Paparazzi Princess (2 page)

‘We’d better go inside,’ I said, ‘or He Who Must Be Obeyed will have us shot at dawn.’

Pia glanced over at Yoram. She gave him a cheeky grin and a thumbs-up. ‘All right, Yo man?’ she called. He glared back at her. ‘I’ll take that as a yes, then.’

She knew not to push it and linked arms with Flo and Meg, and together we trooped around to the side entrance. I took one last glance at the paparazzi. I felt sorry for them some days as they could be there for hours and on a day like this, they must be well freezing. Some of them knew my name but most days, they ignored me. Today, however, one of them, a short dark-haired woman with a square face, waved. Her name was Bridget O’Reilly. She’d tried to be all pally one evening last week when I was coming back from school. I didn’t buy it. Dad had warned me that some of them might try and act like my friend in order to get secrets out of me about Porchester Park. I’d decided that I’d say hi if any of them spoke to me but I wouldn’t give anything away.

As I waved back to Bridget, I noticed that there was someone at the back I hadn’t seen before. A young handsome man with dark hair was standing slightly apart from the rest of the group and when he saw me looking at him, he pulled up the collar on his mac and turned away.

‘Hey Pia,’ I said. ‘Have you seen that guy over there?’

By the time she turned to look, he’d disappeared.

‘Who? Where?’ she asked as she looked around.

‘Oh, just a journalist I haven’t seen before. Cuter than the rest,’ I replied.

Hmm, curious
, I thought as we reached the side gate.
He hardly looks old enough to be a journalist – maybe he’s a student on work experience or maybe . . . a stalker or kidnapper! But if so, who’s he after?

Once inside our house, I lifted Dave off the sofa where he’d been busy cleaning his black-and-white fur. I put out some food for him then filled a pan with milk and began to make hot chocolate. The room soon filled with the soft, sweet smell of cocoa.

Meg and Flo settled on stools at the breakfast bar and Pia draped herself on the sofa that Dave had vacated.

‘I wish our house was open plan like yours, Jess,’ said Meg. ‘It’s cool to have one big room where you can watch telly but then get a drink without going far.’

‘Has its down sides,’ I said. ‘I can’t get away from Dad and Charlie without going up to my room. And if I want a snack or a drink, they always ask me to make them one too, like I’m their personal slave. Plus Chaz makes rude comments if he sees me eating naughty stuff which is a cheek seeing as he eats rubbish non stop. It’s so not fair because he never gets fat.’

‘Neither do you,’ said Flo. ‘You’re a skinny minny.’

‘No, I’m not. I am so fat,’ I said and I made my stomach blow out so that I looked pregnant, which made them all fall about laughing.

‘Hey, what are those marks on the wall?’ asked Meg as she looked at two pencil dots to the left of the breakfast bar.

‘Our height. Charlie and I measure how tall we are,’ I said. ‘Mum used to do it regularly so she could see how fast we were growing and we decided to carry on the tradition. I was five foot nine and an eighth last time I did it.’

Meg hopped down from her stool. ‘Let’s do us too,’ she said. ‘Would your dad mind?’

‘Course not,’ I said and I got a pencil out of the drawer and put it on the counter.

While I finished making our drinks, Flo marked everyone on the chart. She was tallest at five foot nine and a quarter, I was next and then Pia at five foot three and Meg at five foot two and a half.

‘Cool,’ said Meg as she noted her height. ‘I’ll do it every time I come here so I can see if I’m growing at all or am cursed to be a munchkin my whole life.’

Pia got up and began to do a sideways walk like a crab and sang the munchkin song from
The Wizard of Oz
in a strange voice as if she was being throttled. ‘Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road . . .’ which made us all fall about laughing again.

Meg’s height was her hang up. She hated being titchy because she thought people might not take her seriously. She did martial arts in her spare time to make certain that didn’t happen.

Flo took her place back at the bar. ‘So, Jess. What’s this brilliant plan you wanted to tell us about?’

‘I’ll tell you in a mo. I promised we’d wait for Alisha to come down. I texted her that we’d be here about four so she should be on her way.’

‘We should put her on the height chart too,’ Flo suggested. ‘She’s probably about the same height as me, though, I reckon.’

