Panic Attack (27 page)

Dana went back to her bedroom and got back into bed. She eventually dozed. When she woke up she was surprised that it was past six fifteen and that she’d been asleep nearly three hours, because she didn’t feel at all rejuvenated.

Though she wasn’t hungry and didn’t feel like getting out of bed, she knew that eating something would probably be a good idea. She had mild hypoglycemia, and when she let her blood sugar get too low she got very anxious, irritable, and depressed.

Heading downstairs, she noticed that Marissa’s room was empty. At the bottom of the staircase, in the foyer, she called out, “Marissa,” but there was no answer. She probably went out to meet a friend or something.

Next door Blackie, the Millers’ German shepherd, was barking loudly. Sometimes Blackie started barking at the mailman or at other delivery people.
Dana went to the kitchen and made a sandwich: turkey breast with lettuce and tomato on whole wheat. She really wasn’t in the mood for food. She managed a few bites, then put the rest away in the fridge. She was loading the dishwasher when the back doorbell rang.
That was unusual. She and Adam and Marissa used the entrance occasionally, mainly when they parked in the driveway, but they almost always entered with a key. Her first thought was it was probably a delivery person, or Con Ed to inspect the meter. That would explain why Blackie was still barking so wildly. Dana wasn’t expecting any deliveries, though, and didn’t the Con Ed guy always ring the front doorbell?
She was too frazzled to think any of this through in any greater depth. She parted the curtain that covered the windowpane on the door and saw Xan. He was wearing dark sunglasses, and when he saw her peering through the glass he smiled widely and gave her a little wave.
She immediately let go of the curtain and thought,
Shit
. She couldn’t let him in looking like this again. She was in a ratty T-shirt and baggy sweats and wasn’t wearing a stitch of makeup.
“Um, one second!” she said, and she rushed upstairs.
As fast as she could she changed into jeans, and a tighter long- sleeved black top, a better bra, and then she put on lipstick and a little blush and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. She checked herself out in the mirror on the dresser. She still looked like crap, but it was better than nothing. Then she said, “Shoes, shit,” and went for something with a little heel— black leather boots— and went back downstairs.
She opened the front door, and Xan smiled widely.
“Hey,” he said.
She’d forgotten how good- looking he was. He lifted his sunglasses and rested them on top of his head, and she was momentarily startled by the blueness of his eyes.
“Hi,” she said. “I’m sorry about that. I was just, um, in the middle of something.”
Blackie was still barking like crazy.
“That’s okay,” Xan said. “I didn’t mind waiting.”
“Marissa’s not here right now,” Dana said. “Would you like to come in?”
“If that’s okay with you.”
“Of course it’s okay.”
She let Xan by her and then closed the door and locked it.
“I don’t know when Marissa left,” she said, “or when she’s coming back. Were you supposed to meet her soon?”
“Yeah, right about now, actually.”
“Oh, well, why don’t you sit down? Can I get you something to drink?”
He remained standing, not far from the table, and asked, “What do you have?”
“Whatever you’d like,” she said. “Coke, Diet Coke, orange juice, water, iced tea...”
“Iced tea would be great.”
As she opened the fridge she had the same feeling she’d had the other night, that he was watching her, checking her out. She took out the jug of iced tea, and then, noticing that Xan was still standing, not sitting, she reached up to the cabinet to get a glass, saying, “In the future, we usually use the front door.”
“Oh, sorry,” he said.
“No, no, it’s no big deal at all,” she said. “It’s just sometimes hard to hear the back doorbell. I wish that damn dog would stop barking.”
“I rang the front bell, but no one answered,” Xan said.
“Oh,” Dana said, “that’s strange.”
She wondered if it was possible that he had rung the bell while she was still asleep. No, at least a couple of minutes had gone by from the time she woke up to the time the back doorbell rang.
Pouring the iced tea into the glass, she said, “It really doesn’t matter one way or the other.”
As she handed him the glass he said, “Thank you.” He took a sip, then asked, “So is Mr. Bloom home?”
She wasn’t sure why he was asking this, but she said, “You can call him Adam, but no, he’s not here either.”
“And you said I can call you Dana, right?” He was smiling, looking right into her eyes.
“Yes,” she said, “Dana’s fine.”
“You didn’t have to do all this for me, Dana.”
She was distracted momentarily by his intense gaze; then she said, “All what for you?”
“Change, put on makeup,” he said. “You didn’t have to change just for me.”
Now she felt embarrassed, on the spot, and she said, “Actually I was in the middle of getting dressed when you rang and—”
“I’m just saying,” Xan said. “You’re the type of woman who doesn’t have to do anything. You look beautiful no matter what.”
She was aware that he was being inappropriately flirty, but in the state she was in— on the verge of divorce, with her self- esteem in the toilet— it was hard not to feel flattered.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Can I ask you a personal question?” he asked.
Had he taken a step or two closer to her without her realizing? It seemed like he had.
“Um, sure,” she said.
“Are you attracted to me?”
“Excuse me?” She had an edge in her voice, wanting to let him know he’d crossed a very thick line.
“I’m not trying to offend you,” he said. “I’m just making an observation. I’m just an artist, that’s what I do— observe. I see the way you look at me, the way you were looking at me the other night, and the way you’re looking at me right now. I know what’s going on in your head.”
She was extremely uncomfortable and more than a little scared. This was not the same charming Xan from the other night. There was something creepy, even menacing, about him.
“I think you should wait for Marissa in the living room,” she said.
“I’m not trying to offend you, Dana.” He took another step toward her, but he was still a few feet away. He said, “I just think it’s, I don’t know, exciting.”
“I want you to wait in the living room,” Dana said firmly.
“Why’re you so nervous?” he asked.
“I’m not nervous,” she said, but she was trembling.
He took another step toward her and said, “Relax.”
She noticed that she couldn’t see one of his hands. It was behind his back; was he holding something?
An instant later he was grabbing her hard, turning her around, pushing her back facing the sink. She couldn’t believe this was actually happening to her. She felt his hands grabbing her ponytail, pulling on it hard. She might’ve said,
Stop it;
she wasn’t sure. She was dazed, shocked, too panicked to actually think the word “rape,” but she knew that was what was happening, was about to happen. She was expecting him to take down her jeans when he grunted loudly and she felt an enormous stunning pain in the middle of her back and then her legs felt like they were gone and she was on the floor, and that red puddle,
God
, that must be her blood. The pain in her chest and back and neck was awful at first and she wanted to scream but she couldn’t because something was suddenly clogging her throat. She saw him standing very far away, it seemed, watching her, saying, “It’s okay, baby, just let it go ... Let it go, baby... Just let it go.”

