happily sent me off to be raped
and Chloe had let me down every single night by falling asleep and not
protecting me. I was going to make their lives a misery so they could feel
pain, even if it was only a fraction of what I felt inside.

These thoughts often filled my
head and that's why I had turned to casual sex, drink and drugs because this
was my escapism, I was able to forget if only for a couple of hours. The blokes
I went with wanted me, if only for a quick shag but I was able to tell them
what I wanted and how I wanted it, I held all the power, I could pick and
choose and this gave me the control I needed. That's why I preferred anal sex,
because this was the hole that Harry hadn't violated and it was mine to give if
I desired to.

My alarm went off at 9.30am and I reached over quickly to
stop the bleeping before it woke Tiffany. Rolling over I realised that I was
still wearing yesterday's clothes and the drug paraphernalia was scattered
around the bed where I hadn't cleaned it away before getting high.
I rubbed my forehead and sighed, I really needed to get my shit together, I had
a meeting with Duke this afternoon and needed to look presentable otherwise he
would know that something was wrong.

I spent the next hour making myself respectable and cleared
away the mess from my latest binge, and drove to the clubhouse with the
evidence that would hopefully hurt Chloe and send Frank on the warpath. I
pulled up outside the clubhouse and took one final look in my compact to make
sure the black circles around my eyes were truly hidden. On exiting the car, I
noticed that it was a lot quieter today and was pleased as I wouldn't have to
be too sociable as I wasn't in the mood.