Alisha is the daughter of Hollywood African-American actor and A-lister, Jefferson Lewis. She lives upstairs in one of the penthouse apartments. After a bumpy start, we’d become mates and I’d promised to let her know when the gang was over next. She is home-schooled and sorely misses her friends back in the States so is really chuffed that we get on now and she has my crowd to hang out with as well as me.

The doorbell rang and Meg went to answer it. Alisha was here, bang on time. ‘Hey,’ she said, as she came over to the bar and dropped a pink box with a ribbon on the counter. ‘Choc chip cookies from Harrods. Major yum alert.’

‘Thanks, Alisha,’ I said and unwrapped the cookies and put them out on a plate for everyone. She brings something every time she comes – always in the same pretty bags or boxes, always tasting divine and probably costing more than a month of my pocket money. I feel bad sometimes because I can’t reciprocate – well, not unless I rob a bank. Instead I make her music CDs with our favourite tracks on so that I don’t seem like a taker but sometimes it’s hard having a pal in a pocket money bracket that’s way out of your league. As always, she looked immaculate in designer jeans that fitted perfectly and a blue silk top. I also noticed that she was carrying a camera.

‘Taking pics?’ I asked.

‘I’d like to take one of you guys,’ she said, ‘to send to my friends back home so that they don’t think I’ve moved to Planet Loser and have no-one to play with.’

‘But we’ve got our school uniforms on,’ Flo objected. ‘We look rubbish.’

Alisha rolled her eyes. ‘Would you like me to send for my stylist before we do the shots?’

‘Yes!’ chorused Pia and Flo.

‘
Joking
,’ said Alisha, although we all knew that the Lewis family had someone on call to come and tart them up anytime they wanted. Alisha had her long curly hair blow-dried regularly and her nails were always immaculately polished in dark purple. ‘You guys look great. Just smile. As the saying goes, of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.’

‘Ew, vomit,’ said Pia. ‘Is that like, American New Age speak?’

Alisha laughed. ‘Yeah. And it’s true,’ she aimed her camera. ‘So smile, guys. Think bee-oo-tiful and you will be.’

Meg and Flo ducked down and Pia put her hand over her face.

‘No pictures, no pictures,’ she said. ‘Take one when I have a party outfit on.’

Alisha sighed and put her camera away. ‘OK, OK, I’ll take one some other time.’

I gave everyone their hot chocolates and Pia and I settled on the sofa and Alisha, Meg and Flo on bean bags.

‘Jess has a brilliant plan to tell us, Alisha. So come on, Jess,’ said Meg. ‘We’re all ears.’

‘Right,’ I said as I took a sip of my drink. ‘Boys. That mysterious species that we have to share the planet with.’

‘What about them?’ asked Meg.

‘Exactly. What about them? I’ve realised that in the world of boys, girls and relationships, I am a dud student. Up until a few years ago, boys were just smelly noisy creatures to be avoided at all costs.’

‘Some still are,’ said Meg. ‘Like Adrian Nelson at school. He smells of old socks.’

‘Ah yes but some
aren’t
to be avoided. Some have grown up to be handsome Hunky McDunkies who have a strange effect on me and my knees and my head and my stomach. Like you, I spent years pushing boys away in playgrounds, wrestling with them when they pulled my hair and annoyed me but now, well, I want to get to know some of them – know them as in a-hubba-hubba—’

‘Snog city here you come, you mean,’ said Pia.

‘Not just that. I’d like more. I’d like to have a relationship with one. I’ve never had a proper boyfriend, not like you and Henry—’

‘Me neither,’ said Meg.

‘Nor me,’ said Alisha. ‘I mean, I’ve kissed a few boys but never had, like, a soulmate.’

‘Nor me,’ I said, ‘I’d like to be in love as in everlasting and true like Edward and Bella in
Twilight
but I always seem to blow it and say and do the wrong thing. I’ve realised that I have a lot to learn.’

‘I wouldn’t worry,’ said Pia. ‘I don’t think we have vampires at our school.’

‘You know what I mean, Pia.’

The girls all nodded and Alisha pointed at herself. ‘Tell me about it,’ she agreed.