This had to be some kind of high point of Johnny Long’s life. Maybe other great things would happen to him— hey, he was still young, right?— but it was hard to imagine living to eighty or ninety or whatever and looking back at his life and having a better memory than the time he totally fucked Dr. Adam Bloom and his whole uppity family.

Everything had been going perfectly, even better than Johnny had planned. On Saturday Marissa had come over to his place, and they’d spent the day and night screwing and getting “closer” to each other. They talked a lot, too. He was casual about it, but he picked up some important info about her and her parents and their habits that he hoped he could use later on. Like when she was talking about her father he slipped in questions like, “Does your dad work every day?” and “What time does he usually come home from work?” Not being obvious about it, just acting like he was curious, making small talk. She told him that Adam Bloom usually left for work at “like eight o’clock” and came home “like around seven or eight.” It turned out he’d need this info a lot sooner than he’d thought.

Marissa left his place at around eleven thirty on Sunday morning. After two straight nights together, they were planning to spend the day and night apart to give him “time to paint.” Johnny already knew that Adam was planning to play golf in the morning— the other night during dinner he’d mentioned he had a seven- thirty tee- off time— and Marissa had said that her mom was planning to go shopping at Costco, like she did every other Sunday. So Johnny figured that today could be the perfect opportunity to make his first move.

About twenty minutes after Marissa left, Johnny left. At 12:52 Johnny exited the Forest Hills subway station and headed toward the Blooms’ house. He knew he was taking a risk. He was gambling that Dana had already left for Costco and wasn’t home yet, and that Adam hadn’t finished playing golf, and that Marissa had beat him to the house. If one of them saw him he’d have to make up an excuse for why he was at the house. If they all believed him, he could go on to plan B, but if they started getting suspicious, his whole plan would be in trouble.

The Blooms’ Merc and SUV weren’t in the driveway— a good sign. Johnny had already written a note from “Tony from the gym,” and he slid it under the Bloom’s front door. He was walking away when he saw Adam Bloom’s Merc coming down the block, heading right toward him.

It was a good thing Johnny was paying attention, because if he’d taken another step or two, Bloom probably would’ve seen him. But Johnny turned quickly and went up the driveway.

Shit, now what? The backyard had tall picket fences on all sides with no real place to hide, and Bloom’s car was going to turn into the driveway in maybe five seconds.

As a kid, Johnny had learned how to run away from the cops and kids who’d wanted to kick the shit out of him. He’d always been a great climber— fences, trees, he could climb anything. He leaped onto the fence and hoisted himself up. If he’d had more time he could’ve gotten over easily, but he couldn’t find any good support for his feet, and the top of the fence had pointy wooden spikes. He could hear the car getting close, probably right about to turn into the driveway. Using all his strength, he pulled himself up and in the same motion managed to lift his legs up and swing them over the top of the fence. Then he let go with his hands, but he wasn’t over yet. His leather jacket got caught on the top of the fence. He reached up, freed himself, and fell down hard on to his ass right as Bloom’s car was heading up the driveway.