‘I don’t know how I’m supposed to be a girl that they like,’ I continued. ‘I mean, what
do
they like? I’ve spent so long avoiding boys because they’re a pain but now things have changed,
I’ve
changed – but how am I supposed to make the reversal from boy repeller to boy attractor? From the girl who would say, push off you idiot, you stupid git, to one who would say, hello handsome, how about a date? How do you do it and still come across as cool and sophisticated? I just don’t know. What does a boy even look for in a girl? Loads of girls in our year have been dating since Year Eight. How have they done it? Do they know something I don’t? I was feeling like a real love loser, then I thought, no, I should do something about it. I’m
not
a loser. I won’t be. So. Sink or swim. Love or lose. I’m going to learn about boys. Why not? If you don’t know about a subject, you go to the library, right? You do some homework, read some books. That’s what I propose we do. Study boys. Do some research. I’m going to become a boy expert – the winner of hearts!’

‘Yay. Go, Jess,’ said Alisha. ‘That’s the spirit. I love it.’

‘You just be yourself,’ said Pia, who has always been more confident than me when it comes to boys. ‘If you try too hard, like coming out with chat-up lines or whatever from a text book, you’ll come across as fake. Boys’ll spot that right away.’

‘I don’t mean to be fake, Pia. I mean to ask around, ask people we know who’ve had not just one boyfriend but maybe one or two.
Experienced
girls and boys. We could ask around, then pool our collective knowledge. What do you think? Between us and everyone else we know, we ought to find out
some
stuff worth knowing.’

The girls considered what I’d said.

‘I’m in,’ said Alisha.

‘Me too,’ chorused Meg and Flo.

‘And me,’ said Pia. ‘But, how exactly?’

‘That’s what today’s meeting is about. How about we work out some questions to ask about all the things we feel ignorant about, which for me, is most things. Then we could post them on facebook for boys
and
girls to answer.’

‘Awesome,’ said Alisha. ‘I’ll get JJ to ask his mates too. He might be my brother but he has some cool friends back in the States.’

I shot a look at Pia. I hoped that she wasn’t going to blurt out that I fancied JJ. Even though Alisha and I were mates now, I couldn’t risk telling her in case she told him. I was also worried that he was out of my league and that because his family was loaded, he would only fancy girls from his world.

We spent the next half hour chomping our way through Alisha’s divine cookies while we worked out our questions.

‘Ask the boys what first attracts them to a girl,’ Alisha suggested. ‘Like, what are they looking for?’

‘And what turns them off,’ Meg added. ‘My brother is always on about how he doesn’t like girls who plaster on too much make-up.’

‘And Charlie says he doesn’t like girls who smoke because it makes their breath smell,’ I added.

‘Someone’s coming,’ said Pia as we heard a noise at the front door. Moments later, my brother appeared. He glanced over us as he took off his coat. Flo went pink, as always. She loves him big time although nothing has ever happened between them. Shame really, because they’d look good together. They both have a look about them that’s old-fashioned, but not in a naff way. Charlie looks like a handsome poet from the Victorian era with his long floppy hair and, out of school, Flo always dresses in vintage clothes she’s picked up from Portobello market. Both of them are dreamy-eyed romantics – though Charlie more about music than girls.

‘What are you lot up to?’ he asked. ‘You’re looking decidedly guilty.’

‘Nothing,’ I said.

‘Not true,’ said big-mouth Pia. ‘We’re doing a love survey.’

‘Yeah, Chaz,’ called Meg. ‘Come and tell us everything there is to know about boys and what they want from girls.’

Flo clearly felt more courageous having heard Meg and Pia. ‘Yeah, come and sit next to me and answer Jess’s questionnaire,’ she said.

Charlie looked worried. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Flo or the other girls, he just preferred music and playing his guitar.

‘Er, just remembered, got something to do, some place to be,’ he said. ‘Laters.’

Flo’s face fell. ‘This idea of yours is happening just in time, Jess,’ she said as Charlie bolted up the stairs. ‘I really do need to know how to be with boys. It’s not just you who needs help. So put this question on the list: how do you let a boy know you like him without scaring him off?’