His ass and lower back killed, but he was fine. More important, he’d managed to make it over the fence just in time, without Bloom seeing him.
What did see him was a German shepherd in the house next door to the Blooms. The stupid mutt was on its hind legs, clawing at the window, trying to break through the glass. Johnny was going to stay where he was— the dog was in the house; it couldn’t come after him— but, shit, what if somebody was in the house and came over to see why the dog was barking? The person would see Johnny in the backyard, huddled on the ground, in plain view.
Johnny got up, ran to the driveway of the house with the dog, and stayed as close to the house as he could, without moving at all, but the dog, the son of a bitch, had come to the side of the house and was barking, clawing against the window.
Then Johnny heard a woman’s voice inside the house— there must’ve been a screen on the window— saying, “What is it, Blackie?”
Johnny didn’t think the woman would be able to see him, but he wasn’t sure. She would definitely see him if she opened the screen and looked out. He couldn’t run away, because he didn’t know if Bloom had gone into his house yet, so he had to stay where he was and hope for the best.
“What? Where? I don’t see anything,” the woman said, but the dog was still barking insanely. Then the woman said, “Come on, just stop it . . . I said stop it right now.”
The dog wouldn’t shut up, but the barking sounding farther away, like the woman was pulling the dog away from the window.
Johnny stayed there for a couple of minutes longer, just to make sure Bloom had gone into the house, and then he went to the sidewalk and turned left, away from the Blooms’ house, and went back toward the commercial area of Forest Hills.
All in all, Johnny was happy with the way things had gone. He’d accomplished what he’d wanted to, anyway, and now it was just a matter of going back home and seeing how it played out.
And it played out all right.
At around two o’clock, as he was getting off the subway in Brooklyn, Marissa called him, sounding like a mess, saying that when she came home her parents were in the middle of a big fight. Johnny acted confused, saying, “A fight? What about?” Marissa said that her father had found out that her mother had been screwing her trainer and— get this— it turned out her father had been screwing somebody, too, the mother of Marissa’s best friend. Johnny thought,
Man, what a fucked- up family
. The parents were cheating on each other, and the daughter was an unhappy spoiled brat. It was like they were all just begging for somebody to come along and put them out of their misery.
Johnny insisted that Marissa come back to his place to “get away from all of that craziness.” Ah, was this beautiful or what? She was already so dependent on him, and they’d only known each other about a week. Johnny had pulled off some great hustles, but this time he was outdoing himself.
When Marissa arrived she hugged him tightly, like she never wanted to let go, and said, “I’m only happy when I’m with you.”
Later, after screwing a couple of times, Marissa was sleeping, resting her head on Johnny’s chest. But he was hyped up, wide awake, thinking about his plan, trying to work out every detail. This was so great, with Dana and Adam; now he had to make his big move, as soon as he could.
In the morning— it was Monday— Johnny suggested meeting Marissa later in Manhattan.
Johnny could tell Marissa loved the idea, but she said, “Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you to get sick of me.”
“How could I possibly get sick of you?” he asked.
She blushed, then said, “Seriously, maybe it’s not such a great idea.”
“I want to see you again,” he said, “and I think it’s a good idea to give your parents some space, you know?”
This line had been unrehearsed, but it was so perfect.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” she said, “and I’d like to be around them as little as possible myself, but I just don’t want to impose on you.”
“Are you kidding?” he said. “I want to spend as much time around you as I can. I’d spend every second with you if I could.”
She loved this. After they kissed for a while, she said, “But I have to go home and shower and change and take care of some stuff first. I can meet you back here at around five.”
He knew she’d want to go home first. He said, “I have an idea. Let’s meet in the city at six thirty. We can grab a bite to eat, then go to a movie.”
She said this sounded great, and they arranged to meet outside the subway station at Fifty- ninth Street and Lexington Avenue.
Marissa left Johnny’s at a little before one o’clock. He wanted to make his move today, but he needed to find out her parents’ schedule. He didn’t want to do this half- assed. He wanted to take care of every last detail.
He went to a phone booth about ten blocks away— he didn’t want to make the calls from too close to his apartment— and called information and got the number of Dr. Adam Bloom, Ph.D., in Manhattan. He called and asked the woman who answered if he could speak with Dr. Bloom. The woman said that Dr. Bloom couldn’t come to the phone, he was with a patient. Of course Johnny would’ve hung up if Adam
had
been available; and he said, “That’s okay, I’ll call him later. What time will he be there till tonight?”
“His last patient’s at five.”
Shit, that was too early. That meant Bloom might leave at six and be home at seven.
“Okay, thanks,” Johnny said.
The woman was saying, “If you want to leave a number I’ll—” as Johnny hung up.
Later, back at his apartment, Johnny called Marissa and asked if they could meet at seven thirty instead of six thirty.
“That’s totally fine,” Marissa said. “I was just about to call you. My friend Hillary wants to meet me for drinks at five thirty, and I thought six thirty was cutting it too close.”
This was so perfect.
She
was pushing back the plans.
“Cool,” Johnny said. “There’s an eight thirty movie so that’s no problem at all.”
Actually, he had no idea what the movie schedule was, but he figured he could cover for this later if he had to.
“Great,” she said. “Oh, God, I can’t wait to see you. It’s been another nightmare day here.”
She told him that she’d found out her parents were getting divorced— more great news as far as Johnny was concerned.
“So is your mom home now?” Johnny asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “She was just in here asking me if I was okay with the divorce, if I was going to be traumatized by it.” She laughed, then asked, “Why?”
He didn’t think she was suspicious, she was just asking.
“Just curious,” he said, but he needed some explanation, so he added, “I mean, do you think she and the trainer are still . . . getting together?”
“I don’t know. She didn’t look like she was going anywhere today. She looked like shit actually.”
“So you think she’s staying in today?”
“Yeah, why?”
Now there was a little suspicion, and Johnny had to be careful. He didn’t want this to be something that Marissa would look back on later and wonder about.
“I was just saying,” Johnny said. “It would be bad if your father caught her and the trainer together.”
“Yeah, bad for my father,” Marissa said. “But honestly I don’t see how things could get any worse between them. It’s about as worse as it can get right now.”
Yeah, right,
Johnny thought, but he said, “You’ve done a great job handling all of this so far. I’m so proud of you.”

At about four o’clock, Johnny left his apartment. He had everything he needed in his black backpack. He hunted around a while and finally found an older Saturn with no LoJack or alarm. He broke in, hot- wired it, and was on his way.

The drive to Forest Hills took longer than he expected because of rush hour traffic, but he was still doing okay on time. He parked in the closest spot he could find, about half a block away from the Blooms’ house. From the car, he called Marissa to confirm that she was actually in the city with her friend Hillary, but he told her it was because he missed her and just wanted to hear her voice. He looked around carefully, and when he was pretty sure that no one was watching, he got out of the car and headed toward the Blooms’.

It was 6:22, and Adam was probably on the subway on his way home. Adding on fifteen minutes for rush hour and assuming he didn’t stop off anywhere, he should arrive at the house in Forest Hills by seven fifteen. Johnny wanted Adam to come home after he killed Dana. If for some reason he came home much earlier it could be problematic.

Johnny was wearing black leather gloves and a black wool cap. It wasn’t exactly hat- and- glove- wearing weather— it was in the fifties— but he wanted to disguise his appearance as much as possible. Besides, he knew Dana would be too distracted by his good looks and charm to notice anything else.

Nearing the house, he was especially careful to make sure no one was noticing him. A man at the far end of the block was leaving his car and heading into his house, but the man wasn’t looking in Johnny’s direction. Still, Johnny hesitated, walking at a slower pace, until the man went into his house, and then Johnny continued toward the Blooms’.

The SUV and the Merc were in the driveway— Johnny hoped this meant that Dana was home. He didn’t want to ring the front doorbell and risk someone seeing her letting him into the house, so he went down the driveway toward the backyard. Johnny wouldn’t have done this if he’d remembered about the dog. That crazy mutt must’ve heard him or sensed him or something, because when he was about halfway up the driveway the barking started. Johnny didn’t see the point in turning back and ringing the front doorbell, and he wasn’t concerned with the barking itself— he was worried about someone next door looking out the window and seeing him, then remembering this later and telling the police.

Going as fast as he could, he went to the Blooms’ backyard, then up onto the small deck. From this position he was out of view from the house next door, and he didn’t think he’d been seen.

He rang the doorbell, and several seconds later he saw Dana looking out.
Baby,
he thought, as he smiled wildly and gave her a little wave. But she held up one finger, like she’d be back in a second, and before he had time to say anything she was gone.

Shit, this was a complication Johnny didn’t need. The dog was barking even louder, and although he was out of view of the house with the dog, he was in clear view of the backyard of the house of the Blooms’ other next- door neighbor. If someone in that house heard the fuss the dog was making and came out onto the back porch, the person would see Johnny standing there.

What the hell was taking Dana so long? He knew she was probably changing, putting on makeup or something. It seemed like she’d been gone for ten minutes, but it probably hadn’t been nearly that long.

He told her he was supposed to meet Marissa at the house. Of course she said Marissa wasn’t there, but he didn’t know if Marissa had told her mother about her plans to go into the city. If she had, Johnny was going to say they’d changed their plans, but Dana seemed totally clueless and invited Johnny in to wait.